Kerbal History Reborn

[problemecium]

312: Davy Kerman and his pirate ship, the Davy Kerman Krokodile machine, are tragically shipwrecked. The only remains found were of Davy Kerman's tongue.

314: Pie is invented (get it?).

314 (later that year): Kerbal shipbuilding techniques have advanced sufficiently to allow the construction of the largest and mightiest passenger ship ever. In honor of the recently invented new snack, it is named the Pie-tanic. Its maiden voyage goes well until it is suddenly attacked by the ghost of Davy Kerman and his crew. Due to Davy Kerman's lisp (as a result of his tongue surviving), he ends up pronouncing the word so that it sounds more like "pie-lets." From that day forward, people who drive ships are jokingly referred to as pie-lets (which would later have its spelling changed to "pilots").

[Spacetraindriver]

313: Second son of Jebediah (Name Lost) almost died in experimental flying train. Another kerbal invents a floating train. Named Kiandre he founds Kiandre inc.

[megatiger78]

315: pie-lets is kept as pie-lets.

[TrainEngie]

316: Pie-lets is changed to Pilets.

[megatiger78]

317: whoever came up with that is found to be insane. all, their ideas are scraped

(I like the hyphens, also, the same thread engine-nears came from also made mo-tors. these hyphens are interestingly kerbal.)

[problemecium]

318: Kesla Kerman has his ideas scraped for allegedly being insane. However, upon scraping them, shiny new ideas are revealed to have been inside, detailing a number of future technologies such as kell phones, the world wide kweb, and beamed electric power from space.

Later that year, Edison Kerman invents the Konograph, a novel device that allows screams, and possibly other noises, to be recorded for playback later. This is a hit among office workers trying to prank their bosses.

319: In light of the fact that those who perform Science tend to sigh a lot and run tests a lot, they become known as "sigh-and-tests."

[MrWalrus123]

320: Confused with the craziness of Pie-lets, engine-nears, and Sigh-and-tests, Gene's ancestor founds the "Miss-and-control" group with the slogan "They miss and We Control"

[megatiger78]

321: miss-and-control starts a plan to get kerbals to see what is above them in the year 500.

[UnionPacific1983WP]

333: Alakalka Kerman sets up a base on the northern polar ice cap.

334: An asteroid smashes into Kerbin near Alakalka's base, creating a new lake and turning the base into an ice island.

[YargJay9991]

335: A visit from a time traveller sent by Mad Scientist Dr Dannitoo Forsicstoo. His name is Professor Fredkin, and tells the current population that one day they will go to space. Prof. Fredkin dies mysteriously after suddenly and dramatically deforming.

[Provisional Name 41]

336: The First Solid Rocket is invented by Jack Kerman.

337: First attempt at launching the Solid Rocket ends "Partially successful" when It goes up 7000m in the air and then blows up an apartment complex, Jack Kerman soon goes to prison.

[megatiger78]

(PLEASE try to read the rules)

338: miss-an-control's 500 plan is named as the only legal thing to go up at any point until after it has "lunched" (due to most of these events happening around lunchtime)

[MrWalrus123]

340: Kobak Kerman, un-aware of the laws "lunches" a homemade SRB, with a timer attached. This timer launches the rocket at EXACTLY 12:00pm, he is later arrested.

[Thomassino]

341: Kerbals start to experiment with four-wheeled means of transport. The Kar was born. Only thing that could possibly run the Kar was SRB. First SRB-Kar test was succesful.

342: Massive production started.

344: The Kar was banned because some young kerbals group called Jebediahns started to slap wings on it and use it to break altitude records.

[WinkAllKerb'']

345: someone put it's hand and in a box and realize there nothing inside but endless pain.

346: another one ask this being to remove his hand from the box

347: another try to explain is not a box but a jar and that why they don't get it

348: we're back to 0 or 875 anyway it's the same

-2845: for some reason we are here ... no one could explain

[Spacetraindriver]

349: Not knowing they were building under SRB supplies, a train station was built atop. Fire from a passing Locomotive ignited the SRB's, brought it to space, and made it the first Space Station.

350: Jebediah's car is found out to have turbo SRBs after an accident when he was waiting at a train crossing. (Read my signature) 3 killed, 10 injured.

I can explain! The date was wrong! Writer of that was writing according to # of seconds passed by. Everything is normal now!

[megatiger78]

351: kerbals do nothing for once.

[otblock]

354: Trains begin world wide snack shipping, and Kerbals worldwide are happy.

Edited September 7, 2015 by otblock

[MrWalrus123]

354: Despite Kerbin being united as one country, Some Kerbals are unhappy, and form the United Kerbal alliance.

350: This starts happening around kerbin, and now the world looks like this...

[Spacetraindriver]

351: First "Antartic" railroad is built. Know Kerbals from the east can get snacks faster from the west. This also freezes snacks so they don't expire.

352: Probe discovered in orbit, recovered and has a recording in the form of a gold disc, one phrase from it is kerbal language, backwards, and intergalactic coordinates of a solar system are ALSO on the gold disc. ( Kerbal language is Spanish backwards so...)

[SpaceToad]

Louis Kasteur performs experiment on snacks, finds revolutionary food preservation method: kaluminium foil

[problemecium]

353: A team of elite maids travels the world and cleans up all the ugly paint blotches, restoring Kerbin to its normal appearance.

354: After four years of legal proceedings, Jebediah's car is scrapped and its owner found guilty of various crimes, including attaching illegal rocket boosters to a land vehicle and naming it after someone from the future (JEB HAS NOT BEEN BORN YET. SRSLY GUYS, IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE 4000 YEARS OLD?).

355: Kaluminium is found to have a variety of uses beyond food preservation; Kesla Kerman hypothesizes that in the future it will be used to preserve Kerbals traveling in hostile environments such as the upper atmosphere.

[Yukon0009]

356: Kerbals perfect BDA technology, allowing them to impose "extreme law", in other words, shooting everyone they don't like.

[Columbia]

357: The Kerbals learn the art of brushes, watercolor and oil. They use it to draw pictures. They call it "Kainting."

[UnionPacific1983WP]

367: The year where nothing happened according to Kerbal Wikipedia.

380: New trains using Kasoline-fueled locomotives (not rockets) are introduced to the Kerbal rail network. (NOT rocket trains)

390: Estovala Kerman, using a super-aerodynamic locomotive, manages to get his train to Mach 1.

400: The KRN (Kerbal Rail Network) splits into two: the ERN (Eastern Rail Network, comprised of subsidiaries KN (Kerbal National), CKX (Central Kerbal Railroad), KNS (Kerbal North System), and KCS (Kerbal City Southern)) and the WRRN (Western Railroad Network, comprised of KNSK (Kerbal Northern Southern Kerbal), UK (Union Kerbals), and KPR (Kerbal Pacific Railroad)).

401: The ERN and WRRN break down into their subsidiaries.

(Have I taken this railroad thing a little far? After all, I just made Kerbal counterparts of all 7 major US railroads...)