This is a bucket...

[ColdJ]

The eels and kittens are enjoying intermission and having choc tops.

[AlamoVampire]

one of the kittens sitting perched on the bucket:

Down once more to the dungeon of my black despair
Down we plunge to the prison of my mind
Down that path into darkness deep as hell

Why you ask, was I bound and chained in this cold and dismal place?
Not for any mortal sin, but the wickedness of my abhorrent face!

Hounded out by everyone
Met with hatred everywhere
No kind word from anyone
No compassion anywhere

Christine, Christine
Why, why?

Your hand at the level of your eyes
At the level of your eyes
(At the level of your eyes)
(At the level of your eyes)

Track down this murderer, he must be found
Track down this murderer, he must be found
Hunt out this animal, who runs to ground
Too long he's preyed on us, but now we know

The Phantom of the Opera
The Phantom of the Opera
The Phantom of the Opera is here
Deep down inside

He's here, the Phantom of the Opera
He's here, the Phantom of the Opera

Have you gorged yourself, at last, in your lust for blood?
Am I now to be prey to your lust for flesh?

That fate which condemns me to wallow in blood
Has also denied me the joys of the flesh
This face, the infection which poisons our love

This face, which earned a mother's fear and loathing
A mask, my first unfeeling scrap of clothing
Pity comes too late, turn around and face your fate
An eternity of this before your eyes!

This haunted face holds no horror for me now
It's in your soul that the true distortion lies

Wait! I think, my dear, we have a guest
Sir, this is indeed an unparalleled delight
I had rather hoped that you would come
And now my wish comes true
You have truly made my night!

Free her!
Do what you like only free her!
Have you no pity?

Your lover makes a passionate plea!

Please, Raoul, it's useless

I love her!
Does that mean nothing?
I love her!
Show some compassion!

The world showed no compassion to me!

Christine, Christine
Let me see her

Be my guest, sir

Monsieur, I bid you welcome
Did you think that I would harm her?
Why should I make her pay for the sins which are yours?

Order your fine horses now!
Raise up your hand to the level of your eyes!
Nothing can save you now, except perhaps Christine

Start a new life with me
Buy his freedom with your love!
Refuse me, and you send your lover to his death!
This is the choice
This is the point of no return!

The tears I might have shed for your dark fate
Grow cold, and turn to tears of hate

Christine, forgive me, please forgive me
I did it all for you, and all for nothing (Farewell my fallen idol and false friend)
One by one, all my delusions shattered (Too late for prayers and useless pity)

Say you love him (All hope of cries for help)
And my life is over (No point in fighting)
For either way you choose you cannot win (he has to win)

So, do you end your days with me
Or do you send him to his grave?
Why make her lie to you, to save me?

Past the point of no return (Angel of music) (For pity's sake)
The final threshold (Who deserves this?) (Christine, say no)
His life is now the prize which you must earn!

I fought so hard to free you

Angel of music (You've passed the point of no return)
You deceived me
I gave my mind blindly

You try my patience, make your choice!

Pitiful creature of darkness
What kind of life have you known?
God give me courage to show you, you are not alone

Take her, forget me, forget all of this
(Who is this monster, this murdering beast?)
Leave me alone, forget all you've seen

Go now, don't let them find you!
(Revenge for Piangi! Revenge for Buquet!)
Take the boat, leave me here, go now, don't wait
(Too long he's preyed on us) Just take her and go
(But now we know) Before it's too late, go

Go now, go now and leave me!

Masquerade
Paper faces on parade
Masquerade
Hide your face so the world will never find you

Christine, I love you

Say you'll share with me, one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me, each night, each morning

You alone can make my song take flight
It's over now, the music of the night!

-fin-

the kittens, the eels and friends with the bucket all bow as the performance ends

203610102023

[Deddly]

There is a sustained applause from the crowd. The purreels tip over the Beauteous Bucket, which empties an enormous 

[AlamoVampire]

pile of programs for our Beauteous Buckets performance of Cats (just not the awful recent attempted live action, but a classic Broadway version)

<house lights go down with no warning> <glowing cat eyes start moving about>

then our kittens begin to gather.

Are you blind when you're born? Can you see in the dark?
Dare you look look at a king? Would you sit on his throne?
Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?
Are you c of the walk when you're walking alone?
When you fall on your head, do you land on your feet?
Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?
Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street?
Do you know how to go to the heaviside layer?
Because jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles do and jellicles can
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles do and jellicles can
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?
Familiar with candle, with book, and with bell?
Were you Whittington's friend? The Pied Piper's assistant?
Have you been an alumnus of heaven and hell?
Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx?
Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat?
Were you there when the pharoahs commissioned the Sphinx?
If you were, and you are, you're a jellicle cat
Jellicle songs for jelllicle cats
Jellicle songs for jelllicle cats
Jellicle songs for jelllicle cats
Jellicle songs for jelllicle cats
Jellicle songs for jelllicle cats
We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze
We can turn double somersaults, bounce on a tire
We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees
We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Can you sing at the same time in more than one key?
Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss?
And can you (as cats do) begin with a 'c'?
That always triumphantly brings down the house?
Jellicle cats are queen of the nights
Singing at astronomical heights
Handling pieces from the 'Messiah'
Hallelujah, angelical Choir
The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat'
Life to the everlasting cat!
Feline, fearless, faithful and true
To others who do-what
Jellicles do and jellicles can
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicle cats sing jellicle chants
Jellicles old and jellicles new
Jellicle song and jellicle dance
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Practical cats, dramatical cats
Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats
Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats
Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats
Romantical cats, Pedantical cats
Critical cats, parasitical cats
Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats
Statistical cats and mystical cats
Political cats, hypocritical cats
Clerical cats, hysterical cats
Cynical cats, rabbinical cats
Aaah, Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
 

012110112023

[Deddly]

The purreels hum along awkwardly, regretting that they are unfamiliar with the show. 

[AlamoVampire]

The bucket:

What's a Jellicle Cat?

The naming of cats is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three different names

First of all, there's the name that the family use daily
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey
All of them sensible, everyday names  

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames
Such as Plato, Admetas, Electra, Demeter
But all of them sensible everyday names  

But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?  

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum
Names that never belong to more than one cat  

But above and beyond there's still one name left over
And that is the name that you never will guess
The name that no human research can discover
But the at himself knows, and will never confess  

When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought
Of the thought
Of the thought
Of his name 

His ineffable, effable, effanineffable
Deep, and inscrutable, singular name (echo)

064110112023

[Deddly]

The purreels wriggle about trying to clap to the rhythm, but then they realise they don't have enough limbs. 

[AlamoVampire]

The bucket continues:

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots
Her coat is of the tabby kind
With tiger stripes and leopard spots
All day she sits upon the stairs
Or on the step or on the mat
She sits and sits and sits and sits
And that's what makes a Gumbie Cat
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat

But
When the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun
And when all the family's in bed and asleep
I tuck up my skirts to the basement to creep
I am deeply concerned with the ways of the mice
Their behavior's not good and their manners not nice
So when I have got them lined up on the matting
I teach them music, crocheting, and tatting

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots
The curtain cord she likes to wind
And tie it into sailor knots
She sits upon the windowsill
Or anything that's smooth and flat
She sits and sits and sits and sits
And that's what makes a Gumbie Cat
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat

But-and
When the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun
I think that the cockroaches need employment
To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment
So I formed from that lot of disorderly louts
A troop of well-disciplined helpful Boy Scouts
With a purpose in life and a good deed to do
And I've even created a Beetles' tattoo

So, for Old Gumbie Cats, let us now give three cheers
On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears
Three cheers, three cheers, three cheers

095410112023

[Deddly]

The eels flap their tails against each other in delight

[AlamoVampire]

The box seeing this decides to do 2 in a row: (side note, the first of 2 should be technically prior to gumbie cat, then the second follows gumbie cat)

 

Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle Cats come one come all
The Jellicle moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball  
Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball  
Jellicle Cats are white and black
Jellicle Cats are of moderate size
Jellicles jump like a jumping jack 
Jellicle Cats have moonlit eyes  
We're quiet enough in the morning hours
We're quiet enough in the afternoon
Reserving our terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon  
Jellicle Cats meet once a year
At the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice
And the Jellicle Leader will soon appear
And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice
When Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different Jellicle Life
For waiting up there is the Heaviside Layer
Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see
And Jellicles ask because Jellices dare: 
Who will it be?
Who will it be? 

———then our box does———

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse
If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat
If you put me in a flat, then I'd rather have a house
If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat
If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any call for me to shout it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything abou-ou-ou-out it, no
The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore

When you let me in, then I want to go out
I'm always on the wrong side of every door
As soon as I get home, then I like to get about
I like to lie in the bureau drawer
But I make such a fuss if I can't get out, hoo

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any use for you to doubt it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything abou-ou-ou-out it
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast

My disobliging ways is a matter of habit, yeah
If you offer me fish, then I always want a feast
When there isn't any fish, well, darling, I'm not having rabbit
If you offer me cream, then I sniff and sneer
For I only like what I find for myself, woo

The Rum Tum Tugger
Is artful and knowing
The Rum Tum Tugger
Doesn't care for a cuddle
But I'll leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing
For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle, yeah

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle
Nah, nah, no more milk
Milk, woo

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any need for me to spout it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything
About, about, about it
 

133310112023

[AstroWolfie]

the bucket then started rumbling, and a computer screen rose out of the bucket, and began to sang:

This was a triumph
I'm making a note here
"Huge success"
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction

Aperture Science
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead

But there's no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive

I'm not even angry
I'm being so sincere right now
Even though you broke my heart
And killed me

And tore me to pieces
And threw every piece into a fire
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you

Now, these points of data make a beautiful line
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time
So I'm GLaD I got burned, think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive

Go ahead and leave me
I think I'd prefer to stay inside
Maybe you'll find someone else
To help you

Maybe Black Mesa?
That was a joke, HA-HA, FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great
It's so delicious and moist

Look at me, still talking when there's science to do
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you
I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive

And believe me, I am still alive
I'm doing science and I'm still alive
I feel fantastic and I'm still alive
While you're dying, I'll be still alive
And when you're dead, I will be still alive
Still alive
Still alive

Edited October 12, 2023 by AstroWolfie
made it plain text

[Deddly]

Everyone in the audience is promised cake. 

[AlamoVampire]

The bucket returns to its broadway production:

Remark the cat who hesitates toward you In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin She haunted many a low resort Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court She flitted about the No Man's Land From "The Rising Sun" to "The Friend at Hand" And the postman sighed as he scratched his head "You'd really had thought she ought to be dead" And who would ever suppose that That was Grizabella, the glamor cat Grizabella, the glamor cat, Grizabella, the glamor cat And who would ever suppose that That was Grizabella, the glamor cat
 

205910122023

Edited October 13, 2023 by AlamoVampire

[ColdJ]

The Eels are looking through the playbill to see the theatrical history of the bucket.

[AlamoVampire]

The bucket and friends continue:

I'm Bustopher Jones
I'm not skin and bones
In fact, I'm remarkably fat
I don't haunt pubs
I have eight or nine clubs
For I'm the St. James Street Cat

I'm the cat they all greet as I walk down the street
In my coat of fastidious black
No commonplace mousers have such well-cut trousers
Or such an impeccable back

In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of Cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats

My visits are occasional to the Senior Educational
And it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the Joint Superior Schools
For a similar reason, when game is in season
I'm found, not at Fox's, but Blimp's
I am frequently seen at the gay Stage and Screen
Which is famous for winkles and shrimps
In the season of venison, I give my ben'son
To the Pothunter's succulent bones
And just before noon's not a moment too soon
To drop in for a drink at the Drones
Thanks, Tugger
When I'm seen in a hurry, there's probably curry
At the Siamese, or at the Glutton
If I look full of gloom, then I've lunched at the Tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding, and mutton

In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of Cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white spats

So, much in this way, passes Bustopher's day
At one club
Or another I'm found
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round

I'm a twenty-five pounder, or I am a bounder
And I'm putting on weight every day
But I'm so well preserved because I've observed
All my life a routine, and I'd say
"I am still in my prime, I shall last out my time"

That's the word from this stoutest of cats
It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white spats

033710132023

[Deddly]

Someone in the audience rudely belches loudly 

[AlamoVampire]

One of the Purreels slithers over and slimes the belcher. Then Monsieur Bucket and friends continue!

(Chuckle) Shhhh!
(Chuckle) Shhhh!

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer
We're a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats

We have an extensive reputation
We make our home in Victoria Grove
This is merely our center of operation
For we are incurably given to rove  

If the area window is found ajar
And the basement looks like a field of war
If a tile or two comes loose on the roof
Which presently fails to be waterproof
If the drawers are pulled out from the bedroom chest
And you can't find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls
Suddenly misses her Woolworth pearls
The family will say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time they leave it at that  

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a very unusual gift of the gab
We are highly efficient cat burglars as well
And remarkably smart at a smash and grab
We make our home in Victoria Grove
We have no regular occupation
We are plausible fellows who like to engage
A friendly policeman in conversation  

When the family assembles for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they won't get thinner
On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook will appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that is broken with sorrow,
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven like that!"
The family will say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time they leave it at that  

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a wonderful way of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
We go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both? 

And when you hear a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there comes a loud crash
Or down from the library there comes a loud ping
From a vase that was commonly said to be Ming
Then family will say: "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer!"
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!

045210132023

[Deddly]

There are muffled screams from somewhere in the auditorium. 

[AlamoVampire]

The guard Purreel finds that the scream was because the screamers date spilled a glass of water on the screamer and startled them. Our bucket and friends continue:

Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time
She's a cat who has lived many lives in succession
She was famous in Proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession

Old Deuteronomy's lived many lives
No, I am tempted to say ninety-nine
And her numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the village is proud of her in her decline

At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy
When she sits in the sun on the vicarage wall
Oldest inhabitant croaks
Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes, no, oh, hi, oh my eye
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes, no, oh, hi, oh my eye
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes, no, oh, hi, oh my eye
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes, no, oh, hi, oh my eye

My legs may be tottery, I must go slow
And be careful of Old Deuteronomy

055210132023

[Nazalassa]

Meanwhile, one of the purreels concludes that thsi thread has become the theather thread.

[AlamoVampire]

The bucket nods its handle in agreement and continues:

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats are rather small
Jellicle cats are merry and bright
And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul

Jellicle cats have cheerful faces
Jellicle cats have bright black eyes
We like to practice our airs and graces
And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise

Jellicle cats develop slowly
Jellicle cats are not too big
Jellicle cats are roly poly
We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig
Until the Jellicle Moon appears
We make our toilet and take our repose
Jellicles wash behind their ears
Jellicles dry between their toes

Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats are of moderate size
Jellicles jump like a jumping jack
Jellicle cats have moonlit eyes

We're quiet enough in the morning hours
We're quiet enough in the afternoon
Reserving our Terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon

Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats (as we said) are small
If it happens to be a stormy night
We will practice a caper or two in the hall

If it happens the sun is shining bright
You would say we have nothing to do at all
We are resting and saving ourselves to be bright
For the Jellicle Moon and Jellicle Ball

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
 

093510132023

[ColdJ]

The bucket is looking a little pail.

[AlamoVampire]

Our bucket seeing the Purreels enjoying the show continues:

Daylight
See the dew on the flower
And a rose that is fading
Roses whither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day . . . 

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan 

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again 

Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning 

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin 

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning 

Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is 

Look
A new day has begun
 

234110162023

[ColdJ]

The Minecraft bucket is feeling flat.

[AlamoVampire]

Our bucket continues:

The moments of happiness
We had the experience but missed the meaning
And approach to the meaning
Restores the experience in a different form

Beyond any meaning
We can assign to happiness
The past experience revived in the meaning
Is not the experience of one life only
But of many generations
Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable

Moonlight
Turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
 

002310172023