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Please let me apologize

NorthernDevo

By NorthernDevo
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NorthernDevo

NorthernDevo

Posted
Posted

A few months ago, I joined this forum as a new member. Looking back, I made some bizarre posts.

A couple of months ago, I left this forum, with an equally bizarre exit message.

 

At this time, I would like to apologize for those messages.

Pardon me if I don't go into details about the psychological difficulties I am going through; in general terms I suffer from PTSD from multiple tours of duty in "Peacekeeping" missions around the globe. 3 in the former Yugoslavia and one in Afghanistan.

But whatever personal difficulties I might face, they shouldn't reflect here in the forums. I entered this forum as a new member and then went so weird it is impossible to track the intent of what I wrote.

That is inexcusable.

I apologize deeply for anything I ever said or suggested that might have caused pain.

 

KSP is probably my favourite game; your forum is fun and interesting. It bothers me that personal issue or no, I disrupted your relaxed enjoyment. This is a fun game and no-one playing it should have to deal with dark issues. I can say enough that I was experiencing illusions of grandeur; something I fight against right now.

If the general KSP public will accept me back, I will thank them and attempt to be a good, supportive member. I can't say much more than that since I cannot determine when the troubles my PTSD create will force me to respond on a purely emotional level - which is precisely what I fight against.

I am a flawed person and damaged individual; I know that. I thought a few years ago I could just slip back into my game-modification nerd history but there was far too much blood on my hands.

Now, all I ask is permission to post and respond on this KSP forum. I'm not a good person, but I'm thorough, conscientious and smart in my answers. I can't guarantee perfection, but I can guarantee interest and smart support for anyone needing help.

 

Humbly yours,

Fling

 

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JP76

JP76

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Posted

Hey NorthernDevo/Fling, fair play to you for mentioning that stuff brother, I know it's difficult to speak about it as I'm in a similar situation to yourself.

I'm also ex forces and served in Bosnia etc......I also find it difficult at times to speak to people, be it face to face or even on forums! 

Chin up fella, you're not alone here. 

J

 

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Kobymaru

Kobymaru

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@NorthernDevo While the forum is generally a place of "relaxed" and "positive", some people are also very, *very* passionate about this game.

From time to time this causes some rather intense and heated discussions. For example, there is a thread discussing the sole topic of Real-Life Phased-Array antennas, that has literally 10 pages.

It would be good if you kept your cool even in ... let's say "intense" threads or be sure to stay clear of them.

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HebaruSan

HebaruSan

Posted
Posted

I may just have missed whatever incident you're referring to, but looking at your user name and avatar now, I have no negative associations. I offer that for what it's worth as one individual on here. If your involvement on this forum could potentially help with issues in other domains of life, that seems like it might be worth some disruption now and then. Welcome back.

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TheGuyNamedAlan

TheGuyNamedAlan

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, NorthernDevo said:

A few months ago, I joined this forum as a new member. Looking back, I made some bizarre posts.

A couple of months ago, I left this forum, with an equally bizarre exit message.

 

At this time, I would like to apologize for those messages.

Pardon me if I don't go into details about the psychological difficulties I am going through; in general terms I suffer from PTSD from multiple tours of duty in "Peacekeeping" missions around the globe. 3 in the former Yugoslavia and one in Afghanistan.

But whatever personal difficulties I might face, they shouldn't reflect here in the forums. I entered this forum as a new member and then went so weird it is impossible to track the intent of what I wrote.

That is inexcusable.

I apologize deeply for anything I ever said or suggested that might have caused pain.

 

KSP is probably my favourite game; your forum is fun and interesting. It bothers me that personal issue or no, I disrupted your relaxed enjoyment. This is a fun game and no-one playing it should have to deal with dark issues. I can say enough that I was experiencing illusions of grandeur; something I fight against right now.

If the general KSP public will accept me back, I will thank them and attempt to be a good, supportive member. I can't say much more than that since I cannot determine when the troubles my PTSD create will force me to respond on a purely emotional level - which is precisely what I fight against.

I am a flawed person and damaged individual; I know that. I thought a few years ago I could just slip back into my game-modification nerd history but there was far too much blood on my hands.

Now, all I ask is permission to post and respond on this KSP forum. I'm not a good person, but I'm thorough, conscientious and smart in my answers. I can't guarantee perfection, but I can guarantee interest and smart support for anyone needing help.

 

Humbly yours,

Fling

 

I'm happy that ur now fine. I know someone who suffers mental disorder but after trying very hard, he was able to look and behave close to a normal person. No one's perfect and I'm Glad u are back. Welcome!!!

-TheGuyNamedAlan

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Trentendegreth

Trentendegreth

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, ag3nt108 said:

KSP forums is not the place to seek the help you need.  I strongly urge you to look for help from people qualified to deal with your issues instead of a community based around a computer game

no disrespect but that's not for you to decide.

 

as to the op

Brother we got your 6 wherever you are. we never truly leave the forces. that's always with us. the trick is finding our brothers and sharing our struggles. i personally believe that a healthy community like this is definitely a good way to start. :) so no worries "to error is human to muck up masterfully is Kerbal."

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n.b.z.

n.b.z.

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, NorthernDevo said:

I am a flawed person and damaged individual

Flawed? Probably. We all are.

The fact that you contracted psychological difficulties through extended exposure to an environment that's widely known to produce exactly these difficulties for many individuals is not a flaw at all. As much as this sucks, this is firmly in the category called "being a human".

 

8 hours ago, NorthernDevo said:

I'm not a good person

I don't know you and have no business to judge people here. But the fact that you identified a mistake you made, came here to apologize for it, and explain yourself in such detail seems to strongly indicate that you're wrong on this one.

You have just been dealt some s*** that's difficult to cope with.
 

8 hours ago, NorthernDevo said:

I can't guarantee perfection

Well, that, of course, is a dealbraker. Everyone else here has attained all-around perfection!

Current threads on the discussion forum's first page alone that revolve around our perfection:
What is the biggest mission failure you have ever had?
Is it true that most KSP players never go interplanetary?
You Will Not Go To Space Today - Post your fails here!

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ZooNamedGames

ZooNamedGames

Posted
Posted

I thank you for your tours of service, but having said that.

Don't worry about odd posts or letting your life leaking onto the forum. If there's anyone who accidently let it flood in, it's me. Simply put, there's a whole thread for my problems right now.

Having acknowledged it, it's ok. Generally this forum is pretty accepting of your challenges in real life, so don't sweat it. :)

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NorthernDevo

NorthernDevo

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Posted

Thanks folks.

 

FWIW I just chatted with a moderator who was honestly confused about what I meant. I should mention that what I interpreted as bad was not - I just learned - by anyone else.

No-one needs to understand it; it's a brain thing; it's dealt with and done. To those of us that ruck up and/or carry the coin; thank you lads - Made ready, pins clear and good to go.

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NorthernDevo

NorthernDevo

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Posted (edited)
On ‎2016‎-‎09‎-‎22 at 4:31 AM, Kobymaru said:

@NorthernDevo While the forum is generally a place of "relaxed" and "positive", some people are also very, *very* passionate about this game.

From time to time this causes some rather intense and heated discussions. For example, there is a thread discussing the sole topic of Real-Life Phased-Array antennas, that has literally 10 pages.

It would be good if you kept your cool even in ... let's say "intense" threads or be sure to stay clear of them.

(Drily) Thanks for the warning. I'm well aware of my issues and of the fact that discussions can become intense. My difficulties do not lie in that specific direction but I'll be sure to steer clear of any threads that might trigger me. I wouldn't want to lose my cool over phased-array antennas, after all.

Edited by NorthernDevo
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