Help with Relationships Thread

[MiffedStarfish]

Yeah, leave it on her doorstep without telling her. That’ll convince her your not stalking her. 

[NSEP]

1 hour ago, MiffedStarfish said:

Yeah, leave it on her doorstep without telling her. That’ll convince her your not stalking her. 

Nah fam. I will put it in her hand while she is sleeping.

Just giving it to her directly is the best option. And thats what i will most likely do.

[Piatzin]

10 minutes ago, NSEP said:

Nah fam. I will put it in her hand while she is sleeping.

But what if she doesn't see it? Better make several and then tape them to various obvious places around her room

[MiffedStarfish]

6 hours ago, Earthlinger said:

But what if she doesn't see it? Better make several and then tape them to various obvious places around her room

Hmm, good point. Maybe write the message on her wall, in red ink?

[Piatzin]

48 minutes ago, MiffedStarfish said:

Hmm, good point. Maybe write the message on her wall, in red ink?

Might be better to paint it on all four walls, in case she's facing in only one direction when she wakes up. And maybe on the ceiling too.....But we'll need a detailed timetable of when she isn't home in order to do the painting

@NSEP I hope you don't mind the teasing

[NSEP]

11 minutes ago, Earthlinger said:

Might be better to paint it on all four walls, in case she's facing in only one direction when she wakes up. And maybe on the ceiling too.....But we'll need a detailed timetable of when she isn't home in order to do the painting

@NSEP I hope you don't mind the teasing

I don't mind the teasing.

 

[tater]

As an old dude who was you once, be more assertive. The worst case is that you get rejected. Fairly often you get a "What took you so long?" as a response. If I could revisit my former self, I'd say a line from Risky Business that is not forum friendly... "Sometimes you just have to say, W T F." to myself. Eventually you'll figure that out, and things will improve, but why not give it a head start?

 

 

Edited December 18, 2017 by tater

[Piatzin]

2 hours ago, tater said:

If I could revisit my former self, I'd say a line from Risky Business that is not forum friendly... "Sometimes you just have to say, W T F." to myself. Eventually you'll figure that out, and things will improve, but why not give it a head start?

Isn't that movie 18+/R?

(Yes, I'm one of those kids that follows the guidelines lol :P)

[tater]

It's R, but R from the 1980s... it's about as R as any Game of Thrones episode that involves Little Finger's business  (maybe less "R" than that, actually).

.

Edited December 18, 2017 by tater

[Piatzin]

[tater]

Put another way, and on-topic, "No guts, no glory."

Certainly the setting matters. At university, being smart is certainly more attractive than it might be in many High School settings. If you go to a school that hold academic achievement in high regard, then being nerdy might in fact be as attractive as it can be later. "Assertive" in my above post might have been the wrong word, confident would be better---but in the sense of putting yourself out there and taking a risk, "assertive" works.

Cultivating the ability to not care about rejection creates the right amount of disinterest, probably. If they agree to go out, great, if not, you'll ask someone else until you get a positive response. Desperation always looks bad, and if you can take it or leave it (or appear that way), that's a decent thing to telegraph unconsciously. 

 

[Spaceception]

Oh boy, here I go.
I don't know if I'll act on any advice you give me, because I feel like I'm in a pickle, but at least some idea of what to do will be nice.

There's this girl I like, we're really good friends, and we talk a lot every day online. We even sent each other Christmas presents earlier last month. But I don't know how to say that I like her.
Now here's the thing; we're long distance friends right now, and we're working on some stuff together, and I don't want to ruin it if it turns out she doesn't like me back the same way. I'm pretty sure we'd still be friends, but it's not 100%; She's also not into romantic stuff like books or movies, and it kind of carries over to her life.

As you can imagine, the anxiety is high with me.
If I do tell her, should I keep it short and sweet, or a bit longer? Or somewhere in between?

Luckily, our interests are actually really similar, except I'm a bit more into sci-fi than she is, she's a bit more into fantasy than I am; but we write both genres, and we're fans of Marvel, DC, Harry Potter, the likes.

Okay, I'm pressing reply.....

Edited December 18, 2017 by Spaceception

[Piatzin]

7 minutes ago, Spaceception said:

Oh boy, here I go.
I don't know if I'll act on any advice you give me, because I feel like I'm in a pickle, but at least some idea of what to do will be nice.

There's this girl I like, we're really good friends, and we talk a lot every day online. We even sent each other Christmas presents earlier last month. But I don't know how to say that I like her.
Now here's the thing; we're long distance friends right now, and we're working on some stuff together, and I don't want to ruin it if it turns out she doesn't like me back the same way. I'm pretty sure we'd still be friends, but it's not 100%; She's also not into romantic stuff like books or movies, and it kind of carries over to her life.

As you can imagine, the anxiety is high with me.
If I do tell her, should I keep it short and sweet, or a bit longer? Or somewhere in between?

Luckily, our interests are actually really similar, except I'm a bit more into sci-fi than she is, she's a bit more into fantasy than I am; but we write both genres, and we're fans of Marvel, DC, Harry Potter, the likes.

Okay, I'm pressing reply.....

This sounds a lot like my old relationship lol

If you're truly good friends, and there's trust between you, then you could just straight out ask her if she likes anyone in the class, etc (NOT if she likes you, specifically, just in general)

When you say long distance, what do you mean? Different schools, but same area, or different states/provinces....?

Also, i have no idea what your age is. I'm assuming you're still in high school so apologies if you're actually twenty or something

Edited December 18, 2017 by Earthlinger

[Spaceception]

Just now, Earthlinger said:

This sounds a lot like my old relationship lol

If you're truly good friends, and there's trust between you, then you could just straight out ask her if she likes anyone in the class, etc (NOT if she likes you, just in general)

When you say long distance, what do you mean? Different schools, but same area, or different states/provinces....?

Also, i have no idea what your age is. I'm assuming you're still in high school so apologies if you're actually twenty or something

Yeah, there's a lot trust between us. But I'm pretty nervous, and don't know if it's enough (Anxiety, yay).

Countries. I mean, there's plenty of people who end up getting together despite being separated like that... but I don't know if it's too early, you know?

Late teens.

[Piatzin]

5 minutes ago, Spaceception said:

Yeah, there's a lot trust between us. But I'm pretty nervous, and don't know if it's enough (Anxiety, yay).

Countries. I mean, there's plenty of people who end up getting together despite being separated like that... but I don't know if it's too early, you know?

Late teens.

I suggest asking her if she likes anyone in general. Depending on what she says, things might get hinted at, and eventually end up with confessions of affection (hey that kinda rhymes! ) or she might say 'I like this one guy where I'm living right now. I'll send you a pic of him.'

So it depends. If you're close friends, simply asking her if she likes someone isn't that big a deal. The suspicious/more forward thing to do would be to ask if she likes you.

Or you could drop a comment about how one of your other friends is wondering if she likes you. Things might develop from there, too

Edited December 18, 2017 by Earthlinger

[Spaceception]

1 minute ago, Earthlinger said:

I suggest asking her if she likes anyone in general. Depending on what she says, things might get hinted at, and eventually end up with confessions of affection (hey that kinda rhymes! ) or she might say 'I like this one guy where I'm living right now. I'll send you a pic of him.'

So it depends. If you're close friends, simply asking her if she likes someone isn't that big a deal. The suspicious/more forward thing to do would be to ask if she likes you.

Or you could drop a comment about how one of your other friends is wondering if she likes you. Things might develop from there, too

Alright..

Part of me doesn't want to say anything either, because I don't want to make things really awkward between us. Especially since we're working on something right now, and I'm having fun with her doing it.

Yeah, I don't want to come off as weird or creepy either.

[Piatzin]

3 minutes ago, Spaceception said:

Alright..

Part of me doesn't want to say anything either, because I don't want to make things really awkward between us. Especially since we're working on something right now, and I'm having fun with her doing it.

Yeah, I don't want to come off as weird or creepy either.

Take your time

[Spaceception]

6 minutes ago, Earthlinger said:

Take your time

Okay.

Since we live in different countries, do you think I should wait? Maybe until sometime next year when we're older?

Edited December 18, 2017 by Spaceception

[Ultimate Steve]

27 minutes ago, Spaceception said:

Now here's the thing; we're long distance friends right now,

Heh, reminds me of another girl I really like who actually lives 500 miles away from me...

*I'm gonna be starts playing in the background*

[Spaceception]

13 minutes ago, Ultimate Steve said:

Heh, reminds me of another girl I really like who actually lives 500 miles away from me...

*I'm gonna be starts playing in the background*

:')

[adsii1970]

2 hours ago, tater said:

Cultivating the ability to not care about rejection creates the right amount of disinterest, probably.

And pay close attention to what works and feels natural for you. When you approach a potential partner, you will have better confidence when you are within your comfort zone. You don't need the additional awkwardness of putting on airs to impress anyone.

Be yourself - today's world is full of fake people. And if you who are you are rather than being someone else for the sake of getting a date, then your relationships will be more meaningful to you and your partner.

2 hours ago, Earthlinger said:

I suggest asking her if she likes anyone in general. Depending on what she says, things might get hinted at, and eventually end up with confessions of affection (hey that kinda rhymes! ) or she might say 'I like this one guy where I'm living right now. I'll send you a pic of him.'

So it depends. If you're close friends, simply asking her if she likes someone isn't that big a deal. The suspicious/more forward thing to do would be to ask if she likes you.

I can see both sides of the coin on this one. In today's climate, I wouldn't ask, but would simply start out with the intent of becoming friends. This way, you don't end up with the whole relationship baggage thing. Many feel that "hey, if I know up front she is dating __________" then why try? But the thing about young love is that it's more akin to a butterfly than an old, steady, and sure oak tree. If you are interested in her, the slow approach will be the best. Besides, what if she's only with ________ because she can't find any better? You could be the better guy but if you give up too soon...

2 hours ago, Spaceception said:

Since we live in different countries, do you think I should wait? Maybe until sometime next year when we're older?

Yes, this is actually ideal --- living in separate countries, that is. But just don't communicate via screen. There's also services like Facebook Video Calling and Skype. If she speaks a language other than English, you might use that as a reason to talk to her -- and learn her primary language. Keep the video content "G" rated and focus on day to day activities, especially until you determine her relationship status. And most of all - don't push her for a commitment but let it develop naturally. Believe me, if you and her do become an item, you will have a better experience when exclusivity does become a topic. And if it never does, you've got time developed into a really good relationship. I have a lady I am still friends with - good friends - but when we tried to date, it was like taking my sister out. But we are really close friends and if I need advice from a woman's point of view, I can ask her.

 

 

 

[Not Sure]

Just stumbled upon this thread, I like how most of the posts in the last two pages are within the span of 24 hours. 

I'd just like to say something about what feels like a success story. Early high school. I feel that people look down upon couples in high school who think they will last forever but I really feel like that may be the case for me. After all, we go back to 6th grade. But it’s an interesting relationship, I have almost 900 hours playing ksp alone, she has just as many and probably more hours drawing and is a talented artist. We are total opposites. She is totally into fantasy art and I’m into sci-fi and science. She’s just over 5’ and I’m just over 6’. No clue how we came together and got this far, it feels like we compliment each other. I think it’s because we are so different (in many more ways that I described) that we enjoy each other. I learn something new every day and so does she. 

Pick me apart and ask questions, I don’t mind. Just thought I’d let some of y’all know that there are people with similar mindsets as you who find love.

Edited December 18, 2017 by Not Sure

[Nuke]

i had no problem dating when i was younger. i had several girlfriends i high school. dated a lot in my 20s. but had enough bad experiences, like really bad, in my 20s. so by the time i hit 30 i was pretty much done. 

[tater]

34 minutes ago, adsii1970 said:

And pay close attention to what works and feels natural for you. When you approach a potential partner, you will have better confidence when you are within your comfort zone. You don't need the additional awkwardness of putting on airs to impress anyone.

Be yourself - today's world is full of fake people. And if you who are you are rather than being someone else for the sake of getting a date, then your relationships will be more meaningful to you and your partner.

This. That's why I said to cultivate that amount of disinterest, don't feign it. It has to be real. As a geek, myself, I know all too well that feeling of working myself up to talk to someone. When I finally got to the point that I wasn't overly invested in the outcome---I was used to enough rejection I could shrug it off---then I actually found that I experienced less of it.

I think an experimental demonstration is that when you have a GF, you get approached more than otherwise, because you radiate that you're not actively hunting, lol.

[Spaceception]

1 hour ago, adsii1970 said:

--Snip--

Yes, this is actually ideal --- living in separate countries, that is. But just don't communicate via screen. There's also services like Facebook Video Calling and Skype. If she speaks a language other than English, you might use that as a reason to talk to her -- and learn her primary language. Keep the video content "G" rated and focus on day to day activities, especially until you determine her relationship status. And most of all - don't push her for a commitment but let it develop naturally. Believe me, if you and her do become an item, you will have a better experience when exclusivity does become a topic. And if it never does, you've got time developed into a really good relationship. I have a lady I am still friends with - good friends - but when we tried to date, it was like taking my sister out. But we are really close friends and if I need advice from a woman's point of view, I can ask her.

We've actually talked a few times over facebook, but the signal sucks, so it's really hard to talk more than a few minutes.

I have been thinking of learning her language... I should ask sometime - probably not now though, for personal reasons on her end I can't explain.

Yeah, we do that already we keep each other updated and stuff.

 

Anyway. If something happens with us, I'll definitely come here and say something.