Into the Snarkiverse

[jimmymcgoochie]

Bobak: Uh oh, Gene's back and he doesn't look happy... Everyone act natural!

Val: Jeb, leaning nonchalantly against the CAPCOM desk whistling tunelessly is not acting naturally!

*Gene enters the room*

Walt: So, how'd it go?

Gene: What a waste of time! I honestly thought I had their attention, for all of about thirty seconds until they started fighting each other and then the whole place became a mass brawl. *sigh* So, what's happened while I was away?

*awkward silence*

Gene: Come on, spit it out!

Bob: Well, um, we've had to, kind of, end the Amphibious Rover program.

Gene: Why?

Bill: Well, they sort of...

Mortimer: You're all trying to give me a heart attack. 

Bob: But it's not all bad news- we sent a couple of probes out to Dres and Minmus and those didn't explode at all!

Val: Hey look, it's Kerbin?

Bob: Where?

Bill: I don't see it either.

Val: Gimme that control pad *yoink* right...

Val: There! Just above the fuel tanks.

Everyone: Oh yeah...

Gene: How did those probes get over there so fast?

Bob: Well, Dres and Kerbin are pretty close right now so it only took five days-

Gene: Five days!? But I was only away yesterday!

 

 

 

Bill: ...so, uh, we also launched a variation on that satellite into orbit of Kerbin to get some additional science.

Bob: And then we ran a simulation of a new 6-seater X-20 shuttle that could ferry crew up to the Azimuth Space Station and back much cheaper than using big pods every time.

Bob: Undershot the KSC a little bit but it still landed fine without needing to deploy the parachutes.

Jeb: Parachutes on a plane is for wimps!

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/R4yWtqW

Val: You know, I've been thinking about this for a while- all these missions we're doing seem to happen in just a few minutes when in reality they take days.

Wernher: What do you mean?

Val: Look at the transcripts for the Kronus calibration flights- you'd think they took a couple of minutes, when in reality they lasted almost an hour each. Or how about assembling the Azimuth Space Station, or Jeb and Sanlan's trip to Dres, or the fact that we managed to launch an entire mission to Moho without it even appearing in the transcripts at all!

Gene: What's your point, Val?

Val: What if we're looking at this all wrong? What if-

*Linus bursts into the room*

Val and Linus at the exact same time: The Anomaly affected time instead of space!

[Maria Sirona]

Dun-dun-dunn!

[Vagrant203]

Ono

[jimmymcgoochie]

And now for the regularly scheduled episode of Probe Time!

Dres Duet D: 9/10. Missed the first circularisation node due to stock alarm clock failure Mission Control not paying attention, but got there on the second attempt.

Dres Duet M: 8/10. Also missed its node and had to complete its transfer and capture the second time round, several days later.

We'll be back soon with another episode of Probe Time! Now back to the studio tent future Mission Control...

 

Everyone: *confused blinking*

Gene: Did... did anyone else see that?

Bobak: I don't know what I saw.

Wernher: I can't remember. What were we talking about again?

Val: Hey guys, bad news- our medical monitors are saying we're getting exposed to too much radiation. Every time the Mun orbits around Kerbin it dips into Kerbin's outer radiation belt and this station has nowhere near enough shielding on it to deal with that.

Gene: Val is... on the Mun station?

Bobak: Wasn't she standing right here?

Linus: It's happening again! The fourth wall is collapsing! *faints*

Bill: So we're off to Dres now.

Bob: New science thingamajigs to deploy and all that.

*plane noises*

Gene: ...huh?

Bob: So long, Kerbin!

Bill: And thanks for all the snacks!

Bob: Mission Control, this is Dres Express. Slight problem.

Bill: We don't see the lander anywhere around Dres. Jeb, are you sure you actually left it there and didn't crash it into Dres?

Jeb: ...yes?

Bill: Talk us through exactly what you did.

Jeb: So we arrived at Dres, then Sanlan stole my Dres landing (still not happy about that, Sanlan ), then we went to Minmus and I landed that time and- oh.

Bill: You left it around Minmus, didn't you?

Jeb: Well, yeah. We needed the fuel to get home, remember?

Wernher: Why not just send out another fuel tanker like last time?

Walt: Are you kidding!? We had enough bad press with the first Dres mission needing a refuel.

Wernher: Then we build something absolutely huge to act as a fuel depot around Dres, with enough fuel for several missions.

Walt: That... might work actually.

Mortimer: When you're all finished spending all our money on stuff you should have thought of in the first place, there are some contracts here that need completing. First of all, another poor chump got stranded in orbit and needs rescued.

Ribdo: LAND! Solid land!

Mortimer: Next, two tourists want a flight into LKO.

Bobak: That's odd, that new guy Ribdo didn't get credit for orbiting Kerbin so he's still rank zero.

Gene: Just stick him in with the tourists, there's a spare seat.

Ribdo: Wait, what?

Jeb: Hey new guy! Stop hogging all the oxygen!

Ribdo: *hyperventilating into a paper bag*

Bobak: Maybe sending him up in the same type of shuttle that he got stranded in wasn't a great idea...

Jeb: KSC in sight, should be a nice descent to the-

Ribdo: *deploys the emergency parachutes*

Jeb:  What a wimp.

Ribdo: Land! Solid land!

Jeb: I hate tourists.

Tourists: Hey, we didn't even do anything!

Jeb: Whatever. Pay up and get out.

Mortimer: And now a contract to repair a rover on Dres.

Wernher: Repair? There's literally nothing wrong with it!

Wernher: As a matter of fact, the solar panels seem to be generating nearly six times more power than ours, and it has a seismometer on it! I'll send the Dres rover over there, maybe Bill can do some surgery-

Linus: *barges Wernher away from the rover console* My rover. Mine.

Wernher: meep

Gus: Everyone out!

Gene: What?

Gus: Out! Unless you want us to demolish the place while you're inside and build the bigger, better Mission Control on top of you.

Mortimer: Oh yeah, forgot to mention- all those contracts were enough to pay for a major upgrade to Mission Control, mostly so we can do even more contracts and get even more funds! And get everyone a chair with a cupholder so you don't keep spilling coffee all over the computers.

*some time later*

Sanlan: Ooh, shiny!

Gene: Keep the windows open, that'll disperse the paint fumes.

Bobak: So we can have fumes from rockets and planes instead

*plane noises*

Gene: What was that?

Jeb: Science plane! Wernher and I made it while you were all waiting for the new Mission Control building to be finished. It's got loads of science-y gubbins on it and a bunch of air-dropped seismometer probes.

Wernher: So much science! 

Mortimer: So many funds! 

Jeb: Bombs away!

Gene: Wait, what!?

Jeb: Science bombs, that is.

Gene: Oh. I see. Carry on.

Jeb: Running out of daylight and science bombs, looks like I can make it over to that "Glacier Lake" place though since I'm already going that way. Just need to yeet the last probe onto the north pole and *massive out of control tumbling* gah, autopilot had a little freak out there because I flew over the pole and suddenly everywhere was south but it wanted to go north.

Jeb: So, uh, how do I get back to the KSC exactly? I have zero fuel left and-

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/Pn35rRb

 

 

Val: Wakey wakey, sleepyhead.

Jeb: *confused blinking* whaaa-? 

Val: Looks like you're on tour guide duty today, better not keep those pesky little kids waiting. *picks up a notepad*

Jeb: But I was just standing on the launchpad at Glacier Lake?

Val: That was three days ago, silly! *writing on pad* Make sure you wear your spacesuit, the kids love that.

Jeb: But-

Val: *hands Jeb note* See ya later, Jebe-diet!

Jeb: *reads note* 

strange stuff happening. nobody can remember what. secret meeting under launchpad exhaust tunnel at midnight tonite. don't get followed.

Jeb: Val, wait-!

But the corridor outside was completely empty.

And wasn't Val on the Mun station?

Edited August 30, 2021 by jimmymcgoochie

[jimmymcgoochie]

Spoiler

Bonus episode, because most of the last one was done a few days ago and today's a bank holiday = 3 day weekend 

Gene: Has anyone seen Jeb?

Bobak: Nope.

Wernher: I thought I saw him wandering around outside in the middle of the night, but it was pretty dark and I didn't have my glasses on so it could have been anyone.

Gene: Hmph. Well, if you see him let him know I'm looking for him. So what's on the agenda today?

Mortimer: Another rich moron paying customer wants a ride to LKO. Also, some other rich morons paying customers want a space station in LKO.

Gene: So we need two craft for that-

Mortimer: Hold up there a minute.

Gene: Eh?

Mortimer: Put the tourist in the station. Launch the station with the tourist inside. Get the money for the station contract. Return the station to the surface intact, tourist pays their fare, then refund the station and we get most of the money back for it on top of the contract payouts.

Werhner: Morty... that's brilliant!

Bobak: What's with the part grabber probe on the bottom?

Wernher: Looks like somebody forgot that tourists can't fly, and didn't put a probe core on it. We couldn't fire the engines until the grabber came along to give us a control point.

Mortimer: But it still worked, right?

Bobak: Splashdown confirmed just a few clicks off the coast.

Gus: I'll send some people out in a boat to bring it back.

Gene: Well, Morty, I have to hand it to you- that worked an absolute treat.

Mortimer: Another idiot wants to be knocked out by G-forces. Make it cheap.

Wernher: Done.

Mortimer: Sometimes they're practically begging us to take their money...

Bill: Ahoy there!

Bob: Lander acquired, I'm heading down to the surface now. How are there cobwebs in this thing when it's been floating here in space the whole time?

Bob: OK, seismometer deployed, mystery goo thingy fixed up (what did you do to it, Jeb? ), plenty of time before Bill comes back around so I think I'll head over to that hill to get some more samples.

Wernher: What's the matter, Bob, scared of heights?

Bob: Heights, no; falling, yes. I think I'll stay low from now on.

Bob: OK, that's lowlands, slopes and midlands all done, I'm heading back to the lander now.

Wernher: You're really low on propellant, take it easy-

Bob: Why am I not slowing down-!

*thud, crunch, clang, various other onomatopoeias of an impact-related nature*

Gene: Bob!

Gene: ...Bob?

Bob: Owwww...

Gene: Right, that's enough sightseeing- get yourself back to the Dres Express ASAP.

Bob: You don't have to tell me twice. Ooh, that smarts...

Bill: Hey Bob, how was your "trip"?

Bob: ...

Bill: You're supposed to plant a flag in Minmus, not your face.

Bob: ...

Bobak: Heads up you two, the Dres Depot should be arriving momentarily so you can refuel.

Bob: Oh.

Bill: That's not good.

Bobak: What?

Bob: Who designed this thing exactly?

Gene: Why?

Bob: They put a regular Clamp-o-tron docking port on it.

Gene: And?

Bill: And, the Dres Express and the lander both use half-sized Clamp-o-tron Junior docking ports.

Walt: You've got to be kidding me...

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/fIKyqww

Bill: OK, I think I can see a way to make this work, but you're not going to like it.

Gene: Go on.

Bill: If I take the docking port off the lander and stick it on the Dres Depot, reroute a few pipes and deploy a whole lot of duct tape, we might be able to dock to it that way. Once we've filled up, we undock, I remove the docking port and stick it back on the lander.

Wernher: You're right- I don't like it. One mistake or problem and you can't use the lander any more, meaning you'd have to try and land the Dres Express itself on Dres.

Bill: Relax, Wernher, everything's going to be- oh.

Wernher: What?

Bill: The docking port got stuck and for some reason my construction tool isn't registering it any more. It's just floating away and I can't do anything about it.

Everyone: 

Linus: Give me a second-

saving changes to persistent.exe

F9

Bill: ...weird, it just started working again.

Gene: What did you just do, Linus?

Linus: *cold sweat* I... changed the docking port's vessel type from Ship to DroppedPart so it wasn't recognised as the root part of a vessel any more and Bill could pick it up again sent a remote command to the EVA construction tool to turn it off and on again?

Gene: ...

Wernher: ...

Linus: *nervousness intensifies*

Gene: ...fair enough.

Wernher: The old "Tiotibo" solution. Works every time.

Linus: Yep. Sure does.

Edited August 30, 2021 by jimmymcgoochie

[jimmymcgoochie]

Linus: OK, what are we going to research next? Some new probe cores and probe-related paraphernalia, bigger and better solar panels, new launch rockets-

Wernher: Nuclear propulsion! *boop*

Linus: What? Why?

Wernher: I dug through the blueprints Bill and Bob left behind and found something really interesting, but it needs a nuclear engine to make it work.

Linus: ...but we have one of those already?

Mortimer: A very expensive one, I might add.

Wernher: Not as expensive as this one, we don't!

Mortimer: *eyelid twitching*

Wernher: It has a nuclear engine now!

Gene: Wait, who's flying this thing?

Wernher: Jeb?

Gene: Jeb's still AWOL.

Wernher: Val?

Gene: Val's on the Mun station.

Wernher: ...

Sanlan: MECO in three, two, one *fzzt* oxidiser depleted, circularising with the nuclear engine.

Linus: Uh, should we be letting her fly a nuclear plane? You know, with the space madness and all?

Sanlan: You see any other Kerbonauts around here? Besides, the doctors gave me those yucky pills and now I'm totally fine. Though I think they said something about not driving or operating heavy machinery...

Wernher: Uh oh.

Sanlan: HA! Got you! Relaaaax, Doc, everything is under control. Payload deployed, deorbit burn finishing any... second... now, fold in the solar panels aaaand...

Sanlan: Huh, this thing can fly really slowly. Pitches up a bit much at those speeds though, probably the big heavy nuclear engine hanging off the back.

Sanlan: Touchdown! What's my score? Did I beat Bob? Did I beat Val? Did I did I did I?

Bobak: Calculating... Looks like payload mass 29.6 tons, total cost 6292 funds per flight, that makes 212.6 funds per ton. The last one was 20.6 tons at 226 funds per ton.

Sanlan: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  *ahem*

Wernher: Nearly thirty tons per flight, and cheaper than the original per ton at maximum payload? I'll take that.

Mortimer: Yes, yes, very impressive. Now someone tell Bill we've got a contract to repair a rover on the surface of Minmus. Looks like they didn't bother putting wheels on it, so he's going to have to take some wheels off the existing Minmus rover to make this work.

Linus: Nooooo! Not my baby! 

Mortimer: And make sure he plants a flag too, some idiot is going to give us forty grand for it!

Bill: Did anyone see something flying over a second ago? I thought I saw a shadow moving across the ground, but it's gone now. And I'm sure that rover had all eight wheels last time we checked it.

Linus: *sobbing* My poor rover! What are they doing to you?

Bill: Oh, quit the melodrama, Linus. I barely touched it- in fact, I hooked it up to the other rover so it can be towed along like a little trailer.

Linus: *snlffling* what?

Bill: It would take too long to take it apart and move all the useful stuff over, and it has those two docking ports on it already, so why not? Now we have an even bigger rover with more science, better stuff and it can drive itself!

Linus: That's amazing!

Bobak: The rover is on the move, heading to the *thud* what was that?

Wernher: Hey Bill? Looks like there actually was something flying off when you landed- and we just found the mysteriously missing wheel.

Bill: That'll do nicely.

Bobak: Having some issues with the self-driving system, Bill. Can you do some engineer-y stuff to try and fix it?

Bill: Roger that.

Bill: I took it off the rover and stuck it on the lander, then moved it back to try and reset it. Try toggling the autopilot mode from "land" to "water" and back, then turn it off and back on; that usually does the trick.

Bobak: Bingo! Nice work.

Bill: Heading back to the Dres Express at the next opportunity. Not to worry, I gave the lander's engine a once-over and there's absolutely no chance that it'll have a critical failure just as I start the ascent leaving me stranded on Minmus. No chance at all.

Gene: Um, OK?

Bob: I have a visual on the lander and, oh wow.

Gene: What?

Bob: It's Dres.

Bill: That's a nice view.

Linus: Meh, it's still Dres and therefore boring.

Spoiler

Full album:

And here's why you always, ALWAYS save before doing any EVA construction...

Turns out wheels don't like being attached so the wheel bit is under the ground. Who knew?

Gene: I don't get all this anti-Dres stuff. Sure, it somehow ended up pseudo-orbiting Kerbin and with one of Kerbin's moons orbiting it, but that's not Dres' fault, is it? If anything The Anomaly made Dres more interesting by putting it within easy reach, a convenient low-gravity stepping stone to bigger interplanetary missions in the future- and maybe even as a propellant depot if we can ever get on-site propellant production up and running.

Wernher: Well, yeah, but still... Dres is a pretty bland place, just a blotchy grey lump that isn't even big enough to be a planet.

Linus: It's much smaller than the Mun, barely bigger than Ike and the one interesting feature- the canyon- just shows how boring the rest of it is.

Sanlan: Aww, stop picking on the poor thing. Dres is actually pretty nice when you're there; not that any of you would know about that .

Bobak: Ooh, someone call Gus and tell him to bring some ice for those burns!

Edited September 2, 2021 by jimmymcgoochie
Forgot an image

[Spaceman.Spiff]

5 minutes ago, jimmymcgoochie said:

Gene: I don't get all this anti-Dres stuff. Sure, it somehow ended up pseudo-orbiting Kerbin and with one of Kerbin's moons orbiting it, but that's not Dres' fault, is it? If anything The Anomaly made Dres more interesting by putting it within easy reach, a convenient low-gravity stepping stone to bigger interplanetary missions in the future- and maybe even as a propellant depot if we can ever get on-site propellant production up and running.

True facts

[jimmymcgoochie]

OK, I think I have the end goal for this report- boots on the ground everywhere except Jool and Kerbol. This is a bit of an undertaking- I've done Kerbalism Grand Tours before but the stock-parts-only version missed Moho and both of Kerbin's moons, and the successful one used many mods to exploit stupidly overpowered mass ratios on Kerbalism's gas canisters (the biggest canister holding xenon is about 56:1 wet:dry, compared to the 4 or so with stock xenon tanks)- but I see no reason to do it all in one mission. Moho is going to be the hardest target due to its stupidly low orbit, Eve will be a bit tricky just because it's Eve and Jool's moons will be a pain with all the deadly radiations, but other than that it should be pretty easy, right?

Also I have my RP-1 series to go back to, and I want to poke around with new stuff like System Heat/FFT/Space Dust/etc. in JNSQ as inspiration for some of the more "endgame" parts of Audacity, and I'm also running a Space Race in GPP (entries still open ), and other games, and that whole "life" thing too...

Long story short, I want to bring this to an end reasonably quickly but with a conclusion that makes sense both from an in-game perspective and from a story one. In the meantime, here's a teaser for the next update:

Spoiler

Well, this is embarrassing... I don't actually have any images for the next update yet. 

 

[Maria Sirona]

More Audacity confirmed 

 

 

But on topic, take your time!

[Kerminator K-100]

On 8/31/2021 at 6:17 PM, jimmymcgoochie said:

Gene: I don't get all this anti-Dres stuff. Sure, it somehow ended up pseudo-orbiting Kerbin and with one of Kerbin's moons orbiting it, but that's not Dres' fault, is it? If anything The Anomaly made Dres more interesting by putting it within easy reach, a convenient low-gravity stepping stone to bigger interplanetary missions in the future- and maybe even as a propellant depot if we can ever get on-site propellant production up and running.

 

The fact that Minmus orbits Dres which orbits Kerbin makes it super cool. Would that even be possible IRL?

[jimmymcgoochie]

4 hours ago, Kerminator K-100 said:

The fact that Minmus orbits Dres which orbits Kerbin makes it super cool. Would that even be possible IRL?

Dres doesn’t technically orbit Kerbin- it’s outside of Kerbin’s SOI, but has a very similar orbit. Quasi-satellites in this type of orbit are apparently unstable in most cases, however there is a quasi-satellite in a stable orbit of Earth broadly similar to Dres’ orbit of Kerbin (Kamoʻoalewa), though this is just 41 metres across!

While it’s very unlikely for a dwarf planet to end up as a quasi-satellite of a planet like Dres/Kerbin here, it’s technically possible. Most of the time, though, you’ll end up with a Trojan that orbits 60 degrees in front/behind the larger body at the L4/5 Lagrange points between said large body and the sun.

It would be interesting to see what adding Principia would do to the Snarkiverse, I believe I saw a thread about that somewhere which was a big factor in my discovery of the Snarkiverse right when my GPU died and I started this series.

[jimmymcgoochie]

Mortimer: More rich idiots tourists want to fly into space, get that shuttle thing ready to launch.

Bobak: We can't- there's nobody here to fly it.

Mortimer: Eh?

Bobak: Jeb's still AWOL, Sanlan's not a pilot and Ribdo freaks out at the mere sight of one of those X-20s.

Mortimer: Then hire another pilot.

Bobak: Can't- no room in the Astronaut Complex.

Gus: And we couldn't handle the extra paperwork either.

*rocket noises*

Everyone: Whaaa?

Jeb: Please keep all parts of your anatomy inside the craft at all times, and if you throw up back there you're cleaning it yourself.

Gene: JEB!?

Jeb: Oh, hey! Wassup?

Gene: What's- what's up? WHERE THE *quindar* HAVE YOU BEEN!?!?

Jeb: ...sleepwalking I guess? I woke up under the launchpad, there was a rocket there so I just did what you'd expect me to do.

Jeb: Alright, tourists- look to your left and you'll see Minmus, Dres, Jool and Duna out of the same window. 

Tourists: Ooh!

Jeb: And now if you look out the window you'll see the superheated plasma of atmospheric re-entry rippling off the sides of the shuttle.

Tourists: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Jeb: Ah, quit your screaming, it's not even that bad. Gah, now you've distracted me and we're overshooting.

Tourists: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Jeb: Brace for some sweet, sweet Gs.

*eight gee split-S*

Tourists: ...

Mortimer: Jeb, those tourists won't pay for their flights if you knock them out!

Jeb: You guys are no fun at all... And besides, they're all fine; maybe a bit greener than usual.

Gus: OK Jeb, call the ball.

Jeb: Huh? *shuttle wobbles off course*

Gus: Never mind!

Jeb: OK, chumps, pay up and let's get the runway clear before that nuclear-engined SSTO runs us over.

Tourists: eek!

*plane noises*

Mortimer: Hold on- how much!?

Wernher: Ah. Yes. Well, by our estimates it's going to take at least 10km/s to have a hope of making orbit of Moho, and the only way to get that sort of delta-V is with a nuclear engine; trouble is the NERV isn't really capable of running for that long normally, so we had to make all the components even more resilient than usual- which for a nuclear rocket costs a lot of funds.

Mortimer: I... I think I need to lie down...

Bobak: What's with all the little burns?

Wernher: Fifteen minute transfer burn. If we tried to do it all in one go we'd crash into Kerbin, so we do these periapsis kicks to reduce the final burn duration and get a bit more Oberth effect too.

Bobak: Makes sense.

*more plane noises*

Bobak: What was that?

Mortimer: Hang on, where did those rich idiots tourists go?

Sanlan: They're in SPAAACE! With me and Ribdo too! We're going to the MUUUUN!

Gene: Uh oh...

Sanlan: OK, stupid freeloaders, your ride's done. Beat it.

Tourists: AAAAAAAAA-!

Ribdo: Why did we have to put the tourist pod between our pod and the probe thingy so we have to undock everything, push the tourists out the way and then grab the probe again?

Sanlan: How else could we have done it? Even if we managed to make it all fit, it'd fall apart on the ride up here.

Ribdo: Fair point. At least this isn't one of those *shudder* horrible little shuttlethingieswiththetinycramped-!

Sanlan: *smack* Dude! Stop hogging the oxygen!

Ribdo: sorry

Gene: Could someone please explain what exactly you two are doing up there?

Sanlan: Contracts and stuff. Also neither of us has been to the Mun yet and we wanted to go, so we decided to go together.

Gene: *off mic to Wernher* Better start putting together a rescue mission...

Ribdo: Probe away! Too bad we forgot to put thrusters on it so now it can't do the resource survey, but whatever.

Sanlan: Just need to wait until the target landing site moves under our orbit, time the deorbit burn just right, nail the suicide burn and *fzzt* uh oh...

*THUD*

Gene: What was that?

*CRUNCH SCRAAAAAAAAAAPE*

Gene: WHAT WAS THAT!?

Wernher: Rescue mission will be ready to launch in an hour-

Ribdo: Whoops! That wasn't meant to happen...

Sanlan: Stupid shoddy engine cut out on us just above the surface and the whole thing fell over.

Wernher: That's odd, where are the rest of the deployed solar panels?

Sanlan: They bounced up the hill when we "landed", I'll go and get them.

Wernher: They bounced, uphill?

Sanlan: I know, weird, right?

Sanlan: These aren't even set up right, you need to press this one and then that one and you'll get twice the power. Amateurs.

Bill: *aboard Dres Express* Oh yeah? Well your stuff out here isn't any better!

Ribdo: Ooh, a rock!

Sanlan: Big deal, we've got rocks back home too.

Ribdo: But it's a MUN rock!

Sanlan: Yeah, they already have some.

Wernher: That's true, Bill and Bob got some Mun rocks during their mission.

Ribdo: ...I'm keeping it anyway.

Linus: My rover should be arriving any second now. Be gentle with her, she's already driven across the Mun several times.

Ribdo: Yeah, yeah, I know what I'm doing.

*welding noises*

Ribdo: Ta-da! Now it's even super-er!

Linus: *happy noises*

Ribdo: Ooh, ooh, test it out on that crater over there!

Linus: She's beautiful! *happy crying*

Sanlan: Woah, it has lasers now! I want one!

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/CkdFLTT

Sanlan: So, uh... How do we get back?

Ribdo: We get in our rocket, point it up and fly back. Easy.

Sanlan: Yeah, but we're on a hill.

Ribdo: So we point uphill and use that to our advantage. Right, Jeb?

 

 

Ribdo: Jeb?

Bobak: I'm sure he was just here?

Gene: Lock down the KSC. We're going to search every inch of this place until we find him, and when we find him, he's well and truly  *quindar*

Jeb: *through Gus' walkie-talkie* Hide and seek? I love this game! You'll never find me!

Gene: Mun Station, this is Mission Control. Get Commander Valentina on the line.

Jeb: Hey, no fair!

Edited September 4, 2021 by jimmymcgoochie

[jimmymcgoochie]

Jeb: *drives one of those little yellow KSC trucks through the VAB* HAHA! You'll never catch me!

Gene: Deploy the spike strips!

*skidding noises*

Gus: Jeb, not into the fuel tanks-!

*CRASH*

Jeb: IT'S GONNA BLOW! *dramatic slow-motion running/jumping*

*distinct lack of explosion*

Jeb: Aww...

Sanlan: Hey, where'd everybody go? We fixed our little "fallen over" problem!

Bobak: How?

Sanlan: Like this.

Bobak: Interesting use of the landing legs.

Sanlan: Whatever. Bye stupid legs, smell you later.

Mortimer: You threw them away!?

Ribdo: It's not like we'd get them back anyway, they'd just burn up in the atmosphere. We brought the ladders back for you though.

Mortimer: ...fine.

Sanlan: Can someone send out a boat for us? I don't want to swim all the way back.

Ribdo: Me either- that Mun rock is heavy.

Wernher: Hey Morty, this'll cheer you up.

Mortimer: It's... the Mun rover?

Wernher: Well, yes, but look over that hill. We can put this on fridge magnets, postcards, T-shirts...

Mortimer: Hmm, you might have a point.

Linus: Deploy the laser thingy, my awesome rover!

Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Bobak: What's going on!?

Bob: *ahem* Sorry, forgot there was a massive ridge of mountains in front of the Dres landing site and came in a bit too low. Everything's fine though.

Bob: Landing in three, two, one...

Bob: Close enough. One solar panel and one seismometer, coming right up. Oh, and while I'm here I can take the rest of the fuel out of that sample craft, no point leaving it here.

Bill: Hurry up down there, will you?

Bob: I have to wait until Dres rotates around so I'm under your orbit. Nice alignment though, should be a nice quick rendezvous.

Bill: Not that quick NOT THAT QUICK-

*CLANG*

Bill: Oof!

Bob: Oops. Ah well, nothing's broken, moving in to dock.

Bill: SLOWLY this time!

Spoiler

So I accidentally crashed the lander into the Dres Express at about 5m/s due to an overenthusiastic closing burn, insufficient RCS thrust, and failing to point the Dres Express in the right direction quickly enough. Whoopsie

***
Automated Deep Space Network probe control system online.
Attempting to establish data connection with vessel [Eveshot 1].
>
>>
>>>
Connection failed.
Attempting to establish basic telemetry feed from vessel [Eveshot 1].
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>Connection established.
Mission status: 17 entered SOI of target body [Eve].

Automated node execution system enabled.
Executing node [1] of [2].
Completed.
Mission status: 14 standing by for capture burn around target body [Eve].
Rendering model of spacecraft relative to target body:

Executing node [2] of [2].

Unknown celestial body detected.
Altering burn to intercept unknown body.
Deploying lander.
Attempting to establish basic telemetry connection with vessel [Eveshot 1 lander].
>
>>
>>>
>>>>Connection established.
Executing deorbit burn.
Completed.
Connecting to vessel [Eveshot 1].
Connected.
Onboard analysis of sensor data initiated.
Mission status: 27 entered SOI of [unknown].
Comparing radius, gravity, terrain height, surface albedo and spectroscopic data from [unknown] with reference data [pre-Anomaly_planetary_data.dat].
1 match found: [Ike].
Mission status: 17 entered SOI of [Ike].
Rendering model of spacecraft relative to target body.

Alerting Mission Control.
***

Bobak: Woah.

Wernher: Impossible!

Gene: This better be important- oh wow.

Bobak: Mission Control to Dres Express.

Bob: Go ahead Control.

Bobak: Mission Control to Azimuth Space Station.

Lensel: Go ahead Control.

Bobak: Mission Control to Mun Station.

Val: Go ahead Control.

Bobak: You're not going to believe this... Eveshot 1 has just arrived at Eve, but during its capture burn it deviated from the programmed burn to intercept an unknown body orbiting Eve. We don't have a signal to get usable science data, but the basic telemetry feed is saying that Eve has a new moon- Ike!

Everyone: 

***
Connecting to vessel [Eveshot 1 lander].
Connection established.
Mission status: 12 standing by for atmospheric entry of [Eve].
Mission status: 11 atmospheric entry of [Eve].
Mission status: 96 critical overheat imminent. Fairing overheating.
Deploying fairing to prevent overheat.
Deployed.
Connection lost. Attempting to reconnect...
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
Connection established.
Mission status: 42 waiting for parachute deployment.
Rendering model of vessel relative to target body.

Mission status: 41 parachute successfully deployed.
Mission status: 40 landing confirmed on [Eve].
Deploying communications array.
Deploying solar panels.
Attempting to establish data connection with vessel [Eveshot 1].
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
Connection failed.
Rendering model of vessel relative to target body.

***

Gene: We've got a telemetry update from the Eveshot 1 lander, looks like it made it to the surface in one piece. Still no data signal from either craft.

Wernher: Not surprising- Eve's about as far from Kerbin as it can get right now, the DSN dishes just don't have the power to reach it.

Mortimer: Well, today's your lucky day! We just completed a whole lotta contracts on the Mun, Minmus and Dres so now there's enough to upgrade the Tracking Station! How much did you say it would cost, Gus?

Gus: About 600,000 funds, give or take.

Mortimer: *wince* ...very well, here's the funds; take it and go before I have time to talk myself out of it.

Gus: Nice!

*heavy construction machinery noises*

Gus: DOOBURRY, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT DRIVING THE FORKLIFT!?

Dooburry: to not to...

Mortimer: Well, I'm away to accept a whole load of extra contracts. Oh, by the way, there are two poor chumps stuck in LKO who need rescued, someone take care of that?

Bobak: One of them is almost right beside the two remaining grabber probes, I'll send one over now.

Bobak: Man, those spherical pods are a lot draggier than I remember, it's not even going to get close to the KSC. Someone dispatch the rescue boat.

Herman: LAND! Solid wet moving transparent blue- wait a second...

Sanlan: *giggling*

Ribdo: What?

Sanlan: *barely able to talk for laughing* His name is Herman.

Ribdo: So?

Sanlan: *nearly exploding into more giggling* Herman Kerman.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/EW7Z4E8

Herman: So where's my room?

Sanlan: Sorry, Herman Kerman, all the rooms are already occupied.

Herman: So where am I suppposed to sleep?

Sanlan: You can sleep on one of the hot bunks in the rec room if you want, Herman Kerman.

Herman: Why do you keep using my full name? It's weird.

Sanlan: I don't know what you mean, Herman Kerman.

Herman: OK seriously, stop it. You're freaking me out.

Sanlan: Okey dokey, Herman Kerman.

Herman. Stop it.

Sanlan: Stop what, Herman Kerman?

Herman: Cut. It. Out.

Sanlan: Cut what out, Herman Ker- ouch! Hey, didn't your mother ever tell you not to hit a lady?

Herman: Yes.

Sanlan: ...

Herman: ...

Sanlan: Why you-!

Jeb: Hey New Guy! Come on and I'll introduce you to the only game in town: Poke Morty Until He Pukes!

Mortimer: *grabs cattle prod* Bring it on, you little toerag!

Herman: Gene! GENE! Put me back in space! PUT ME BACK!

[Maria Sirona]

Wow. Really love that probe-computer-thingy sequence. Please do more of that! (:

[jimmymcgoochie]

Bill: Dres Lander to Mission Control, touchdown beside the two rovers. Ready to begin EVA construction.

Gene: Copy that, proceed as planned.

Linus: Don't break my rover!

Bill: Seriously, Linus, chill. This one's a doddle compared to Minmus, no need to take any wheels off or anything- just take one docking port, stick it on the back and tow this rover around as a trailer on that one. Assuming the stupid rover autopilot thingy stops playing up, that is- maybe if I stick it on the lander and then back like last time?

Bill: Yup, worked just like last time. EVA construction complete, heading back to the Dres Express. Someone move that rover away from the lander or it'll get hosed by the rocket exhaust.

Linus: Course plotted to the nearby Ridges. Wow, this thing is fast! Nearly triple the speed compared to the little wheels.

Bill: See? Nothing to worry about.

Bill: Docking complete.

Bobak: I've run the numbers and you have plenty of fuel left over- in fact you can fill up the lander's tanks completely and still have enough left to get home in two weeks with enough of a margin to meet up with your return pod and a safety margin on top of that.

Bob: Nice- pumping the fuel now. Might as well top everything else up while we're here, we can always fill the Dres Express up again around Kerbin.

Gene: Roger that. Give yourself half an orbit to get clear of the lander and then head on home.

Bob: Will do.

*plane noises*

Gene: Why does nobody ever tell me they're going to launch a mission before launching it!? I'm the FLIGHT DIRECTOR, for crying out loud!

Wernher: Actually, I did tell you. Yesterday, in fact.

Gene: Really? I don't remember that...

Wernher: Well, I did. But since you're clearly going senile, I'll tell you again- it's an Eve scanning probe with a couple of relays bolted to the sides.

Mortimer: Looks expensive.

Wernher: Two contracts' worth of advance money covered most of it, and the payouts once we finish the scans are well worth the effort. Plus we can send it to Ike later and double the money.

Mortimer: See, now you're speaking my language!

Wernher: And once we have all those detailed maps, we can pick the best landing spots for the future crewed expedition.

Mortimer: The. What?

Bobak: The last of the part grabber probes just lobbed the girder structure they all launched on into the atmosphere and is now on course to pick up that other stranded Kerbal in LKO.

Sanlan: *from the desk in the corner* slow down slowdownSLOWDOWN!

*crunch*

Sanlan: oops...

Wernher: OK, that's it- the next version of that grabber probe is getting much bigger reverse thrusters so we don't keep crashing them into stuff.

Sanlan: Bringing it down now, should land nice and close to the KSC this-

Sanlan: Aww, come on!

***

Bill: Hello, Kerbin, we're baaaaack!

Bob: Looks like we're off on our inclination to get back to the KSC, but we'll land pretty close. Send the boats out towards the Island Airfield.

Mortimer: Right, now that you two are back, how about building some deathtrap contraption to knock a couple of tourists out from G-forces? Preferably one that comes back to the launchpad to save funds on the recovery.

Bob: Easy peasy- smallish pod, big engine, shoot it straight up and- oh...

Mortimer: Which part of "back to the launchpad" wasn't clear to you?

Bob: Whatever, I'm more interested in this anyway.

*plane noises*

Gene: What is it this time?

Bill: Calibrating the Kronus Mk2 for a passenger run to orbit and back. Payload capacity won't be great, but we'll have up to sixteen seats to play with per flight if this works.

Bob: We're also testing using Swivels on the outer engines instead of Reliants to give it a bit more control and marginally better vacuum ISP, though it's a bit heavier and has less thrust. Shouldn't matter too much with this payload though, it's lighter than the 30 tons this model can manage.

Walt: Is that nuclear engine meant to be glowing red-hot like that?

Bill: There's a nuclear reactor in it, of course it's going to get a bit hot.

Bob: Crossing the Whoopstooshort Mountains now, carrying a bit more speed than usual because we went a bit higher than usual.

And then reality seemed to unravel slightly.

Several versions of the same events played out at once.

In one version, the plane pulled up too sharply, flipped out and tumbled to the ground, raining debris and nuclear material across the hills west of the KSC.

In another, it flipped backwards but recovered using copious amounts of afterburner, only to disintegrate as soon as the wheels touched the ground.

In another, it just seemed to implode, parts flying in all directions and raining down like confetti.

Spoiler

Combine low FPS, twitchy controls, a brief game freeze right as I was pitching down to avoid a stall and brittle autostruts and this happens...

But in one, the plane flew down to the runway with no explosions and no drama except for flying a bit too close to the control tower and giving a hapless technician the fright of his life.

Mortimer: What's the cost per ton on that?

Bob: We're not interested in that.

Mortimer: Well, I am!

Bob: It's not designed to carry a lot of weight- it's for passengers.

Mortimer: And why would we be sending sixteen people to space in one go!?

Bob: I dunno, crewing up an interplanetary ship or something?

Mortimer: *trying to imagine the cost of an interplanetary ship with living space for sixteen Kerbals* I don't... feel so good...

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/EUmDmcD

Herman: So is nobody going to comment on that weird multiverse thing that just happened with that plane?

Everyone: *blank stares*

Herman: You know, how it took like nine attempts to get it to land without backflipping or exploding or turning itself inside out?

Everyone: *blank stares*

Jeb: Psst, new guy!

Herman: Huh?

Jeb: Come on, before they wake up.

Herman: What's going on!?

Jeb: It's easier if I show you.

Spoiler

Jeb and Herman leave Mission Control and hop into one of the ubiquitous yellow KSC trucks. Herman is surprised when Jeb drives towards the runway, and even more so when he drives straight over the runway and onto the grass beyond. They head roughly north-east towards the ocean, then Jeb suddenly slams on the brakes and Herman nearly goes flying out the windscreen.

The angry protest never makes it from his brain to his mouth, which instead hangs open in astonishment and awe at the impossible sight towering before him, paradoxically blacker than space yet reflecting the light of the setting sun and the truck's headlights on its simultaneously rounded and sharp edges. Here was something so utterly and inexplicably right, yet also so unutterably and indescribably wrong, that his brain struggled to even comprehend it.

"What..." was all he could say.

Edited September 7, 2021 by jimmymcgoochie
Begone, whitespace!

[Maria Sirona]

Oooh... 

[Philae_Rosetta2021]

Very interesting.....

Can't wait for the next installment!

 

[jimmymcgoochie]

Spoiler

"I felt the same way, the first time I saw it." Jeb's voice was unusually quiet, lacking the usual unflappable cheerfulness and ever so slightly demented grin.

“How can nobody have seen this!?” Herman found his voice eventually. “It’s practically on top of the Space Centre, surely someone must have looked in this direction at some point.”

“We think it’s actively hiding itself from us, at least until we get right up beside it.” Jeb said, then added: “And don’t call me Shirley.”

"What is it?" Herman asked.

"Nobody knows for sure. At least, nobody that I know of, though I only know two people who actually know about this- you and Val."

"And Linus," added Val from behind them. "He's the one who showed it to me."

"Wha- but you're on the Mun Station!" Exclaimed Herman.

"In your timeline, maybe; in mine, I was grounded after my trip to Dres with Samlam, because "space madness". Poor Sammy thought he saw a spider and had a little freak out, then wouldn't stop babbling about "Sanny" for the rest of the trip; I had to sedate him to get him back in the re-entry capsule and when he woke up back on Kerbin..."

"Hold up just a second- my timeline?”

“Our timeline,” interjected Jeb. “And when I went to Dres, Sanlan said she saw a spider and called it Sammy. How weird.”

“The divergence point between our timelines is relatively recent, so the connection between them is pretty strong and there’s still some bleedthrough between them.” Val said. “It’s probably why we can talk to each other like this.”

“So Linus isn’t crazy in your timeline?” Jeb asked. “Because in this one he’s completely nuts- talks about that fleet of rovers like they’re his own children, kept ranting on and on about “fourth walls” and “Great Ones” and stuff like that.”

“That sounds exactly like our Linus,” Val replied, then grinned. “I guess some things are constant no matter what reality you’re in, huh, Jebe-diet?”

“Oi!” Jeb protested, standing up straighter and trying to suck in his stomach. “Well at least I stopped wetting the bed before I turned nine, Valen-pee-na”

“Oh, you really want to go there?” Val challenged him. “Well at least I didn’t crash a microlight into the school gym.”

Herman wasn’t sure if this was a serious argument or just a sibling in-joke.

“At least I didn’t eat a whole bottle of strawberry syrup them start throwing up red everywhere and get rushed to hospital!”

“At least I didn’t set my own bed on fire making a model rocket because I left the glue gun turned on!”

“At least I didn’t get so scared by a lizard that I climbed up a tree and had to be rescued by the fire brigade!”

“At least I didn’t steal that little girl’s rocket plane thingy and crash it trying to show off by flying under the R&D bridge!”

“At least- wait, what?”

Val suddenly turned translucent for several seconds before going back to normal.

“I don’t think it liked that,” she said, aiming a dirty look at the towering obelisk which had started to emit a deep bass hum, more felt than heard.

“Didn’t like what?” Herman asked.

“I’m not actually sure- it’s hard to get any sense out of Linus these days, but the best theory we have so far is that we’re not just dealing with different versions of this reality, but with other realities as well that are briefly intruding into our own. Any time we start talking about that stuff, things get really weird and I’m pretty sure that on at least two occasions everyone has just outright forgotten what had just happened. It’s like this monolithic lump of magic here is trying to keep those other realities out.”

“Like that Alexei guy on the TV with Gene!” Jeb exclaimed. “Looked really weird, spoke with an accent like he had a bad cold and said something about pentaborane- I asked Wernher what that was and he went really pale and told me never to mention that word again.”

“That happened in your timeline too?” Val asked. “We had something similar, but her name was Diana and she said something about burning hydrogen and fluorine in a rocket engine; our Wernher nearly had a heart attack at the thought of it!”

Val turned even more transparent this time and for longer than before; she didn’t return to full opacity afterwards either.

“I guess our time here is running out. We’d better get back to our Mission Controls before anyone notices we’ve gone. Say hi to your me for me, Jeb.”

“And tell your me I said hi too, Val.”

Herman looked between them.

“Do I exist in your reality, Val?”

Val shook her head sadly.

“Not that I know of. It’s entirely possible that you’re out there somewhere, but just never got stuck in space so the KSC had to rescue you. We do have a guy called Sherman who looks and sounds a lot like you though, Samlam found his name funny.”

With that, Val faded out of existence entirely. Jeb and Herman headed back to the truck and climbed in, then drove off slowly towards Mission Control; Herman looked back as they approached the runway, but couldn’t see the strange obelisk- hidden against the night sky or actively cloaking itself, he wondered.

Then he wondered what he was just thinking about, then he wondered what he’d have for supper, and then he wondered why Jeb was such a terrible driver as he managed to get the truck up on two wheels by turning too tightly, screeching to a halt outside Mission Control.

“See you around, Herman. And remember- tell no-one, not even Val or Linus. You’ll just end up locked in the medical bay for “space madness”, trust me.”

Herman nodded. Jeb drove off with a massive four wheel burnout IN A TRUCK, disappeared around the side of the first R&D building and moments later the headlights flashed wildly across the buildings accompanied by the sound of screeching tires and a resounding crash.

Gene: Sorry, Herman, were you saying something?

Herman: ...nope. Not me. Nothing at all.

Gene: Huh. OK then, time to suit up.

Herman: What?

Gene: Crew rotation on the Mun Station, they're getting a higher radiation dose than we'd like and both you and Jerdous haven't been beyond LKO yet.

Bill: Wait wait! We're launching this rocket first!

Gene: Launching a rocket? Why? We have the two Kronus spaceplanes to do all that.

Bill: Yeah, but this is just a small probe, it'll be cheaper with a rocket. Probably.

Mortimer: Are you sure about that?

Bill: ...yes?

Bill: OK, so it wasn't cheaper.

Mortimer: 

Bill: But at least now we know! Besides, the contract money will more than make up the difference.

Gene: Commander Bob, report crew status.

Bob: Crew are present and correct, Gene. Ready to go to the Mun.

Gene: You are go for, er launch?

Mortimer: And some chumps think that thing is "their station".

Bob: Shouldn't take more than a day to get out there.

*less than a day later*

Bob: See, I told you. Commencing docking procedures. Hey Val, get that propulsion system out of the way of my docking port.

Val: Why not just wait until we leave then use the same port?

Bob: Because I know you'll just stuff your capsule full of all the good snacks and be gone before we can do anything about it.

Val: Would I do that?

Bob: 

Val: Yeah, I probably would, to be fair.

Val: Might as well launch that thing at the surface for that seismometer doodah. Fire in the hole!

Gene: Bad news, Mun Station- the deployed science site didn't have power so it didn't get any readings from that.

Bob: What?! But we put batteries down so it would work in the dark!

Gene: Well, it looks like they didn't work.

Sanlan: I checked all those batteries myself- they should've worked just fine. *sulk*

Val: Oh well. Anyways, see you later Bob! Kerbin, here we come!

Gene: Taking the scenic route, are we?

Val: Might as well, we've got oodles of fuel to burn and this'll make a nice line of fridge magnets and bookmarks at the gift shop. ETA for re-entry, about 5 hours.

*about 5 hours later*

Val: See, told you. Might as well use the remaining fuel to slow down before *fzzt* dang it! Engine pooped out.

Bobak: Probably because you overburned it during re-entry heating.

Val: Whatever, I'm keeping it. We can still land at a safe speed, we're not too far from KSC and I'm sure Morty will appreciate the extra funds we get by recovering it over just making a nice big hole in the ground instead.

Mortimer: Indeed.

Val: Ta-da, safely landed with the booster and everything. That wasn't so bad, now was it?

Everyone else in the pod: LAND! Solid land! *rub their faces in the grass*

Val: What a bunch of weirdos.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/uBQcoY0

Gus: Right, which one of you miscreants put a truck through Wernher's office window? 'Fess up now and I'll only dock you two weeks' wages instead of four.

Gene: I thought Wernher's office was on the third floor?

Gus: It is.

Gene: ...

Wernher: *runs into the room*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *trips and faceplants*

Gene: Woah, woah, calm down, Wernher!

Wernher: Fluorine peroxide! Azidoazide azide! *grabs Gene's waistcoat lapels* Chlorine trifluoride!

Gus: That stuff sounds nasty.

Wernher: PENTABORANE! *faints*

Gene: Better get him to the sick bay. He's probably just overstressed from working too hard- in fact, I'd wager you all are. Hey Morty, what's the petty cash looking like?

Mortimer: One condition- don't let Linus bring his homebrew this time, that stuff could strip paint at twenty paces.

Jeb: I'll get the barbecue!

Gene: Jeb, not the rocket engine again! Please?

[jimmymcgoochie]

Gene: At this point I'm almost afraid to ask, but- what exactly is "Dres Express Leftovers" and why is it floating in low orbit of Kerbin right now?

Wernher: Uh...

Bill: Er...

Bobak: Um...

Mortimer: Some kind of refuel and resupply thing, it was the first payload launched on the Kronus spaceplane.

Gene: How do you know that!?

Mortimer: It's on my spreadsheet, like everything else around here- including industrial quantities of coffee, half a tone of kale seeds and a truly frightening quantity of cream cheese.

Sanlan: What? I'm making cheesecakes and selling them in the gift shop.

Gene: Right, well now that I know what the Dres Express Leftovers is, who's going to tell me what we're going to do with it?

Bob: Looks like there's still a lot of fuel and stuff left in the tanks, we could top up the Dres Express' tanks like before Bill and I went out there.

Bill: Then we can deorbit it and watch the pretty explosions.

Mortimer: *harrumph*

Bill: I mean, we can deorbit it and recover it to get some of the original costs back.

Bobak: I'm not entirely sure how or why, but that Mohoshot 1 probe just pinged us saying it had arrived at Moho. We've got a tenuous data signal but it should be giving us real-time information instead of relying on the most basic telemetry like we got from the Eve mission.

Gene: I thought that probe was weeks away?

Wernher: Who made that thing? There's far too much fuel in it, the engines won't be able to handle that sort of burn time.

Bob (from Mun Station): See, I told you!

Bill: Woah, woah- you told me!?

Gene: Did that speck just move?

Gene: It did! That's a moon!

Linus: That's no moon...

Gene: I can't tell if you're contradicting me, making a reference, or both.

Bobak: Adjusting trajectory to allow a flyby of the target object. Whatever it is, we'll get a good close look at it on the way past.

Bill: Why, that's Gilly!

Wernher: Are you sure it's not Pol or Bop?

Bill:  It's too small to be Bop and too beige to be Pol, but just the right size to be Gilly according to this pre-Anomaly data.

Gene: I've been meaning to ask- where did you get that data? I thought all records from the Anomaly had been lost?

Bill: You remember how Bob and I went driving around on the Mun a while back?

Gene: Unfortunately, yes.

Walt: I try very hard not to...

Bill: Well we found something out there, half buried in dust. We nearly ran over it, but it looked shiny in the headlights so we stopped. It was the wreckage of a pre-Anomaly satellite, pretty badly mangled and dead for decades by the time we got to it, but we managed to pull some data off its hard drive and got a pretty intact map of how the Kerbol system used to look before the Anomaly occurred. We've compared that data to everything our missions have recorded and so far they've matched almost perfectly- except for where things are, obviously.

Bobak: Mohoshot 1 reports it's entered Gilly's sphere of- oh, it just left again.

Bill: Wow, that was fast even for Gilly!

Bobak: Not even seven seconds in total- even that ten second LITE experiment didn't manage to finish recording its data.

Wernher: That's as good as you're going to get until Mohoshot 2 gets there and manages to slow down into orbit.

Bill: Might as well burn the rest of that fuel, at least until the engine fails. Looks like we're not going to match Moho's orbit particularly closely so it won't get another encounter.

Wernher: But we got a good amount of data, found out where Gilly is and got valuable data for the Mohoshot 2 to work with. I'd call that a success.

Linus: Drive! Drive my pretties!

Wernher: What's he up to now?

Bill: Moving the rover fleet to get more seismic data, probably. But now that you've reminded me- we can move the SAR scanner from Dres to Minmus and move the Minmus super-scanner to a lower orbit to get more BEEP science.

*a little while later*

Wernher: I've been reading the specifications for that Sentinel infrared telescope and it looks like we can run an ultra-long duration experiment with it in high Kerbin orbit.

Gene: I sense there's a "but" coming...

Wernher: But, at the rate the data is generated it'll take twenty five years to complete on a single craft.

Gene: 25 years!?

Wernher: And it'll generate data five times faster than our current fastest antenna can transmit.

Gene: Somehow I doubt a probe would last over a century in space.

Wernher: But you forget- we don't need to just use one probe!

Mortimer: Oh dear...

Wernher: I call it the Sen-ten-el.

Bobak: That's a terrible name.

Wernher: It's ten Sentinels stuck together, what else was I supposed to call it? Each one will move itself to a high orbit over Kerbin and scan the skies as a constellation; they've been programmed to shut down the telescope when their data storages fill up to try and avoid saturating the drives.

Gene: I hope this is worth the fuss.

Mortimer: So do I.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/6taF9q8

*in the KSC gift shop*

Sanlan: Special offer, buy one slice of Mun Cheesecake and get a second slice 25% off!

Random tourist: It's very... grey. And lumpy.

Sanlan: Yeah, just like the Mun.

Tourist: ...

Sanlan: I'll even throw in a tub of Minmus ice cream.

Tourist: Is that glowing? 

Sanlan: It's meant to do that!

Tourist *slowly backs away* I'm just going to, uh, take a look around. *runs*

Sanlan: Maybe I could make some creme brulee with one of those tiny little rocket engines and sell that too?

[Kapitalizing Every Word]

1 hour ago, jimmymcgoochie said:

So do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

^{Sorry I couldn't think anyhting but that}

[Admiral Fluffy]

37 minutes ago, Kapitalizing Every Word said:

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

Spoiler

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye

 

[Maria Sirona]

Hehe. A funny yet dramatic story with a good plot. Love it.

[jimmymcgoochie]

Mortimer: *exuding smug satisfaction*

Gene: You're awfully cheerful this morning, Morty.

Mortimer: Indeed. *continues exuding smugness*

Gene: Care to explain why?

Mortimer: Certainly. *smugness intensifies* So I was at a family reunion dinner, which went about as well as those things usually do- everyone arguing with distant relatives they only ever meet at family reunions, children running riot under the tables, intergenerational arguments about politics and so on. I was talking to my great-aunt's cousin's nephew's sister-in-law, once removed, who works for Rockomax and was more than a little tipsy by that point, and she let slip that all the performance data they have for every product they make- and that every aerospace manufacturer makes for that matter- can be challenged using an anonymous central website.

Gene: OK, so?

Mortimer: So, they are legally obliged to get an independent body to verify that performance data, and the only independent body that can verify the performance data for rockets and rocket-related components, is us.

Gene: Right. And?

Mortimer: And they have to pay us for it.

Bill: I think I see where this is going...

Mortimer: So I got my cousin's stepdaughter's gran's nephew's husband's step-sister's uncle's niece, twice removed, to put her "l33t haxxor skillz" to good use and wrote an automated script to challenge basically every parameter of every component, then watched as my work inbox filled up with contracts by the truckload to have the KSC independently verify every parameter of every component.

Gene: What's the bottom line, Morty?

Mortimer:  *maniacal laugh* Meeeellions! *cough* I mean, millions. So many millions. Gus and his crew have been practically run off their feet trying to sort out the traffic jam of trucks bringing all those components out here and back, setting up all the static fire stands and even hiring a retired jet bomber to carry stuff into the air to run more tests on it.

Gene: So that's what all the racket has been out there

Gus: Well, if you thought that was a racket, just wait until you hear this!

*DEMOLITION AND CONSTRUCTION NOISES*

Gus: DOOBURRY!!! STEP AWAY FROM THE BULLDOZER!!!

Mortimer: That might take a while, they're rebuilding the VAB, launchpad, SPH, runway, Astronaut Complex, Administration Building and Research and Development complex all at the same time. Might want to close the windows to keep the concrete dust out too.

Gene: Well, since we seem to be stuck in here for the foreseeable future, we might as well do something productive.

Mortimer: I've got just the thing- MOAR CONTRACTS!

Mortimer: Wait, that wasn't a contract!

Bill: Yeah, well you did say we should bring that thing down sooner or later, so why not now?

Mortimer: Fair point. Just be careful not to break anything-

Mortimer: *sigh*

Valmal: Look what's ready!

The rest of Azimuth Space Station's crew: Oh no...

Valmal: It's SpaceKale^TM! Everyone's favourite plant-based food, 100% grown in space using your own bodily waste products as fertiliser! YUM!

Everyone else: *retching sounds*

Mortimer: Send your reports down and that's another contract done. I'm on a ROLL today!

Isn't he just? And now for your favourite interlude- Probe Time! Today we'll be catching up with a couple of old favourites and a couple of newcomers.

Mun Super-Rover continues its quest for Science!, stopping briefly to pose for another postcard-worthy picture as it visits the Mun's many biomes in search of seismic science. 15/10 for effort, the upgrades have extended its mission even further than expected.

Dres Super-rover living on the edge- literally! Parking on the side of the Dres Canyon probably wasn't the best idea ever, but the data was gathered and it made a safe descent to the canyon floor for yet more science and a cameo from Minmus. 16/10 for not falling to a fiery demise in the canyon.

Solar PING sat: 8/10. Its sole mission is to fly into solar orbit and gather PING data, which will take seven years to complete. The orbital surveyor was also equipped with the DING experiment, but that doesn't work in solar orbit and nobody read the fine print so that's 20k funds down the toilet. Currently flying off into a completely random solar orbit, science is gathering.

Mohoshot 2: 10/10. Successful capture into Moho orbit and subsequent plane change to match the orbit of Gilly. Currently in an eccentric orbit around Moho which will gather a great deal of science especially related to Moho's strange magnetosphere, will visit Gilly too in future. Currently has enough fuel to land on both Moho and Gilly with plenty to spare, solar panels operating at over 800% nominal generation.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/FY34Wvh

Gene: Morty?

Mortimer: Yes?

Gene: Are you absolutely sure that what you did was legal?

Mortimer: ...yes?

Gene: So why is there an angry mob outside burning an effigy of you?

Mortimer: Honestly, those ground crews are the worst- take forever to do anything you ask them to, but five minutes late to dish out their salaries and they're all up in arms about it.

[jimmymcgoochie]

Automated Deep Space Network probe control system online.
Attempting to establish data connection with vessel [Dunashot 1].
>
>>
>>>
Connection failed.
Attempting to establish basic telemetry feed from vessel [Dunashot 1].
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>Connection established.
Mission status: 17 entered SOI of target body [Duna].
Rendering model of spacecraft relative to target body:

Automated node execution system enabled.
Executing node [1] of [1].
Completed.
Unknown celestial bodies detected.

Deploying probe A to investigate unknown celestial body [1] of [2].
Establishing basic telemetry connection with vessel [Dunashot 1A].
>
>>
>>>Connection established.
Calculating intercept trajectory...Done.
Executing intercept burn...Done.
Deploying probe B to investigate unknown celestial body [2] of [2].
Establishing basic telemetry connection with vessel [Dunashot 2A].
>
>>
>>>Connection established.
Calculating intercept trajectory...Done.
Executing intercept burn...Done.
Establishing basic telemetry connection with vessel [Dunashot 1A].
>
>>
>>>Connection established.
Onboard analysis of sensor data initiated.
Mission status: 27 entered SOI of [unknown].
Comparing radius, gravity, terrain height, surface albedo and spectroscopic data from [unknown] with reference data [pre-Anomaly_planetary_data.dat].
1 match found: [Bop]
Mission status: 17 entered SOI of [Bop].
Rendering model of spacecraft relative to target body.

Rendering fault: target body not in reference frame.
Reason: Spacecraft eclipsed by target body.
Establishing basic telemetry connection with vessel [Dunashot 1B].
>
>>
>>>Connection established.
Onboard analysis of sensor data initiated.
Mission status: 27 entered SOI of [unknown].
Comparing radius, gravity, terrain height, surface albedo and spectroscopic data from [unknown] with reference data [pre-Anomaly_planetary_data.dat].
1 match found: [Pol]
Mission status: 17 entered SOI of [Pol].
Rendering model of spacecraft relative to target body.

Mission update:
Vessel [Dunashot 1] mission status: 3 entered orbit of target body [Duna].
Vessel [Dunashot 1A] mission status: 13 entered orbit of body [Bop].
Anomalous radiation readings detected around body [Bop]. Source unknown.
Commencing mapping of radiation environment around body [Bop].
Vessel [Dunashot 1B] mission status: 13 entered orbit of body [Pol].
Alerting Mission Control.
***
Gene: Got any threes?

Bobak: Go fish.

Sanlan: Fish? I thought we were using chips?

*bing-bong*

Gus: I'll get it.

Wernher: That wasn't the doorbell, that was the DSN probe controller. Must be the Duna probe arriving, I'll put it on the main screen.

Bill: Hey! We were playing KerboKarting on- WOAH!

Wernher: Impossible!

Gene: What the *quindar*

Bob (from Mun Station): Did we receive that correctly? Bop AND Pol are now orbiting Duna? And what's that about a radiation anomaly around Bop?

Linus: *appears* There is? WE MUST TRACK IT DOWN!

Wernher: Linus, calm down. We don't have enough of a connection to get that sort of data back from the probes, but they're more than capable of gathering the data on their own and storing it up to send back once we get a signal. We launched that probe with pretty weak dishes on it so it might require a more powerful relay either in Kerbin orbit or sent to Duna to get the data back.

Linus: Must. Find. Anomaly. *eye twitch*

Val: *shoots Linus with tranquiliser dart* Boom!

Gene: I forgot you were back, but I'm glad you are.

Jeb: I'm not!

Val: *shoots tranquiliser dart at Jeb*

Jeb: *dodges* HA! Missed!

Mortimer: HA! *zaps Jeb* Not so funny NOW, is it!? Let's play Zap Jeb Until He Pukes! It'll be fun! *demented laugh*

Val: *shoots Mortimer with tranquiliser dart* Hey, I'm all for Jeb getting his comeuppance, but that's just plain cruel.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/ootjmFh

And the curious case of the levitating rocket:

It's about 20 metres off the ground, which is weird as I didn't even launch that one- I just finished building it in the VAB and then there it was, floating above the launchpad. Odd.

Bill: Anyway, now that that's all over with, can we get back to KerboKarting?

Val: I call winners!

Jeb: I call- aww, boo.

Val: Too slow! Just like you are at KerboKarting.

Jeb: Nuh-UH!

Val: Uh-HUH!

Gene: *sigh* We need to send one of them on a mission before they drive everyone mad. Or maybe both of them, but on separate missions.

Wernher: Well, now that you mention it, I've been looking into a few concepts for an interplanetary ship that can be assembled in orbit and would have the range to visit any planet in the system; well, apart from Moho that is, but who wants to go that close to the sun anyway? And of course we still don't know where Eeloo got to, though if I had to guess I'd say it fell into Jool's gravity well and either got captured into orbit or hurled completely out of the system.

...or did it?

Edited September 13, 2021 by jimmymcgoochie
Posted early

[MCWither_Storm]

On 9/10/2021 at 6:23 PM, Admiral Fluffy said:

  Reveal hidden contents

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye

 

I've been rick-rolled.