Roast the Fighter Jet!

[TwoCalories]

Inspired by the meme/series on YouTube called "The Raptor Roasts the [insert fighter jet]", your goal is to roast the above user's fighter jet of choice. Posts will include the name of the fighter jet, a picture of the said fighter jet, and then a roast to the fighter jet above you. Example below:

Spoiler

F-15E Strike Eagle

"Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my 104:0 K/D ratio."

Just for clarity: you are allowed to reuse planes.

Before we get into this game, keep in mind that this is all for fun, and not to take anything personally, and to not get too deep into the realm of politics. I'll start off the game by roasting the F-15E in the example in the spoiler.

***

F/A-18F Super Hornet

"That's nice, but I've yet to see one try and land on an aircraft carrier."

Edited January 9 by TwoCalories

[Kimera Industries]

Sukhoi Su-35

"Imagine needing drop tanks to get any kind of range."

Edited January 6 by Kimera Industries

[TwoCalories]

F/A-18E Super Hornet

"You're one to talk about range, since all you do is go to airshows and pull Cobras in front of a crowd."

Edited January 7 by TwoCalories

[Kimera Industries]

@TwoCalories do you pick a new plane each time or stick with the same one?

[TwoCalories]

On 1/7/2024 at 3:51 PM, Kimera Industries said:

@TwoCalories do you pick a new plane each time or stick with the same one?

You can do either.

Edited January 9 by TwoCalories

[Kimera Industries]

Convair F2Y Sea Dart

"Who needs an aircraft carrier to land on water? Oh wait, you do, ha!"

[TwoCalories]

F/A-18E Super Hornet

"I really don't understand why water landings are such a priority for you, because to do a water landing you need to be able to take off from the water in the first place."

[Kimera Industries]

B-2 Spirit

"You can't reach your target if the enemy spots you first, which it will!"

Spoiler

Yours actually made me laugh really hard  

[Stormpilot]

F-15e strike eagle

”Imagine costing several MLB teams per unit”

[TwoCalories]

F/A-18C Hornet

"Well, if it isn't the F-15 Eagle, coming here to brag about their spotless 100:0 K/D ratio. Well, has anyone ever told you that your ego (and airframe) is so huge that they completely overshadow the F-16s and F-18s that had to do the SEAD missions to allow you to even approach enemy airspace?"

[Kerbalsaurus]

North American X-15

"Your one to talk. The most dangerous flyby you've ever done is over football game."

Spoiler

3 hours ago, TwoCalories said:

F/A-18C Hornet

You're obsessed with that plane.

Edited January 9 by Kerbalsaurus

[Kimera Industries]

1 hour ago, Kerbalsaurus said:

You're obsessed with that plane.

What gave you that idea?

F-22 Raptor

"The only thing you've ever killed as a 'fighter' jet was your pilots."

[TwoCalories]

F/A-18E Super Hornet

"Well, well, well, the F-22 Raptor. Wanna know what the '22' in F-22 stands for? It stands for how many millions of dollars it takes to fly you a single time. You think you're awesome and stuff because you've got 2D thrust vectoring, outdated stealth coating, and an entire subreddit who worships you as their god. 'I'm the most lethal plane to exist!' I hear you cry. Well, usually lethal means you've killed something. The only thing I've seen you kill is a spy balloon. I'm honestly surprised they didn't just bring out an F-16 to do the job, since if there was a slight wisp of cloud that day, they'd have to keep you in your temperature-controlled hangar while your custom-formula jet fuel brews. Hopefully there's an airshow soon, because if not, you're gonna stay in that hangar for a long time, buddy."

Spoiler

I had no reason to roast the F-22 that hard, but I did it anyway.

***

3 hours ago, Kerbalsaurus said:

You're obsessed with that plane.

Well, actually, I'm more obsessed with the F/A-18E/F Super Hornet. The one showcased was a F/A-18C Legacy Hornet. You see, the difference is *writes enough about the F/A-18 Super Hornet to fill the Library of Alexandria three times*

 

[Kimera Industries]

1 minute ago, TwoCalories said:

Well, actually, I'm more obsessed with the F/A-18E/F Super Hornet. The one showcased was a F/A-18C Legacy Hornet. You see, the difference is *writes enough about the F/A-18 Super Hornet to fill the Library of Alexandria three times*

Like I said, obsessed. 

F-16 Fighting Falcon

"Can't exactly be so good at missions with lower visibility."

[TwoCalories]

F/A-18F Super Hornet

"Well maybe not, but try this, hot shot!" *turns off one engine*

Edited January 9 by TwoCalories

[AstroWolfie]

I don't know if this one would count but:

CFA-44 Nosferatu

"Imagine needing to conserve your missiles"

[TwoCalories]

F/A-18F Super Hornet (Osean Air Defense Force)

"Imagine not existing in real life."

Spoiler

I don't even play Ace Combat 7, I just know some of the lore.

Also, I promise I'll stop using the F/A-18 all the time... probably... hopefully... probably not... okay, definitely not you know me

 

[Kimera Industries]

23 hours ago, TwoCalories said:

Also, I promise I'll stop using the F/A-18 all the time... probably... hopefully... probably not... okay, definitely not you know me

No need to apologize, we've all got that one aerospace vehicle we defend to the very end.

[TwoCalories]

Just gonna put a new fighter to get the game moving along again...

F-14 Tomcat

[TwoCalories]

F/A-18F Super Hornet eww a watermark in the photo

"I'm quite surprised to see a Tomcat flying. I thought they were all scrapped by the Navy to prevent the other side from using you for what you did best: spare parts. You act all tough shooting down MiGs and pretending you dogfighted them when in reality you just went BVR. The moment something equal to you shows up on the battlefield you're out of there faster than your wings tearing off when you pull a slight turn. You did better in Hollywood then as a fighter. I especially loved your performance in Interstellar as the Endurance space station, especially during the docking scene. And yet somehow you overshadow literally almost every other fighter jet, probably because you're a literal flying tennis court. Like, look at that airframe! Look at those wings... Those high maintenance variable sweep wings that make you more expensive than an F-22 Raptor. Your pilots probably pump copium into their pressure masks instead of oxygen based on how they act. You can only dream of high AOA turns and AMRAAMs. You were supposed to be the Navy's multirole, but you let them down like your hydraulics on your second test flight. I sincerely hope you can actually land at base, instead of landing in the #1 Most Dangerous Aircraft to Fly list."

Spoiler

Sorry to double post, but I really, really wanted to vent about the F-14 today for some reason.

 

Edited February 16 by TwoCalories

[Kimera Industries]

On 2/16/2024 at 4:12 PM, TwoCalories said:

I especially loved your performance in Interstellar as the Endurance space station, especially during the docking scene.

That was delightful. 

To be fair, all planes deserve a good roast now and then to keep their hubris in check.