Things that NASA never said at a press conference.

[FlamedSteak]

"We were planning on adding more solar panels to the ISS, but we thought there might be too much lag."

"We had planned to go to Mars, but halfway through it seemed like it would be easier to go to Jupiter, so we went there instead"

"The Moon landing was a complete success, except we forgot to put legs on the lander.......so everyone is kind of dead now. NEXT QUESTION!"

"We errrrr.....we kinda rolled the Mars rover"

"No we do not consider forgetting to put docking ports on the space craft to be a "complete disaster" Jim"

"Releasing the rocket from the launch gantry before igniting the engines may have been a mistake."

"We can confirm that the death of the astronauts was a direct result of a lack of struts...we just really didn't add enough"

"I resent the implication that we accidentally pressed the space bar too early and left the astronauts stranded in perpetual orbit around the Earth!"

"We have no plans to rescue the astronauts from Mercury, they'll just have to tough it out."

"We do not consider a cramped 3 man pod to be an insufficient living space for a 4 year mission."

[Flixxbeatz]

"we dock spacecrafts very slowly, because we can't bring the ISS back to its original state by a press of a button in case something bad happens."

[kahlzun]

"We consider the loss of astronauts in testing flights perfectly acceptable, they'll show up again shortly"

"Due to a misplaced mouse click, our astronaut decided to EVA during re-entry, and was blown off the ladder."

"He only survived the fall because he landed on his head"

[stupid_chris]

I lost it at "We have no plans to rescue the astronauts from Mercury, they'll just have to tough it out."

"The early release of the SRBs were totally planned. Fireworks for the kids watching."

[Fendleton]

"On reaching 30,000 metres and Mach 5, the crew decided to ascertain how well the aircraft would fly with only one wing."

Edit: Also, "Sorry guys, looks like we just blew up the planet again."

[numerobis]

"We carefully calculated how much jet fuel would be required to reach the destination, but we made a unit conversion error"

[Bunsen]

"What? No, this mission was always called the Mars Climate Impactor. Your press kit must have a typo."

[dragoncannon]

... and this is our attempt at this weeks reddit challenge...

[Torham234]

Actually, even the real deal can sometimes end up in a fireball.

[stupid_chris]

Are we gonna forget this

[Drunkrobot]

Yes, the spacecraft was spinning out of control, but we used the old time warp trick to set things right again.

[Flixxbeatz]

Are we gonna forget this

"This is what space program euphemistically calls a 'bad day'."

Meanwhile, on Kerbin...

[msyblade]

GREAT thread! " ummm, so i'm kinda still working on this engineering side of it, but ummmm. . . I THINK this is gonna work!. . . ready fellas!!?"

Adorable kerbal: "DAMN RIGHT IM READY!, LETS GO! WHOOO-HOOOO!"

BAWOOSH! Kabloom! "Okay, perhaps another strut! DONE!"

Ready for try number two boys?

Adorable Kerbal number 2: "Damn right!!! lets go!!!"

Me: "Damn i love you guys". Zoooom, BAWOOSH! BOOOM!

Me: "Okay. . .another strut. Good luck fellas!"

[stupid_chris]

"This is what space program euphemistically calls a 'bad day'."

Meanwhile, on Kerbin...

"Today's launch was a huge success! Due to a lack of struts thw whole rocket disassembled when we turned the physics on and the 32 SRBs instantly exploded, creating the best fireworks in the history of Kerbin. We might try actually getting to space tomorrow though."

[Jesrad]

"After mechanical failure of the parachutes, the lithobraking emergency procedure was executed successfully and resulted in a satisfactory landing. All three astronauts are scheduled for another flight within minutes."

[jwenting]

"This is what space program euphemistically calls a 'bad day'."

Meanwhile, on Kerbin...

And technically it's called "an oops moment"

[Tex_NL]

"The rocket blew up shortly after launch. Lets send up another crew on exactly the same design to see where it failed."

[sgt_flyer]

well, it seems that russians play to KSP too :

this one was launched today...

[stupid_chris]

well, it seems that russians play to KSP too :

this one was launched today...

AKA slack off vodka before launching rockets

[SkyRender]

"We've sent a mission off to Pluto. It should be arriving in about 50 years, so we're just going to time-warp through the whole trip."

"Status report on lunar lander: clipped into the terrain and removed the moon from existence. We're currently looking into rebooting the space program to undo this."

[Flixxbeatz]

"Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to... start a colonization mission."

[bracknellexile]

"Due to a slight miscalculation of the required fuel for the return to Earth, our astronauts are currently executing a series of spacewalks in an attempt to 'get out and push'."

[Khrissetti]

"While it is true that the Mars launch window was missed, another opportunity will open up in seven years. Any questions? Yes, we've equipped the astronats with a pack of playing cards and a box set of The West Wing, they're enthusiastic to wait in orbit for the next window."

"I really do think that you're overstating the issue, this was, after all, a very small nuclear engine which exploded over the Welsh countryside."

"No, the Lunar Lander mission was always intended to be a long-duration mission, which is why it was felt that it would result in less stress to the legs if we landed it on its side."

"I think we can all agree now that the Deep Space probe would have worked better if solar panels had been fitted but this is the benefit of hindsight."

"Of course the probe took an extensive bank of scientific instruments to Mercury which included a thermometer and an accelerometer."

"The question of a manned versus unmanned scientific mission can be answered with one word: flags."

"Before this hour is over we will put a man on the Moon!"

Edited July 2, 2013 by Khrissetti

[el_coyoto]

"Our astronauts have splashed down, but we are unable to retrieve them because it's too hard to build boats..."

[Felsmak]

"There is no guarantee that our newest spacecraft will meet our expectations in terms of delta-V, but our astronauts are eager to find out."