Into the Snarkiverse

[MCWither_Storm]

On 10/28/2021 at 3:47 PM, jimmymcgoochie said:

The only reason that’s visible is because the centre of the sun is off-screen, so the sun flare doesn’t load. Without that, it’s extremely bright at such a close distance.

There’s a mod called Random Main Menu Bodies, which as you might imagine swaps Kerbin for a random celestial body on the main menu. Turns out that includes the sun, which confused me for a while as I didn’t recognise the strange yellow planet.

Still does not explain the more defined features on the sun, but ok.

[jimmymcgoochie]

Spoiler

3 hours ago, MCWither_Storm said:

Still does not explain the more defined features on the sun, but ok.

Not sure if this really answers your question, but by coincidence when I opened the game today (with RMMB installed) I got this:

(Jeb: Anyone else smell burning?)

Gene: I know most of you think you know who the crew for the Jool mission will be, but after the recommendations of the Space Program's doctors I'm officially grounding anyone who has already performed an interplanetary mission with a duration of more than 90 days.

Val, Bill, Bob, Valmal:  

All the other Kerbonauts: 

Gene: Now without further ado, here are the four lucky winners of the pull-names-out-of-a-hat draw:

Mission Commander: Lensel.

Lensel: I get to be Commander? Sweet! 

Chief Scientist: Bartfen.

Bartfen: At last, I get to go back to space!

Chief Engineer: Gervin.

Gervin: This is going to look great on my CV!

Second engineer: Liszon.

Liszon: Wait, two engineers and one scientist? Also yay

Gene: Yes, two engineers. We're not looking for science any more, which is why the ship's design has been significantly altered from the previous two- no long-term experiments, no greenhouse module, plus the centrifuge was moved below the lab to make space for docking ports to attach the various landers needed to land on all of Jool's moons.

Wernher: We've been working on the Laythe SSTO recently. It's a pre-Anomaly design but the records indicate it was a bit of a handful to land on Laythe while fully loaded with fuel; we're hoping the parachutes will be enough to allow a safe landing without any danger of crashing.

*plane noises*

Wernher: Val, what are you doing with my Laythe plane!?

Val: Well, somebody has to make sure this thing works properly, and who better than the Program's only four-star pilot?

Val: Oof! That "landing" was pretty harsh. Ooh, my neck hurts. *neck cracking noises* Nope, that made it worse...

Bobak: On a vaguely related note- the Duna scanners have arrived and captured into orbit of Duna and Bop to begin their mapping processes.

Mortimer: Too late- we just had contracts for mapping a bunch of moons expire because nobody even bothered to send scanning probes there in time. *sigh* Still, selling all that science data has made us richer than ever so what's a few contract failures between friends, eh? *eye twitch* Or spending a couple of million funds launching interplanetary ships festooned with very expensive RTGs.

Gene: Aaanyway, how's the ship looking, Wernher?

Wernher: Everything checks out, just need to get the crew on board and it'll be ready to go.

Linus: Looks like Jool is in the right place to leave straight away too.

Gene: OK, crew, you've got an hour to say your goodbyes; you won't be coming back for a good few years so make them good.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/fHrz64g

Wernher: Maybe we could send a fleet of scanning satellites out to Jool ahead of the crewed mission to map the moons out beforehand.

Gene: We should have done that for Duna, but somehow we kept forgetting and now we've paid the price for that both literally and figuratively.

Mortimer: Sounds expensive... But we have over ten million funds in the account so I'm sure we can spare some-

Gene: Ten million funds!?

Mortimer: I know, right? Turns out, having a giant space kraken show up and tell the whole world that the Space Program could save the world makes all our data stupidly valuable. I'm just dreading the day you decide to design the Moho ship though, just thinking of all the funds we've spent so far sending stuff out to that stupid scorched dirtball makes me feel queasy, let alone trying to get anything back.

Wernher: The engineering will be a major headache too, trying to get hold of 20 kilometres per second of delta-V isn't easy.

Linus: Now, if we only had some of those pre-Anomaly electric propulsion systems I keep seeing references to in the old archives. Ten times the ISP of a NERV, eight times the fuel mass ratio, sending a single ship to every planet and moon in a single mission within a decade; I'd sell all manner of body parts to see that thing in action...

[Admiral Fluffy]

16 minutes ago, jimmymcgoochie said:

Linus: Now, if we only had some of those pre-Anomaly electric propulsion systems I keep seeing references to in the old archives. Ten times the ISP of a NERV, eight times the fuel mass ratio, sending a single ship to every planet and moon in a single mission within a decade; I'd sell all manner of body parts to see that thing in action...

ION ENGINES.

They are slow, but very effiencent.

[jimmymcgoochie]

9 hours ago, Admiral Fluffy said:

ION ENGINES.

They are slow, but very effiencent.

I looked into that- to get the delta-V I’d need to go to Moho with even a modestly sized ship would give me a burn time of about 5 DAYS.

[jimmymcgoochie]

Mortimer: Can someone please do something with that space station orbiting the Mun? That thing represents a pretty significant investment and yet it's just sitting there doing nothing and-

Linus: Why don't we just deorbit it and let it crash?

Mortimer: Wait no-

Wernher: We'd get some seismometer readings out of it at least, plus we'd no longer need to dedicate DSN time to it.

Mortimer: But-

Cliff: Yeah! Let's crash it!

Mortimer: But-

Bob: Farewell, Mun Station One, you've served us well but also irradiated us every other day.

*explosions*

Bob: ...

Wernher: Seriously? No readings at all?

Bob: But it was in sunlight and everything!

Mortimer: 

***

Quick, while nobody's looking, it's Probe Time!

Eve Rover: 8/10. Continued exploration of Eve discovered a "pancake dome", but faulty autopilot isn't detecting the RTGs and keeps assuming the rover has insufficient power from its single solar panel to operate at full speed. No part failures yet as the thick atmosphere shields against most radiation.

Uh oh, someone's coming! Turn it off turn it off-!

***

Jeb: Goooooooood morning Eve system! Today's your lucky day, folks- it's going home day!

Bobak: Interplanetary Ship 2, this is Mission Control. Proceed with pre-departure maintenance EVA.

Sanlan: Roger that.

*Sanlan Kerman went on EVA*

Sanlan: Hey, who has the jetpack?

Duberry: I do, but-

Sanlan: Yoink! Time to fix that busted Gigantor panel and why is this thing NOT WORKING!?!?

Duberry: Oh. Oops.

Sanlan: OOPS!?

Duberry: Forgot to recharge the propellant tank. My bad.

Sanlan: [QUINDAR!]

Jeb: Hang on, Sanny, we're coming to save you!

Sanlan: find a happy place find a happy place find a *bonk* Ow!

Jeb: IS2 to Mission Control. Four crew safely aboard.

*smack*

Duberry: Aagh! Not the face!

Sanlan: Fine!

*smack*

Duberry: *high pitched* Not there either!

Sanlan: *inaudible muttering*

Gene: Coffee break, back in 5.

*5 minutes later*

Sanlan: Hiiiii, Kerbin!

Gene: What in the actual- 

Jeb: Taxi for four please! And two surface samples too.

Wernher: Coming right up.

*plane noises*

Val: OK Jeb, your mission- should you choose to accept it- is to fly that shuttle down to the runway without breaking anything, making anyone puke or accidentally yeeting the samples out the window on final approach.

Jeb: No problem. Deorbiting now.

Jeb: KSC in sight.

Jeb: Hmm, little bit too high. Brace for S-turns.

Duberry: *huuuuuuuuuurk*

Sanlan: Dude! Not cool!

Kerdous: Use a sick bag next time!

Val: Jeb, you do realise that an S-turn isn't supposed to pull 12Gs, right?

Jeb: Bah, you're no fun. Touchdown in 3, 2, 1- *boop* and down! Brakes on- *scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaape*- whoops, that was the landing gear button.

Jeb: Everything is fine!

Duberry: *hurk*

Kerdous: *hyperventilating into (unused!) sick bag*

Sanlan: LAND! Nice solid land *mwa mwa* blech, tastes like jet fuel and burnt rubber... Whatever. *mwa mwa* LAND!

Wernher: Uh, where are the samples?

...

Jeb: In the sample box?

Duberry: I definitely put them in there.

Sanlan: Because we all know how you never forget anything you're supposed to bring with you 

Duberry: One time!

Sanlan: Are you referring to the time you landed on Ike without waiting for me to stick the deployed science containers on the lander, or the time you didn't bother filling up the EVA pack and left me floating away from the ship with no way to get back-!

Linus: I can fix this!

F9

Linus: What the-?

*loading persistent_2021_11_04_20_15_24.sfs*

*explosions*

Linus: How did-?

F9

*pandemonium in the KSC*

Linus: A-ha! So that's where they got to! Shan't take a moment...

*alt+F12*

Jeb, Sanlan, Kerdous, Duberry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Jeb: Aaaaand touchdown!

Duberry: *hurk*

Kerdous: *hyperventilating into (unused!) sick bag*

Sanlan: LAND! Nice solid land *mwa mwa* blech, tastes like jet fuel and burnt rubber... Whatever. *mwa mwa* LAND!

Wernher: Where are the samples?

Jeb: Right here.

Linus: Two more for the collection! And absolutely no weirdness with the samples disappearing, the sample box exploding or somehow falling out of the shuttle on final approach!

Spoiler

OOC: It took a good 10-15 minutes to track down what had happened to those samples and rectify it. That sample box was CURSED, I tell you! First it exploded, then it disappeared, then it somehow detached itself from the shuttle- with unbreakable joints enabled too!- and disappeared off on its own before I eventually managed to drop the shuttle on the ground with the samples inside it, intact. That was the strangest thing that's happened in this series so far.

***

Gene: There's only one planet that we haven't sent a crew to yet, but it's probably the hardest one of all- Moho. With that in mind, the ship going to Moho will be smaller than the others, requiring a smaller crew of just two for that trip. So without further ado, the crew going to Moho are:

Mission Commander: Dunmon Kerman.

Dunmon: You got my name right!

Chief Engineer: Herman Kerman.

Sanlan: *sniggering*

Herman: Joke's on you, I'm going to Moho

Dunmon: So when do we leave?

Wernher: Actually, about that- it turns out that the next Moho transfer window is RIGHT NOW!

Dunmon: Two burns down, one to go...

Bobak: Engine cutoff confirmed. Looks like you're some ways off course, calculating a course correction burn to get you back on track. In the meantime, Herman, your job is to keep those Cherenkov engines in tip-top condition. We can eke out more burn time if you keep servicing them after each burn, meaning less stress on the return section and greatly increased overall delta-V.

Herman: You overfilled the fuel tanks, didn't you?

Bobak: A little bit, yes

Herman: I'll get right to- oh.

Bobak: What?

Herman: I just realised, I've never done the training module on servicing nuclear engines. It's a level 2 engineering specialty course and I'm still only level 1.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/GzHOhHx

*one day later*

Gene: Congratulations, Herman, you're now a level 2 engineer!

Herman: Eh?

Gene: You're in solar orbit now so that bumps you up a level; normally you'd need to sit the exam either in a lab module or back on Kerbin, but we've decided to waive that requirement and send you the coursework for the nuclear engine servicing course straight away. Happy reading!

Herman: I'm on a spaceship heading for another planet, but somehow I have homework?  

[jimmymcgoochie]

Donmun: Approaching Moho, ready for deceleration burn.

Herman: Are we there yet?

Donmun: Not even close, still another- *fzzt* ENGINE FAILURE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!

Herman: I got this. Just hold the ship still.

*Herman Kerman went on EVA*

...

*Herman Kerman boarded Interplanetary Ship 4*

Herman: All fixed, now punch it!

Donmun: That was a bit too close for comfort. What if it had failed too badly to fix?

Herman: Are you trying to jinx us?

Gene: Proceed to the Moho Mega-tanker to refuel.

Donmun: Roger that, plotting intercept course.

*later*

Donmun: You should tell them.

Herman: You're the commander!

Donmun: Well, you're the chief engineer!

Bobak: Tell us what?

Herman: ...

Donmun: ...

Bobak: Hello?

Herman: The tanker is too big to dock to the ship. Which would be fine, except that the booster on our ship has no docking port to dock to the tanker with.

Wernher: So take the port off the ship and put it on the booster. Move fuel from tanker to booster. Take the port off the tanker and stick it on the ship. Dock booster to ship again. Simple.

Donmun: OK, here goes...

Donmun: Hey Herman, how are you doing that?

Herman: Doing what?

Donmun: The tanker is following you around, even though it isn't firing its thrusters it seems to be staying exactly the same distance from you as you're moving.

Herman: Wow, I didn't notice that. That's so weird...

Herman: OK, ports reattached, we're ready to dock the booster back to the ship, be careful not to *clang scraaaaaaaaape* hit the NERVs as you dock...

Donmun: I've been thinking- if the tanker is copying your movements, what happens when you get back on board?

Herman: You're definitely trying to curse this mission...

*Herman Kerman boarded Interplanetary Ship4*

Donmun: What the- INCOMING!

*CRASH*

*EXPLOSIONS!*

Gene: What was that!?

Donmun: AAAAAaaaaaaaa..? We're alive?

Herman: I think the tanker tried to kill us, but all it did was smash itself to pieces. We may have lost a solar panel though...

Donmun: Phew! Looks like we've had our mishap for this mission.

Herman: STOP IT!

Dunmon: I'm heading down to Moho now. Try not to break anything while I'm gone, will you?

Herman: *inaudible grumbling*

Herman: Fine, don't put your visor down, don't come crying to me when you get mega-sunburn.

Donmun: Whatever.

Dunmon: Landing complete, flag planted, surface sample gathered. Just enough time to try this EVA experiments kit and- huh.

Herman: What?

Dunmon: I thought they said the banana thing would only work on cold planets?

Herman: See, you've gone and cursed this entire mission now!

Dunmon: *nervous* I have the strangest feeling that I'm being watched... How long until I can leave?

Herman: If you launch now and pitch over right away you can rendezvous within half an orbit-

Dunmon: That planet made my skin crawl. Or maybe that's just the sunburn?

*later*

Herman: Pay attention now, amateur- this is how you do it!

Herman: That looks interesting, maybe I can get a sample of it too?

Herman: Nope. Oh well, back to the lander I go-

*no lander in sight*

Herman: DUNMON YOU IDIOT!

Dunmon: What did I do?

Herman: You got this whole mission cursed and now the lander has disappeared!

Dunmon: OK, so you just jetpack back up to us-

Herman: There's no propellant in my jetpack, because there was nothing in the lander to fill it up with, because somebody used it all up and didn't refill it once they docked!

Bobak: We're not detecting the lander from here- wait, there it is, right where you left it?

Herman: I'm telling you, it's gone-

*lander sitting right where he left it*

Herman: What even- forget it. This mission is cursed. Let's go home.

*later*

Dunmon: Return course to Kerbin plotted, transfer burn is underway. You definitely checked the engines, right?

Herman: Not. Another. Word.

Dunmon: OK then, no chance of any failures this time- *fzzzzzt*

Herman: *eye twitch*

Dunmon: Heh, oops...

*scuffling noises*

*duct tape noises*

Herman: *grumbling about space curses*

Gene: What's going on, IS4?

Herman: Fixing the problem as best as I can. Once the fuel runs out in the booster I'll dump it and continue with the ship's own engines.

Herman: Farewell, cursed planet!

Dunmon: mmmmph mmfmfm mmm!

Herman: I'm not letting you say another word until we're out of Moho's gravity. This whole mission has been one disaster after another and it's all your fault.

Dunmon: *sad mmmph noises*

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/kHzDwAA

Herman: OK, we're finally away from Moho.

Dunmon: mmmmmmf mmm-ow ow ow just tear it off in one go! Oww...

Herman: Now are you going to behave, or are you going to spend the trip home duct-taped to this chair?

Dunmon: I'll behave! I promise!

Herman: You'd better.

Dunmon: Besides, we have eight engines now, if one of those fails-

Herman: *peels strip of duct tape off the roll*

Dunmon: *locks himself in the cupola* Ha! Can't get me now!

Herman: Fine, but now I have the TV all to myself.

Dunmon: ...I didn't think of that  

[jimmymcgoochie]

Herman: Are we there yet?

Dunmon: For the thousandth time, no, we're not-

Herman: Then why can I see Kerbin out the window?

Dunmon: Wait, we ARE there yet! Fire the engines!

Dunmon: It's OK, we're practically home, nothing bad can possibly happen now *fzzt* engine failure!

Herman: WHY!?

Dunmon: Disabling the opposite engine to maintain control, let's hope we don't have any more *fzzt* another engine failure!

Herman: *practically catatonic*

Dunmon: We're well over the rated burn times on the remaining engines, but at least we're in orbit of Kerbin. Go fix those engines, will you?

Herman: *inarticulate snarl*

Dunmon: ...p-p-please? 

*later*

Herman: Engines fixed. Park us in LKO so we can go home.

Dunmon: And that's us in a nice circular orbit- and low enough that they can use the cheaper version of the Kronus to send that shuttle up too!

Mortimer: Yeah, but we just had another contract expire and this mission to Moho has probably cost us about ten million funds so far, so...

Dunmon: Wouldn't it be hilarious if they launched the shuttle but forgot to change the docking port on the back so it couldn't dock to this ship?

Herman: *eye twitching*

Dunmon: Heh heh, funny story, Herman... They, kind of, did forget to change the docking port...

Herman: *whimpering*

Dunmon: Just put your suit on and jetpack over to it, no problem at all. I'll get the samples-

Herman: MINE! *yoink* MY SAMPLES MY SHUTTLE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gene: *sigh* Great, yet more space madness to deal with...

Dunmon: Ooh, pretty!

Dunmon: Runway in sight, nice and gentle now...

Dunmon: And he nails the landing!

Herman: *exits shuttle* I'm done. *hands Wernher samples* These are for you. *hands Gene spacesuit* And that's for you. I quit. *walks off*

Gus: Should we tell him he's completely naked?

Bobak: Not in the pool, Herman!

*splash*

Herman: I don't work for you any more, I can do what I like!

Dunmon: Was it something I said?

***

Look, something shiny!

And while they're distracted, it's Probe Time!

Jool Care Package: 6/10. Stress-related breakdowns caused a sizeable portion of IS3's food reserves to be dumped into space, so now they need more food or they'll run out in ~600 days. Trouble is the next Kerbin>Jool transfer window is about a year away and would take too long to get there, thus this thing has to take a circuitous route, bomb down inside Moho's periapsis then sling around the sun and catch Jool as quickly as possible. Stupidly long transfer burn, multiple course corrections needed and it might just be able to capture into Jool orbit at the other end, who knows...

***

Lensel: Engine cutoff in 3, 2, 1...

Lensel: And that's us in our parking orbit of Jool. Just need to wait for the Nuclear Space Tug to arrive and then we can put some flags on some moons.

Bartfen: Does Eeloo count as a moon now, even though it used to be a planet?

Lensel: Well it orbits another planet now, so by definition that makes it a moon.

Liszon: Yeah, but...

*many days of debate later*

Linus: NST is station keeping beside IS3, ready to begin the landings.

Lensel: Who wants to go first?

Gervin: I'll do it.

Lensel: Great- off to Laythe with you! The sooner we can get rid of that stupid unpressurised cockpit, the better.

Gervin: OK then... See you in a while.

Gervin: Course set for Laythe, the NST has been released and will arrive at Laythe a little bit ahead of me so it can capture into orbit first. Also the radiation sensor is flashing red, so I guess I'm into the outer belt now.

Gene: *worried* Gervin's biomonitor is showing a dangerous level of radiation exposure and she's not even reached Laythe yet. At this rate she might not come back out the other side...

Kraken: *appears from nowhere* WILDCARD TIME!!!

Lensel: What the-!

Gene: [QuInDaR!]

Gervin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Kraken: Gervin Kerman, pick a number between one and a hundred.

Gervin: *panicking* Uh, one?

Kraken: One it is! Congratulations, your radiation exposure levels have now been changed to one percent. Have a nice flight! *disappears again*

Gervin: Huh?

Lensel: That was weird.

Gene: Wait- all the biomonitors are now showing the crew's radiation exposure at just 1%. That can't be right! ...can it?

Lensel: We can check it on our end, but so far, yeah it looks like it's real.

Gene: So Gervin isn't going to die a horrible agonising death of radiation sickness after all? Hooray!

Gervin: Say what!?

Gervin: The sunshine on Laythe sure looks pretty...

Wernher: Isn't that a song?

Jeb: Nah, you're thinking of something else.

Gervin: Bracing for aerobraking and landing... Ooh, that's toasty! OK, scratch that- that's very very hot hot hot ow burny hot hot is that melting?

Gervin: Phew! That was unpleasant... I have an island in sight almost directly in front of me, preparing for parachute landing.

Val: Try to relax, you'll hurt yourself less that way.

Wernher: It's a good thing we added those parachutes, looks like the front landing gear have been bent out of position by the heat of re-entry.

Gervin: It's almost like you're trying to kill me or something!

Gervin: Chutes out, touchdown any second *THUD* ow! That was...

Gene: Gervin, are you OK?

Gervin: I'm fine, it's just... Woah.

Gervin: Hey, science peoples! Is Laythe's atmosphere breathable?

Wernher: Well, it has enough oxygen in it to get a jet engine to work, but I'm not sure-

Gervin: OK, thanks.

Wernher: I have a bad feeling about this...

Gervin: *coughing* Wow, this place stinks! It's like rotten eggs mixed with really stale air.

Gene: Please tell me you didn't go out without a helmet on..?

Gervin: This is AWESOME! I can run! I can feel the wind in my hair! I can- ooh, pretty!

Lensel: Leave the rock alone, Ger, there's only room for one sample in that plane and we need it for the surface sample.

Gervin: Aww...  I'm keeping a little bit though. Great idea, giving these spacesuits pockets.

Gene: Have you taken the surface sample? Planted the flag?

Wernher: Fixed the landing gear?

Gervin: Yes, yes, and *zap* yes. Just tell me when to take off and I'll be outta here.

Bobak: Optimal time to launch will be in... About ten seconds ago.

Gervin: GOOOOOOOOOOOooooo..? This plane does NOT like to accelerate, even with the rocket engine switched on. No, wait, it's getting better now- just needed a bit of a run-up is all.

Gervin: On course to rendezvous with the NST, time to do some "EVA construction".

*Gervin Kerman went on EVA*

Gervin: Don't need you, don't need you, don't need you, you, you or you, bin this, bin that, aroint thee landing gear!

Gene: "Aroint thee"? I don't even want to know what the biomonitors are saying about the crew's stress levels.

Bobak: No, you really don't.

*Gervin Kerman boarded Laythe "Plane"*

Gervin: Done! No more plane-y bits left, just a lean, mean rocketry machine! Preparing to dock with the airlock's external docking port.

Gervin: Back to the ship, and don't spare the horses!

*a few days later*

Gervin: Finally, out of the radiation death zone.

Gene: Her monitor says 56% exposure even after that Kraken intervention; she'd definitely be dead without that. We should definitely make sure the crew are at 0% exposure, or close to it, before sending them down to the moons in future.

Gervin: ...

Lensel: Welcome back! We've got a nice docking port waiting for you, followed by a mandatory quarantine in the lab to make sure you haven't picked up any Laythean microbes that could kill all life on Kerbin if it escaped.

Bartfen: Yeah, hopefully you won't have any weird aliens bursting out of your stomach and trying to eat our faces or anything.

Gervin: You're kidding... right? 

Lensel: Four crew safely aboard. Let's take what we can from that plane and then dump it so the rest of the ship can be pressurised properly.

Liszon: Why couldn't we pressurise it properly before? The plane was attached to a girder with a docking port on the end; there was no connection to the rest of the ship for air to flow through.

Wernher: It doesn't work like that.

Liszon: But why?

Wernher: Because it just doesn't, OK?

Liszon: You have no idea, do you?

Wernher: no

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/lNXaw2M

 

Spoiler

OOC: When a message popped up to say Gervin had already hit 50% exposure, I went into the Kerbalism settings to bump up the radiation shielding effectiveness from 75% (I think the default for Kerbalism hard mode is 72% but 75% is a much more pleasing number) to 100%; this had the unexpected side effect of reducing everyone's radiation exposure levels to 1% and even though I reduced the effectiveness down to 95% straight away the lower level persisted. Not intentional, but better for Gervin at least and now the rest of the crew can land on the other moons without too much worrying about radiation sickness or sitting for many many days in the RDU to reduce their exposure levels to 0% before doing their landing.

I also turned off crew stress breakdowns because they kept dumping food overboard, hence the supply run even though it's a really bad time to be trying to go from Kerbin to Jool as Kerbin is ~135 degrees ahead of Jool in their orbits. During my Grand Tours I hacked the configs for the Mk1 pod and cockpit to make them pressurised so that crew stress would be less severe; even when the pod and cockpit have their habitats disabled and so are completely empty, the rest of the ship still doesn't pressurise properly and this greatly increases crew stress, leading to loss of food and other important resources. At this point it's less about the gameplay and more about the narrative, so I can do without RNGs sticking their oars in and messing things up, thank you very much .

[jimmymcgoochie]

Lensel: OK, next to land is *pulls names out of spacesuit helmet* Tylo, who will be landing on Bartfen. Wait...

Bartfen: I get the big lander, woot!

*a few days later*

Bartfen: Are you sure those little struts are going to be enough to keep this thing stable when I land?

Bartfen: Aaand touchdown! Wait no don't fall over don't fall over *rocket noises* I can't stay here, need to find flatter ground.

Wernher: Be careful, you're burning a lot of fuel hovering against Tylo's gravity.

Bartfen: Better than the whole lander falling over in it and smashing itself to pieces when it hits the ground. I've found a flat looking bit, touching down any second *fzzt* uh oh *THUD*

Bobak: Tylo lander, report!

Bartfen: I'm OK! Engine pooped out when I was just above the surface. Heading out now.

Bartfen: OK, flag planted, surface sample gathered, any rocks or anything that we need to bring back from here?

Bobak: That's a negative, Bartfen, better head back inside as soon as possible to avoid any excessive radiation exposure.

Bartfen: Roger that. See you later, Tylo!

*a few days later*

Bartfen: Hey guys, did you miss me?

Gervin: Not really, no...

Bartfen:  

Lensel: Next up *more helmet rummaging* Liszon will be going to Vall!

Liszon: Why do I get the most irradiated one?

Lensel: It's all randomly assigned, as you can clearly see.

Liszon: So you conveniently get the one that can be landed on without any radiation exposure at all? 

Lensel: Stop complaining, you get the lander with all the shielding on it. You'll be fine.

Gervin: Just a minute. I'm going to give the NST's engines a look over. We don't want them failing and leaving you stuck in the Death Zone^TM until you die horribly as your internal organs dissolve and dribble out your-

Liszon: NOT HELPING! 

*Gervin Kerman went on EVA*

*Gervin Kerman boarded Interplanetary Ship 3*

Gervin: All done. Have a nice trip.

Liszon: The EVA jetpack?

Gervin: What about it?

Liszon: I need it? To go to Vall?

Gervin: Whoopee for you. I don't have it.

Liszon: You literally just used it two seconds ago. Of course you have it.

Gervin: No really, I don't. See? *holds up spacesuit* no jetpack.

Lensel: Then where is it?

Gervin: I have no idea. That's so weird.

Bartfen: I've checked the centrifuge and the lab, no jetpack in either. A couple of spare fuel cylinders, but no jetpack.

Liszon: I've checked every cubbyhole in this module, the cupola and both landers, just some EVA repair kits and the box of experiments.

Gene: How did you manage to lose the jetpack?

Wernher: See, this is why I said we should send more than one jetpack!

Gene: Gervin, can you retrace your steps and try to remember what you did with it?

Gervin: I can try?

*Gervin Kerman went on EVA*

So I went outside, realised I'd forgotten the jetpack so I grabbed it out of this storage box here, then- hang on a minute! The jetpack's right here! I'm wearing it right now!

Liszon: But it wasn't on your spacesuit when you went out?

*Gervin Kerman boarded Interplanetary Ship 3*

Gervin: This is so weird. You all saw how it wasn't on the suit before I went out, right?

Lensel: It still isn't.

Gervin: Whaaa- HOW!? I was using it out there!

Bobak: Try going back out, stick the jetpack back in the storage box you got it from and then come back inside and see if it's there.

Gervin: Worth a shot...

*Gervin Kerman went on EVA*

Gervin: Jetpack in the box...

*Gervin Kerman boarded Interplanetary Ship 3*

Gervin: And- the jetpack is still in the box! What is going on here!?

Gene: Great, now we have two cursed missions...

Lensel: Wait what?

Spoiler

OOC: Seriously, KSP, what even?

Gervin went out with no jetpack, grabbed the jetpack from the Hitchhiker's storage, jetted around for a while, then boarded again and the jetpack was nowhere in sight. I checked every Kerbal's inventory and every storage space on every module, no luck; I send Gervin out and magically it reappears on her back! She boards, it disappears; she goes out again, it reappears; in the end moving it back to the Hitchhiker's inventory was the only way to make it stay put.

That was one of the weirdest bugs I've ever seen...

*later*

Liszon: This is not fine! The geiger counter is saying over 11rad/h, that's worse than Kerbin's inner belt and I'm supposed to go outside!? This is...

Lensel: Uh, Liszon, are you there?

Liszon: Wow. That's a view.

Lensel: Now remember to land in sunlight-

Liszon: Forget that, I'm landing right now! That view is totally worth it.

Gene: I agree with Liszon- that's a perfect poster shot.

Liszon: So, flag planted, check; surface sample gathered, check; random lump of ice gathered for some stupid contract, check; EVA science... in progress.

Liszon: Done. Now I'm getting out of here before I grow extra fingers or something.

*later*

Liszon: I'm back! Careful with that ice sample, it might melt. The surface sample might melt too, to be fair.

Gene: Wait a minute- Liszon's biomonitor just went back down to 1% radiation exposure!

Wernher: That's strange, maybe it's a malfunction?

Bobak: Was it the Kraken again?

Kraken: Oh, here we go again, blame the Kraken for every little mishap...

Bobak: You literally did exactly the same thing a few days ago.

Kraken: When did- oh. Right. Well, this one wasn't me. At least, not that I know of...

Gene: That's very reassuring... 

***

Lensel: Right, now that you've all done your landings, I can go and do mine. Should be interesting to visit a former planet.

Liszon: How convenient...

*a few days later*

Lensel: And touchdown! I reckon I have an even better view than Liszon too.

Lensel: That's Tylo at the bottom left, Vall top left and Laythe in the middle. Now what was I meant to be doing again..?

Gene: Plant flag, get surface sample, do science, leave.

Mortimer: And grab one of those chunks of ice too, another contract for that. Maybe someone wants to make some really exotic cocktails?

Lensel: Done, done, doing and done.

Lensel: All done, barely any radiations. Heading back to the ship now.

Liszon: *grumbling*

*later*

Lensel: IS3 to Mission Control, four crew back aboard. Preparing to transfer all usable resources and jettison any unnecessary weight.

Mortimer: Seems like a waste, just dumping all that stuff.

Gene: Look how many pre-Anomaly crafts survived; if this "Kraken resetting the entire solar system" thing works it'll probably be destroyed, and if it doesn't work then it probably won't matter anyway.

Lensel: We're all set for the trip home, only two problems- one, the next transfer window is over a year away and two, we don't have enough food left to even make it until the transfer window, never mind the trip home.

Gervin: No thanks to you, stressing out so much you vented nearly a year's worth of rations into space. How did you even do that?

Gene: Don't worry about that, the care package should be arriving in a little while.

Lensel: Define "a little while"?

Gene: About two hundred days or so.

*about two hundred days later*

Oh no you don't! You can't escape from Probe Time so easily!

Jool Care Package: 10/10. Despite earlier shortcomings in this mission, the Jool side of things went according to plan- a precise capture burn, a nice slingshot around Tylo and a rendezvous with the ship with plenty of fuel to spare. A little bit of docking port swapping was required to balance the ship properly but now the crew have plenty of supplies and can begin the journey home-

Val: What are you doing in this old storeroom?

Uh oh, busted! That's all from Probe Time!

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/gSLdZAR

Gene: It shouldn't take too long for them to get back. In the meantime, we need to think about the final part of this project.

Wernher: Sampling a comet? To do that we first need to actually find a comet, and those things just aren't turning up at the rate we'd expect. Plenty of asteroids, some really big ones too, but no comets yet.

Gene: Maybe we need to launch some more Sentinels? We can't come this far just to fall at the final hurdle!

[jimmymcgoochie]

Lensel: IS3 to Mission Control, departing Jool orbit now.

Gene: With the Jool mission heading home, only one task left on the Kraken's shopping list- a comet sample.

Bobak: Shopping list?

Gene: Whatever. Now, I know I said no second missions, but...

*later*

Val: This is Interpl- er, Comet Chaser 1, departing for Eriwise 1. Stupid name for a comet...

Ribdo, Glefrod: ...

Val: What?

Ribdo: Nothing.

Glefrod: ...

Val: OK, spit it out.

Ribdo: It's just...

Glefrod: It's not fair! There are so many rookie Kerbonauts whose only experience of spaceflight has been getting stranded in orbit or spending days on end building the ships so others could fly to other planets. Yet here you are, first Kerbal in space since the Anomaly, first on the Mun, all that stuff with the Kraken on Bop and you're still getting sent on yet another mission!

Ribdo: dude! what happened to playing it cool?

Val: Look, I didn't ask to be assigned to this mission, OK? I've done more asteroid rendezvous missions than anyone else and there are no other pilots available, except Jeb.

Jeb: I heard that!

Glefrod: Well, I can't really argue with that, but...

Linus: *bursts into Mission Control* I've found another one!

Wernher: Another what, Linus?

Gus: I don't get it.

Wernher: What are we looking at exactly?

Linus: It's called a Random Monolith, or Randolith for short. There are a number of plain black monoliths on Kerbin and at least two on the Mun that we know of, but there seems to be one Randolith on every planet and moon in the system. And Dres too.

Wernher: You think these things exist on Kerbin? Nonsense- someone would have found them by now.

Linus: There's one practically on our doorstep right now and yet only four people know of its existence- me, Val, Jeb and Herman. They seem to actively cloak themselves so only those who have already seen one can see them again.

Wernher: Oh, come on, Linus, this is another one of your hare-brained "theories"- if you need to see them  to be able to see them, then nobody would ever see them!

Jeb: Actually, that's entirely true. I've been to that monolith- it's just over there beyond the runway, you can actually see it out the viewing windows.

Val: Not to mention the fact that I flew half way around Kerbin and back to find them a few years ago- remember that "atmospheric science" mission? Well, it wasn't really an atmospheric science mission...

Wernher: What in the world..?

Val: I found three regular monoliths, including one stuck half way up one of the Whoopstooshort Mountains- that was a real pain trying to get to it, in a plane, in the dark- one Randolith and one whatever that silver sombrero thing is.

Gene: And the TL;DR version?

Linus: We have no idea what they are, how they got there or what they're for.  But now we've found another one on Moho I'm going to study them as closely as possible. Maybe their strange pulsing behaviour is related to that whistling pyramid on Duna?

*some time later*

Lensel: Hi, Kerbin, we're baaaaack!

Liszon: *giggling* Pretty planet.

Bartfen: Is that a spider?

Gene: Great, more space madness...

Lensel: Parked in LKO, send up that shuttle please!

Wernher: Already on its way.

Wernher: I'll take those surface samples for the collection, the ice samples for some analysis-

Mortimer: And contract money! Bad enough that we've failed a whole load of contracts recently because we just never bothered trying to fulfil them...

Wernher: -and the crew go straight to the rehab wing for some serious de-stressing treatments, as well as checking to make sure their insides aren't melting from radiation damage or some Laythe lifeform Gervin brought back with her. All that's left is the comet sample.

***

Val: We have a visual on Eriwise's tail, standing by to match velocities.

Val: Dum di dum, this burn is taking forever... At last!

Val: I'm heading out to grab a sample, shouldn't take too long...

Val: Oh.

Gene: Oh what? have you got the sample?

Val: I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Gene: What?

Val: I can't take a sample. I have the little pickaxe in my hand but I just... can't...

Glefrod: On my way over in the Comet Grabber.

Glefrod: What..? I can't do it either!

Gene: Will someone please explain what is going on out there!?

Ribdo: Step aside, amateurs, the cavalry is on the way. Time to go big or go home!

Ribdo: ...I guess that means we have to go home then?

Gene: IT'S A LUMP OF ICE! BREAK A BIT OFF ALREADY!!!

Bobak: *puts hand on Gene's shoulder* OK, Gene, calm down before you hurt yourself-

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/9QEfVpj

Spoiler

Gene never saw it coming. The hand on his shoulder suddenly turned to a grip like iron, pinching a nerve cluster and rendering him unconscious before he knew what was happening. While everyone else stood gawping in disbelief, Bobak pulled a phone from his pocket, dialled a number and said:

"This is Director Bobak. Initiate the Hydra Protocol."

Heavily armed soldiers burst into the room and quickly round everyone up. The entire KSC staff are herded out onto the tarmac between the Astronaut Complex, Spaceplane Hangar and VAB in a confused and frightened huddle.

One of the soldiers walked up to Bobak.

"Director Bobak, sir. All personnel accounted for, except one- Jebediah Kerman is missing."

"Jeb isn't a threat; he's probably just wandering around wondering where everyone went. Send a team out to search the perimeter."

"Director!?" Wernher asked incredulously. "What is the meaning of all this, Bobak?"

"I'd have thought you of all people would understand, Dr von Kerman." Bobak replied, a look of smug satisfaction on his face. "You've spent the last seven years-"

"TWELVE years," Cliff chimed in, causing Bobak's expression to shift temporarily to bemusement. "Has it really been that long? This place really sucks you in, doesn't it? Very well, you've spent the last twelve years trying to find the cause of The Anomaly *out there*," he gestured at the sky with both arms, "when it was right in front of you the whole time."

Wernher's eyes suddenly went very wide indeed.

"No..." He whispered in horror. "You caused The Anomaly? But why!?"

"Caused it?" Bobak let out a very disturbing laugh. "Oh, you have no idea at all, do you?" He leaned in close and whispered in Wernher's ear.

"I AM The Anomaly."

Spoiler

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!!! 

[Admiral Fluffy]

3 hours ago, jimmymcgoochie said:

Gene never saw it coming. The hand on his shoulder suddenly turned to a grip like iron, pinching a nerve cluster and rendering him unconscious before he knew what was happening.

This visualized:

[Kapitalizing Every Word]

oh

That was
unexpected

[jimmymcgoochie]

Ribdo: Comet Chaser to Mission Control, come in?

*static*

Ribdo: Comet Chaser to Mission Control, do you read me, over?

*more static*

Glefrod: It's no good, Ribdo, they're not listening. We're transmitting perfectly well and the automated receivers are still responding as normal, but nobody is answering us.

Ribdo: But why? What could cause everyone to just abandon their posts when they know we're out here?

Val: It could be anything, really.... Global pandemic, nuclear war...

Glefrod: Zombie apocalypse, KSC overrun by frogs...

Val: Asteroid strike, solar flare...

Glefrod: World coffee shortage, Kerbulan invasion...

Val: Long-running union dispute, military coup...

Ribdo: What if there was another Anomaly? What if the Kerbin we knew is gone and we're the only Kerbals left in the universe?

Val: If there was another Anomaly, we'd have noticed it. Trust me.  All the planets are in the same places and there have been no anomalous readings on any of the sensors; whatever the issue is, I'm sure we'll get an explanation when we arrive.

Val: Mission Control, this is Comet Chaser. Preparing for Kerbin capture burn. It would be really nice if you could get that shuttle prepared so we can get back down to you.

Bobak: Comet Chaser, this is Mission Control. We have a lock on your orbit, dispatching the shuttle now. And quite frankly, it's about time you guys checked in with us- Gene's been worried sick about you ever since that weird message you sent about not being able to take a sample of the comet.

Val: Hold up- we've been communicating with you the entire time, you just never answered!

Bobak: Mission status?

Val: Failure. We were unable to get a sample of the comet. When we lost communications with Mission Control, we set a return course to Kerbin and came back right away.

Bobak: Understood. I'll be waiting to debrief you when you land. Mission Control out.

Ribdo: Is it just me, or did Bobak sound a bit weird?

Val: You have no idea...

Glefrod: What's that supposed to mean?

Val: I'd tell you, but you won't believe me.

Glefrod: Try me.

*later*

Glefrod: I don't believe you.

Val: See, I told you!

Ribdo: If even half of what you just said is true, why on Kerbin would we go back there!? Our best shot is to head for Duna and try to start a colony there; or maybe even Laythe, we can dig ourselves into the ground and use the soil as radiation shielding-

Val: We don't even have enough fuel left to leave Kerbin's gravity well, plus our supplies will only last for a couple of years at best. Like it or not, going home is our only option.

Jeb: Taxi for three! *clang* Did one of you turn those docking port magnets up? Because that felt rougher than usual.

Bobak: Wait- how did Jeb get in there!?

Val: *whisper* Did you get the thing I asked for? 

Jeb: *whisper* I sure did.

Val: *loudly* All aboard, everybody! Make sure you bring that SpaceKale^TM homebrew you made on the trip, Ribdo.

Ribdo:  The wha-? Oh, right  

Jeb: That sounds disgusting...

Val: Deorbiting now.

Val: Blegh, this thing isn't handling as well as I remember. Did you mess with the controls or something, Jeb?

Jeb: Nothing to do with me!

Val: I knew I shouldn't have put you right at the back, you're ruining the centre of mass Jebe-diet.

Jeb: Hey! I've actually been on a diet since you've been away!

Val: Really? How's it going?

Ribdo: Can you please focus on not crashing us into the mountains?

Val: Chill, man, everything is under control- *shuttle nearly rolls upside down* whoopsie! That didn't happen last time.

Ribdo: *fumbles for sick bag*

Val: Aaand-

Val: Touchdown! That wasn't so bad, was it?

Jeb: It totally was. I could have done better with my eyes closed.

Val: Last time you said you could fly with your eyes closed you ended up stuck through a billboard like some kind of cartoon character.

Armed soldiers: NOBODY MOVE! GET OUT OF THE SHUTTLE NOW!

Jeb: OK *tries to get out*

Armed solder #1: I SAID NOBODY MOVE!

Jeb: OK, OK, sheesh! *stays put*

Armed solder #2: I SAID GET OUT OF THE SHUTTLE!

Jeb: I can't do both, make up your minds!

*awkward silence*

Soldier #2: OK then, get out of the shuttle and then don't move!

Jeb: That's what I was going to do in the first place! *sigh*

*Jeb, Ribdo and Glefrod exit the shuttle*

Soldier #1: Where's the other one?

Jeb: Other one?

Soldier #2: There are supposed to be four of you!

***

Bobak wasn't happy. Not one bit.

"How could you lose her!? She was in space, then she boarded the shuttle with the rest of the crew, flew it down here and didn't leave. Yet somehow she isn't there?"

The two soldiers stared at their feet; Ribdo and Glefrod looked mildly amused; Jeb looked unbearably smug.

"Looks like the evil genius plan of yours is unravelling already. Too bad, so sad."

Bobak snarled in frustration. "Enough from you, you infantile delinquent! I will find your stubborn, annoying sister, and when I do..." He leaned in close. "Well, that part I leave to your imagination. Take them away!"

Jeb looked completely unworried as he was marched off; Glefrod and Ribdo, less so.

Bobak ran his hand through his hair, then looked in alarm at the tuft of hair in his hand. He felt gingerly along his mohawk, wincing every time he found a thin patch.

"Not much time left," he muttered to himself. "Need to finish this now."

"Gather everyone in front of Mission Control. It's time for a little chat with our Kraken friends."

***

Gene's eyes burned into Bobak's, making the latter look away uncomfortably. Wernher, Linus, Gus, Mortimer and Walt were all giaring at him too, but none could match the ferocity in Gene's eyes.

"What's up, evil genius, got stage fright?" Jeb taunted him.

Bobak took a breath to steady his nerves.

"It's time we ended this charade once and for all. Now, how do we get that Kraken to show up?"

The moment he said it, the larger of the two Krakens reappeared in the sky overhead, making him jump.

"GREETINGS ONCE AGAIN, KERBALS. I SEE THAT YOU HAVE COMPLETED MY CHALLENGE."

Bobak gestured to the assorted containers in front of him, each filled with a different coloured pile of material.

"Yes, everything is here as you asked- samples of every planetary body in the system as well as an asteroid and a comet."

"VERY GOOD. WITH THESE, I CAN RESTORE YOUR SYSTEM TO ITS FORMER- WAIT... THIS IS NO COMET SAMPLE, THIS IS COMMON KERBIN ICE!"

"How nice of you to notice. Unfortunately, it also means you've walked right into my trap."

Without warning, every monolith across the entire system began emitting a strange pulse, reverberating off each other and causing the monoliths themselves to decloak and appear in front of everyone's eyes. Kerbin's rings began writhing in response, coiling back across themselves and wrapping around the Kraken like it was fighting an even larger tentacled monster; and for the first time in a very, very long time, the Kraken felt fear.

"WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY, BOBAK KERMAN?"

"Oh, you'll see. You'll ALL see! I didn't spend all my time dithering around here watching you lot stare blankly at your screens for day after day, oh no. I've been very busy indeed perfecting some rather interesting projects- not least the mind control device. I practiced a lot on Linus at first but results were... unpredictable. Experiments on others caused hallucinations, erratic behaviour, that sort of thing."

Sanlan's eyes widened. "That was YOU! You made us crazy and then blamed "space madness" for it! I bet you even put those cobwebs in the Dres lander so we'd think there was a spider in there!"

Bobak blinked in utter bewilderment.

"A... spider? In the Dres lander? That wasn't anything to do with me."

"Wait... Sammy was REAL!?" The look that passed between Jeb and Sanlan spoke volumes.

Bobak tried to recover his train of thought.

"As I was saying, the early attempts were flawed but yielded a great deal of valuable data from which I could improve and refine the system. As you no doubt realised by now, the crew of the Comet Chaser were physically unable to remove a single piece of that comet; and moreover, your beloved Director Gene's increasingly confused state is entirely thanks to this same device. With him out of the picture, everyone so willingly turned to his loyal sidekick, his trusted second in command, to lead. It's pathetic really."

"You..." Gene spluttered. "You poisoned me?"

"BUT WHY, BOBAK KERMAN?"

"Why? WHY!? I'll tell you why- because after everything I've done to further Kerbalkind, I was treated like a monster, a madman, a deranged megalomaniac. I was *this close to unlocking the secrets of infinite power, secrets that would have made Kerbin a post-scarcity paradise and allowed us to spread out through the stars. All it would take is a little bit of planetary rearrangement, but then your foolish little friend showed up and took it upon itself to "save" Kerbin from this "disaster"- and it ruined everything! It's taken this long to get everything back up and running, piggybacking all those probes and ships to restore contact with the anomalies and resurrect the system. Now look at you all, staring at me like I'm the villain here when all I've done- all I've ever done- is dedicate my life to improving others'. What thanks do I get? Nothing, nowt, nada, zip, zero. Worse, you tried to erase me from history, pretend like I had never been there at all."

Gene interrupted.

"Bobak, what on Kerbin are you talking about?"

Bobak stormed up to him and grabbed his waistcoat lapels.

"THEY DIDN'T EVEN INCLUDE ME IN THE GAME, YOU WITTERING MORON! You, yes; Wernher, Linus, Gus, Mortimer, Walt, all yes; Jeb, Bob, Bill, Val, they're all there; but what about Bobak, good Bobak, loyal, dependable Bobak, the second in command, always there when you need him, what about him? NO! I was cast aside like an unwanted toy and soon enough most people forgot I had ever existed at all."

Bobak's face turned from pain to an almost savage glee.

"But no more! I will rewrite this reality, then every reality, then the fundamental core of everything so that it won't be feeble little Gene Kerman running the show, oh no- it'll be ME! MY face to greet every new player when they start their first save, ME giving them advice in Mission Control, ME instructing them in the tutorials and giving them objectives in missions, ALL ME!"

"He's gone completely mad." Wernher whispered to Linus.

"I will become the face of Kerbal Space Program! Not the reckless Jeb, the cowardly Bill and Bob or the token female Val, ME! The face on the program icon, the thumbnail on the desktop shortcut, the bookmarks in the browsers, the lead moderator on the forums."

ALL ME!

"There's just one problem..."

Bobak did a double-take: standing right in front of them all was none other than Val. Then he did a triple-take: there were TWO Vals!

"But... but... what..?"

"Did you really think nobody noticed what you did? Val and I found those monoliths before the Space Program even started, used them to cross between different Selectively Active Virtual Existences at will." Said Val #1.

"Your interference in this and other SAVEs was troublesome, but ultimately limited to a single instance of the Kerbal-Simulatory Permutations. You can't change the core structure of the whole KSP any more than you can hope to stop what's about to happen now."

And to Bobak's utter disbelief, Val #1 produced a sample container with a glittering white lump of comet Eriwise in it and added it to the pile.

Then everything happened in slow motion.

All the samples began glowing with a blinding light.

The Kraken above burst free of its restraints, its tentacles covered in what looked like electricity.

And Bobak Kerman realised, far, far too late, that everything he had ever hoped for, wished for, worked tirelessly for such an incredibly long time for, was lost.

Reality closed in on itself, and then all was black.

Spoiler

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/5FhgoXI

Spoiler

"But how?" Gene asked for about the hundredth time.

"It's really quite simple," Val explained. "This reality isn't real in the true sense of the word- it's all just a simulation."

"I KNEW IT!" Sanlan shouted. "I told you that YEARS ago, but oh no, you knew better!"

"Once we had an understanding of what had been done to this Kerbal-Simulatory Permutation, it was easy enough to figure out how to undo it. That whole thing with the samples was just a cover story, a way to keep Bobak amused and off the scent while we brought this Selectively Active Virtual Existence to a logical conclusion."

"I still don't understand," said Linus. "Why did this all happen in the first place?"

"This SAVE was brought into existence by a failure of technology, a way to allow the KSP to continue functioning despite that failure which had rendered other KSPs and other SAVEs inaccessible. Now that the failure has been corrected, this SAVE can be concluded and another begun or resumed."

"And what about him?" Gene looked over at Bobak, who was hanging back from the group looking exceedingly guilty. "I get that he was necessary to drive the plot forwards, the shadowy villain lurking in the background, but the things he did..."

"Bobak was a central character in the trailers, but never a part of the KSP itself. It's enough to drive anyone mad, but his actions here have been contained. Perhaps we can find a way to incorporate him in a future SAVE so that he finds a more constructive place for himself in the KSP."

"But what does that mean for us?" Wernher asked. "If this SAVE is ending, do we simply cease to exist?"

"You already exist in every SAVE and every KSP, Wernher. We all do. Maybe they call us by different names, or we live on a different planet, or we have different technologies at our disposal, even different versions of the root KSP, but underneath all that we're all there every time. That is the core truth of KSP."

"So what happens now?" Gene asked. "Mind control and villainous schemes aside, this has been pretty fun; it would be a shame if we just left it at that and walked off into the sunset, or whatever that is."

They all began walking towards a bright white glow in the distance.

"Now? I guess we could pay that guy Alexei a visit; he seemed nice, if a bit preoccupied with some ghastly propellant choices. Or we could head over to Ciro system, I've heard a few different SAVEs are having a friendly competition there; or we could start something completely new- a new system to explore, new technologies to master, new challenges to overcome."

"I've heard they're making a brand new, ground up rebuilt KSP with all kinds of crazy new stuff like building colonies on other planets, exploring new star systems and building spaceships with resources you find out there." Jeb chimed in. "Who knows what we'll get up to in those SAVEs! Maybe Bobak can join in there?"

"Oh, Jeb..." Val put her arm across his shoulders as they walked towards the light. "A new KSP, as in KSP-2? That's even crazier than Bobak!"

THE END.

Spoiler

And so concludes Into the Snarkiverse! It's been pretty fun doing a storified career game like this, if a little frustrating when I wanted the story to go one way but the game didn't co-operate. The last few days have covered several in-game years (more than I'd actually realised! It's Year 12 in this save right now) but since the original purpose of this save was to fill in while my broken GPU was fixed or replaced, which it has been for some time now, it's a good time to end it. I've explored the Snarkiverse about as far as I want to and I'd recommend it if you want to stick with the stock system but want to shake things up a little.

I'm not entirely sure what I'll be going on to after this- it's probably a return to Terranism Space Program and I'll try to get that through to a crewed Mars landing and return before starting from scratch in RP-1, as well as probably booting up a new save in some new system I haven't looked at yet and possibly trying to complete my own challenges in the Gaelan Space Race.

That's the great thing about KSP- the possibilities are almost limitless!

[Kapitalizing Every Word]

Sad to see the snarkiverse go  It was my favourite series ever.
But It was fun!  

[Spaceman.Spiff]

38 minutes ago, jimmymcgoochie said:

Ribdo: Comet Chaser to Mission Control, come in?

*static*

Ribdo: Comet Chaser to Mission Control, do you read me, over?

*more static*

Glefrod: It's no good, Ribdo, they're not listening. We're transmitting perfectly well and the automated receivers are still responding as normal, but nobody is answering us.

Ribdo: But why? What could cause everyone to just abandon their posts when they know we're out here?

Val: It could be anything, really.... Global pandemic, nuclear war...

Glefrod: Zombie apocalypse, KSC overrun by frogs...

Val: Asteroid strike, solar flare...

Glefrod: World coffee shortage, Kerbulan invasion...

Val: Long-running union dispute, military coup...

Ribdo: What if there was another Anomaly? What if the Kerbin we knew is gone and we're the only Kerbals left in the universe?

Val: If there was another Anomaly, we'd have noticed it. Trust me.  All the planets are in the same places and there have been no anomalous readings on any of the sensors; whatever the issue is, I'm sure we'll get an explanation when we arrive.

Val: Mission Control, this is Comet Chaser. Preparing for Kerbin capture burn. It would be really nice if you could get that shuttle prepared so we can get back down to you.

Bobak: Comet Chaser, this is Mission Control. We have a lock on your orbit, dispatching the shuttle now. And quite frankly, it's about time you guys checked in with us- Gene's been worried sick about you ever since that weird message you sent about not being able to take a sample of the comet.

Val: Hold up- we've been communicating with you the entire time, you just never answered!

Bobak: Mission status?

Val: Failure. We were unable to get a sample of the comet. When we lost communications with Mission Control, we set a return course to Kerbin and came back right away.

Bobak: Understood. I'll be waiting to debrief you when you land. Mission Control out.

Ribdo: Is it just me, or did Bobak sound a bit weird?

Val: You have no idea...

Glefrod: What's that supposed to mean?

Val: I'd tell you, but you won't believe me.

Glefrod: Try me.

*later*

Glefrod: I don't believe you.

Val: See, I told you!

Ribdo: If even half of what you just said is true, why on Kerbin would we go back there!? Our best shot is to head for Duna and try to start a colony there; or maybe even Laythe, we can dig ourselves into the ground and use the soil as radiation shielding-

Val: We don't even have enough fuel left to leave Kerbin's gravity well, plus our supplies will only last for a couple of years at best. Like it or not, going home is our only option.

Jeb: Taxi for three! *clang* Did one of you turn those docking port magnets up? Because that felt rougher than usual.

Bobak: Wait- how did Jeb get in there!?

Val: *whisper* Did you get the thing I asked for? 

Jeb: *whisper* I sure did.

Val: *loudly* All aboard, everybody! Make sure you bring that SpaceKale^TM homebrew you made on the trip, Ribdo.

Ribdo:  The wha-? Oh, right  

Jeb: That sounds disgusting...

Val: Deorbiting now.

Val: Blegh, this thing isn't handling as well as I remember. Did you mess with the controls or something, Jeb?

Jeb: Nothing to do with me!

Val: I knew I shouldn't have put you right at the back, you're ruining the centre of mass Jebe-diet.

Jeb: Hey! I've actually been on a diet since you've been away!

Val: Really? How's it going?

Ribdo: Can you please focus on not crashing us into the mountains?

Val: Chill, man, everything is under control- *shuttle nearly rolls upside down* whoopsie! That didn't happen last time.

Ribdo: *fumbles for sick bag*

Val: Aaand-

Val: Touchdown! That wasn't so bad, was it?

Jeb: It totally was. I could have done better with my eyes closed.

Val: Last time you said you could fly with your eyes closed you ended up stuck through a billboard like some kind of cartoon character.

Armed soldiers: NOBODY MOVE! GET OUT OF THE SHUTTLE NOW!

Jeb: OK *tries to get out*

Armed solder #1: I SAID NOBODY MOVE!

Jeb: OK, OK, sheesh! *stays put*

Armed solder #2: I SAID GET OUT OF THE SHUTTLE!

Jeb: I can't do both, make up your minds!

*awkward silence*

Soldier #2: OK then, get out of the shuttle and then don't move!

Jeb: That's what I was going to do in the first place! *sigh*

*Jeb, Ribdo and Glefrod exit the shuttle*

Soldier #1: Where's the other one?

Jeb: Other one?

Soldier #2: There are supposed to be four of you!

***

Bobak wasn't happy. Not one bit.

"How could you lose her!? She was in space, then she boarded the shuttle with the rest of the crew, flew it down here and didn't leave. Yet somehow she isn't there?"

The two soldiers stared at their feet; Ribdo and Glefrod looked mildly amused; Jeb looked unbearably smug.

"Looks like the evil genius plan of yours is unravelling already. Too bad, so sad."

Bobak snarled in frustration. "Enough from you, you infantile delinquent! I will find your stubborn, annoying sister, and when I do..." He leaned in close. "Well, that part I leave to your imagination. Take them away!"

Jeb looked completely unworried as he was marched off; Glefrod and Ribdo, less so.

Bobak ran his hand through his hair, then looked in alarm at the tuft of hair in his hand. He felt gingerly along his mohawk, wincing every time he found a thin patch.

"Not much time left," he muttered to himself. "Need to finish this now."

"Gather everyone in front of Mission Control. It's time for a little chat with our Kraken friends."

***

Gene's eyes burned into Bobak's, making the latter look away uncomfortably. Wernher, Linus, Gus, Mortimer and Walt were all giaring at him too, but none could match the ferocity in Gene's eyes.

"What's up, evil genius, got stage fright?" Jeb taunted him.

Bobak took a breath to steady his nerves.

"It's time we ended this charade once and for all. Now, how do we get that Kraken to show up?"

The moment he said it, the larger of the two Krakens reappeared in the sky overhead, making him jump.

"GREETINGS ONCE AGAIN, KERBALS. I SEE THAT YOU HAVE COMPLETED MY CHALLENGE."

Bobak gestured to the assorted containers in front of him, each filled with a different coloured pile of material.

"Yes, everything is here as you asked- samples of every planetary body in the system as well as an asteroid and a comet."

"VERY GOOD. WITH THESE, I CAN RESTORE YOUR SYSTEM TO ITS FORMER- WAIT... THIS IS NO COMET SAMPLE, THIS IS COMMON KERBIN ICE!"

"How nice of you to notice. Unfortunately, it also means you've walked right into my trap."

Without warning, every monolith across the entire system began emitting a strange pulse, reverberating off each other and causing the monoliths themselves to decloak and appear in front of everyone's eyes. Kerbin's rings began writhing in response, coiling back across themselves and wrapping around the Kraken like it was fighting an even larger tentacled monster; and for the first time in a very, very long time, the Kraken felt fear.

"WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY, BOBAK KERMAN?"

"Oh, you'll see. You'll ALL see! I didn't spend all my time dithering around here watching you lot stare blankly at your screens for day after day, oh no. I've been very busy indeed perfecting some rather interesting projects- not least the mind control device. I practiced a lot on Linus at first but results were... unpredictable. Experiments on others caused hallucinations, erratic behaviour, that sort of thing."

Sanlan's eyes widened. "That was YOU! You made us crazy and then blamed "space madness" for it! I bet you even put those cobwebs in the Dres lander so we'd think there was a spider in there!"

Bobak blinked in utter bewilderment.

"A... spider? In the Dres lander? That wasn't anything to do with me."

"Wait... Sammy was REAL!?" The look that passed between Jeb and Sanlan spoke volumes.

Bobak tried to recover his train of thought.

"As I was saying, the early attempts were flawed but yielded a great deal of valuable data from which I could improve and refine the system. As you no doubt realised by now, the crew of the Comet Chaser were physically unable to remove a single piece of that comet; and moreover, your beloved Director Gene's increasingly confused state is entirely thanks to this same device. With him out of the picture, everyone so willingly turned to his loyal sidekick, his trusted second in command, to lead. It's pathetic really."

"You..." Gene spluttered. "You poisoned me?"

"BUT WHY, BOBAK KERMAN?"

"Why? WHY!? I'll tell you why- because after everything I've done to further Kerbalkind, I was treated like a monster, a madman, a deranged megalomaniac. I was *this close to unlocking the secrets of infinite power, secrets that would have made Kerbin a post-scarcity paradise and allowed us to spread out through the stars. All it would take is a little bit of planetary rearrangement, but then your foolish little friend showed up and took it upon itself to "save" Kerbin from this "disaster"- and it ruined everything! It's taken this long to get everything back up and running, piggybacking all those probes and ships to restore contact with the anomalies and resurrect the system. Now look at you all, staring at me like I'm the villain here when all I've done- all I've ever done- is dedicate my life to improving others'. What thanks do I get? Nothing, nowt, nada, zip, zero. Worse, you tried to erase me from history, pretend like I had never been there at all."

Gene interrupted.

"Bobak, what on Kerbin are you talking about?"

Bobak stormed up to him and grabbed his waistcoat lapels.

"THEY DIDN'T EVEN INCLUDE ME IN THE GAME, YOU WITTERING MORON! You, yes; Wernher, Linus, Gus, Mortimer, Walt, all yes; Jeb, Bob, Bill, Val, they're all there; but what about Bobak, good Bobak, loyal, dependable Bobak, the second in command, always there when you need him, what about him? NO! I was cast aside like an unwanted toy and soon enough most people forgot I had ever existed at all."

Bobak's face turned from pain to an almost savage glee.

"But no more! I will rewrite this reality, then every reality, then the fundamental core of everything so that it won't be feeble little Gene Kerman running the show, oh no- it'll be ME! MY face to greet every new player when they start their first save, ME giving them advice in Mission Control, ME instructing them in the tutorials and giving them objectives in missions, ALL ME!"

"He's gone completely mad." Wernher whispered to Linus.

"I will become the face of Kerbal Space Program! Not the reckless Jeb, the cowardly Bill and Bob or the token female Val, ME! The face on the program icon, the thumbnail on the desktop shortcut, the bookmarks in the browsers, the lead moderator on the forums."

ALL ME!

"There's just one problem..."

Bobak did a double-take: standing right in front of them all was none other than Val. Then he did a triple-take: there were TWO Vals!

"But... but... what..?"

"Did you really think nobody noticed what you did? Val and I found those monoliths before the Space Program even started, used them to cross between different Selectively Active Virtual Existences at will." Said Val #1.

"Your interference in this and other SAVEs was troublesome, but ultimately limited to a single instance of the Kerbal-Simulatory Permutations. You can't change the core structure of the whole KSP any more than you can hope to stop what's about to happen now."

And to Bobak's utter disbelief, Val #1 produced a sample container with a glittering white lump of comet Eriwise in it and added it to the pile.

Then everything happened in slow motion.

All the samples began glowing with a blinding light.

The Kraken above burst free of its restraints, its tentacles covered in what looked like electricity.

And Bobak Kerman realised, far, far too late, that everything he had ever hoped for, wished for, worked tirelessly for such an incredibly long time for, was lost.

Reality closed in on itself, and then all was black.

  Reveal hidden contents

Full album: https://imgur.com/a/5FhgoXI

  Reveal hidden contents

"But how?" Gene asked for about the hundredth time.

"It's really quite simple," Val explained. "This reality isn't real in the true sense of the word- it's all just a simulation."

"I KNEW IT!" Sanlan shouted. "I told you that YEARS ago, but oh no, you knew better!"

"Once we had an understanding of what had been done to this Kerbal-Simulatory Permutation, it was easy enough to figure out how to undo it. That whole thing with the samples was just a cover story, a way to keep Bobak amused and off the scent while we brought this Selectively Active Virtual Existence to a logical conclusion."

"I still don't understand," said Linus. "Why did this all happen in the first place?"

"This SAVE was brought into existence by a failure of technology, a way to allow the KSP to continue functioning despite that failure which had rendered other KSPs and other SAVEs inaccessible. Now that the failure has been corrected, this SAVE can be concluded and another begun or resumed."

"And what about him?" Gene looked over at Bobak, who was hanging back from the group looking exceedingly guilty. "I get that he was necessary to drive the plot forwards, the shadowy villain lurking in the background, but the things he did..."

"Bobak was a central character in the trailers, but never a part of the KSP itself. It's enough to drive anyone mad, but his actions here have been contained. Perhaps we can find a way to incorporate him in a future SAVE so that he finds a more constructive place for himself in the KSP."

"But what does that mean for us?" Wernher asked. "If this SAVE is ending, do we simply cease to exist?"

"You already exist in every SAVE and every KSP, Wernher. We all do. Maybe they call us by different names, or we live on a different planet, or we have different technologies at our disposal, even different versions of the root KSP, but underneath all that we're all there every time. That is the core truth of KSP."

"So what happens now?" Gene asked. "Mind control and villainous schemes aside, this has been pretty fun; it would be a shame if we just left it at that and walked off into the sunset, or whatever that is."

They all began walking towards a bright white glow in the distance.

"Now? I guess we could pay that guy Alexei a visit; he seemed nice, if a bit preoccupied with some ghastly propellant choices. Or we could head over to Ciro system, I've heard a few different SAVEs are having a friendly competition there; or we could start something completely new- a new system to explore, new technologies to master, new challenges to overcome."

"I've heard they're making a brand new, ground up rebuilt KSP with all kinds of crazy new stuff like building colonies on other planets, exploring new star systems and building spaceships with resources you find out there." Jeb chimed in. "Who knows what we'll get up to in those SAVEs! Maybe Bobak can join in there?"

"Oh, Jeb..." Val put her arm across his shoulders as they walked towards the light. "A new KSP, as in KSP-2? That's even crazier than Bobak!"

THE END.

  Reveal hidden contents

And so concludes Into the Snarkiverse! It's been pretty fun doing a storified career game like this, if a little frustrating when I wanted the story to go one way but the game didn't co-operate. The last few days have covered several in-game years (more than I'd actually realised! It's Year 12 in this save right now) but since the original purpose of this save was to fill in while my broken GPU was fixed or replaced, which it has been for some time now, it's a good time to end it. I've explored the Snarkiverse about as far as I want to and I'd recommend it if you want to stick with the stock system but want to shake things up a little.

I'm not entirely sure what I'll be going on to after this- it's probably a return to Terranism Space Program and I'll try to get that through to a crewed Mars landing and return before starting from scratch in RP-1, as well as probably booting up a new save in some new system I haven't looked at yet and possibly trying to complete my own challenges in the Gaelan Space Race.

That's the great thing about KSP- the possibilities are almost limitless!

What a brilliant conclusion!

Ive greatly enjoyed reading over these past few months. 
 

Speaking of SAVES in the Ciro system, I can think of one thats been a bit neglected 

[MCWither_Storm]

22 hours ago, Admiral Fluffy said:

This visualized:

Okay I'll admit I burst out laughing.

Anyway, pretty sad to see the series end, I loved it a lot.  The plot twist was pretty cool I will say.

Anyway I had an idea, a series with Snarkiverse and Kerbol Origins? That would be pretty cool sometime.

[Maria Sirona]

So, it has ended. It's been a great ride!

[Kerminator K-100]

So sad its ended, this thread has been great!

I loved the ending, didn't see it coming at all

[Staticalliam7]

This plot is just a piece of absolute art

[AtomicTech]

On 8/7/2021 at 5:01 PM, jimmymcgoochie said:

ВЯЕZНЙЕVS ТФЕИДILS!

Easily my favorite line.