Unhelpful Life Hacks

[Deddly]

Is your car too slow? Street racers go to great lengths to lighten their cars, why not do the same thing? In the front of most cars, there's a huge lump of metal that you can take out. It takes a bit of effort, but your car will be significantly lighter afterwards. It will also have better crumple zones, pollute less and be much quieter after your modification.

[Dman979]

Have a light car that doesn't move? It's obviously too heavy, still. Get rid of excess weight, such as wheels, doors, exhaust pipes, etc.

[Matuchkin]

[njmksr]

Got ticks? They can generally be removed with chainsaws or gunshots!

[Dman979]

Got nervous ticks? Give'm Valium and booze, then remove with the Jaws of Life.

[kerbiloid]

Got no ticks? Replace your CMOS battery.

[SinBad]

Two for one specials!

Kids sand box=cats litter box

Hot bubble bath=dishwasher

Pet carry cage=short term toddlers playpen

Overhead power line=cloths line

Double up and save!

[DrLicor]

Tired of all those douchebags, become a douchebag yourself, because burning them all gives such a mess.

[ZentroCatson]

Do you want to make some BBQ without the necessary equipment? Just remove the cooler from your computer's processor and use it for roasting!

[Deddly]

Does your phone battery run out too quickly? Some phones have a removable back. Take it off and see if you can get at the battery to remove it. Once you've taken the battery out, you'll notice that it keeps its charge much longer.

[insert_name]

[Dman979]

4 hours ago, Deddly said:

Does your phone battery run out too quickly? Some phones have a removable back. Take it off and see if you can get at the battery to remove it. Once you've taken the battery out, you'll notice that it keeps its charge much longer.

Believe it or not, that's what I really do with my flip phone. When I go on camping trips, even if the phone's turned off, it drains battery. But I need my phone in case of an emergency. So I remove the battery, put the cover back on, and store them in a plastic bag with my first aid kit.

[The Raging Sandwich]

Tired of leaving sandwich crusts uneaten but you don't like them? Just leave them on the floor for the ants to eat!

[SinBad]

1 hour ago, The Raging Sandwich said:

Tired of leaving sandwich crusts uneaten but you don't like them? Just leave them on the floor for the ants to eat!

for the record, I love my dog. if you have ever fed a toddler, you will understand.

[The Raging Sandwich]

8 hours ago, SinBad said:

for the record, I love my dog. if you have ever fed a toddler, you will understand.

Dogs do come in handy! (Mine basically inhales whatever we give her! )

[Dman979]

Have a vaccum which doesn't work? Easy fix!

Just find a dog, grab it by its hind legs, and walk around just like you would with a normal vaccum! Note: this method also works with a cow when your lawnmowwer breaks down.

[insert_name]

Don't want bacteria on your floor to get on your food? Cover your floor with cobalt 60. It kills germs and only has to be applied once

[Deddly]

8 minutes ago, insert_name said:

Don't want bacteria on your floor to get on your food? Cover your floor with cobalt 60. It kills germs and only has to be applied once

Another way is to prepare your food on one of the worktops, instead. Or to use a plate.

[kerbiloid]

Don't want bacteria from your floor to get onto your plate?

Take the plate of your neighbor to eat on the floor.

[Fred Cop]

You only have ten minutes to make and eat breakfast before you make a dash for the morning commute?

You can make it easy and quicker with this tactic!

 

For toast, don't rely on your toaster, that thing takes two minutes to cook, and besides you are a man, you must make every living moment breath-taking, on the edge and awesome! So what do you do?

Why, you equip your flamethrower and "ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom", toast!

...and a burning kitchen...

...and third-degree burns all over your body...

 

...oops.

 

Cereal!

Making a single bowl of cereal takes WAY too long. Why? It turns out that this is the result of people being too careful when making their important meal of the day.

So go for it! Do it as fast as possible! What do you do when you accidentally spill stuff? Well screw it! You don't have time for being neat and tidy, and you can clear it up later! (if you have a wife, don't worry, she'll do it for you in spite).

 

What about orange juice? It doesn't take long to pour out, it just takes forever to drink. So grab a straw and slurp away!

Sounds crazy, I know, but some studies show that;

Quote

"...in carrying out an experiment at McDonalds, where one person gulped down his drink with a straw, and one without, we discovered that drinking with a straw is the fastest way to drink."   --- Some studies

 

[StrandedonEarth]

On 10/6/2016 at 7:45 PM, SinBad said:

for the record, I love my dog. if you have ever fed a toddler, you will understand.

I always wanted to get a dog and name it Hoover. On the other hand, I've known dogs trained to the command "Hoover!"

 

 

[Dman979]

4 hours ago, StrandedonEarth said:

I always wanted to get a dog and name it Hoover. On the other hand, I've known dogs trained to the command "Hoover!"

So, does that mean that he oversees the worst global economic depression ever, or does he just eat food on the floor?

[legoclone09]

11 minutes ago, Dman979 said:

So, does that mean that he oversees the worst global economic depression ever, or does he just eat food on the floor?

Both,

[cantab]

Don't like waiting to collect your bag in the airport? Simply wear all your holiday clothes in layers on the plane!

[insert_name]

hot from flying in all your clothes? ride in the wheel well, its free, and you don't have to go through security and is cooler than the cabin