Incredibly Stupid, Clumsy, and/or Painful Things You Have Done

[zpox357]

When I was slightly younger, I was meeting my friends at a pizza restaurant. Unaware of the risks, I plucked a helium balloon from the table behind us and decided that it would be funny to suck in the helium and give myself a squeaky voice.

After sucking in almost all of the helium (in order to make sure the effect worked), I looked up, and went to speak. I noticed that all my friends were frowning at me. I said "what?", to my surprise in an entirely un-squeaky voice. One of them leaned forwards and said "Hey, are you ok? You had us worried there." I was quite confused, as you would imagine.

Turns out that after looking up, I had stared at them, unaware, sort of "brain dead" for around 20 seconds, before coming round. It was a weird experience, 20 seconds passing in the blink of an eye, like time travel.

Today, my friends find it hilariously funny that the only thing I have ever been knocked out by is a Childs party balloon... The morale of the story is quite evident.

[Flixxbeatz]

Lets see...

-Fell many times after tripping on a rock while having fun outside with friends.

-Getting bit by our big dog in the face below my right eye while hand-delousing it. The scar still remains until now. Fortunately it wasn't a rabid one...

-Nearly amputating my youngest brother's big toe with a shovel.

-Fainting almost after riding a bicycle leaning forward.

-Getting dropped by a molten plastic.

-Getting myself cut a few times with a knife while making an improvised weapon.

-Attempting to stay awake for 2 consecutive days.

-Accidentally breaking our car's windshield while leaning on it to get some outside air.

-Attempting to make a gun using a whistle bomb as an ammunition. A FREAKIN' WHISTLE BOMB. Good thing I didn't finished it...

-Making myself an improvised Piccolo firecracker slingshot using a candy wrapper, a twig, and some rubber band (I nearly hit someone in the face one time)

-Strapping a "kwitis" booster in a toy car to see how fast it'll go (everything went better than expected).

-Getting myself hit in the left eye with an improvised weapon that fires tiny pebbles during a fight.

-My friend accidentally hitting me in the right eye with a plastic bb gun at point blank range while checking it. Got a blurred vision for 5 days.

Most of them (particularly the last two) are from my childhood days. Some are just as recent as 3 years ago. Never got a bone broken even once, though...

[Omicron314]

I once dislocated a finger while playing with an umbrella. Don't even ask.

[Nuke]

i fed a moose.

there was also the time i almost catapulted grandma off the tailgate of a truck while racing my sister.

[drakesdoom]

Military school taught me so much about fire saftey.

We had a pep rally before the big football game against the other military school in the state and following tradition every company throws a "sacrifice" on the fire. The "sacrifice" is some object made to degrade the other team and stuffed with FIREWORKS.

Ours was a doll stuffed into a foot locker and contained everything from sparklers up through 3 in mortars and unknown to faculty a new extra large can of spray paint.

It all started well nice pillar of flames from the wood and synthetic pillow stuffing, then some small bangs and whistles. The mortars were a little hairy, one skimmed the crowd so low it knocked off a hat before exploding in the field behind everyone. After that it died down.

The next company started presenting their "sacrifice" and that's when it happened. The paint can exploded, The fire ball was around a 15 foot diameter and rose to around 50 feet in the air. The commandant a retired two star general and his 2nd a retired major where walking around the bonfire and were engulfed in the explosion. No major injuries but they lost all exposed body hair and both of their uniforms were scorched and ruined.

They never could prove we caused it either...

[Pigbear]

Well. I stubbed my toe, I can't think of anything worse.

[KD3]

When I was younger I fell of the bottom of a slide which was 2 feet tall and broke my arm pretty bad. Needed metal in it too

[Mr. Pseudonym]

You know what a mandoline is? It looks like this:

And if you get your finger in there, it is razor sharp. Not kidding. I hate this thing. I cut my finger so bad. Heck, my dad cut a chunk out of his pinky finger.

Strawberry jam everywhere.

[gmpd2000]

ok, i already posted before but something worse happened to me that is worse than anything else in this thread:

I stepped a Lego...

[Flixxbeatz]

ok, i already posted before but something worse happened to me that is worse than anything else in this thread:

I stepped a Lego...

Is the lego ok?

[The Destroyer]

Is the lego ok?

RUSH IT TO THE KOSPITAL!

(im serious)

[Tremzack]

I once put Tabasco hot sauce in my eye like an eyedrop for a dare........It wasn't a good idea

[rewdew2]

Well, one time i put my hands on a lit grill....

I was like... 5 or something, and i wondered what daddy was staring at, so i reached up, and grabbed the grill. It wasn't my greatest day...

[satcharna]

I've fallen down the same set of stairs four times, three of them resulted in broken bones. I was running in a forest for some exercise once, tripped on a root and nearly shattered a leg. Still have metal in me from that one. Broke a rib during sex once, put a rather abrupt end to that. There's also the time I visited Spain and got very sick for the duration of the trip.

[Tyren]

Running on inline skates in a stairy flat is not the best idea, if you dont have learned to break yet. i used the mantle of our fireplace to stop and broke my right thumb. The whole root Joint scattered into multiple pieces...now the half of my right thumb Joint is made of steel

[chri]

I once decided to ride a kid sized bike. Downhill. On gravel. When I fell off a nice little rock decided to take the inside of my elbow as an home.

[ZedNova]

I've never broken a bone in my life, ( Maybe because i drank plenty of milk as a kid, or maybe because i'm not active enough.) The most painful thing that's happened to me was when i was working outside and i stepped on a angled bamboo pole that was pointed. It flipped up and went about 1 inch into my chest. So, yeah....

[Mr. Pseudonym]

-snip- Broke a rib during sex once, put a rather abrupt end to that. -snip-

Let me be the first to ask:

HOW DO YOU BREAK A RIB DURING SEX?

[Nuke]

you do it klingon style

[Diche Bach]

Military school taught me so much about fire saftey. . . . It all started well nice pillar of flames from the wood and synthetic pillow stuffing, . . . The paint can exploded, The fire ball was around a 15 foot diameter and rose to around 50 feet in the air. The commandant a retired two star general and his 2nd a retired major where walking around the bonfire and were engulfed in the explosion. No major injuries but they lost all exposed body hair and both of their uniforms were scorched and ruined.

They never could prove we caused it either...

ROFLMAO!!

Wow, some good ones in here!

I myself have had a few close calls, but given that I was a very active caver in TAG and the Ozarks between 1986 and about 2000 the fact that I'm alive at all is perhaps a testament to either my luck, or skill. A quick synopsis:

Age 3, "playing" with the neighbors chihuahua in the apartment building in St. Louis. He bit me right on my left eye. Had to be rushed to the emergency room for surgery and about 25 stitches is what they tell me. Luckily it did no permanent damage to the eye.

Age 12, "riding my bicycle" down fairly steep hill; attempted a sharp left hand turn onto an alleyway. Somehow flipped the bike up 2 or 3 meters into the air and wound up landing straddled on top of a 5ft tall chain link fence. Luckily the family jewels don't seem to have been damaged but I still have the scar tissue.

Age 25 or so, 'pit bopping' trip in NE Alabama when I got down to the bottom of this 45 meter pit, I thought "Something didn't seem right about that lip." So I decided to go ahead and climb straight out instead of letting Ray climb out first. I climbed very gently so as not to bounce the rope. Once I was up 10 or 15 meters I could see this huge fuzz ball about 3 meters right below the lip. By the time I passed it, the sheath was completely gone and the core was about halfway cut through.

Some years later: trapped in a flooded cave for 19 hours because I followed some damn fool whom I should've known didn't know what he was doing.

Broke my clavicle a few years after that, which required a 6 hour self rescue (I had 6 other people with me). That was pretty much the end of my caving and accident-having era!

Edited August 6, 2013 by Diche Bach

[rasheed]

hmmmmmm. nothing much to report here.

Age 10, was playing with a few friends when i tripped and fell and dislocated my left wrist. took apox 1 month to recover from that.

[Milo Kurtiss]

Being a dummy on the swingset got me two broken wrists.

[Rareden]

Had surgery to remove muscle in my abdomen that had grown too fast and closed off my pylorus (the stomach outlet)

[Flixxbeatz]

When I was a kid, I did sometimes grew trees and vegetables in our backyard as my hobby and pastime (a few trees are still standing up to now). One time I was extracting the seeds of some chili peppers to be dried and planted later, and I felt an itch in my eye. I've proceeded to rub it then, without hesitation. It didn't went well...

I have to wash my face (and eyes) many times to totally remove the sensation.

[Mr. Pseudonym]

OWWWWW! I have had a lesser pepper rubbed in my eye (I was the one who did it ). It did not feel good. That said, another thing that didn't feel good was breaking a tooth open. Got slapped in the face in gym hockey when I was around 8 years old. Turns out, that hurts more than you would expect (like a mofo * 10)