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Dating Advice for Nerds/Geeks

Northstar1989

By Northstar1989
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TheScareCake!

TheScareCake!

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Although i'm still very young, I had some experience.

Gotta say, what you will say, it will happen. I was sad at the moment when i just couldn't find a girl, i felt lonely. But then, i started to unleash my angryness on sports, i got muscles and, most important, i got self confident. That helped me a lot.

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Northstar1989

Northstar1989

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Wait, Northstar, your FRIENDS are deciding if YOU are good enough for someone else?

I don't think your problem is dating (or not). It's your friends. You don't have good ones.

Well, I don't know just how many of them I can truly call friends, and how many would better be called "friendly acquaintances", but yeah- it's an issue. The thing is, I have poor luck with girls even when I don't have friends getting in the way, and many people who aren't friends (who happen to be in the same group, or club, or whatnot) take it upon themselves to do the same thing...

Regards,

Northstar

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Kinglet

Kinglet

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Well, I don't know just how many of them I can truly call friends, and how many would better be called "friendly acquaintances", but yeah- it's an issue. The thing is, I have poor luck with girls even when I don't have friends getting in the way, and many people who aren't friends (who happen to be in the same group, or club, or whatnot) take it upon themselves to do the same thing...

Regards,

Northstar

It's because of today's culture. False dreams and expectations are being fed to people on a daily basis through TV, magazines, advertisement, social networks e.t.c. So finding someone who shares most of your interests is very, very hard as being a nerd makes you considered a social outcast in most of the world.

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Northstar1989

Northstar1989

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It's because of today's culture. False dreams and expectations are being fed to people on a daily basis through TV, magazines, advertisement, social networks e.t.c. So finding someone who shares most of your interests is very, very hard as being a nerd makes you considered a social outcast in most of the world.

I relate to most people. They just judge me to be inadequate to their unrealistic standards (where every man must be muscular, smooth, and cool). :(

There's a difference.

Regards,

Northstar

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DuoDex

DuoDex

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Have you considered a proposal at least? Not just talks about hypothetic marriage, but a proposal (with a ring, etc)?

Not really, mostly because we're both still at university.

Yes, that means we've been dating since 15.

Like I said, life is weird.

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Colserra3

Colserra3

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I don't know why I'm here. I feel absolutely no need for any sort of romantic relationship and often times, when with friends, I want to be alone.

I suppose through study of relationships between humans I can say: Be honest; no-one appreciates someone who hides things from them, especially since (most times) you'll be planning on spending alot of time with your partner (this applies to STD's aswell).

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Little Katie

Little Katie

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Heh, my monitor is so big I never realize that I type a wall of text until I look at it elsewhere.

Just learn from mistakes and be the best version of yourself you can be. It's good for life in general and the right person will want to be around you.

Edited by Little Katie
too many words
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Tex

Tex

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Just learn from mistakes and be the best version of yourself you can be. It's good for life in general and the right person will want to be around you.

^^^ This.

Trust me, fellas, it just takes time. I'd been trying since my freshman year of high school, and only had two dates to show for it. And then I think I met the one. A little patience pays off, and just be yourself. They'll be a-waiting for you.

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Beowolf

Beowolf

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Marriage is overrated. Don't fix something that isn't broken.

(Been married. Never will again. Happy to date my current girlfriend until the day we die)

I'd never been married before, but my wife had, and never wanted to do it again. We've been together, um, 32 years I think? Why do I call her "wife"? We actually did say (terribly unconventional) vows, but only to one another. No ceremony, license, witnesses or church involved. Therefore, I can't stick her with half my reckless debt, like her ex-husband did. :)

Other than having to be careful with wills, power of attorney, and such, it's never been a problem.

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MajorThomas

MajorThomas

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Well, having lived through a long and tedious dating phase where almost nothing of interest happened, relationship-wise, I'd offer this:

The more worried you are about dating, somehow the less likely it is to occur. Or if you do manage to go out with someone on a date, it tends to be awkward.

But if you just stop worrying about it, and go hang out with people (must include your favorite gender) doing something you like a lot, and doing it for that reason mainly, you will magically start attracting the people you'd like to hang out with. Then, "dating" gets easier.

But never mind relationships, they're a whole other thing. I practiced relationship avoidance during the years I was busiest (undergrad, grad school and the first 3 years of work after graduation).

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Frozen_Heart

Frozen_Heart

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Well, having lived through a long and tedious dating phase where almost nothing of interest happened, relationship-wise, I'd offer this:

The more worried you are about dating, somehow the less likely it is to occur. Or if you do manage to go out with someone on a date, it tends to be awkward.

But if you just stop worrying about it, and go hang out with people (must include your favorite gender) doing something you like a lot, and doing it for that reason mainly, you will magically start attracting the people you'd like to hang out with. Then, "dating" gets easier.

But never mind relationships, they're a whole other thing. I practiced relationship avoidance during the years I was busiest (undergrad, grad school and the first 3 years of work after graduation).

^This. You're friends first, partners second. If its the other way around it won't last.

Just hang out and be friends with someone first and don't rush in. That way you know you like each other. Also if you go about it very carefully you can still back out and remain friends. :)

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  • 1 year later...
p1t1o

p1t1o

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My two pence:

Do not have an image set in your mind, or a specific group of personality traits - "I want a gamer girl with blue eye and black hair who wears hoodies and skates."

You will never find what you are looking for - not that htey won't exist, but that you will ALWAYS find a reason why someone does no measure up. Plus of course the fact that it will be incredibly hard to find them as you have narrowed your search way too far. And even if you do look for a specific type, you can easily end up with someone you would never have expected (happened to me!).

Other advice: None. Dating is *precisely* the same for nerds/geeks/gamers as it is for everybody else? Are you "socially awkward"? Big news, almost everyone is a little bit. Bite the bullet. Realise its ok to be yourself no matter what. If they respond badly to you seeming "awkward" in any way, then they have done you a favour by writing themselves off. The one who responds well (however that might be) might just have some potential.

Bonus titbit: dating websites (reputable ones) are pretty good, had several good experiences (and some "interesting ones" - my favorite story, the one about the girl who thought "Hitler had the right idea" [thats an exact quote], gets alot of mileage...). Looking for someone in this way does help you to sift through people quite well, it is (unromantic as it sounds, but it makes perfect sense) a numbers game, and you can scroll through a lot of people. Don't feel bad just clicking on people you find attractive, this IS important after all, but realise that the wider you cast your net, the more fish you catch.

Oh, and be aware that guys are [redacted] on dating websites, so if you are at least semi-decent you already have a huge advantage. The disadvantage is having to make yourself visibly not one of the *other* type. Dont try too hard.

I've learned this through trial, error, pain and mistakes (as well as fun, astonishment, weirdness and "Guh?") so hopefully this will save someone at least a moment of discomfort :D

Edited by p1t1o
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ColKlonk

ColKlonk

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Use my example.. (If you're 18+)

Study like a zombie...

Go out.. party like crazy.. get drunk, throw up on the pavement.. do really stupid things.. just don't kill yourself in the process, and don't give a damm what people think of you.

Study/write exams with a hangover... pass with distinctions...

With that.. some girl will like you.. for who you are!!.. and you can only get better ?

Been married 30 years to this really hot chick ( I mean really hot ;-) ) who says she doesn't know why she married me, but wouldn't have it any other way ?

heh heh!!

 

Edited by ColKlonk
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