Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[Xannari Ferrows]

Granted. The entire globe is thrown into temporal chaos.

I wish for a huge metal whip that I can kill Dracula with.

[Postron]

Granted. However it kills you too.

I wish I could stay up to watch that cool live stream tonight and still get up early in the morning to go to uni.

[Fel]

Granted, you simply don't sleep at all! Now you can go to uni but fall asleep in class, win-win

I wish KSP would have an April 1 update that adds this feature

Granted. The MyLittlePony story gets incorporated into KSP canon. Rockets now have rainbow exhaust.

[UnionPacific1983WP]

Granted. The whole of YouTube, Reddit, and Tumblr (combined, over 1 billion people) besides the *unspeakable name* community gets *VERY* angry at you, somehow discovers your location, and drops over a billion river rocks on you. They then proceed to destroy every copy of KSP ever. Look what you've done....

I wish that the Illuminati joke would die off already, seriously. IMO one of the most annoying things to happen to the internet.

[Fel]

Granted, we no longer hide in the shadows but make our presence known to the world. We are the Illuminati and this is OUR time!

I wish that it was illegal to create a MEME.

[DMSP]

Granted, but people who tend to create memes a lot go on a rampage and kill you.

I wish for a Mars Base. A realistic one.

[windows_x_seven]

Granted. Two days later, it is showered by meteors.

I wish for wishes.

[DMSP]

Granted. The amount if wishes kills you.

I wish for a pizza.

[Postron]

Granted there was a pizza. I ate it, it was delicious.

I wish to be more intelligent.

[Fel]

Granted, you now know everything there is to know, including the memories and emotions of the billions of humans tortured over the years... the weight of this alone drives you to insanity and you are locked up in a nuthouse.

I wish people were intelligent enough to understand when they're debating philosophy.

[Xannari Ferrows]

Granted. When you come down to it, everything can be philosophical if want.

I wish for the ability to answer straight, while still giving relevant details. Even I'm getting annoyed of my tendency to answer with analogies.

[UnionPacific1983WP]

Granted. You can only give answers that no one likes.

I wish that I could think of a wish.

[Fel]

I wish that I could think of a wish.

Your wish is that 5 years of philosophy is required for any scientific curriculum, and I grant it.

Granted. When you come down to it, everything can be philosophical if want.

Oh screw you, not because you're wrong but because you're RIGHT! All of Science comes down to what is collectively accepted as truth, thus leaving open the philosophical question of whether it is truth.

I wish people would have more philosophical discussions without trying to use science to "disprove" something that cannot be disproved.

[Xannari Ferrows]

Granted. Every action, no matter how trivial, is seen as symbolic, thus making every decision difficult.

Oh screw you, not because you're wrong but because you're RIGHT! All of Science comes down to what is collectively accepted as truth, thus leaving open the philosophical question of whether it is truth.

It's weird how the brain gave itself the right to question it's own existence.

↑

That statement either proves that there is truth to everything, or proves that the truth changes from being to being.

[ExplodingRocketShips]

Wish never wished. Doesn't happen.

I wish that bees for the 9001th time.

[Fel]

Uhh... granted.... you get 9001 bees, in your house... buzzing around... unfortunately you have severe allergies to bee*sting*

I wish that the world was flat

[Xannari Ferrows]

Granted. The Earth is now equatorial flat, but retains the same volume, which puts the outermost edge closer to the sun, resulting in fatally high temperatures. If that doesn't kill you, the fact that the polar regions are closer to the sun will.

I wish gravity worked by being not based around a body's center of mass, but rather their volume.

[Fel]

But gravity isn't based around a body's center of mass.

You need to integrate ((rho * sin(phi) * cos(theta))^2 + (rho * sin(phi) * sin(theta))^2 + (d - rho * cos(phi))^2) over the volume of the planet. (Where rho, phi, and theta are what is integrated (rho being integrated from 0 to radiusPlanet, phi and theta integrated from 0 to 2pi)) and d is the distance the object is from the center of the planet. (Of course, I'm assuming homogeneous mass, just add in m(rho,phi,theta) if you REALLY want to complicate the integral; and I'm assuming the object is spherical (though you can describe the volume with integral functions instead of doing it this way)).

So, wish not granted because it technically is already true!

I wish I had the will power to solve that integral again (I think it came out to the classical formula, but who knows, also may have put it together wrong).

hmm... rho^2 * sin(phi)^2 * (sin(theta)^2 + cos(theta)^2) + d^2 + rho^2 * cos(phi)^2 - 2*d*rho*cos(phi)

rho^2 * (sin(phi)^2 * (1) + cos(phi)^2) + d^2 - 2 * d * rho * cos(phi)

(d^2 - 2 * d * rho * cos(phi) + rho^2)

Oh I see.... inverse, right; and I'm missing that other part, something like

r * dphi dtheta drho / (d^2 - 2 * d * rho * cos(phi) + rho^2)

meh, I don't think this is going to turn out right

Edited June 18, 2015 by Fel

[Flymetothemun]

You can solve that integral, but you can only solve how "that integral" is spelled.

I wish that I could forget everything mathematical that Fel said in the above post.

[nipulsansei]

Granted. Every mathematical concept you have every learned is immediately and totally expunged from your memory.

I wish for a pepperoni pizza with the diameter of exactly 20cm, composed of: A crust made with flour, water, vegetable oil, salt, sugar, and yeast in the standard ratios; the traditional marinara sauce my grandmother used to make; exactly 226.796grams of shredded Precious Galbani mozzarella cheese, and exactly twenty-eight 100% pork and beef peperoni slices cut to a thickness of 1mm; baked in a preheated oven for exactly 12 minutes 30 seconds; and delivered to my door by a polite Italian gentleman named Tony.

[Fel]

]I wish that I could forget everything mathematical that Fel said in the above post.

What, it's just Calc III.

[justidutch]

Granted. Every mathematical concept you have every learned is immediately and totally expunged from your memory.

I wish for a pepperoni pizza with the diameter of exactly 20cm, composed of: A crust made with flour, water, vegetable oil, salt, sugar, and yeast in the standard ratios; the traditional marinara sauce my grandmother used to make; exactly 226.796grams of shredded Precious Galbani mozzarella cheese, and exactly twenty-eight 100% pork and beef peperoni slices cut to a thickness of 1mm; baked in a preheated oven for exactly 12 minutes 30 seconds; and delivered to my door by a polite Italian gentleman named Tony.

Granted, except Tony tripped on the carpet, spilled the pizza and your dog ate it. He even still charged you for it, and is considering suing you not only for dry cleaning charges because his new Italian made suit is all covered in marianara sauce, but he now requires 78 stitches behind his left ear because all the Precious Galbani cheese perched on his head after falling was too irresistible to your dog who mauled him shortly after wolfing down the pizza crust.

I wish I had an evil twin to do all my dirty work for me.

[Xannari Ferrows]

Granted. You never feel the satisfaction of completing a task.

I wish I had a professional distilling mantle. The only one I can make is so inefficient, you don't even know.

[UnionPacific1983WP]

Granted. You get a machine that pumps pieces of the Earth's mantle through it, trying to distill it, and destroy your whole town by making a miniature volcano.

I wish that my computer had a better graphics card.

[justidutch]

Granted, but your monitor still has big tubes and is monochrome.

I wish it was exactly 35 minutes from now.