Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[TrainEngie]

Huh? Granted, but now everything orbits Jool.

I wish for Indian curry.

[beabop]

Granted. It gives you the runs.

I wish I had self-discipline.

[Fel]

Granted. You now have the self-discipline to not go on these forums or chat with people or play ksp. Your life follows one simple patter. You wake up, You Eat, You Go to work, you work all day, you go home, you eat, you go to sleep.

I wish the next person to post will be banned

[Xannari Ferrows]

Granted. Since I am the person posting now, next is the person after the current poster; myself, therefore I am not banned. This chain of regression continues infinitely throughout every post after this one, and effectively no one is banned.

I wish my mind could endure the mind blowingness of itself.

[Fel]

Granted, your mind now implodes in on itself resulting in a superdense mindhole which draws in all mind-matter in on itself.

Hmm, I wish that the person who makes the 10656th post in this thread will be banned

[heng]

Granted. It was your own post, you got banned for double posting, your post was deleted. Have this new one instead.

I wish I could juggle.

[Findthepin1]

You can't do anything else.

HEEEY I have an idea! I wish to be the OP.

[Cirocco]

EDIT: ninja'd.

granted. I'm sure you're the opening poster of some thread somewhere on the internets.

I wish my projects would always go smoothly and without any unforeseen problems occurring.

[8bitgammers]

Granted!

a "Foreseen" problem occurs...

i wish i was in control of a black hole!

[Xannari Ferrows]

Granted. Just because you are in control of it doesn't mean you are safe.

I wish my aircraft actually worked as an aircraft.

[Tery215]

Granted. The mods that were installed on reality result in a bug where pieces of paper start flying away and crashing into things.

I wish for less gold.

[Fel]

Granted. Gold becomes unstable and spontaneously undergoes nuclear fission, becoming 2 Krypton + 1 Nitrogen (because I said so) and floats away. Unfortunately this means most electrical devices no longer function and we hence lack the technology to repair them due to all electrical devices, including manufacturing plants, no longer functioning. Humanity destroys itself in a week.

I wish that the person, whose post in this thread has the number "10663" denoting the post number, despite possibilities of there being multiple posts having said number, will be banned.

[One-Way Films]

Granted. the person in this thread with the number 10663 is banned. I have #10663 denoting my post, you forgot a hashtag.

I wish that I had the power to enter and exit computer games. I am my own antivirus so I can't catch computer viruses/hacks and have god powers over all within the games (Ai, physics, etc.)

[EdusacconBR]

Granted, but then theres a blackout and you die inside a computer.

I wish that i had a kerbal.

[Fel]

I have #10663 denoting my post, you forgot a hashtag.

It's called an octothorpe!

~The Coalition Against the Numerous Corruptions of the English Language and Etiquette Due to Social Media (CANCELED-SM)

I wish that i had a kerbal.

Granted, you are given a Kerbal... then the NSA storms your house (in cooperation with the Brasilian Government) and kidnaps you and the Kerbal. You are subjected to enhanced interrogation techniques repeatedly while the Kerbal has a "live" autopsy performed on it, and I'm not talking about streaming.

I wish that the person, whose post in this thread has the string "#10666" as the post identifier, where string is defined as the context between and excluding quotation marks, despite possibilities of there being multiple posts having said identifier, will be banned.

Edited June 25, 2015 by Fel

[EdusacconBR]

granted, but then you get banned too

i want the earth to explode

[One-Way Films]

Granted. Your science project gets an A+ as the model planet detonates. Baking powder is everywhere.

I wish for more wishes.

[EdusacconBR]

Granted, but then you get so many wishes that got insane.

i wish for jool to be removed

[Interplanet Janet]

Granted, but now every planet is heading on wildly erratic orbits.

I wish, I wish, I was a fish.

[heng]

Huh? *shrugs* Ok, granted!

You now wish you were a fish. This wish will not be granted.

I wish for a return of MC Hammer.

[justidutch]

Granted, but he forgot his pants.

I wish we could all just get along

[DestinyPlayer]

Granted, now everybody on the internet gets along. Too bad it was shut down 5 minutes later. Nobody said anything about the whole world!

I wish to have a perfectly stable, not radioactive, not decomposing, not combustible, not stolen, not in use, not stuck in a rock, as in pure, not liquid, not gaseous, not plasmatic, not crystallic, not imaginary, not drawn on a piece of paper, not kerbalfied, piece of plutonium.

[beabop]

Granted. I hide it in your morning coffee (or tea or water).

I wish for perfect hair.

[Tery215]

Granted. Your perfect hair is also negatively affected by gravity, and gets sucked into a fan.

I wish for a fried rocket.

[DestinyPlayer]

Granted. As "perfect" is highly subjective, your hair now looks like the hair on your avatar, cause that's the only thing I can guess your preferences.

I wish that FTL travel was possible without hurting the universe or the current laws of physics in any way, it could be done with humanly reasonable amounts of matter and energy, it wouldn't be possible to use it as a weapon, it wouldn't hurt anybody or anything that uses it, both mentally and physically, and it won't get bashed by scientists as "impossible", and would get constructed and used in spacecraft immediately.