Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[Samniss Arandeen]

Granted!...nuclear fusion no longer physically exists in any form anywhere in the universe. Please, apologize to our life-giving Sun, he's all ears.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. You can only breathe underwater, isolating you from the rest of humanity.

I wish the new iPhones had more new features that weren't on Android phones two years ago.

[Samniss Arandeen]

Granted!...they now have more new features that were on Android phones three years ago.

I wish Santa Claus were a chocolate Cthulhu.

[worir4]

Sorry i can't grant that, the Easter Bunny would be upset.

I wish that my pc could launch a 4000 part rocket.

[Overfloater]

Granted - your PC is taken away from you by NASA, using it to handle the flight programming of a space rocket consisting of 4000 parts.

I wish I was burned alive, and that it was painful. >:-]

[GreeningGalaxy]

It's just as painful as normally being burned alive, except that you don't actually burn. You just feel like you're burning, forever.

I wish you would turn the flame in your avatar back on!

[Sun]

Nope.

I wish for this wish to not be a wish but also be a wish while not being a wish.

[Red Iron Crown]

Nope.

(See how that's a cop out? )

I wish for 3D "fishtank" style computer displays to be developed and made affordable.

[GreeningGalaxy]

They are, but they only have 15 layers and resolutions comparable to flip phones from the 2000s. Could be useful for making tiny gifs in GIMP/Photoshop, though!

I wish for more exclamation points, because I ran out after putting one in that last sentence.

[Samniss Arandeen]

Granted, but it's not the ! symbol. You literally exclaim, "POINT".

I wish the entire world would do the Macarena every day at the same time.

[Xorth Tanovar]

Granted, but they thought you said "macaroni", so it's Mac'n'Cheese for everyone at dinnertime, forever.

I wish I had a motorcycle.

[Samniss Arandeen]

Yes, your brand-new motorcycle is unique in every way! Mostly because it's made out of your disassembled body parts and ridden by your soul.

I wish I could plant chocolate flowers.

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted.

I wish to have a pilot's license.

Edit: Ninja'd but the ninja forgot to make a wish.

Edit: Dammit, he ninja'd my edit!

[Xorth Tanovar]

Granted, but you planted them in Death Valley and they didn't last very long.

I'd like a gin and tonic.

EDIT: ninja'd

You get the license, but it's only for paper airplanes.

I repeat my request for a gin and tonic.

[General Rarity]

Granted, but it expires in one minute.

I wish for a S-II.

Edit: MONSTER NINJA

[Tery215]

Granted. Your S-two is hunted down by a monster ninja.

I wish for a bigger bag of potatoes.

[Xorth Tanovar]

Granted....but it's now sticking out the roof of your house, and the black helicopters are circling overhead.

I wish for no more ninja's.

EDIT: OK, I give up!

[General Rarity]

Granted, but now we all get Samuri'd.

I wish for

[Xorth Tanovar]

You get

, but it is no longer viable.

I want ice cubes.

[Samniss Arandeen]

Finally, a wish that isn't corrupted and/or ninja'd.

.

I wish Death Note were real.

[Tery215]

Granted. It's inside the moon.

I wish that there was a car that I could ride into an extremely hazardous area.

[General Rarity]

Granted, but your drivers license is outdated.

I wish for a

[Samniss Arandeen]

The car, like the motorcycle above, is made out of the wisher's body parts and ridden by the wisher's soul.

I wish the moon were inside me.

I also wish this goddamn ninja would stop it already.

[GreeningGalaxy]

You become the universe, which contains the moon. Then, suddenly...

Granted, but it's not the ! symbol. You literally exclaim, "POINT".

Aw, what? No fairPOINT

I wish I could make better gifs.

Edited September 10, 2014 by GreeningGalaxy

[SelectHalfling0]

Granted. GIF's are now the most hated internet item and attract enormous amounts of trolls.

I wish for a troll that does my bidding.