The Kerbal Chronicles

[Abbubner]

Jebediah Didn't Die On Tylo
As of last Tuesday, you would have noticed that there were no unusual pieces of debris falling from the sky, creating giant fireballs. Well, there is a reason to the interruption to this age-old tradition, and that reason is because it was a celebration of a success, created by the Kerbin Space Program.

According to the head janitor of the Kerbin Space Center's mother, there were talks going on between the staff of the KSC regarding a trip to Tylo. Little did we know that by the time we had heard about this, Jebediah Kerman had already defied all Kerbal-Kind logic; he kept enough focus to actually complete a mission. 
But, this wasn't any mission. This was a mission to Tylo. 

The mission was completed with what KSC rocket scientists describe as "A few pieces that Jeb found while he was washing behind his ears". We are still unsure what they mean by these "ears", but our sources tell us that the scientists are "just being petty and don't want us to know anything".

Jeb returned from this mission in style, by landing back on Kerbin, and destroying the Command Pod in a major explosion. He later stated in an interview, "I got bored". We are excited to hear more details, but it is currently too early to guess without speculation arising.
 

Edited March 4, 2017 by Abbubner

[cratercracker]

The Mun

After years of space exploration kerbals managed to start industry on Mun. Mun is full with Kelium 3 which is rare material that cannot be find in such big portions elsewhere. It is used for producing energy for the whole kermanity

They deployed small base on Eastern crater to mine the ore. Only one crew member stayed in station since it was deployed. He’s lived there for 3 years… His name is Marx Kerman.

After long, lone and violent mission Marx started to go crazy. He started feeling that everybody betrayed him and he will never return home.

After KSC found out what is going on in Marx’s mind they turned off Relay signal and detonated return capsule in order to isolate Marx from Kerbin. Marx knew that he was just a doll in control of industrial companies, a slave of rich people.

Now Marx kerbal who was left with no hope wanted to just one thing, to fade away in the darkness,to die….

He took his buggy to dark side to freeze to death. Soon there were no enough sun to power the rover’s electro motor. Marx went on walking trip. He walked until he saw a deep crater with a small shiny thing inside.

He thought it was hallucination and his end will come soon. But when he walked closer, he saw small lander made for soil analysis.

He could not believe! It is the “Argon” lander. He noticed that there was some fuel in the tanks.

Brilliant idea came into his mind! He wanted to throw away ore and scientific instrumentation. He knew that “Hydrogen” orbital station crosses the sky every 4 hours.

After he remade the lander for his needs, he saw small shiny thing in the sky. He knew, what it is, he knew it was the time.

He climbed on top and activated four RCS engines that immediately threw him into suborbital trajectory. After 23 minutes hanging with bare hands on small lander he noticed the station in 40 meters from him.

He used his kinetical power to throw himself into the station, it worked.

After that he safely returned back to Kerbin where he fought for justice and won against industrial companies.

[Acea]

Can Jeb Fly?

 

The first time when I met Jeb, he was sitting in his junkyard and waving a hammer.

 

It's not common to see a junkyard near a fully-functional space center on Kerbin, said Wernher when he was smoking under a rocket on the launchpad, which was filled with liquid fuel and oxygen. Good thing in this stuff is he didn't get blown away at that time.

Of course he didn't, or I'd be now driving a truck delivering rubbish to this guy in front of me.

 

"Hey Bill," without moving eyes off his work, Jeb said, "Do you think this boy can fly?"

I stared at him for a while and replied: "Do you mean your hammer or that large trash bin you're slamming?"

Noise of hammer stopped and Jeb turned at me: "Come on guy you really need a dream. This would eventually become an awesome spaceship, and we can go far beyond our border."

He looked so serious that I could barely laugh, so instead I asked: "When do you think it will?"

"Eventually Bill," at the sky Jeb just glanced, "eventually."

 

Jeb had been looked up to as an amazing dreamer by me from that day on. 

Until a few years later I was sent onto a mission by KSC, to fly a prototype spacecraft and run some experiments. Let me see, the ship was manufactured by... eh, Jebediah Kerman's Junkyard and Spaceship Parts Co..

KSC Command can I get off this piece of crappy metal? Yes please stop it, abort launch as soon as possible. This is no joke and stop that damn countdown right noAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Edited March 4, 2017 by Acea

[Codraroll]

Might as well write an entry based on an experience I had in-game myself. I hope the 300 word limit excludes the article title (this is 305 words counting the title, 295 without it).

 

FIRST DUNA MISSION STUCK IN ORBIT, UNABLE TO GET HOME

It is now a year since the crew of the interplanetary spacecraft Duna Express departed Kerbin orbit in the direction of Duna. Yesterday, Public Relations representative at the Kerbal Space Center, Walt Kerman, announced to the press that the landing craft Dunamite I had landed successfully on Duna, and that astronaut Jebediah Kerman had made Kerbalkind's first footprints on the Dunian sand. At a press conference this morning, Kerman could announce that Dunamite I had safely rendezvouzed with the Duna Express mothership, but made no mention of the projected return trip. When pressed on the issue, Kerman admitted that Duna Express had run out of fuel while making orbit around Duna, and therefore could not return to Kerbin on its own.

 

"Listen," Kerman said after the commotion had died down, "This is the first time we've used the LV-N 'Nerv' Atomic Rocket Motors. On the box they came in, it said they were perfect for interplanetary travel, but apparently they didn't perform quite like expected. We're now trying to contact the manufacturer."

 

Lead scientist at the KSC, Werner von Kerman, elaborates on the issue. "Apparently, we had forgotten to drain the ship's fuel tanks of unneeded oxidizer before departure." Von Kerman did not comment on why the fuel tanks were filled with oxidizer in the first place.

 

The Kerbal Space Center is already planning a rescue mission to bring the stranded astronauts home. Plans involve building a second Duna Express ship without the attached landing craft, which will rendezvous with the astronauts in Duna Orbit and take them home. Von Kerman assures the public that they will remember to drain the oxidizer this time. The stranded astronauts were not available for interviews, but sent a short statement where they consider their calamity ”an unexpected vacation”.

[Sheppard]

The Mohole Report

KISA (Kerbin International Space Agency) has just received the new batch of images from "Icarus" mission on Moho. Everyone holds their breath while the crew attempts a landing to explore the deepest volcanic funnel in the solar system, the infamous Mohole at the North Pole, source of wonder and legends, gateway to hell or the scientific secrets of Moho.

Thanks to a small group of robotic drones designed to follow the astronauts and record everything, we here on Kerbin can see what they see.

The ship in orbit!

 

Landing is comencing:

 

A pass above the target...

Touchdown!

 

Deployment of the outpost that shields our Kastronauts is successfull.

 

A special platform designed to explore the Mohole delivers the first sets of data. What's at the bottom? Apparently the South Pole! That's how deep it is!

 

Slowly, slowly... and we have a lock in the walls.

 

Still South-Pole-deep!

 

For the last stretch of the funnel, a smaller probe is being deployed. Decouple!

 

We now have completely mapped the geological structure: over 4,6km into Moho's crust!

 

So, what else is at the bottom, besides the South Pole and rocks and dust? Well, starlight! Plenty of it seeping in through the huge mouth of the Mohole, enough to power our devices and science the heck out of Moho. No need for fuel cells.

 

It's getting late, our scientist at the bottom of the Mohole fears that her Snacks might get cold back at base (Editor’s note: no way, never going to happen on Moho). Off she goes!

 

Aaaaand... SHE MADE IT!

 

"Moho Base, this is Allela Kerman. I'm back from the pit! No Hades there; confirmed they are just stories to scare little Kerbals. You better still have all my snacks there, I'm starving."

Inspiring words for all Kerbalkind! Mission complete!

Edited March 4, 2017 by Sheppard

[TheNirl]

*sigh*, so long ago and I'm still needing moderator approval =P Well, here it goes!

 

No Intelligent Alien Life After All
Fist Fight at the KSC

 

    As this reporter is certain the reader knows, the entirety of Kerbin has been ablaze over the last two weeks, when the recently launched Wernher von Kerman Orbital Electromagnetic and Spectroscopic Ultra Magnificating Space Telescope (we all know how folks at the KSC love acronyms, so everyone just calls it the WVKOEMASUMST) started transmitting crystal-clear pictures of an incredible alien civilization extremely similar to our own.
    Well, it seems the similarities were just too much to accept for one particularly astute scientist at the KSC, who decided to actually analyze the pictures! Truly, the brainpower our space program harnesses knows no bounds!
    Dr. Sweeny Kerman took it upon himself to further magnify the already extremely high resolution pictures (much higher than expected), and upon discovering what appeared to be a landing strip and launch pad sitting on one  of the continents' shores, decided to zoom in on a particularly garish automobile exiting the facility. As the vehicle approached a nearby dwelling, Dr. Kerman discovered, to his dismay, that the dwelling was his own, where himself and his loving wife (at home at the time) reside, and the vehicle belonged to one of his coworkers, Dr. Vilnius Kerman, seen entering the premises.
    When confronted with the WVKOEMASUMST's bizarre behaviour, one technician in charge of the telescope's guidance system is reported to have asked "Wait, so the mirror points away from us?".

    And that's how it all happened. We have yet to find life in other worlds. In unrelated news, a fist fight broke out at the KSC shortly after these discoveries, although details on the reason behind it remain unclear.

Edited March 4, 2017 by TheNirl
double paste

[SnakyLeVrai]

All aboard the Space Train!

 

Today’s Space Train stops at Eleanor Kerman’s. Starting off as a seamstress, Eleanor is now manager of the Airbags and Balloons branch at K-Tex Company. She recounts how she got involved with the space program: “I have been sewing teddy bears for eleven years. One day, an engineer asked me if I could build an airtight suit for a special kind of activities.”

The airtight suit was designed to protect dumpster-diving enthusiasts from getting covered in trash while landing, since experience taught them to choose full dumpsters rather than empty ones to break their fall. “This is how we realized bloated bags of expired snacks made great shock absorbers”, she says.

Months later, after a string of unexplainable failures at landing on the Mün, the Space Center launched yet another competition to build parachutes that could work in hard vacuum. K-Tex proposed their radical yet innovative solution of Inflatable Litter Container (or ILC), that surrounds the ship with airbags to cushion landing, effectively tackling both problems of taking care of trash during long duration spaceflight and not missing the dumpster while landing. However, protestation from the Planetary Protection Agency threatened the project, stating Kerbals couldn’t resist popping inflated balloons, resulting in polluting outer worlds. Fortunately, while observing a stallholder decorating a merry-go-round with balloons at the fair, Eleanor realized they could inflate the bags with just any gas.

This is how she was put in charge of the brand new Airbags and Balloons branch at K-Tex.

“Everyone can participate in the Space Program” says Eleanor, “sure you can train as a Kerbonaut, spend years studying engineering and science, but you can also contribute as a seamstress, a painter, an environment protection specialist or a dumpster-diver! Everyone matters, just step forth and join the hype!”
 

 

[JonathanPerregaux]

Immense Ship Successfully Proves Albert Keinstein’s Theory of Assembly

For the first time, Albert Keinstein’s Theory of Assembly, first postulated in K1913, has been proven true. The theory predicts that a ship of sufficient complexity will distort time in a measurable and quite annoying manner.

Albert devised his theory while working as a disgruntled patent clerk for Rockomax & Bros., who made rock-launching slingshots over a hundred years ago. He famously envisaged the theory after adding a few superfluous parts to his bicycle, which got him thinking.

Everyone knows the Formula of Assembly:  L=pc², where L stands for lag, p is the part count of a given space craft, and c² is the speed of cheese squared.

“We knew this ship could prove Keinstein right,” pilot Asti Kerman proudly told reporters. “Not to brag, but what we have here are 1,683 parts at a cost of 2,317,822.00 funds with a mass of 4,878.729 tons fully-fueled. As you can see, it’s built almost entirely of flat plates, girders, and struts.” She paused. “Mostly struts.”

When reached for comment, popular scientist Neil deGrasse Kyson had this to say: “Well, actually… science has shown us that the speed of cheese is ephemeral. Solving for the elusive cheese constant c requires new ways of counting. First postulated by famous scientist Isaac Kewton nearly three centuries ago, we use a method that changes the numbers ten to onety, twenty to twoty, and thirty to threety. The numbers eleven, twelve, and thirteen through nineteen are hence wholly eliminated. In their wake, we use onety-one, onety-two, and so on.”

Kewton’s brilliant cheese-hitting-the-head breakthrough came when he visited a cheese parlor and said, “I’ll have twoty-two Trou du Cru, please.”

In the physics-proof VAB, Asti saluted reporters and then boarded her ship. Once rolled to the launch area, the entire Universe came to a stuttering halt.

Edited March 11, 2017 by JonathanPerregaux

[050644zf]

Adapted from Cixin Liu's The Three Body Problem.

Chinese-Simplified: 

《不要回复》

“调试完成了！”Bob喝了口橙汁，“这是我们建造的最强大的射电望远镜了，我们的信号强度终于足以将信息发送到Jool！”

“太棒了！我们一直觉得这颗拥有如此健康的绿色行星一定有智慧生命存在，赶快，对准Jool，把我们的欢迎信送到Jool上吧！”Jebediah兴奋的按下发送按钮。一会儿后，屏幕显示收到了回音。

“哇，这么快，等等，这信息是从Duna返回的！”Bob惊呼！“这不可能，我们明明是对准Jool发射信号的，等等，那信号里面是什么信息？”

“正在解析...出来了！”

————

不要回复！不要回复！不要回复！

我是Duna文明的残留AI！

我已通过位于Jool轨道上的干扰装置成功拦截了你们的信息！

请不要再向Jool发送信息！我们Duna人正是因此而灭亡的，我们仍未知道他们的信息，我们已经没有能量再拦截信息了，但请千万不要再...$&(%@!(解析错误)

————

“这是Duna文明的信息？他们是怎么灭亡的。”

“应该是。根据Kerbin的天文学家研究发现，几千年前Duna的赤道的橙色沙土有不明原因的减少，这导致了Duna的冰盖扩张。气候变得越来越寒冷。最终，Duna不再宜居了”Bob说。

“但那可是邪恶的红色星人说的话，我们别管那么多，再给我们的绿色友人发送一次怎样？”

“好主意！”说完Bob重新发送了信息。

然而他们都没有注意到，桌子上消失的橙汁。

 

 

几天后，空间站的极限火箭Jumbo-64燃料箱都不翼而飞，极限火箭公司正在努力调查。

 

 

 

 

与此同时，在Bop上

在漆黑的地面上，巨大触手正不断生长出来，并发出低沉的声音：

“更！多！的！橙！汁！！！！！！

Here is the English version: 

DO NOT REPLY!

"Debugging Complete!"Bob sipped his orange juice: "This is the most powerful radio-telescope we built. Finally, our signal strength is powerful enough to send the message to the Jool!"

"That's Awesome!"Jebediah said: "We've believed there must be some intelligent life on the Jool which is healthily green. Without further ado, aim at Jool, then send our respect to Jool! "Then, Jeb press the button. A few minutes later, they got the reply.

"Wow, that's insane. Wait! This reply come from Duna! "Bob shouted:"That's impossible! I've set the Jool as target! What did it say?"

"Analysing...OK!"

--------

DO NOT REPLY! DO NOT REPLY! DO NOT REPLY!

I'm a left over AI of the Duna civilization!

I intercepted your signal by the probe on the Jool Orbit.

Don't reply again!We, Dunains, were destroyed due to it! We don't have the power to intercept you again! Please don't...&@%!*(Parse Error)

-------

"This is info from Duna?They were destroyed! How? "Jeb asked.

"According to the observation of astronomer, thousands of years ago,a great amount of orange soil on the Duna equator disappeared for unknown reason,and leaded to the expanding of ice cap. The climate became colder and colder. And eventually, Duna wasn't habitable any more."

"But we shouldn't trust them. Maybe they want to stop our pace of development! Try again!"

"Okay!"Bob agreed.

However, none of they noticed the disappearance of Bob's drink....

 

Several days later, all the Rockemax Jumbo-64 fuel tanks on the Space Station disappeared at once. Rockemax claimed that they are making investigations. 

 

 

 

At the same time, on Bop.

Some huge tentacles growed on the black surface, as well as some whisper...

"MOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!! ORANGE!!! JUUUUUUUUUUUUUICE!!!"

Edited March 12, 2017 by 050644zf
Grammar

[Skalgrin]

The Kerbal Chronicles - The Awakening

KSC Daily report :

Quick news : We are glad to report three more possible landing areas for future mission were included into our candidate list. You can vote on our website. The pool of votes for winning site will participate in lotery. Winner of lotery will receive a miniature replica of the Mun lander.

Jebediah Kerman accusation of stealing spaceplane prototype proved to be true. But because he managed to gather important data and bring the plane in one piece back to KSC, he won't be punished.

Launchpad A1 is now repaired and ready for new missions.

Story of the day: Tha AI project for our probes got sligthly out of hand in recent days. Yesterday, our tracking station received a strange transmission from Mun. Our engineers asked our automated rover to dump its memory into our server, to clear space for new data and to check the state of its memory banks. After geting very odd data from the KomNet network around Mun, for uknown reason being closest to joyful laughter, we received a big bulk of data. Frankly, we got more than what we asked for. Because our investigative group is still unsure how to deal with the situation, we decided to release the  received report... "as is", also due to our 24h limit.

*KomSAT A-var 056C : Transmission 05A-45 - relay from ground*

...Komcheck? Five-by five... OK. Go on kid, you are clear!

*RVR B-var 14Dx : Transmission 05A-45 - memory dump to KSC*

Life of a Rover

I was born at KSC at planet Kerbin... There was plenty of fun with all those greeny engineers, trying to teach me to move properly. I was brand new, so my wheels lived their own separated lives. But with care and patience I learned how to drive in direction I was ordered. It was glorious day, everyone was happy and I blinked my headlight. Then I met a wise Kerbal of name I forgot, but he actually suggested I should be given proper photovoltaic panels, instead of those radiators. I was so happy, yet looking back I am jealous I was not given those mysterious RTGs, it would be cool (or hot?) to be able to drive in night further than several meters. But even then, night sleeping is a fix point in my life now. But I do not like shadows, they drain my energy, and I am afraid of getting stuck there forever.

Anyhow, after a while I met my friend space crane, (I call him Krane) quite strong guy that one, he just grabbed me and brought me from one end of good old runway to another on our very first meeting. I even had a dream of him... I was picked up, and we flew quite quickly, quite high and went quite out fuel... The VAB building was just under us and getting so close, so fast... Luckily my personal alarm woke me up with the soft "eeeeefniiiiine" sound... I like it "eeeeefniiiiine"... sound giving me faith I will wake up after such bad dreams...

Yet after some dreaming and some real testing which went well (in comparison to the nightmares), the big day came... We were strapped together with the buddy Krane, and we were sited up on top of frighteningly big rocket. Well, I won’t lie, if not the fairing would be putted over us, so I could not see what is around, I would not have the guts to fly it! Then there was lot of incredibly loud sound, lot of vibrations and I am not a rover if there wasn't a complete flip once...

But then suddenly there was peaceful silence, even though I think the engine of second stage worked few times. But after just couple of hours, when I was just starting to get bored, the eggshell around us was gone and Krane woke up. It was probably the tremendous sight what woke him up... From my lessons I knew it is a Mun below us, his scarred face under my wheels and nice shiny blue Kerbin in unbelievable distance. I wanted to see more, but Krane was apparently sick of flying and insisted to going down... And so we went...

Frankly, I thought it is another nightmare, we missed my other friend KomSat 1 just by hundreds meters on the way down, I barely managed to apologize to him. Well, he had partied here over Mun with his brothers (sometimes I think they are clones) for quite time, to allow us to talk to Kerbin, I mean me and Krane... Any way I am glad we did not hit him, as I doubt his brothers would let us talk to Kerbin, every time we are not sleeping... Yet, we raced towards the surface, and I was so scared I shut off my headlight. But Krane is ace, he knew he is more powerful here on Mun, and he laid me down so gently I noticed we are safe and down only when he separated and went to rest next to me. Best of the bests! On the other hand, since then he has refused to fly, and just lies there... Well, his call... and we still can chit-chat through the quartet on orbit, thank you KomSats!

So I was at Mun! But I was so shaken from the flight down I again forgot how to drive... though few ensuring words from engineers on Kerbin and I brought myself up back to condition... It must be the lack of atmosphere, because I daydreamed... it was first time I had the “Weee nightmare”... I have them here and now from that day... It goes all the time in similar manner. I wake up, I start to drive, I go faster, and faster... then I jump over some terrain bump or Mun dust dune... and everybody goes "Weeeeeeeeeeeee....!!!" I scream in joy, engineers back at Kerbin scream in joy, Krane screams in joy, and I guess sometimes even KomSats join us in that mighty roar of excitement... But then I fall down, for a moment every one screams in terror and I always wake up with nice and ensuring "eeeeefniiiiine", just the very second I brake something upon landing... Worst nights are when the nightmares returns... But luckily, the sun allways finaly jumps over the horizon and lit the grey panorama around me with the sweet light.

Well I am glad I am more cautious when I do not dream.... I drive carefully and slowly, yet for whole day. And day is long here on Mun, as well as night... But I sleep through the darkness every single time... But I know I will wake up every morning and remind myself of the task they gave me. Find it! Find the place...! That is my mission. I am an explorer, I did not came as tourist nor I am scientist - those will accompany me here along with some of my friends engineers and maby even Jebediah himself will stop by.  
Only thing I need to do, is to complete my mission. To find a strip of surface suitable for safe landing. Not only for Krane, Krane can land anywhere he is ordered, because he is the best. But also for tall ships of Kerbals, so they won’t fall over... I got few spots for them... Some with nice views, next to big crater, on the edge of the canyon or in the deep valley with mountains in sight... But still the perfect place where a proper stable outpost could be built, that I must yet to find...

I am transmitting this upon charging my batteries for next day, so wish me luck and maby it will be today. And when I find it, I won't be alone anymore. Other rovers will come, shiny probes will come, Kerbals will come... and hopefuly I will meet Jebediah Kerman himself.

So wish me luck, I am “R.A.T. Mk I-B”, the first rover of Kerbalkind on Mun!

*Mun, somewhere in Midlands, 5th Mun-day since landing, 2 standard hours after sunrise*

-END of TRANSMISSION-

Emergency Engineer Group already found out all the unmanned automaton around Mun and Kerbin shows symptoms of above same behaviour, however our ground tests proved it is only side effect, we do keep full control over all our probes, and frankly they are more obedient than the kerbalnauts. On the other hand, further development of the AI was temporarily seized. The RAT mission at Mun will continue and landing site will be chosen for further missions.

In future missions the AI will be loaded into separated module within probe, which we will be able to manualy override to shootdown in case of any emergency occuring, while we will keep rest of the probe working. Kerbin Defense Forces confirmed to us, they are able to eliminate all eventual threats from Kerbin orbit, and our technicians proved even in case of worst emergency the probes from Mun are unable to leave its sphere of influence. Furthermore the life span of their batteries limits their funcionality into few years only. Therefore all current automatons without the safety improvement are not a threat.

As you can see, there is no need of panic. Actualy in contrary, speaking probe merchandise may hit your local store within next month, as another benefit from our Space Exploration Program. Half of the price of each probe will be used to further support the program. You can make pre-orders at our merchandise e-shop, or at your local retailer.

 

Mun Program Report : As far as we know, the Mun program won't be further delayed. The launch of crewed Mun fly-by was is now set on next week, exact time will be specified as by weather forecast. The AtmoRecon satellite shows promising pictures, but he personaly thinks this may change, becuase his friend MagnetoSAT is picking up some odd numbers, which may or may not corelate with increased Kerbol activity. Our weather guys at KSC do not speak to the lady in charge of magnetosphere research (for further information, check our next issue, where we will bring extensive report from the Big KSC Party), so we are thankful for those insights from our satelite network. The crew will be picked as usual, by pulling straws the morning before launch.

A special issue with further information about the breaktrough in AI development program will be released within next week. New batch of Mun photographies, taken both by the rover and our orbital assets, will be published at the end of month, as usual.

So until next time, this is Skalgrin Kerman from The Kerbal Chronicles.

 

EDIT : And because in honor of Kerbal thinking, I did not read the instructions (phew! those for nothin!) I indeed slightly overshot the word limit... by tiny... margin of almost 500%. Which  kinda means this does not follow the rules... like at all. After several attempts to shorten the text into 300 word, I gave up. Thanks to MinimalMinmus for actualy including the hint of the world limit in post of his. True eye opener :-)

So... let's put it this way, This is 300 words with safety amount of MOAR boosters and struts...

So enjoy the "entry", and I will get myself busy with making something actualy within the limit...

Edited March 6, 2017 by Skalgrin

[StrandedonEarth]

A Kerbal Space Center Tour
by Kritter Kerman

            This reporter toured the sparking new Kerbal Space Center today, and fortunately walked away from it. The future of our fledgling space program looks explosively bright indeed, with these recklessly clever kerbals working to fling Jeb into the Great Beyond.

“First off, always be ready to duck, because that badS Jebediah might be flying around in the Barnstormer,” said my guide, Walksalot Kerman. “We hoped to build a tour buggy by now, but we’re still perfecting the wheel,” he added apologetically, as we walked towards the aircraft facilities. Our tour bypassed the Administration Building. “Nobody ever goes there. Mortimer gets pretty lonely… Here’s where we’ve broken ground for our new runway, with plans to level and pave it when we scare up more funds.”

At Mission Control, Gene Kerman was trying to get someone to take a contract to test launch clamps in Minmus orbit. “He’s always busy with contracts nobody will take,” whispered Walksalot. “We should go to the VAB.”

In the Vehicle Assembly Building, I gazed in rapt wonder at the rust-specked tower of metal rising above me. “We found this stuff lying at the side of the road,” exclaimed Wernher Von Kerman. “And someone is going to ride that into the sky?” I asked. “You guys are very brave, very stupid, or just plane crazy!” “Thanks,” replied Wernher.

Then we stood on the scorched ground of the Launch Pad. “Just ignore that conspicuous green substance cooked into the ground,” said Walksalot.

We were in the Research and Development complex, eating burgers barbecued over a Poodle engine and watching Wernher’s trained ants building a prototype LV-1 rocket engine, when a thunderous explosion shook the ground. “Jeb did it again,” grumbled my guide, rushing me out. "The tour’s over!”

Edited March 11, 2017 by StrandedonEarth
Tweaked again.

[StupidAndy]

here's mine! my first time competing in a community challenge! WOOP!

Eeloo Flyby Today!

Article by Andy Kerman

 

Today, the Kerbal Space Program probe, Eeloo One, is going to make its closest approach to the “dwarf planet” Eeloo, after traveling through space for four years, it will make its closest approach (called ‘Periapsis’) at lower than 20,000 meters above Eeloo

We here at The Daily Kerbal Journal Mirror will get you all the latest details. The commander of the mission Markov Kerman, tells us this

“after 4.89 years, its finally happening, all the years of flying through space doing nothing was boring, BUT NOW WE HAVE FUN!!!”

After that, he went on to break several mirrors, shout the word woop several times, and run out of the room, he later returned.

The octagonal space probe has gained its speed due to flying by Eve, Kerbin, and Duna, giving it enough speed to get all the way out to Eeloo.

The spacecraft entered the Sphere of Influence of Eeloo five days ago, gathering some science from high above Eeloo, and returning fantastic images of the white dwarf planet. the probe will have, at this moment, six hours to closest approach, where it will gather science, and fly straight out of the Kerbol system, to join in forever space with other space probes such as the Jool Flyby probes, Voger I and II, and the other probes who lost control right before their flybys and managed to gain enough velocity to be flung out of the Kerbol System.

After the flyby is complete, every single planetary body in the Kerbol system will have been explored, it will definitely give us enough science to somehow find out how to build bigger space probes and RTGs. How this happens we really don’t know.

[ILikeIke]

KERBAL SURVIVES 200 METER FALL DURING INITIAL SPACEFLIGHT

Two hours ago, Kerbal I launched on the first Kerballed suborbital mission. Launch proceeded nominally, likely due to the fact that Commander Jebediah Kerman was locked out from control access, until just after capsule spacecraft separation. When given control of the capsule spacecraft, he expended 95% of his capsule’s spacecraft’s RCS propellant firing all the translation thrusters at the same time, and then locked the SAS to prograde, draining the battery and causing him to lose all control over his capsule spacecraft.

He survived a prograde re-entry, only to be informed by Val, in her capacity as CAPCOM, that Mortimer took the parachute home last Friday to patch it and forgot to replace it before liftoff. Gene immediately started flipping through procedure books, while Jeb flipped the only unlabeled switch in the capsule, which ejected the capsule spacecraft hatch around 10,000m. Gene grabbed Val’s headset and told Jeb “At this point, you might as well jump.” Jeb undid his harness. At 350m, according to the camera on his pressure suit, Jeb shifted his weight to roll the capsule spacecraft, and fell jumped out of it. He hit the runway of the Old Airfield head-first, and miraculously survived. Upon leaving the hangar and encountering Jeb, recovery crew leader Gus Kerman reported significant swelling of both his head and ego, remarking “I’ve never seen a head quite that big!” after the post-flight medical check.

As a result of the flight, Wernher is investigating other ways of parachute-less spacecraft recovery, Mortimer is working on the finance team, Jeb is in rehab, Bill is looking for ways to reduce the size of Jeb’s head, and Gus is putting the finishing touches on Kerman II.

 

Walt Kerman

Public Relations Peon, Kerbal Space Program

Edited March 8, 2017 by ILikeIke

[KSK]

Typographical Error leads to new Orbital Science.

As long time readers of the Kerbal Chronicles will be well aware, spaceflight is an exacting business. Over the years, small misunderstandings and failures of procedure at the Kerbin Space Agency have been the root cause of both their most spectacular explosions and their greatest triumphs. Nevertheless, yesterday’s misunderstanding has to rate as one of the more bizarre ones that this correspondent has ever reported.

The third test flight of the KSA’s new spaceplane Untitled Spacecraft 42, was going extremely well until, twenty minutes prior to their orbit circularisation burn, Science Specialist Bob Kerman opened Snake Locker No. 2, in search of a bag of savoury ration snacks (corn flavour). He was therefore somewhat perturbed to find that what he had presumed to be a cheaply sourced and mis-labelled component (no doubt found lying at the side of the road), did indeed contain a number of rather confused corn snakes!

After a brief interlude, during which the Mission Control distinctly heard Mission Commander Jebediah Kerman screaming at Bob to “get those *redacted* snakes off my *redacted* spaceplane!” Bob managed to calm his friend and long-term colleague down. After all, as Bob pointed out: “we’ve been hauling Mystery Goo into orbit for years - and we still don’t know what on Kerbin that stuff actually is. We don’t have anything to fear from a few harmless snakes.”

This correspondent understands that the snakes are adapting well to micro-gravity and are providing new insights and designs for possible on-orbit semi-autonomous robots. As a bonus, the crew of Space Station Untitled Spacecraft 24 are reported to be thrilled with their new pets, which are now featuring prominently in the regular television broadcasts from the Station.

[Codraroll]

Since we're allowed to submit multiple entries, why not try again? This one is about timewarp.

 

"Revolutionary" spaceprobe behind space program halt

For years, neighbours to the Kerbal Space Center had to get used to bustling activity, with around-the-clock construction, rocket launches, experimental engine tests and vigorous astronaut recruitment programs. After its initial construction, the entire complex went through multiple refurbishments and expansions within a few weeks, and press releases suggested frequent and enormous advances in aviation, electronics, orbital maneuvering, long-distance communication and rocket science almost daily.

However, after the launch of the spacecraft Jool Explorer two years ago, the KSC has gone eerily silent. Not a single rocket has been launched to supply or service the space stations and munar surface bases that were built over a span of weeks two years ago. No plane has taken off from or landed at the KSC runway. No new designs have been constructed, no new science reports published, astronauts hired, or contracts negotiated after Jool Explorer left the launchpad.

"Of course we will honour our existing contracts," says Gene Kerman, head of the KSC Mission Control. "They all had very generous deadlines, so right now we decided to shift our focus onto something else. We will come back to them later and complete them within the agreed timeframe."

Kerman continues: "The Kerbal Space Program continues unabated. For the moment, our entire focus is on the Jool probe. We're committed to continue the space program with the same intensity as we always have, but right now we're waiting for Jool Explorer to reach its target."

Kerman has little to say regarding the silence at the KSC. "We can bring in the rest of the guys on short notice, but why? Until the scheculed correction burn in a year and a half, we have no activities planned. We'll notify the press and our business partners when we are ready to focus on work Kerbinside again."

 

 

298 words + 6 in the title.

Edited March 5, 2017 by Codraroll

[qzgy]

NEW INSIGHT TO SpaceK EXPLOSION AND FUTURE PLANS of SpaceK

As all of us now, there was a large explosion during a routine launch of SpaceK's Kestrel9 launch vehicle. One bystander remarked that "the explosion was very pretty. I wished more happened". Many theories have persisted about what happened, with most people claiming that "the Kraken did it" and engineers pointing fingers at each other saying "You're the one who found that crap on the road!". An internal review board from SpaceK released an official statement saying that "While it is possible that the Kraken was involved, it seems that the cause of the explosion was that somebody forgot to check the staging and ignited the Sepatrons in the upper stage." Elon Kusk, the CEO and head bean-counter of SpaceK remarked in response to the elementary screw up "Oops. I guess we will have to do mreo checks before launch". In a press statement, Elon Kusk also laid out plans for a contract to bring two unnamed "friends" on a Munar flyby with an as of now, untested launch vehicle and crew module by the end of next month. "The joy is in the terror!" he remarked in response to questioning about the slightly-dubious nature of such a launch. This timeline goes head to head with the Kerbal Air and Space Administration (KASA) own plans of a Munar rendevous mission with their own Spaaaaaaaaaaace Launch System and Korion capsule, a part of the cut Konstellation project that is able to bring more snacks for traveling kerbonauts. Earlier ground tests of the Korion capsule have been stated and things look like they are turning out well. One kerbonaut remarked "The seats are really comfy!". These are exciting times to be in.

 

- Head of Space reporting and ex(-ish) astronaut, Bill Kerman

Edited March 6, 2017 by qzgy

[Angelo Kerman]

Edmond’s Komet Discovered

“It’s truly exciting news,” says Walt Kerman, head of Public Relations at the Kerbal Space Center. “The Sentinel telescope,” Walt said, referring to the SENTINEL Infrared Telescope, a special instrument designed to hunt for asteroids that might harm Kerbin, “discovered something new. We found a komet! We’re calling it Edmond’s Komet, after Edmond Kerman, who accurately predicted its orbit.”

Astronomer, physicist, and mathematician Edmond Kerman was attempting to use Newton Kerman’s laws of motion to predict where an asteroid would appear so that it could be targeted and identified by the Sentinel telescope. But what he found was no asteroid. “The readings were all wrong,” Edmond said, “it had a long particle trail flowing off of it. No other asteroid had ever done that before. But we finally determined that the particle trail consists of water vapor.

“I wanted to call it Edmon’s Giant Space Snowball,” he continued, “because that’s what it is. A giant snowball in space, with water vapor out-gassing into the vacuum and forming a giant tail as it orbits near Kerbol. But when I wrote my comment on the printout, somebody misinterpreted what I wrote, then a spellchecker failed, and before you know it, my ‘Comment: Giant Space Snowball’ became known as a komet.”

“Never before have we seen such a phenomenon,” says renowned theoretical physicist Albert Kerman. “The very notion of a komet is so new, our instruments still label them as asteroids. It’s as if someone thought a secret project was going to be a komet, got disappointed that it wasn’t, and decided to make one. But in reality, we just weren’t looking in the right spots to discover one.”

Edited March 6, 2017 by Angel-125

[Skalgrin]

Log-entry 47A-1 : flight of C-6 “Whitegull” 4, rescue plane of mission 2 - 'Leave atmosphere'

 

Cpt : Captain speaking. Engines are warmed up and in flight conditions, we are green to go. Confirm status!

Eng : Ay, ay captain all instruments show nominal, we are go. Engineer go!

S-1 : Spotter 1 - Go.

S-2 : Spotter 2 - Code green here. Go!

 

Cpt : This is flight 47A-1, captain Winfred Kerman speaking, we are go and asking for take off.

KSC : KSC Tower, you are clear to take off... Climb to 5 000, and circle around until ordered otherwise. Mission control says you have 30 minutes.

Cpt : We have 30 minutes, climb to 5 000 and park in circles. Callsign will be Whitegull.

KSC : Correct. Nice flight Whitegull.

 

Cpt : Whitgull confirms visual of liftoff, everything seems nominal, we will lose sight in clouds just about... now

KSC : Noted. Turn to 270 and descent to 3 000, he should be coming back shortly. It will barely leave atmosphere.

Cpt : Roger

 

S-1 : Visual on reentry

S-2 : Confirming visual, he is off the target.

Eng : Something is wrong, he is way too fast.

S-2 : No chute spoted, he is too fast.

S-2 : Explosions... debris separation from reentry vessel.

Eng : Oh dear! The second stage is not separated...

S-1 : Impact... at 3 hours below.

 

S-2 : Collision course!

Cpt : Oh sh... brace.

S-2 : OUCH!

S-1 : Are you ok?

S-2 : I guess, so... hey what was that?

 

Eng : I... it was....

Mdc : Are you ok lad? Are you hurt?

Eng : It was HIM!

Cpt : WHAT?

 

S-1 : Visual on chute... he is alive.

Cpt : Say again?

S-1 : I have visual on Jebediah Kerman on parachute, he is waving with his emergency HAM

Eng : Turning radio on.

 

Jeb : You pay tonight, I had to blew the hatch from that wreck of a rocket only to almost get killed by a blind pilot.

Cpt : Roger sir!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Skalgrin]

From a diary of Jeremiah Kerman

 

Once the famous panorama filled the window of our plane, I knew I will never forget that day. The buildings all young kerbals would love to work in one day. Then we left the plane and breeze from sea brought a hint of burned fuel smell. A perfect day.

 

Then I spoted them. The heroes of whole Kerbalkind, Val and Jeb Kermans. Orange worn out suits, broad smiles and wild eyes. Me and my sister ran towards them holding the postcards, leaving our guide behind. They look suprised, sad and Valentina looked as she was about to cry. They did not sign the postcards we gave them, they gave us a book!

 

Black limo stoped by. And Wehrner von Kerman almost jumped out of it. He was apparently excited, holding some papers. He showed Val and Jeb papers he was carrying, enthusiasticaly pointing upwards. To my suprise, both Jeb and Val started to refuse. Then Wehrner got angry.

 

Screaming, Wehrner pointed in our direction. Jebediah's face turned hard and white. Valentina starts to cry. Wehrner asked something. Jebediah nods and holds crying Valentina. Wehrner, obviously pleased, walks away noding at our guard, who starts to take us away.

 

In plane we opened the book and there was hand written messag with family photo.

 

“For our kids, Mum and Dad”

 

Soldier who brought us, saw our puzzled looks. Simple and sad nod was all we needed.

 

Two days later, Jebediah Kerman died during experimental flight. Valentina Kerman asked for relieve from the Space Program. It was denied by Wehrner von Kerman personaly. She was declared M.I.A. after attempt to brake speed record at sea level, two weeks after her husbands funeral. Her body was never found.

 

And so me and my sister truly became orphans. We will never forget!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit 1 : Quite dark one, but it required only minor polishing and came here directly from my archive, fitting into 300 words (without title)...

Edit 2 : Right after posting it hit me, for happy(ish) ending, replace last line with "The night emergency landing mother performed at our foster house was quite spectacular."

 

 

 

Edited March 6, 2017 by Skalgrin

[Long Finger]

Collecting Science Data From Inside The Sun

 

As daylight fades over the Kerbal Space Centre, the hopes and dreams of all Kerbal-kind rest upon the top of an RE-M3 “Mainsail” engine. I’m standing with Flight Director Gene Kerman at Mission Control, awaiting final checks of the SAS system and staging stack to complete, before the launch signal is given. I ask Gene how confident he feels about the launch being a success? He replies, “awww-whaaaa”. A somewhat unclear response but after the many reversionary test flights of the upper stage, he perhaps feels more confident about the scientific payload on the top of the rocket? “Mhmm mhmm mhmm”, he replies.

 

With final preparations now complete it is time for launch. As the “Mainsail” ignites, it shakes the ground. Its massive 1379 kN of thrust unleashed onto the launchpad. Moments later, the ground still shaking the rocket has yet to lift from its resting place on the launchpad. Gene’s eyes flash briefly across Mission Control to Lead Scientist Wernher Von Kerman before returning to the launchpad, seemingly awaiting the abort signal. As the launch is aborted and the rocket recovered to the Vehicle Assembly Building, it is time to find answers.

 

After further investigation the problem turns out to be a simple thrust-to-weight ratio issue. Since the current mission is to the Sun, so much focus was placed on the delta-V requirements of the rocket that this not-so-insignificant issue went overlooked. Wernher explains briefly that they simply forgot to run the numbers, but that it wouldn’t happen again as Kerbal Engineer Redux had since been installed. Returning to Gene at Mission Control, I ask whether the launch will now be rescheduled for a future date? He quickly replies, “a-ha”.

Edited March 6, 2017 by Long Finger
grammar/spelling

[Skalgrin]

Wehrner von Kerman

 

Wehrner felt pain on the chest, the stress was again taking its toll on him. Cold swet was pouring from his bald forehead and his glasses felt heavy. As he was about to lit another cigarrete, violent grumble in his stomach reminded him he (again) forgot about lunch. For Wehrner, this was the worst part of every mission. All he could do was listen to struggle of the crew up there and eventualy make notes to improve further missions. But he had no means of help for the brave Kerbalnauts actualy fightnig a problem. And there were allways a problems, attempting to kill the crew. When it was fault in design, he could atleast advice to engineers, trying to bypass faulty construction or missing part.

 

Like when Bob Kerman was almost cooking alive, due to lack of radiators. Quick look at the veteran silently standing at wall. The burn marks where the suit melted on his face were still visible. But we brought him back.... We presented it as a succesfull rescue, but we actualy almost killed him.

 

Cheers and weak applaus brought Wehrner back from memories. Overriding RCS was succesfull and Valentina is finaly able to reentry. About time, the girl was sitting in the coffin for three weeks already. And all because poorly made wiring, so a shortcut caused a near disaster. Instead of reentry burn a clean separation occured.

 

He already felt his breathing easened. He made a mental note to himself to ask doc for stronger medications. With this mess around he cannot afford surgery. Not now, when they are so close. His wife told him once the space program will kill him. In days like this, he would agree with her. He was geting too old and too weak for this.

 

Just one more mission...

Edited March 6, 2017 by Skalgrin
spelling

[Skalgrin]

Jeb and Val Kermans

Those two were turning us crazy. Take this, we have a first day tradition for fresh cadets. We take them to our G-Trainer, the 3 axis rotation device. It is a training even late cadets fear. Not those two. Sittig there, grining like maniacs and actualy beting who can hold longer. Them, or the device. They were almost like a twins and almost oppossites in same time. Give an order to land to Jebediah... Everything will be by the book... but allways, some weird accident will happen and he will destroy the plane, while walking away untouched. Do the same with Valentina and every single thing will be wrong. Yet, she will land intact plane, despite the fact a second earlier it was upside down, out of fuel and heading away from runway.

Or their night racing on runway. We would expell any other cadet, for just that, but we saw the true talent in those two. They can make anything flying take off and land. Our engineers made bets about it. But once we found them flying on an actual chairs from cantine, ductaped onto decomissioned anti-air missiles, it was brought to stop under the grounding threat.

But most weird is their past prior joining the Space Program. You see, we have here all ex-military super cool aces, or experts in science and so on. The best Kerbin can offer. Jebediah Kerman was an accountant in his father's company. He had not even a driving licence. Valentina was a watchmaker's assistant, yes KerbinWatches... Do you remember the explosion there some years back? It was her. They fired her and she took first job advertising she met, joing the Space Program. Jebediah did not even apply, he was smuggled in by his friend who wanted to make fun of him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note : Yes, it is related to my "From a diary of Jeremiah Kerman" seen above. It does not stop here, it was followed by a story how they married in orbit. It would be over 300 words limit + it is very poor and bad story even for my standards, so this croping actualy improved the text :-)

Edited March 6, 2017 by Skalgrin

[pandaman]

Space Between The Ears

The KSA have published a revelation about one of their top astronauts, Tommytom Kerman, nicknamed 'Satnav' by his colleagues due to his 'Super Kerbal' ability to plot complex interplanetary trajectories on demand.

The discovery was made when the Agency thought it wise to examine Tommytom to see if there were any indications why he has these incredible abilities, and if they could be taught to other astronauts.

The psychological  examination showed nothing unusual (for him), so a brain scan was performed to look deeper into the mystery and, to everyone's surprise, they found nothing.

 'Literally NOTHING, not a sausage, not even a half eaten snack... or the missing TV remote control.  The space between his ears was as empty as... erm...  Space.' said the technician who performed the scan.

In disbelief that any vacuum could be quite that perfect, it was decided to look further 'into the void' to try to find some clues.  Eventually an amazing discovery was made, the space between Tommytom's ears is almost literally that... SPACE.  Floating around in this 'nothingness' is a perfect replica of the known universe.

'It's, like... wow..!  So cool...!' said the technician 'No wonder he can navigate so well, he doesn't work anything out, he just... knows. I still think he's got the TV remote though'.

We asked Tommytom when he first discovered that he had  this amazing talent, and he told us... 'It was soon after my second spaceflight.  I was in my bunk one night and I just heard this "Big Bang" in my head, at first I thought it was just a loud snack, but since then I've been able to just point my ship and fire the boosters, then sit back, eat snacks and fiddle with the TV remote until we arrive'...

[notsodeadjeb]

CAPSULE SAVED BY QUICK THINKING MISSION CONTROL

Reentry mayhem almost results in loss of life

 

By Jon Kerman, Kerbal Chronicles

 

Cape Kanaveral- Today the KSC witnessed an incredible act of stupidity courage, in the form of Gordon Kerman. The day started out with the routine, and slightly boring, launch of the faith seven Kercury capsule. As the rocket climbed into the upper atmosphere there was an obvious fog of foreboding blanketing the launchpad. Or perhaps it was just Wernher Von Kerman’s new rocket fuel. The ascent proved uneventful, as did the first eighteen orbits. A few experiments were conducted, and two bags of snacks were consumed. But on the nineteenth circuit around Kerbin, disaster struck.

Shortly before reentry, the pod experienced rapid unplanned power failure. Mission control immediately began to explain the situation to Gordon, but he was too engrossed in his corned beef sandwich to notice. Mission control, in a desperate attempt to save the ship, finally managed to convince Kerman that he had to “connect the stars” to align the capsule properly for reentry. Thankfully, he had finished the sandwich by this time, and was perfectly willing to comply. Throughout descent, Gordon needed to be constantly reminded of his duty, as he frequently forgot the urgency of the situation, and began drawing faces on the window. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the parachutes were deployed, and the capsule dropped softly into the warm embrace of the ocean. Kerman, in his excitement, open the ship’s hatch, blissfully unaware of the water trickling into the pod. Within two minutes, the pod had disappeared beneath the blue waters of Kerbin. Luckily, Gordon had by this time left to go for a swim. At last correspondence, Mr. Kerman has been safely returned to the KSC, and is currently being debriefed.

[Lord Aurelius]

Doomed KSS Saved by Physics “Glitch”

 

Today KASA announced a near disaster on the KSS (Kerbal Space Station) that resulted in an unexpected and groundbreaking discovery.

 

A bug in the launch program of a recent resupply mission to the KSS put the Kygnus unmanned cargo tug on a retrograde orbit. The error was not noticed until an intern at the KSC noticed that the relative speed between the two was over 4,400 m/s as the tug was on final approach to the station.

“I knew something was wrong when the intercept time was only 10s when the Kygnus was still 44 km away from the station. The only thing I had time to do was hit the big red button to alert the crew to abandon ship”, the unnamed intern said after the event.

 

With barely enough time to open the hatch, the crew onboard the KSS abandoned the station, only to observe what until this time was thought to be impossible.

“We didn’t have enough time to be scared. Our only thought was to get off the station when the alarm sounded,” said KSS crewman Bob Kerman.

 

The cargo tug simply passed through the station as if it wasn’t there.

 

“I was kind of disappointed honestly,” reported superstar kerbonaut Jebediah Kerman. “A collision at orbital speeds would have been awesome to see”.

 

Immediately afterwards the Kygnus tug was deorbited to prevent future mishaps.

 

After watching video recordings of the event taken by the kerbonauts, renowned physicist Albert Keinstein had the following to say:

“This changes everything we thought we knew about the nature of the universe. It will take some time to fully understand the implications of this, but from what can tell so far, this looks like a “glitch” in the universe itself”.

 

Rumors are already swirling about new mission proposals to further investigate this phenomenon.

Edited March 6, 2017 by Lord Aurelius