Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Subject: Flying

[Azimech]

Flying

 

This is what The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has to say on the subject of flying: There is an art, or, rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day and try it. All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.

That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fall to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard. Clearly, it is the second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.

One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have you attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.

It is notoriously difficult to prize your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport. If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner. This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.

Bob and float, bob and float. Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher. Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful. They are most likely to say something along the lines of "Good God, you can't possibly be flying!"

It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.

Waft higher and higher. Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly.

DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Azimech

[Slam_Jones]

Gave me a good couple chuckles.  Thanks for sharing

[Shpaget]

THHGTTG has a lot to say on many subjects. Why did you pick this one? I like the part about the decline of manufacturing, since in the vastness of Universe there is bound to be a planet where native species is exactly the product you need, exemplified by Zem mattresses of Sqornshellous Zeta.

[LordFerret]

Been a long long time since I read the book; But I liked the part about some dying civilization or something like that, where all the lawyers and accountants and clerks and such were put aboard a spaceship (while the rest of the population, scientists and engineers and doctors and such, rode in another) and sent to some planet ... the lot of them thinking the rest were going to follow and help rebuild the civilization with them. lol

Not a bad idea, really.

[Dark Junior]

Just finished the series, and started on Ender's Game.

My favorite part in the whole series was probably the flying cocktail party that's been going on for three generations and destroyed a planet.

Actually, I guess that was revealed at the same time flying was.

[problemecium]

This quote became a lot funnier to me back when I learned how to achieve orbit in KSP. You quite literally make a pointed effort to miss the ground, and successfully making yourself miss the ground is the vital last step in the process. xD

[Camacha]

I wonder what a real hitchhiker's guide looks like. It probably just reads that you would be dead before you reach any other system. The end.

Edited December 11, 2015 by Camacha

[KerbMav]

Curiously one of my major laugh attacks while reading the books was because of a rather simple thing, when it is casually mentioned that after two/three books Arthur is still running around in his pyjamas and morning coat.

[Nibb31]

I always have a towel with me, in my office and in my car, just in case...

 

[justidutch]

16 hours ago, Camacha said:

I wonder what a real hitchhiker's guide looks like. It probably just reads that you would be dead before you reach any other system. The end.

Maybe, but it would still have a nice friendly cover with the words Don't Panic on it to make you feel comfortable about that fact of life.

[GeneralVeers]

On 12/9/2015, 2:48:00, Shpaget said:

THHGTTG has a lot to say on many subjects. Why did you pick this one? I like the part about the decline of manufacturing, since in the vastness of Universe there is bound to be a planet where native species is exactly the product you need, exemplified by Zem mattresses of Sqornshellous Zeta.

You do realize that the instant first contact is made and they discover we've been sleeping on them, they're going to declare war? They're not going to take that lying down.......

[Norpo]

On 12/10/2015, 10:19:01, Camacha said:

I wonder what a real hitchhiker's guide looks like. It probably just reads that you would be dead before you reach any other system. The end.

It looks like this:

 

Seriously, Wikipedia alone is basically the information in the HHGTTG, let alone what the rest of the internet has. Not to mention most smartphones can contact others, store (and take) pictures, all things that The Guide couldn't. We don't need to wonder what a real life one looks like; we already have one.  Only problem is is that it doesn't have the storage capacity of all of Wikipedia on it, so it needs an internet connection.. But if you live in a place with a decent cell connection, that's practically a non-issue. Even then, you could just download a survival guide that contains pretty much all you'd need to know if you get lost when you go to the woods or something like that for future reading.

[Matuchkin]

5 hours ago, Norpo said:

Seriously, Wikipedia alone is basically the information in the HHGTTG, let alone what the rest of the internet has. Not to mention most smartphones can contact others, store (and take) pictures, all things that The Guide couldn't. We don't need to wonder what a real life one looks like; we already have one.  Only problem is is that it doesn't have the storage capacity of all of Wikipedia on it, so it needs an internet connection.. But if you live in a place with a decent cell connection, that's practically a non-issue. Even then, you could just download a survival guide that contains pretty much all you'd need to know if you get lost when you go to the woods or something like that for future reading.

Very well said, but the point of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is that it knows everything-about-everything, something that the human race has not even closely achieved. We do not even know as much about Proxima Centauri, our closest star, while the HHGTTG knows every single thing about the star. We know next to nothing about other galaxies, quasars, etc, as well as about stars only a few thousand light years away. Sure, the HHGTTG will look like a phone, but it will have to be quite a powerful one.

[Jeanjvs]

Wow. I was reading the third book and made that quote my signature a few days ago. I didn't even know there was a thread about this!

[Azimech]

Spamming my own topic, this is my 1977th post. Suits me fine, since it's the fine year I was born.

[NovaSilisko]

On 12/13/2015, 2:35:34, 073198681 said:

the point of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is that it knows everything-about-everything

Have you actually read about what the guide is really like? 

[Matuchkin]

54 minutes ago, NovaSilisko said:

Have you actually read about what the guide is really like?

Okay, nevermind, I read it. I'm an imbecile.

[KAL 9000]

DON'T PANIC!!!

What the Guide should say under the 'K' section:

Kerbin: A small planet, home of the Kerbals. See Kerbals

Kerbals: Small, green creatures known for their aptitude for building rockets and exploding them. Also the universe's number one producer of duct tape.

Kraken: A large creature that can rip holes in the space-time continuum. One dead specimen has been found, on the moon of Bop.

[Nibb31]

On 13/12/2015 20:35:34, 073198681 said:

Very well said, but the point of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is that it knows everything-about-everything, 

Earth [Urth] (noun)

1. Mostly harmless.

Edited December 15, 2015 by Nibb31

[Shpaget]

Not yet. Currently the article is "Harmless", to be expanded in the next issue.

[Dark Junior]

I could never get the hang of Thursdays, so I guess Christmas Eve will be fun.