A Kerbal's Guide to the Earth Sol System.

[Whirligig Girl]

Kerbalkind has found Earth and invaded NASA, way back in the early 1950s. Their first twelve decades of probing the star sytem have provided valuable information for textbooks back home.

Stars

Sol

The largest star of the Sol System, it is an absolute behemoth, far brighter and larger than Kerbin's Sun. Because of the obvious language translation, the Hyoomahn word for Sol is "Sun." Isn't that cute, they think their star is the Sun. Of course, the Deep Space Kraken would never permit such heresy. All of its planets are an order of magnitude bigger than their Kerbolar System counterparts, and an order of magnitude less dense.

Nemesis

A very small, very dim star far far away from Sol, but nevertheless orbiting it. It's only barely a star at all, but every few hundred thousand years it comes down and wreaks havoc on the planets of the inner solar system by flinging comets. It won't come down for another few hundred thousand years, so we have that at least. The name comes from the Hyoomahn for "Enemy." Jeez, why not use a simple Kerblish word like Enemy, anyway? Maybe it's easier for them to pronounce, with their limited vocal chords. Note: Nemesis is not confirmed to exist by direct observation.

Major Planets in order of distance from Sol.

Murkyerry

Merkyerry is a bit of an oddity in the Solar System. It is so close to Sol that it almost warrants destruction under planetary formation laws, similarly to Moho. Unlike Moho, Murkyerry has a very interesting geology. It is covered in weird terrain marks from a crater that has a diameter almost bigger than the circumference of the planet. At least, we heard that on a documentary once. It would seem to explain all the strange stuff going on with the terrain.

Viness

Viness is, put simply, Hell. With a toxic superpressurized atmosphere of death gas, and a temperature hot enough to melt some metals. Apparently it also melted some hyoomahns' hearts in the past, because they named it after their goddess of love. They say that opposites attract, right? Well apparently Aerth and Viness didn't know that because they are almost exactly the same size.

Aerth

We're almost certain we spelled this one right! Aerth is a glorious blue marble floating at just the right distance for the atmospheric pressure at the surface for saltwater to be liquid at some places. This means that it has heckuvalotta life. Also a strange form of life called "mammal." They give their own children fluids from their own body. Hyoomahns happen to be Mammals, and Aerth has one major problem from being the perfect Kerbal colony. Aerth is filled with the Hyoomahns. They're territorial, and they have covered their planet in a lot of VABs and Astronaut Complexes that people live in instead of residing underground like any reasonable species. The Aerth also happens to be undergoing a new geological era. They call it the Anthropocene, we call, it "The time when one species of animal changed the planet way faster than it would have otherwise." They have one thing going for them at least, they have a pretty decent space program. Way better construction than ours. They use something called "flight-grade aluminium." There is a lot more to say about Aerth, but there just isn't enough time. Check another section of the textbook for info about Hyoomahns and Aerth.

-Aerth also has a large satellite, called Muna or something.

Moers

A somewhat small planet similar to Duna, Moers has no atmosphere. Well, essentially none. Such a small atmosphere that you need a styrofoam boomerang flying at twice the speed of sound just to get any lift. There's so much atmosphere that it presents a heating problem from orbit, but not quite enough to actually slow you down much. Still, if you use a combination of lithobraking (actual lithobraking, not crashing) and aerobraking, you can land on Moers for less delta-v than landing on Murkyerry, even though they have about the same gravity.

Joviter

The giant of the Sol Sytem, Joviter is like a multicolor brownish Jool, except that it is the size of Kerbol. Orbited by over 60 moons, Joviter has the most moons of any Solar System planet, though most of them are small Gilly-like moons. It has a lot of storms, a thick atmosphere, and probably helps protect the inner planets from some comets and asteroids, on account of its huge hill sphere (A fancy word for sphere-of-infuence!). Joviter also happens to have a Jool-sized storm that has been going on for centuries.

-Four major Moons.

Sahtirn

We were very surprised to find that there was more than one gas giant in the Sol system. Sahtirn is not nearly as massive, but it is only a little bit smaller. It has gorgeous ice-particle rings that shine in the sunlight, projecting huge planet-sized shadows on Saturn's cloudtops. It is cloudy, but not as stormy. There's a cool hexagonal storm on the north pole. We like hexagons. Sahtirn also has 60 or so moons.

-Seven or so major moons.

Yourinus

Because of the Hyoomahn pronounciation of the word, it gets a lot of jokes, because Hyoomahns have some kind of [REDACTED] [REDACTED][REDACTED] [REDACTED] that they think is funny, and sounds similarly to the word when pronounced. All we hear is "You are in us."

Yourinus is a cool planet. Literally. The coldest planet. It's a gas giant like Sahtirn and Joviter, but smaller and made of more "ices" which are not ices at all in this context, but gasses that are cold. No, it doesn't make much sense.

-No notable major moons.

Ineptitune

Ineptitune is a deep blue wonder. The "other blue planet." It is an ice giant like Yourinus, but much denser. Despite being further away from Sol, Ineptitune is rather warm due to internal heat. It is far stormier than Joviter, constantly turning out planet-sized storms over and over again.

-One major moon.

Dwarf Planets

Seerees

Seerees is boring. Boring boring. Really really boring. We think it reminds us of some vague, little known dwarf planet in the Kerbolar system, but nothing comes to mind. It's an iceball. We suppose it does have a few neat white spots.

Nevertheless, the Hyoomahns have explored the dwarf planet using an ion probe. We don't see why its so cool.

Plootoh

Much like Eeloo, Plootoh's planethood has been disputed. It is part of a binary system, with five small moons! It is reddish-brown, and made of ice. (Real ice this time!) It is about the size of Kerbin. (But remember, it is very undense.)

Karen

Sort of like Ike's orbit of Duna, Karen is not really a moon, but a companion dwarf planet. It is made of similar stuff to Plootoh, but it is grey instead of brown. It's around the size of Duna. (But remember, it is very undense.)

Maycmayck.

Maycmayck is a reddish dwarf planet, and it's not too interesting. Or at least, it probably isn't, as it hasn't been explored.

Eress

Eress is a very very white dwarf planet, a little larger than Plootoh.

Howmaya

"What did the polite fat dwarf planet say?" What? "Haumea Help You?" None of us get the joke, but apparently it is related to Howmaya. Howmaya is a very fast spinning dwarf planet, similar to the old science fiction story "Rendezvous with Kragrathrea," where a fast spinning planet was found to be an alien observation ship. Unlike the Inaccessible planet from the story, Howmaya is not a very oblate spheroid, it is a very very oblate, very elliptical ellipsoid. It buldges out, and it's gravity on the tall end on the equator is less than at the poles, because of centripetal force. Would be a really cool place to go.

Saidnah

Saidnah is a very far away dwarf planet that is 10 times further away from Sol than Neptune at closest approach, and way further away at furthest point. How did it get there? This is a subject of great Hyoomahn debate among dwarf planet fans, and a neat target for the Kerbal astronauts at NASA.

Moons

Loonah of Aerth

A big grey rock in Aerth's sky, something that many Hyoomahns find attractive. So attractive that, much like the Kerbal attraction to the shiney Mun, the Hyoomahns have wanted to go there for centuries. And they did eventually. A lot of hyoomahns don't believe this, claiming that it was all faked, even that it is impossible. Kerbalkind can rest assured, however, that the hyoomahn nation known as Armerhika did indeed send massive rockets to Loonah and back over the course of three years. The Kerbal Space Commission launched a survey drone that took pictures of the Loonah lander descent stage "Eegal" and even set down mere meters away from the furthest of the footprints.

Fohboes and Daymoes of Moers

Small gilly-like asteroids of Moers, presumed to be captured asteroids. Fohboes is the larger and Daymoes the smaller. Fohboes the closer and Daymoes the further. Apparently their names come from the ancient hyooman gods known for Fear and Dread.

Eyeo of Joviter

Eyeo is a large moon of Joviter, the innermost of the major moons. It is the second smallest of the moons known as the Gallehleio Moons, discovered by the ancient Hyoomahn of the same name. Eyeo is highly volcanic, the most volcanic in the solar system, mostly because it is so close to Joviter that it is constantly being squeezed by its gravity.

Youropah of Joviter

Youropah is the smallest of the Gallehleian Moons, and perhaps the most interesting. It is frozen on the surface, but underground is a vast ocean that might harbour living creatures.

Ganeymead of Joviter

Ganeymead is the largest moon in the Solar system, bigger than the planet Murkyerry. It is made of rock and ice, and has no measurable atmosphere. Eyeo, Youropah, and Geneymead exist in a 4:2:1 orbital resonance, which aids in their stability, much like Laythe, Vall, and Tylo of Jool.

Calestoh of Joviter

Calestoh is the second largest of the Gallenleian Moons. It is made of ice and is sort of a fourth wheel. Actually, no that doesn't make sense. Four wheels are good. It's a third wheel, but where there's already three? Anyway, it is left out of the orbital resonance of the other three major moons.

Mymass of Sahtirn

The smallest object in the solar system to be a ball only because of gravity. It's pretty darn icy and fluffy. The hyoomahns have a myth of an artificial satellite that is not actually a moon, that turns out to closely resemble Mymass.

Inselledus of Sahtirn

Imagine a miniaturized Youropah. A small iceball squeezed by Sahtirn's gravitation to have a little ocean. Not only that, but it is constantly erupting from the underwater ocean, and the stuff forms one of the rings of Sahtirn. The stuff then falls back to Inselledus over time, eventually replenishing the lake.

Tetheys of Sahtirn

Not much to say here. A cratered iceball.

Dyeownee of Sahtirn

Nothing cool here. Except the ice. And the fact that it is more massive than all smaller moons combined. We read that in a Hyoomahn textbook.

Reyah of Sahtirn

Another really small moon. It's spherical shape is definitely caused by gravity, not because it is boring.

Tightan of Sahtirn

Finally! Something interesting out here! Tightan is the only body in the sol system that has liquids stable on its surface, other than Aerth. It also has a very thick atmosphere, the only moon to have a thick atmosphere.

Eyeapetis of Sahtirn

We have enjoyed studying classic film history, and we think this should have been called Bele or Lokai or Cheron. It's a classic science fiction thing.

Trighten of Ineptitune

The furthest major moon. It's a huge object that may be classified a "dwarf" planet, but it is almost as big as Loonah. It orbits Ineptitune retrograde, and it is believed to be captured by it from an icy object belt called the "Kighper Belt." It shepherds all the inner moons of Ineptitune, but throws out all the outer moons to even higher orbits that can take as long as 26 Earth Years, or 90 Kerbin Years. Ineptitune is pretty massive, and really far away from Sol, so it has a really big sphere of influence.

If you have any suggestions to change something, go ahead, give me the criticism!

Edited July 10, 2015 by GregroxMun

[Spaceception]

On 7/10/2015 at 10:29 AM, GregroxMun said:

Aerth

 

We're almost certain we spelled this one right!

If you have any suggestions to change something, go ahead, give me the criticism!

Hahahaha

[RocketSquid]

I can't see the kerbals as invading anything. Spying on, yes, crashing into, triply so, but not invading. The descriptions, however, are spot-on

[superstrijder15]

Can you show us the kerbalion missions into Sol. Maybe some mission to get hold of an asteriod to inspect it low density, probes to asteroids and planets, and how do they avoid being noticed? Have manned mission been leunched yet?

[Whirligig Girl]

4 hours ago, superstrijder15 said:

[1]Can you show us the kerbalion missions into Sol. [2]Maybe some mission to get hold of an asteriod to inspect it low density, probes to asteroids and planets, and [3]how do they avoid being noticed? [4]Have manned mission been leunched yet?

1: I'm too lazy to actually go and play a bunch of RSS missions just for this. Might write fiction though.

2: Asteroids in KSP are low density anyway.

3: They were very much noticed. Caused a huge social reform in the 1950s when humans realized they weren't alone in the universe. The KSP's more advanced rocket technology sped up the rocket technology of the United States, and a couple of defectors went to help the Russians with their rockets. Travel from Kerbin to Earth was via chemical rocket slowboats, and they brought one hundredth of the entire population of Kerbin with them (that's like 5,140 Kerbals)

4: Ever notice that you never actually see Neil Armstrong's face on the Moon?

in all seriousness though, NASA was much more keen on using human astronauts for their human space program, so Kerbals only flew test missions that were too dangerous to risk lives and too complicated for 1950s computers to control. The first American in space was technically Kelsorf Kerman, who was one of the one hundred Kerbals who immediately applied for American citizenship.

Edited March 28, 2016 by GregroxMun

[Just Jim]

OK, this is both hilarious, and fascinating.  It got me thinking, if an alien race, Kerbal or otherwise, could somehow spy on us right now, just how right or wrong would they interpret what data they collected about us? 

I wouldn't be surprised if it did look like the OP's list! 

 

Edited March 28, 2016 by Just Jim

[superstrijder15]

12 hours ago, GregroxMun said:

I'm too lazy to actually go and play a bunch of RSS missions just for this.

I don't need pictures, lol to the rest of your answer!

[Admiral Fluffy]

When you know so much about the solar system you can make out most of the Kerbal’s gibberish 

Seriously, this is amazing!