Lewie

Hey all-

I may as well explain where I've been. Last summer, my girlfriend was in a car crash. For 2 weeks, she was on death's door, it was easily the worst two weeks of my life. She pulled through (incredibly happy, it was amazing the day she came home from the hospital!)  but that whole experience had completely shattered me mentally. Not long afterwards..she cheated. Left me. For two weeks, someone who meant the world to sat inbetween life and death, crossing over multiple times. Her heart stopped, her lungs stopped...but she kept kicking. By a sheer miracle, she made it! It was hell. It was pure hell to watch it. The experience is very hard to describe. And to see it all be almost pointless? That caring so much, being there was for almost nothing? It broke me. It broke my mind. Mentally, I was free falling. I became cynical.  Why care so much for someone, why go through so much pain all for that? I started drinking a lot. I became disillusioned with everything I ever was taught.  The monotone of school, the drudgery of winter, pain in relationships, friendships...It really wore me down. I'm getting better, I might be on here more often.  I went through a crucible of sorts. I shave my head, I took up boxing. It's helped some. But for now...that's where I've been.