Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[BadLeo]

Granted. You have 500. 500 sand grains.

I wish weather forecast actually meant something.

[CaelumEtAstra]

granted, the forecast is so accurate it predicts the end of the world happening in 15 weeks.

I wish SpaceX would hurry up and launch the Falcon 9 Heavy.

[BadLeo]

Granted. But the wish fairy accidentally misspell SpaceX in google and all you get is a bunch of awkward scifi ****.

I wish ppl would stop using the -ish suffix after each and every word to denote imprecision. It's annoying.

[Shna_na]

Granted-ish . It is still used in the terms where it is correct, but is no longer used where it is not correct. You also explode.

I wish people would English.

[THENEWJOEMAMA]

Granted. However, due to a clerical error, everyone can only Engrish.

I wish for a doctor.

[Tery215]

Granted. However, daleks hunt him down and you have to rehire him for billions of space moneys that you don't have.

I wish my violin could be extorted into playing music.

[CaelumEtAstra]

Granted, but it can only play one song and even then, violins don't need money.

I wish Tuesday wasn't as bad as monday.

[BadLeo]

Granted. Now it is worse.

I wish ppl stop preaching for me.

[InterCity]

Granted. Now we are directly ordering you.

I wish for my own nuke.

[BadLeo]

Granted. you have one for 5 seconds, but then comes Mossad and takes it from you.

Edit: I wish I didn't forget to wish.

[Boosterspice]

Granted, your wish was for donuts. You are buried alive in donuts.

I wish for a little compassion

[Tery215]

Granted. I help you by burying you alive in donuts.

I wish I had a portion of a plane in the shape of an angle.

[Starwhip]

Granted. Your wish-ball misheard you, and you got the whole plane... coming at you at an angle. It hits you right in the face.

I wish for a wish ball.

[Tery215]

Granted. You get a ball that wishes for things, and it enslaves you to grant an infinite amount of wishes for all eternity.

I wish I had a commander ball that improved the world by enslaving people (excluding me).

[Tangle]

Granted. It enslaves everyone except you and goes off to produce energy for itself via people. You die, because no one is producing food for you.

Traincakes!

[Helix935]

denied for you only screamed traincakes instead of wished for it

I wish that people would be more careful when making wishes

[Tangle]

Granted. You get hit by a traincake.

I wish traincakes were less lethal.

[Tery215]

Granted. Humans are immortal, at the price of DESTROYING ALL TRAINCAKES.

I wish TF2 servers could contain up to 256 players at a time, bypassing all lag problems.

[Bilfr3d]

Granted. But now your computer is lagging, not the server

I wish for my gigabit lan ports to teem together seamlessly

[Skyler4856]

Fine, but they only teem together perfectly when covered in sodium, while you're outside, in the rain

I wish I could control the elements

[Tery215]

Granted. The elements are now sapient, and stop letting life.

I wish the elements were sapient.

[Lundmunchkins]

Yes, now they do nothing but tell you boring stories.

I wish I could travel between dimensions.

[Skyler4856]

Yes, now they do nothing but tell you boring stories.

I wish I could travel between dimensions.

Granted, you can walk

I wish I could cook bacon off my chest

[Tery215]

Granted. Your chest causes bacon to spontaneously appear, but it's undercooked and your chest will burst into flames if it tries to cook backon.

I wish I could use the Wishmaking Fairy's communist wand to cause bacon to spontaneously appear.

[THENEWJOEMAMA]

Granted. However, the communist wand demands that you must work in the fields for 40 years first.

I wish Curse was gone.