Engineering Jokes

[nhnifong]

Post your engineering/scientist jokes here the nerdier the better

How do you produce thrust with a magnetron? Fire it out of the back of the ship!

[xoknight]

A neutron walks into the bar and asks for a drink, the bartender say "nah man don't worry, it's free of charge"

[astropapi1]

An engineer and his girlfriend walk into a bar...

[nhnifong]

Seen on the door to a light-wave lab:

"Do not look into laser with remaining good eye."

[DisarmingBaton5]

atom 1: I've lost an electron.

atom 2: Are you sure?

atom 1: I'm positive.

[nettcod]

Two guys walk into a bar. The first one says "can I get an H2O?" The second one says, "I'll have an H2O two," and dies.

[NGTOne]

An engineer and a mathematician are at the opposite end of a room from a pretty girl. The man who owns the room says, "Every minute, you can move half the remaining distance to the girl."

The mathematician says, "But I'll never reach her!"

The engineer says, "But I can get close enough..."

[nhnifong]

An engineer and a mathematician are at the opposite end of a room from a pretty girl. The man who owns the room says, "Every minute, you can move half the remaining distance to the girl."

The mathematician says, "But I'll never reach her!"

The engineer says, "But I can get close enough..."

Meanwhile, an astronaut goes up and puts his arm around her and says "I've been to space"

[NASI Director]

ADOS - Attention Defic- Oh, shiny!

[Fr8monkey]

A Higgs-Boson Particle walks into a Catholic church for services.

The priest yells, 'Hey, you are not allowed in here!'.

The Higgs-Boson replies, "Well without me, you can't have mass."

[xoknight]

An astronaut comes out of his capsule, "i just needed space."

[nhnifong]

An engineer and his 8 year old daughter are stopped at an intersection in a Prius. When the light turns green, the man pushes the pedal but the car doesn't move. He furrows his brow and thinks about what to do. The turns on the hazard light and get out of the car. He walks around and looks at the tires as the traffic goes around him. He opens the hood and looks for the cable the must control the throttle but realizes of course the hybrid car doesn't have one. frustrated, he get's back in the car and prepares to push it to the side of the road when his daughter reaches over and pushes the off/on button twice and the car reboots and starts working again!

[Holo]

An atom of Californium walks into a bar carrying a tiny glass samurai sword. When asked what it is, he answers "It's my small, new, clear weapon."

An atom of Cobalt-60 walks in, with a similar samurai sword, however its sword is sprinkled with sea water. When asked why, he answers "It's my salted, new, clear weapon."

[trbinsc]

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are all playing hide and seek, and it's Einstein's turn to seek. As Einstein begins counting, Pascal runs off and hides behind a bush. However, Newton doesn't move. He simply draws a one meter by one meter box in front of Einstein and stands in the middle of it. Einstein finished counting, opened his eyes, and said, "There you are Pascal!"

Meanwhile, Heisenberg, who had joined mid-way through, runs around shouting his exact velocity.

[Dr. Ivo Robotnik]

"Jets need air... Fascinating" What i said after playing around with planes on Laythe

[TechnicalK3rbal]

A pessimist sees a glass half empty.

An optimist sees a glass half full.

An engineer sees a glass twice as big as it needs to be.

[zxczxczbfg]

A pessimist sees a glass half empty.

An optimist sees a glass half full.

An engineer sees a glass twice as big as it needs to be.

And a realist just goes and fills up the glass.

[DisarmingBaton5]

And a realist just goes and fills up the glass.

An opportunist drinks the water in the glass.

A communist equally distributes the water in the glass to all those participating.

[TechnicalK3rbal]

An opportunist drinks the water in the glass.

A communist equally distributes the water in the glass to all those participating.

Wow. Most related comments EVER to one of my posts. Yay!

[OtherDalfite]

An engineer sees a glass twice as big as it needs to be.

The way I hear engineers talk (and I do work with a few), it's less twice as big and more that there MUST be a better way to do it.

[Xacino]

if iron man and the silver surfer teamed up...

they would be alloys