Mr_Brain

You receive several tons of bacon. Hurtling directly at you at approximately 10% of c. I wish for spheres not to be symmetric anymore.

Granted. It's so inert, secret government scientists are interested in it. After the black helicopters come to get it, you are expelled from your home forever. I wish to win The Game. (I just lost The Game!)

Granted. However, Christmas is re-scheduled to take place in summer and you are too lazy to correct it back, so you didn't have your Christmas images during Christmas in July. I wish for a small (1 meter diameter) bottomless hole to form in my backyard.

Granted. You can build them, but you can't fly them to see if they actually work. I wish to be a god. Ninja'd! Anyway. Granted. The fish smells so badly you wish you were dead.

That wasn't improper usage, it's the supplier's fault that they made it possible to remove the "do not turn engine up to 11" sticker. B.K. brought potato chips to the space station, now crumbs are getting into the life support systems, which can't be good.

The scientists said data from the oceans was more valuable for some reason. The engineers attached the heatshield on the wrong end of the capsule.

They asked for vacation. They got it. The parachutes ripped off.

When, back in the days when looking at the ground and the sky at the same time in KSP caused severe lag on some computers, you avoided looking at the horizon in real life.

I don't think I'll push that button. But if you push this button, you'll get magic powers (including, but not limited to, telekinesis, magic death rays and teleportation!) but have a chance (~25%) of killing an innocent human being each time you use them AND a 50% chance of killing an acquaintance or relative when you push it! (you will not die from this effect)

Granted. Pieces of cardboard are, however, incompatible with any existing computer systems and can only be used as RAM for extremely expensive prototype computers that don't even exist yet. I wish I had a paintbrush.

News Human 1: BREAKING NEWS! According to several space agencies, extraterrestrial life has been found on the Red Planet! Recording of Human 1: There are indications that several forms of non-human intelligence exist on Mars. --- News Human 2: News from Hollywood: Film industries seem to be dropping their current projects, many science fiction writers suddenly get jobs there. --- News Human 3: A leaked report indicates that the US military has plans for a Mars launch in late 2015.

At JPL Human 1, after telling what happened: And this, sir, is why we need more funding for Mars missions. Human in charge 1: To sum up: You believe your space probes got human-like minds, defective ones awakened to new life and evil aliens we never detected before are attacking them? Human 2: Precisely. Human in charge 1: That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Human 1: But sir- Human in charge 1 leaves, the others already begin trying to devise a plan to do something to help their robots

Our astronomers said they were bored with having to look at the same Mun every day, so we changed it a bit! Your craft only has jet engines. On its Mun landing stage.

Granted. Most animal and plants species, including humankind, go extinct because they rely on sexual reproduction. I wish it wasn't so hard to think of new wishes.

Granted. However, Anna is a giant, and everyone, including you, drowns in all the mud required to put Anna in that situation. I wish that all plants were edible.

At JPL Human 1: Weird, I'm getting strange errors from Curiosity... Human 2: Confirmed. It shouldn't be able to produce that kind of data! Human 1: Hold on, I think I'm seeing a pattern... This seems to be some kind of message! Human 3: What are you talking about? If you're trying to say that the rover's writing to us,- Human 3 looks at the data readouts What!? You're right! It's almost as if Curiosity had a mind of its own! Curiosity: Now this is peculiar... I'm thinking. How can I be thinking? I don't think I was programmed to do this... The aliens have not found Curiosity... yet.

Different one. Magic or technology?

How do you know?? I destroyed all evidence! The engineers forgot to install the glass panes of the Cupola module. Now the entire space station has accidentally been de-pressurized.

They should've read the fine print of their contracts. "The Kerbal Space Program cannot be held accountable for any damage resulting from participating in Kerbal Space Program activities." Your fancy new experimental SSTO plane crashed into a mountain.

Bronze-age martians? Just use the technological might of human inventions to make them believe our robots are GODS.

It was actually a kerbal sacrifice so Ike wouldn't be hungry when the /real/ lander arrives. You forgot the photovoltaic panels.

Granted. It twists time and space in a way that kills you. I wish for a backpack full of tasty chocolate.

Granted. It later turns out that the boat was stolen from a boat vendor. You are put in prison. I wish for an orbital death ray under my control.

Granted, the rest of your life is the few months before you die of malnutrition. I wish I had awesome sci-fi technology.

We're just testing our new stealth paint. You mounted your boosters upside down.