KRRAKC - Missions of a Rescue Program - Purple, With a Chance of Deep Haze and Rain

[KerbalOmmex]

Hmm... A Dres mission in 47 days, @max_creative is gonna be rather happy.

Anyways, Frannie (I misread it for the Emiko one) Franny Franna (Typo in your report @Starhawk) is probably unhappy because of what happened to her with Kerlington's mistakes

[Starhawk]

On 2016-05-26 at 8:20 AM, KerbalOmmex said:

Hmm... A Dres mission in 47 days, @max_creative is gonna be rather happy.

The Dres mission is headed back to Kerbin and outside the scope of this thread.  Besides, we have other stuff going on.

With all the contracts at the Jool system fulfilled except for one, Joan was finally ready to head back to Laythe.  This time to land!

Dedra was assigned to pilot Lightning to it's rendezvous and docking with the Laythe Tri-Flyer.

The Tri-Flyer was built in 1.0.4 and successfully took Val, Bob, and Bill down to Laythe's surface and back to orbit.
There's no certainty that it will function properly in 1.1.2, but we did simulate a couple of flights on Kerbin and the craft performed very well.

Joan and her chief science officer, Hillyn, boarded the spaceplane while Lury did an inspection of the craft.  With everything checked out and the Tri-Flyer fueled up, they undocked and performed their deorbit burn.  They aimed to come down near the original landing site where three orange-suits walked on Laythe so long ago.

"We're in range of the flag." Hillyn reported. "We're hot!  We're going to overshoot."
"Not if I can help it!" Joan responded.  She flung the spaceplane into a steep dive and kept pitching down.  The craft responded smoothly and in moments they were in a perfectly vertical dive headed for the ocean just west of the old flag near the shore.

As she dove, her shipmates became more and more anxious.  Joan's own 'concern' was great enough that is showed on her face.  As she got close she tested the responsiveness with a little tug on the stick.  Confident in the craft, she flared at under one klick altitude and flattened out just a couple of hundred metres off the surface of the water with the shoreline approaching very fast.  She shot past the shoreline and the old landing site in a flash while repeatedly pitching up and down quickly to reduce speed.

"The thing with horizontal landing in the wild," Joan expounded with her eyes locked on the instruments and the terrain below, "is that you have to be so careful about your vertical velocity.  And it's not absolute vertical, but relative vertical velocity you need to consider.  If you're about to land and approaching a hillside, you'd better be rising to almost match the slope or you and your craft will be strewn across the surface of said hillside."
"Of course, if you take the easy way out and land in the water you don't have to deal with that.  I guess that's okay for less skilled pilots, but, in any case the Tri-Flyer wasn't designed for a water landing and I'm sure as Dres not going to experiment with the only craft we have that we know can reorbit from Laythe's surface."
"And all the while you have to watch your horizontal velocity.  You don't dare touch the surface until it's low enough.  Probably under 80 m/s would work, but the lower the better.  Until you stall, that is.   That varies a lot from craft to craft, but for this one I would guess the stall speed is between 40 and 50 m/s.  That's really just a guess, however, and I expect it would be quite different on Laythe than on Kerbin."
"This is different procedure than we trained with, but activating the brakes before touchdown is preferred.  Once your wheels touch, you have enough to deal with."

The Tri-Flyer's landing gear touched and rolled for a moment and then the ground dropped away.  Joan focused on the upcoming hillside as she gently guided the ship to match it's slope.  The wheels contacted again and the craft settled lower on its gear as it began to slow in earnest.  As it rolled to a stop the faces of all three Kerbonauts lit up in smiles.

Our KRRAKC team got out, walked around, and scienced.

The rest of the mission proceeded smoothly, culminating in the completion of the last contract we have to do at Jool.

And, with that the entire crew of Whoopstooshort Base began working on plans to go to Eve.

The missions of KRRAKC will continue.

Happy landings!

Edited May 31, 2016 by Starhawk

[Mister Dilsby]

That tri-flyer is gorgeous! The layout is uniquely cute. And you're right, a "less skilled" pilot would have to go for a water landing... just as a less skilled designer would have to make a plane that can't do one  

[Starhawk]

6 hours ago, Kuzzter said:

That tri-flyer is gorgeous! The layout is uniquely cute.

Thanks!

6 hours ago, Kuzzter said:

And you're right, a "less skilled" pilot would have to go for a water landing... just as a less skilled designer would have to make a plane that can't do one  

I knew you'd pick up on that! 

Actually, I think a water landing is by far the best way to go on Laythe.  Hitting the land was the tricky part for me (well, for Joan).

I guess I'll have to try and design a float-plane one of these days.

Happy landings!

[max_creative]

1 hour ago, Starhawk said:

I guess I'll have to try and design a float-plane one of these days.

Don't worry. As long as you can take off... 

...any landing you can swim away from is a good one! 

If you really need to land on land though, maybe add some 0.625m liquid fuel tanks and some junos? Then it can just fly over there. 

[AviosAdku]

I just finished reading this one, I'm amazed I missed this so long.

Congratulations @Starhawk on this operation, particularly the idea of a mobile operations team ... must look into that myself. Also the reusing of hardware from earlier missions, that I would file under the fun category (it's the reason I build ships the way I do). Finally, the remarks (particularly comparing multi-vessel juggling to a combination of billiards and chess, I'd agree there from my far more limited experience), really liven it up.

An enjoyable read, looking forward to seeing how they tackle Eve.

Edited July 5, 2016 by AkuAerospace
Removed "sign off"

[Starhawk]

10 hours ago, max_creative said:

...any landing you can swim away from is a good one!

Yup, as long as your EVA suit is buoyant enough.

7 hours ago, AkuAerospace said:

particularly comparing multi-vessel juggling to a combination of billiards and chess

Glad you liked that.  I change the title of the thread each time I update.  For that one it was 'Eight Ball to King's Level One'. 

7 hours ago, AkuAerospace said:

the reusing of hardware from earlier missions, that I would file under the fun category

I'd hoped to return to Jool eventually and get some use out of the hardware left behind.  When I was designing Whoopstooshort Base, I knew I'd go back to Laythe and use the Tri-Flyer again.  It's a very fun little spaceplane.
Initial planning suggests that we may leave the Thundercraft Module and the Firebolt Module out here at Jool in the hopes that some future mission can make use of them.  And, of course, the Firebolts will still be ready to go and rescue any kerbs in need.  New modules (including slight revisions to the Firebolts) can be launched from Kerbin and meet us at Eve or join us en route.

Preliminary simulations on an early design for the Eve Rescue Lander have been carried out.  The engineering staff seems to still have too much of the 'old Eve' mentality.  The craft made Eve orbit from about 800 m with over 1.6 km/s still in the tank!
I could shrink the ship a whole bunch.  Or I could just send 'moar stuff'.  Hmmm, considering the difficulty of pinpoint landing on Eve, it might be prudent to bring along a rover so we can go and collect our rescuee.

And I still don't have new names for the Jool Science Lander and the Jool Miner.

Happy landings!

[Starhawk]

Just a quick update today.

With Trama back in her crew cabin, the Thundercraft 2 was refuelled, undocked and burning for Kerbin.  It will establish Kerbin orbit and another craft will carry Trama and her debris back down to the surface.

And, finally, the crew was ready for the next phase.of their mission.  I don't have time to write it up, I'm afraid, but here are some pics.

These are meant to be viewed by clicking on the pic and using the forum interface to click through these shots turning it into a little movie.

Everybody will now rendezvous at Pol for refuelling operations and then we head for Eve.

The adventures of KRRAKC will continue.

Happy landings!

[TotallyNotHuman]

Whaaaaa.....  These visual mods look AWESOME, Starhawk. I wish my computer had enough oomph to run them all... 

[Starhawk]

I do love the look.  With the performance improvements after 1.1 was released I figured I could manage to run some eye candy.

Sorry for the lack of updates.  RL has consumed most of my KSP time for the last while.

Work has proceeded somewhat slowly, but progress is being made.  The new Thundercraft Module and Firebolt Module (they and their rescue units now have antennae) have both been designed and launched along with a slight revision to the Thundercraft 2 (also an antenna).

Also, design work has proceeded on a couple of other vehicles.  Here's a teaser.

The adventures of KRRAKC will continue.  Your patience is appreciated.

Happy landings!

[Mister Dilsby]

1 hour ago, Starhawk said:

Also, design work has proceeded on a couple of other vehicles.  Here's a teaser.

What a glorious burnup! And here I didn't think you Canadians celebrated the 4th of July  

[Starhawk]

40 minutes ago, Kuzzter said:

What a glorious burnup!

That's Jeb at the controls.  True to character, he likes to run things hot on the way to orbit.  He is KRRAKC's atmospheric hotshot, after all.

40 minutes ago, Kuzzter said:

And here I didn't think you Canadians celebrated the 4th of July  

Well, you'll be interested to hear that I actually flew that launch on Canada Day.
(I know, I know, you U.S. folks sometimes forget that there are other people in the world who are proud of their countries). 

Happy landings!  (and happy national holidays to everybody!)

[Mister Dilsby]

21 minutes ago, Starhawk said:

Well, you'll be interested to hear that I actually flew that launch on Canada Day.
(I know, I know, you U.S. folks sometimes forget that there are other people in the world who are proud of their countries). 

Guilty as charged! Eh, well, I did know there was such a thing as Canada Day, I kind of knew it had passed, but it did not occur to me that it was a pyrotechnic opportunity. Really, in the aftermath of the North American leaders' red carpet power walk, I should have done better  

[Starhawk]

5 hours ago, Kuzzter said:

Guilty as charged! Eh, well, I did know there was such a thing as Canada Day, I kind of knew it had passed, but it did not occur to me that it was a pyrotechnic opportunity. Really, in the aftermath of the North American leaders' red carpet power walk, I should have done better  

That was just some friendly teasing, of course.

We do enjoy ourselves some pyrotechnics around here.  Canada Day always features fireworks.  Each of the ten days of the Stampede ends with a fireworks display.  We also have a large international fireworks competition which runs over the course of several days at the end of August every year.

Perhaps a bit surprising for such a dry, windy place as southern Alberta tends to be.  They do occasionally postpone or cancel shows if the wind is too strong.

Happy landings!

[Starhawk]

The KRRAKC engineers have made further progress and we'll show off a few things that have been designed, built and launched.

First off is the new Firebolt Module.  Note that the new one carries eight Firebolts rather than the four of the old one.

Next, a look at the new Thundercraft Module.  This shot was taken just after decoupling the first stage.  This one also has eight rescue craft rather than four.

Here's a better look at the Eve Rescuer.

And here's a shot of the final new craft for this mission - the E S T.

While you are wondering what's under that fairing, I'll redirect your attention to the pilot of the Eve Rescuer.

After much discussion and with some trepidation it was decided that Jeb's begging and pleading would be answered with a chance to join Joan and the rest of the team at Eve.
His extensive atmospheric piloting experience was deemed to outweigh his cavalier disregard of risk and danger.  It was quietly hoped by some senior staff at KSC that maybe Joan could rein him in enough to work as part of the team.  Others had doubts.

So that's where things stand right now.  Joan and her team are preparing to leave Jool.  Three rescuees are headed back to Kerbin in various craft.  A new flotilla consisting of the new Thundercraft Module, the new Firebolt Module, the new Thundercraft 2, the Eve Rescuer, and the E S T has been launched and is ready to head for Eve where they'll meet up with Joan and all the rest of the KRRAKC rescuers of Whoopstooshort Base.

The chronicles of KRRAKC will be on hiatus for much of the summer as I will be away and there's not even cell service where I'm headed, let alone internet.  I'm hoping to post one more update before that, time permitting.

Happy landings!

[Mister Dilsby]

Well really, how could you not send Jeb? And even if you didn't send him, how could you prevent him from going?

Have a great mission out of comms range, hope you get your update in but if not we will await your return to KRRAKC with great anticipation!

[Starhawk]

Hello rescue fans and welcome back to KRRAKC!

It was a glorious summer and now that it's over it's time to get to some rescuing.

When last we left Whoopstooshort Base, our heroes were preparing to rendezvous at Pol for refuelling and then head to Eve.  After the now routine refuelling operations the team took a bit of a breather while they waited for the window to Eve.

Joan looked out from the command cupola and gazed wistfully at Jool.  She longed for a little more time.  She wanted to see what was causing those anomalous sensor readings at Vall.  She still wished she had moved one of the Scansats to get a look at Bop.  She wanted to take the Tri-Flyer for another spin down to Laythe's surface.
She shook her head and refocused her thoughts.  It wasn't hard.  The enormous purple sphere came unbidden into her mind more and more and she could concentrate on little else.  She was facing the greatest challenge of her career and she was eager to get on with it.  "We have the team to face this endeavour," she thought "and we have Jeb."
The real challenge of the Eve mission would be integrating Jeb into her team.  The image of throwing a wrench into the cogs of a great, smooth-running machine sprang into her mind.  She sighed and prepared to go into hibe.
 

The Jool Miner has been renamed the LithoKRRAKCer and the Jool Science Lander has now become the KRRAKC Science HarvesteR.  These two ships along with Lightning and Whoopstooshort itself all burned for Eve.

Meanwhile, Jeb's impatient badgering drove the KSC staff to the point where they just wanted to get him on his way so he would calm down a little and so they could get him out of comms range.  So the flotilla was hurled towards Eve at the earliest opportunity.  A polar orbit was chosen to ensure that the rescue ship's orbit would pass over the stranded Kerbal.  Mission planning was left a bit open-ended so it was decided that the flotilla would enter extremely elliptical orbits to make inclination matching a lot easier.  The trick is to get the periapsis of all the orbits close together.  The flotilla from Kerbin entered Eve's SOI and captured without a hitch.

Here's a shot of of Whoopstooshort's trajectory and the orbits of the flotilla from Kerbin after capturing at Eve.

We, of course, still have rescues in progress as well.  Here's a look at Lusel and his debris which were recovered from Laythe orbit.  Here it's being regrabbed by the Thundercraft to improve it's orientation for reentry.

And here it is in the glow of the reentry plasma.

And another happy kerb has been saved from the perils of commercial space travel and has now joined the ranks of the rescuers.

The new revision of Thundercraft 2 is on it's way to Eve, but the original has Trama and her crew cabin which were plucked from Vall.  Here it is making an inclination adjustment on the way back to Kerbin.

And here's a look at the capture burn arriving at Kerbin.  Obviously aerocapture is out of the question.

A slight revision to an old rescue rocket is sent up to rendezvous and fetch Trama and her crew cabin.

After grabbing Trama's crew cabin the ship proceeded to deorbit.  Since it's only coming in from LKO no heat shields are necessary.

This is the culmination of a process that began long ago.  Completion of this particular rescue is especially gratifying.

Meanwhile, in Eve orbit, Jeb is doing a visual inspection of his craft after Wernher's team reported anomalous readings when running diagnostics.

"I'm no engineer," Jeb said "but I don't think those fuel lines are supposed to look like that."

I guess our KRRAKC engineers will have their work cut out for them once they get to Eve. 
 

The adventures of KRRAKC will continue.

Happy landings!

[Mister Dilsby]

Glad you had a good summer and glad to see this story updating once again! "Perils of commercial space travel," indeed; one wonders exactly what sort of disaster befalls the NPC space agencies with such regularity and consistency that exactly one crew space is always left in orbit containing exactly one kerbonaut. I'm sure there's a lampshade somewhere just waiting to be hung on that one.

[Starhawk]

On 2016-09-24 at 8:50 AM, Kuzzter said:

one wonders exactly what sort of disaster befalls the NPC space agencies with such regularity and consistency that exactly one crew space is always left in orbit containing exactly one kerbonaut.

Having done so many rescues, I have wondered the same thing.  There are a couple of ideas floating around in the back of my head regarding this, but I haven't decided which way to go.

I've been rather busy having answered the call to test the pre-release.  I've become rather enamoured with 1.2 and have successfully loaded the KRRAKC save.  There is a problem however.
The bug where the thermal system thinks drills are extended through heat shields even though they are retracted has reappeared.  While I successfully simulated a landing of the Eve Rescuer in one of the early pre-release builds, since that bug reared it's ugly head I have only had one descent in which I made it down with 2 drills intact (out of 8).  That's probably enough to go forward with if necessary.

I could resort to going back to 1.1.3 to play it but I'm rather resistant having played 1.2 for a while now.

I've moved progress forward a fair bit and all the crew is now at Eve and busy doing rendezvous maneuvers.

Things aren't quite as chaotic as they first appear here.  Panning around a little reveals...

that most of the orbits are already coplanar.  The exception here is the EST and there's a good reason for that.  So here is your first look at the EST without the fairing.

That is the Eve Surface Transport.

Currently Jeb has the Rescuer in a low polar orbit of Eve.  Our first step is to complete rendezvous and docking for Whoopstooshort Base.  Then we'll send Lightning out with an engineer and rendezvous with the Eve Rescuer.  The engineer will transfer and Lightning will return to the Base.  Once all repairs are completed Jeb and the engineer will have to wait until Eve's rotation brings the rescuee under their orbit and then land as close as possible to the rescuee's position.  Mining operations will then proceed.

The EST will glide to the surface and hopefully get close to our rescuee.  It will then drive the remaining distance, pick up the rescuee, and head for the Eve Rescuer picking up science all the way.  EST is crewed by three former rescuees - Burdorf, Cambles, and Gilry.

The Eve Rescuer can barely make orbit in the simulations.  And that's only if you get the ascent profile just right.  Jeb has been working feverishly in the simulator to prepare for both landing and ascent.

 

"Science lab to Joan."

"Joan here."

"We have contact with the Eve Scansat and the sensors have recorded extremely localized anomalous readings.  The signal originates almost due south of the original site where Val, Bob, and Bill landed on Eve.  It's quite a long way south of our rescuee, but if the EST proves capable it might be worth a visit."

"I never investigated that anomalous reading on Vall and I've regretted it ever since.  This just might be worth a visit, indeed."

The adventures of KRRAKC will continue.

Happy landings!

Edited October 16, 2016 by Starhawk

[Starhawk]

Here's a shot of Whoopstooshort Base newly assembled in eccentric, polar Eve orbit.

The main body of the base is formed by the original core along with the new Thundercraft and Firebolt Modules, each holding eight of their namesake rescue craft rather than the four included with the first iterations.
All support craft are docked with the exception of the LithoKRRAKCer.  Upon entering Eve SOI, it headed straight for Gilly and performed mining operations.  After escaping Gilly's SOI it changed inclination to be coplanar with Whoopstooshort.  But there we stopped.  We wanted to keep our options open before all the other craft had a chance to perform rendezvous maneuvers with Whoopstooshort.  If any ship came up short on dV, the LithoKRRAKCer could rendezvous and transfer enough fuel to safely perform rendezvous and docking maneuvers.

Keeping options open is exactly the reason for the elliptical orbits at Eve.  When we arrived we were uncertain which ships, if any, had enough dV to circularize in LEO.  Additionally, it was known ahead of time that some orbits would require large inclination changes to match planes.  All orbits were plotted and adjusted to have their periapses very near to the North pole and thus near to each other.  This means that the necessary plane change maneuvers could be done far out in Eve's SOI and would therefore cost much less fuel.

The only craft participating in the mission which isn't in a highly elliptical orbit is the Eve Rescuer.  Jeb knew his fuel was tight when he got to Eve, so he decided to see how close to circular he could get while keeping enough in the tank to deorbit.  This meant that Lightning had much larger dV expenditures to rendezvous with the Eve Rescuer than would otherwise have been required.  This did not improve Joan's perception of Jeb.

Here's Lightning arriving at the Eve Rescuer to drop off Jacia.

Eve Rescuer has no docking ports, so Jacia had to EVA over.  This gave her a chance to see the ship's engineering problems first-hand.

"Well Joan," Jacia said "It's a mess.  We've seen this sort of thing happen very rarely, but it has happened before.  Some of the engineering staff call it a 'glitch in the matrix'.  The fuel lines are all connected wrong and even running right through one of the tanks.  The struts are also messed up.  Even the Ore Converters got borked.  They ended up on pods 1 and 4 instead of 1 and 5.  That'll completely mess up the balance and probably jeopardize atmospheric entry.  So, on top of changing all the fuel lines, I have to completely disconnect, partially dismantle, and then move one of the converters.  It'll be at least two weeks.  More if Jeb helps.  I wish Lury was here."
"The staging has also become asymmetric." Jacia continued "But that's just a matter of software configuration.  And I'm going to have to reconfigure it anyway.  I don't know why it's set up like this, but I'll need that pair of aerospikes to fire one stage earlier to keep the TWR nominal."
"The biggest issue is that I don't have a strut resizer.  So the struts are going to stay asymmetric.  That means that atmospheric entry and descent have become much riskier.  I recommend we go with maximum spin stabilization and crossing of digits."

"All right." replied Joan "Good work on this already, Jacia.  As far as Lury goes, I need a senior engineer here at the base, and Dabelle is still out in the LithoKRRAKCer.  I know you and Lury have been working as a team for a long time, but you'll do fine without her."
"Get started as soon as you're ready and keep me posted on your progress.  Joan out."

Joan sighed and shook her head.  She went back to listening to the last transmission from KSC.

"The engineers have been very excited about the new communications hardware and software they've been developing while you were on your way from :Jool to Eve.  They went ahead and uploaded software updates to the comms systems in all craft including yours and the new Firebolt and Thundercraft modules and - there seems to be a bit of an issue..."

 

So yeah.  We launched the new Thundercraft and Thunderbolt ships under the last release.  So they only have antennae that existed then.  So no relays to control the Thundercraft and Firebolt ships.  We'll need a new piece of hardware which has already been launched and awaits the transfer window.  Much worse, of course, is that the game glitched the symmetry on me and even my original save of the craft had the problem.  I fixed the craft in the VAB, launched it and quicksaved.  Then, beverage in hand, I opened my text editor and got to work.

Jacia decided to get rid of most of the transfer stage so that she had room to work.  She pumped the fumes that remained from the outer tanks into the central one and then ditched the eight outer tanks and their engines.  This added a tiny bit more dV, as well.

After  I spent a couple of hours with the text editor Jacia spent a couple of weeks doing challenging engineering on EVA this is the result.  The struts are still messed up, (I forgot to fix them in the VAB before doing all the mucking about in the text editor) but the fuel lines and the ore converters are where they're supposed to be.

The adventures of KRRAKC will continue.

Happy landings!

 

[Mister Dilsby]

Awesome! I congratulate your engineering team, and your persistomancy. Nice to have something to read while @Nimzo Kerman tries out 1.2 on the family PC  

[Starhawk]

Jacia: Well, Ma'am, there's my report.

Joan: Great Kraken!  You've got to be kidding me!
The drag parameters have changed?

Jacia: We recently had a couple of those 'jolts' or 'lurches' sweep across the entire universe.  Apparently a number of small changes have taken place -including the particulars of drag.  Our previous simulations are no longer a reliable guide to performance.  What's worse - if you go to page nine - is the heating issue with the drills.  They overheat even though it seems like they shouldn't since they're tucked away behind the heat shield.  Bob and Linus have been working on a theory.  They think that the drills may be in a state of 'quantum superposition' induced by the shock heating plasma.  They are experiencing the reentry both as retracted and extended.  Bob and Linus think that spinning the craft may help to counter this.

Joan: How can I recommend that we proceed with this mission?
Even if Jeb can get down safely, he now has no way to estimate his landing site and it's sure to be different than in the simulations he's run.  Your report says that not a single run in the new simulations back home has resulted in the ship getting down intact.

Jacia: Yes, Ma'am.  However, on several of those runs only a few drills and some solar panels were lost.

Joan: What about the other runs?

Jacia: Uh, well, complete loss of vehicle...

Joan: Dammit!  This is a disaster!

Jacia: Well, at least the new ascent simulations look good...

Joan: Great!  We have a decent chance of getting them all back up if we beat the odds and get the Rescuer down in one piece!  Kraken!  Cuss!  Swear!  Expletive!
All right.  We don't have any choices.  Is there anything else we can do to mitigate the issues?

Jacia:  All measures we can come up with have been implemented.  I really wish there was some way to completely restrut this thing out here, but we'll just have to make it work as it stands.

Joan:  All right.  You should be at the correct inclination in two orbits.  You are go for de-orbit at that time.
May the non-deterministic elements converge in your favour.

...

Jeb: Inclination is good.  Deorbit burn plotted.
And burning... and engine shutdown.  We're headed in.  Ejecting the remaining part of the transfer stage...  There it goes.  Locking heading to retrograde ...
Almost at the Kerman Line.  Starting roll program.  Get your space-sickness bag ready, Jacia.

Jacia: Got it right here.

Jeb: Spin rate up to half a rotation per second and increasing.  Getting to the hot part now.  Okay!  Here we go!

The adventures of KRRAKC will continue!  (somewhat slowly perhaps)

Happy landings!

[Starhawk]

I've been meaning to post this here for a while.  This was originally posted in Kuzzter's Eve: Order Zero

To the tune of Hotel California by the Eagles.

Planet Eve, Kerb I Warn Ya

On a dark cosmic byway, in a small can of air
Cold threat of the vacuum, keeping me so aware.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a great purple spot
I made a node as I hit the rim, and a correction did plot

There she hung in the darkness, shrouded in purple gloom
And I was thinking to myself "This could be glory or this could be doom."
She was lit up from Kerbol in a bright purple day
There were voices on communicator, I thought I heard them say...

No return from planet Eve kerb I warn ya
Such a purple place (such a purple place)
Such a heavy space
Plenty of wrecks on planet Eve kerb I warn ya
Every second year (every second year)
There's a Hohmann here

She's got Rockomax bits all twisted, Kerbodyne parts with bends.
There were a lot of pretty, pretty craft - all met dead ends.
Kerbals wander the surface, full of regret,
Some walk to remember, some walk to forget.

So I called up the Kaptin, "Please get Gene on the line."
He said "We've been stranding landing Kerbals here since year two day three fifty nine."
And still those voices were calling from far away
I woke from hibe in the middle of the flight, just to hear them say...

No return from planet Eve kerb I warn ya
Such a purple space (such a purple space)
Such a sticky place
They live a long time on planet Eve kerb I warn ya
You're stuck on the ground (you're stuck on the ground)
Bring your rover down

Two G's on the surface, five atmo thick air.
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, look around and despair."
And in combustion chambers fuel and ox are released
The engine lights with a fiery blast, but it just can't lift the beast.

Last thing I remember, I was planning an ascent
I had to find a trajectory back from the purple place I went.
"Relax." said Gene Kerman, "You are landed on Eve."
"You can EVA any time you like.  But you can never leave."

Happy landings!

[Mister Dilsby]

"May the non-deterministic elements converge in your favor"  

[Planetace]

Spoiler

"Oh thank Kraken."

Did I just hear a praise? DID MY LORD GET SOME PRAISE! ALL HAIL THE KRAKEN!!!!!!