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    Kerbonaut Biographer
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  1. I’m not sure this is “docking” as such, but I once spent a good 15 minutes chasing after a Kerbal who let go of her capsule and then discovered that her EVA jetpack didn’t work- moments after drifting out of grabbing range and starting a slow tumble. Cue a long and awkward series of manoeuvres with a craft that had unbalanced RCS, of which only some were working, to get close enough for the drifting Kerbal to grab on again. The Kerbal was saved eventually and the cause of failure found (using RO and RP-1 in KSP 1.11 when it was only meant to be used in 1.10 and the jetpacks weren’t properly configured) and eventually rectified (hacky hack deployed in this save, eventually RO/RP-1 were updated for 1.12 and the problems were solved for good). Being RP-1, there are no reaction wheels on the capsule so all attitude control had to be done with RCS on the service module (far right on the craft above), but that resulted in lateral drift which the translation thrusters (centre) had to compensate for, but the reverse thrusters didn’t work; eventually I turned on the capsule’s re-entry RCS and used that to get a bit more control to shimmy close enough for the drifting astronaut to grab hold of the door and hoik herself in.
  2. Aerozine/NTO on the service module’s RCS, MMH/NTO for the capsule and you still went for UDMH/NTO on top? Three different sets of RCS propellants mean none of them can use the other’s fuel in case one runs out. What you should take away from the Mars landing and the new design: Don’t drop your periapsis so low Don’t look at the science data when you’re plummeting towards the surface Don’t give it so much fuel when it only needs a little for the final descent Don’t use the fragile transmitter dish as landing gear (because smashing your ONLY transmitter on landing is a great idea!?) Don’t put duplicate science experiments on it (3 barometers and 3 thermometers) Do put enough avionics on it to control the mass Do deploy a drogue chute to help it slow down, a Kevlar chute can take a lot of heating and slow you subsonic before the main chutes open Do add landing gear- not legs, landing gear scaled down to fit the craft- they have much better impact tolerance than legs and are dirt cheap and reasonably light, plus they have lights on them which can help you judge how hard you’re going to hit the ground Do add ALL THE SCIENCE- RPWS, magnetometer, surface sampler(!) Do remove the heatshield ablator, it isn’t necessary and adds excess weight
  3. This "only use pre-tooled parts" thing isn't working out. How will a larger rocket fare? Broadly similar in terms of engines to the previous design, this one uses a first stage core of 3x F-1 with a further three F-1s on boosters, then a 4x RD-254 second stage and then the same third stage as before. First and second stage tanks are 7.5m diameter and 10m long (the first stage uses three of them) because tooling one tank that size is expensive enough without tooling one thrice the length too. The design showed some promise, when it wasn't destroying the third stage tanks due to MLI incineration by pitching a little too early, but ultimately didn't make it to orbit. It may have worked with the same payload as before, but I went back to 150 tons to see if I could do it. Can I use a better engine anywhere? It's hard to beat the RL-200 as the only comparable engine right now is the J-2 which is less efficient and has weird limits on restarts; only the NK-15-V could really replace the RD-254, but the reliability on that is pretty terrible; but for the first stage, the regular NK-15 shows a lot of promise: good thrust, noticeably higher ISP from sea level to vacuum and by setting some of the engines to the non-gimballing version they become noticeably lighter. The only downside is the poor reliability, but if you're launching a rocket with twenty-seven NK-15s lighting on the pad those data units are going to rack up pretty quickly. I've already looked at converting some existing rockets to use NK-15s and if I do it across the fleet it would get pretty reliable pretty quickly. With this design, the bottom half of each booster feeds the three engines on the booster while the top half is separated by a decoupler to block crossfeed and has a fuel line to send its fuel to the core stage's eighteen engines. As tested, the top half runs out just before the bottom half so no lugging around spent boosters to suck them dry before ditching them as some of my other rockets do. This design turned out really well- disturbingly so in fact. Where most other designs I tried for this 3000 ton rocket needed almost 9500m/s to make it to orbit compared to the usual 9000 or so, this one was given close to 9500 but ended up with more than 500 left over in orbit and with a 150 ton payload too. The main issue... ...is the cost of tooling. Sharing part sizes as much as possible lessens the hit- all the interstage fairings between stages 1-2 and 2-3 are the same diameter and length so are technically "the same" as far as tooling is concerned, while the same 7.5x10m tank is used once on stage 2 and three times on stage 1 and the boosters and third stage tanks are already tooled. A 3000 ton near-Earth avionics costs nearly a hundred grand on its own, but the 7.5m integral tank is close to 300k and is the main reason why I wanted to avoid making new, larger parts for this rocket. There's also the not insignificant cost of buying the NK-15 engine and the first upgraded config for the RD-254, both of which are in the 1969 staged combustion node that just finished researching, how convenient! Once tooled, it's only fairly expensive and will take close to two months to build. There's a little bit of wiggle room in terms of mass to fit larger fairings when carrying larger payloads (and possibly when that RO or RP-1 change to procedural fairings makes those significantly heavier). With some clever engine grouping it might be possible to do away with the gimbals on all engines and rely on differential throttle as the N-1 was supposed to, but either I deleted that mod or can't find the button for it. A brief test flight of an NK-15 engined Purple Shape rocket, demonstrating that it could still reach orbit with a 75 ton payload and so was worth the effort of making to gain those data units on the notoriously failure-prone NK-15. A real launch! Yellow Carillon is a lunar space station, which I only realised after launching hadn't been refitted with vacuum scrubbers and so is stuck with the old lithium hydroxide system instead at least until I send up an extension module. There were some issues with the second stage tank overheating and exploding despite only having 1 MLI layer on it, fixed by making the pitch rate slightly lower. Once in orbit, the course was set and the triple RL-10 third stage boosted the station all the way to the Moon. That stage only has near-Earth avionics, but the station's deep space avionics can handle the extra weight of the nearly empty stage so it will also be used to do much of the capture burn in lunar orbit. A few short burns later to make the orbit fit the lunar space station contract, Yellow Carillon was ready to receive its first crew. That's going to take a while though, so in the meantime the science equipment was switched on and left to run while everything else was powered down. Coming soon: More imaging sat launches and possibly a Gemini mission carrying a scrubber module up to the Yellow Timpani station in LEO. At this point I'm starting to regret training all those new astronauts on Gemini instead of Apollo or the D-2 capsule as I'll probably be moving away from Gemini soon.
  4. Stock Moho's perihelion is 4.2Gm; Snarkiverse Moho's aphelion is only 4.4Gm. For nearly all of its orbit, Snarkiverse Moho is drastically closer to Kerbol than stock Moho ever will be, and radiation levels are drastically higher as a result- I got almost 1500EC/s per Gigantor solar panel on the way into Moho's SOI at a distance of less than 1.5Gm from Kerbol and with Moho's weird little equatorial radiation belt thrown into the mix it wasn't a very nice place to be.
  5. The higher-res downloads are pretty big (several gigabytes) and it could be that either your internet connection or hard drive can't handle it all at once. If you click the express install options and then click the "relationships" tab on the right, you'll get a list of all the dependent mods that will be installed; try installing the following individually in CKAN before the express install and see if that helps: - RSS Textures (whatever definition the medium or high res express install wants); - Parallax stock textures v1.3.1 (not 2.0, RSS doesn't support it yet to my knowledge); - RSS Visual Enhancements (whatever resolution the express install wants); - RSSCanaveralHD. Those are all fairly large mods which could cause CKAN to time out if they don't download or install in time, but breaking it down into smaller chunks could solve the problem.
  6. I once had a docking port that became a vessel of type Ship when I removed it from a lander and couldn't be EVA construction-ed any more. Changing the vessel type to DroppedPart in the save file fixed that as DroppedParts don't count as root parts. EVA construction has limits on weight when landed (gravity dependent!) and some parts just can't be used by EVA construction mode at all- in some cases it makes sense as they're just too big and/or massive to reasonably be moved around (e.g. the NERV engine and Mk3 parts) but others aren't so obvious (e.g. the NCS adapter tank seems to be unusable whereas other fuel tanks of a similar size such as the Mk1 fuselage and FL-T400 are fine). They should have a tab in the part description in the VAB/SPH that says if they can be manipulated in EVA construction mode and also if they're able to be put in stock inventory slots plus their volume if so.
  7. When I loaded this save today, vessels in the background weren't generating power. Load one up, the solar panels point at the suns and all is well; look away again and it immediately stops producing power. I've been trying to change over to the Kerbalism science only setup as the ISRU stuff in Kerbalism is painfully slow and I can't be bothered with all the life support etc. in this particular game, with limited success; Kerbalism is at version 3.16 and the science-only config only 3.14 and this seems to cause loading exceptions related to greenhouses in other mods that full-fat Kerbalism configures with life support related stuff. I'm going to keep poking at this install for a while, but if I can't resolve these issues then this report will have to end . UPDATE: I tried making a brand new install and loading an older save, but got a gigantic wall of Kerbalism exceptions as soon as it tried to load. Plan A is remove Kerbalism and see if it loads, plan B is make a new save and copy+paste the existing vessels over to it, plan C is start from scratch. UPDATE 2: I don't even need Kerbalism, since I'm unlocking tech nodes as and when I feel like it and so actually doing experiments isn't important. The new install sans Kerbalism is working well enough so this series can continue after all.
  8. The stock aero overlay and FAR don’t necessarily look at the same things. Is the rocket unstable in flight? It looks like you’re pitching over pretty steeply which could indicate you need to pitch a bit faster when you start your gravity turn. Try adjusting the priority of your fuel tanks so they drain from bottom to top, this will keep the centre of mass towards the front of the rocket for as long as possible. Unless this is a very early rocket with limited or no engine gimbal or a particularly draggy payload on top, you shouldn’t need fins at all. If you’re going to post screenshots of simulations, try doing them in daylight or with ambient lighting turned up so the vessel is visible.
  9. I've been testing some new heavy launch rockets. First up is a variation on the Purple Shape using NK-15s instead of RD-253s; their greater ISP and lower fuel mass means the rocket is significantly lighter and the TWR off the pad is a bit higher, but the lower fuel density also means delta-V is marginally down and costs are slightly up due to the engines costing about 100 funds more each and using slightly stretched tanks to make the most of the greater mass budget. Trimming almost 100 tons off the launch mass means there's a bit of scope for adding boosters, whereas the RD-253 version can only just squeeze 75 tons of payload inside the 1500 ton weight limit. The NK-15's biggest flaw is its relatively poor reliability, but when you're using 15 engines per rocket that'll go up pretty fast. On to the first flight of the SJ-3 to rack up a (very) long overdue X-planes supersonic contract. It was only after the flight was over that I realised the separation motors on the cockpit ejection system meant it wasn't "jet engines only" but I'd rather cheat-complete the contracts afterwards than sacrifice that important safety feature. Landing was a bit dodgy as the plane started drifting to one side, dropped a wing and then exploded despite the wingtip wheels that were added to prevent exactly that. Some design tweaks may be required before future flights, but with bigger and better engines waiting to be used this plane should be flying for a while yet. Then I turned my hand to making a rocket that can lift 150 tons to LEO but without having to tool any new parts (besides the avionics), with a somewhat unconventional design: Six F-1 boosters light on the pad to lift the rocket skywards. I took waaaay too many screenshots of the F-1s starting up as they shoot flames upwards before spooling up to full thrust; not sure I like the almost completely black effects though, they should be a lot more orangey-brown than that. Once the boosters burn out, the core stage ignites its trio of RD-254s (vacuum-optimised RD-253s) and another trio of RD-02somethingorothers from one of the Proton upper stages; seriously, Soviet rocket engineers, you need a better system for naming your engines... They're the ones without gimbals if that helps? There aren't a whole lot of vacuum-optimised large engines this far along the tech tree (I've just unlocked the 1969 engine nodes which includes the NK-15) so this was the best option available. And finally, the upper stage of 2x RL-200 finished the orbital insertion. Unlike previous rockets that have used similar RL-200 stages, this one had an extra 5m tank on it to give it the required delta-V with the heavier payload. Unfortunately, it couldn't even make it to orbit with a 135 ton ballast payload, so I tried asparagus staging the boosters and discovered that the first set of boosters separated at max-Q and promptly disintegrated (but no harm done to the rocket!). But that didn't work either, so I pushed right up to the 3000 ton limit I'd set for this rocket and stuck some ugly blister tanks onto the boosters. And it worked! 140 tons to LEO with this design by pushing the toolings and the launch mass to their absolute limits. While this isn't quite the 5% payload fraction I was after, it's pretty cheap in terms of tooling costs as only the avionics and that 5x5m tank need tooled. Unlike previous launch rockets which have managed orbit with just over 9km/s of delta-V on the pad, this one required an extra ~400m/s for some reason, which makes me think I can do better if I just build a really big rocket and pay the commensurately really big tooling costs that would ensue. Coming soon: 3 kiloton rocket, take two.
  10. Not that this is in any way related to the footage of Jool that this topic is all about, but… I haven’t used Parallax 2.0 yet and can’t see that changing any time soon. Does it look really nice? Yes, very much so. Will my PC be able to run it and still have a usable frame rate? Possibly, though I don’t use stock scatters for a similar reason. Will I get tired of constantly clattering into a bajillion rocks and other random detritus when trying to do even basic things like land on the surface or drive a rover around, and eventually disable the mod? Almost certainly. If you want to keep taking about how “KSP2 is just modded KSP” then make a new thread for it instead of derailing this one.
  11. I’ve seen similar suit texture issues, the helmets looked like they were painted backwards. I was also using Texture Replacer when that happened, but I think only the orange normal suit was affected (or at least that’s the only one I saw, I didn’t check every single suit option).
  12. Very nice! Also RIP probe as it plunges into the atmosphere to its doom, but getting those cloud shots was a sacrifice worth making.
  13. It's taken a lot longer than I expected, but Chapter 19 is here at last! Chapter 19 - The road to recovery Tina woke up screaming, thrashing against the bedsheets that had tangled around her. Martin quickly moved over and wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides until the panic subsided and she stopped fighting; a technique he and Jeanette had developed after numerous bruises and scratches from Tina’s flailing limbs. It had been nine days since their airborne escape from Estovus and they were all exhausted: the nightmare recurred every time Tina fell asleep, leaving her badly sleep-deprived and terrified of falling asleep as well; any time she did fall asleep, she invariably woke again within an hour screaming and thrashing, always with the same dream- floating over Jool, the appearance of the odd little moon Bop and the unspeakable terror that seemed to live on its surface- and at first requiring a change of bedding until they made the difficult decision to have her wear what amounted to an adult nappy to avoid ruining the sheets several times a day, a decision that merely added to Tina’s misery. Martin and Jeanette were also beyond tired as both Tina and Sasha kept waking them at all hours of the day and night, wrecking their sleep patterns and leaving them short-tempered and irritable as a result; throw in Jeanette’s broken ankle, Martin’s bad back and jet lag all round and the whole family were close to breaking point. “I’m sorry,” Tina whispered, but Martin shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Tina. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He helped her out of the bed and over to the bathroom then waited outside while she cleaned herself up in the shower, emerging about ten minutes later wearing a scratchy hospital dressing gown, matching scratchy hospital slippers and a plastic shower cap to cover the bandages that still covered her eyes. “Better?” He asked. “A bit,” she replied after a long delay, the words coming out only with a lot of effort. Four days ago, Tina had completely lost the ability to speak. She could still think of the words to say but somewhere between her brain and her mouth they got lost, leaving her distraught for the twenty hours it had lasted; she had recovered slightly since then, but progress was slow and she struggled to say more than a couple of small words at one time. This difficulty had only added to Martin and Jeanette’s worries, yet another thing they wanted desperately to help her with but about which they could do nothing but watch. “Hungry?” Tina nodded and held her fingers up close together; then her stomach let out a loud rumble and the gap widened considerably. “How about we get you dressed, then we can get some food, hmm?” He waited outside the room while she got dressed and then they headed in the general direction of the hospital canteen, moving slowly as much because of Martin’s bad back as for Tina’s lack of balance; another symptom that was improving, but slowly. They passed a small staff room where it sounded like Sasha was the star of the show. She spotted her sister and shouted “EEEAAA!”, arms out expectantly towards her, but Tina hesitated- they’d had barely any contact with each other since before the crash and on previous occasions Sasha had acted as though she was afraid of her. A bit of fatherly encouragement and Tina approached; Sasha leaned forwards, planted a big wet kiss on Tina’s cheek- and promptly lost interest in favour of one of the nurses who had bright blue hair, which of course she managed to grab a fistful of and found it very amusing as everyone tried to make her let go. Tina’s stomach rumbled again, even louder than before. “How about we get you some lunch?” Martin said to Tina. He looked at the clock on the wall and added: “If you can still call it lunch at eight, that is.” They made their way down to the cafeteria on the ground floor and discovered that lunch was finished- but dinner was just starting. “So, your options are: 1) lasagne, 2) leek and cheese quiche, 3) mushroom pie or 4) fish and chips.” Tina held up a single finger. “Good choice. Two lasagnes coming right up. Drink?” “Water.” They shuffled slowly along the line of food counters, collecting two plates of almost hot lasagne, two slices of slightly stale garlic bread, two empty plastic cups to fill up at the water cooler in a corner of the room, two sets of cutlery and a handful of paper napkins, then found a table to sit at. Tina ate slowly despite her stomach’s protests, more because she didn’t trust herself to not vomit it all back onto the plate than to enjoy the flavours of undercooked rubbery cheese, overcooked crunchy pasta sheets and bread that someone might have glanced at while holding a clove of garlic. When Tina was done chasing the last few fragments of food around her plate, they stood and left the cafeteria, heading back to her room. Tina yawned in the lift, which set Martin off, which somehow turned into a “who can yawn in the most ridiculously exaggerated way” contest that Tina won hands down. Jeanette and Sasha were waiting outside the room and the parents swapped daughters and helped their respective charges into their pyjamas, something which neither offspring was particularly happy about. Martin and Sasha came back into the room once Tina was in bed. To everyone’s surprise, Sasha immediately leaned forwards, arms outstretched, shouting “EEAA!” again and again insistently until Martin handed her over to Tina. Sasha cuddled in between Tina’s body and right arm, with her head resting on Tina’s shoulder; Tina wrapped her arm around her, and she responded by grabbing her big sister’s thumb with her fingers. Within seconds both were fast asleep, and both slept soundly until the morning. When Tina woke up, she felt different. Part of it was because she’d slept through the night without a single reoccurrence of the nightmare, but that didn’t explain everything. Maybe Sasha had something to do with it? She was still there, lying on one side of the bed and still asleep (for now…), but how- Oh. “Well, look who’s finally awake.” Jeanette said. “Did you have a nice little nine-hour nap?” Nine hours?! “Typical teenager, lying in bed until lunchtime.” Tina stuck her tongue out at her. “Feeling any better?” “Much.” “Good- here’s hoping there are many more nights like it to come.” Sasha woke up, blinking groggily. “And sleepyhead number two is awake too.” Mum moved to lift Sasha, then stopped. “You appear to be leaking.” Tina sighed. “Again.” “I completely forgot about that. We should probably tell the doctors about that so they don’t get very confused; as long as you’re OK with that?” Tina nodded. “Good. I’ve put some clothes in the bathroom for you, once you’re dressed we can head down for some food.” A quick shower and a change of clothes later Tina was ready to go for breakfast- or more likely brunch- but before they could head to the hospital cafeteria there was a knock at the door, which Mum opened to reveal a harried-looking doctor. “Sorry for the intrusion,” he said, his voice betraying his stress. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m in a real hurry so I’m going to get straight to the point. Dr Frolie told me you have symp-lac, is that true?” “Sorry, who are you?” Mum replied. “Dr Geofdos, from the NICU. I’m only asking because you might be able to save my patients’ lives. Our entire supply of infant formula milk just got recalled because it may have been contaminated; we’re trying to get hold of some alternative supplies but there was already a shortage before this and now it’s proving nearly impossible to find any via the proper channels. If you have any formula milk to spare, we’ll gladly take it, but what we really need is the real thing. There’s a pilot program due to start next munth, but the hospital board has given us permission to start it early and skip most of the red tape around recruiting extra people. If Frolie was right, you’d be a perfect candidate-” “I’ll do it.” “Are you sure?” Mum asked and Tina nodded. “I, can…” The words weren’t coming, but then she realised they didn’t have to. “I can.” “Sick and tired of being sick and tired?” She gave Tina’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Go for it. I’ll probably come over there later myself.” “Great!” Geofdos sounded relieved. “I’ll grab a wheelchair and we can get going- time is of the essence.” Less than a minute later he was back, then he proceeded to wheel Tina through the hospital at what felt like blistering speed. She lost her sense of direction after the first turn, was convinced she went up in one lift, over a bridge of some sort (judging by the sounds of rain battering the windows and an ambulance that seemed to go directly under her) and then down again in a second lift immediately afterwards, and then they arrived in a place that was full of noise- children, medical equipment, irritatingly cheerful songs that could only be from TV shows aimed at children. Further down the corridor the sounds changed from young children to babies and toddlers. “I think I’ll try you with one of our special patients. She’s small but very loud when she wants to be, and right now she’s right at the top of the priority list.” They entered a room that smelt of babies and antiseptic, a rather unsettling combination. This room was much quieter, a lot less of the typical baby sounds and a lot more noises from medical equipment and machinery. “This little one is incredibly lucky to be alive: her parents were in a horrendous car crash last week and her mother died shortly after we delivered her- but it was rather too soon for her. We still haven’t given her a name yet, so you can do that if you want- but there’s really no pressure,” he must have seen her worried frown at the thought of having so much responsibility. They stopped beside what felt like a warm plastic box. “Now, don’t take it personally if she starts screaming the moment you touch her, she does that to everyone.” He guided her hands through a narrow opening in the side of the incubator to something incredibly small that started a thin, feeble wailing as soon as she touched it. Surely that can’t be a baby, it’s far too small! But no, that was her: only just bigger than Tina’s hand and barely two hundred grams even including the little knitted hat keeping her head warm, this baby was absolutely tiny. She scooped her up carefully into her hands, moving very cautiously in case she somehow damaged this frail little thing, and all the while the baby kept up her feeble mewling. “You’re allowed to breathe,” Geofdos said. “I’ll let Nurse Mauwig here help you get her in position and then we’ll see how she reacts.” Just like with Sasha, Tina was irrationally surprised by how warm the little baby was against her skin. For a few moments she was unsure what to do, but then instinct kicked in and the baby responded, her cries silenced almost immediately. Geofdos and Mauwig exchanged incredulous looks. “Wow.” Geofdos sounded genuinely impressed. “She always cries when anyone touches her. I’ll give it a minute to see if she stays settled, then I’ll need to move you to another room.” Tina felt herself relaxing as the seconds ticked by. “I think she’s happy now. I’ll move these two out to the waiting room, you can go and look for more volunteers,” said Mauwig. “I’ll come back later to check on you, alright?” Geofdos said and Tina nodded. “If you need any help in the meantime, just shout- there are plenty of people around here to give you a hand.” Mauwig wheeled Tina out of the antiseptic-smelling room, down a corridor and into a room with a TV playing in the corner, where she left them. There were other people in the room, but Tina quickly tuned their conversations out along with the noise of the TV; her awareness shrank down to the tiny life cradled in her arms and she lost track of her surroundings until she heard the name Valentina and tried to focus on her surroundings again. Someone was channel-hopping, watching each channel for a few seconds before clicking over to the next. “-promising a full investigation into the cause of the contamination, which police sources say is being treated as malicious-” click “-carries the momentum through the Hyperbolica and towards the line, what’s the time? It’s a one fifteen flat and that’s pole position!-” click “Can Thompberry’s dastardly plan be stopped!? Will our heroes make it in time!? Find out next time, on *thunderclap* THE SAGAAAA OF EMIKOOOOO STATION!ion!ion!” click “-into the final furlong, Admiral Fluffy still has the lead but That’s The Last Time I Eat Picked Eggs is gaining and Who Invited This Guy puts on a burst of speed and it’s a three-way race at this point can Admiral Fluffy hold on-” click “Wait, go back!” A child’s voice interrupted the channel surfing. click “-photo finish because that was too close to call-” click “-as we begin IntAir Flight 2319’s Countdown to Catastrophe-” click “Nevergonna Give! You! Uuuuup! Nevergonna-” click(!) “-and Governor-Elect Harvey have both appealed for calm after another night of violent protests across Estovus-” click “-faster in the first sector, faster in the second- OH! Big crash ahead and it’s Arcazon who’s gone into the barriers!” “No, no! Put Emiko Station on!” The child piped up again. “I want Peppy the Plane!” Another child said. “Emiko!” “Peppy!” “EMIKO!!!” “PEPPY!!!” “Enough shouting, you’ll scare the babies.” Someone else (their parent maybe?) interrupted the shouting match. “She started it!” “Did not!” “Did too!” “Nuh-UH!” “Uh-HUH!!” “NUH-UH!!!” I’ve seen a political debate a lot like this, Tina thought to herself. “Look at that- it’s six o’clock! You know what that means…” “Lunch time!” The children chorused, their argument of moments earlier forgotten already. “What’ll we have then? We could have… soup?” “Soup time!” “We could have… sandwiches?” “Sammiches time!” “We could have… broccoli?” Tina heard a door close, cutting off the exaggerated vomiting sounds and leaving her with just the TV and the sound of a dozen adverts- an eclectic mix of hearing aids, over-50s life insurance, a commemorative coin for some historic battle or other, two sets of sports trading cards, a multi-platform MMORPG game and a very shouty used car salesman with an annoyingly catchy jingle. She could hum the jingle perfectly well, but words still eluded her. Weird. The baby started whimpering and for a moment Tina was lost- did that mean she was finished, or needed winded, or something else? Her left arm was going dead just because of the way she was holding her so it would probably be a good idea to move her, but at the same time she didn’t want to disturb her and make her start crying, which would probably make them take her away, which made her feel strangely protective of this little baby she’d only just met five minutes ago. It was an odd experience, but not unpleasant- far from it. “How are you getting on?” Doctor Geofdos asked from behind her as he entered the room. “Good. Um…” “Need a hand?” He must have sensed her discomfort. “Trying to figure out the logistics but not quite sure where to start?” Tina nodded, relieved. Geofdos came over and talked her through how to move the baby from one arm to the other. “Have you given her a name? Don’t worry if you haven’t, you really don’t have to-“ “Emiko.” Where did that come from? “Emiko? Sounds familiar, but I can’t quite remember why. Alright then.” Tina tried to say something, anything, to take back that terrible suggestion, but her words just wouldn’t travel from her brain to her mouth. “I’ll leave you and Emiko in peace, just holler if you need anything.” Great. Now you’ve gone and ruined this poor baby’s life by naming her after a TV show you haven’t even seen. Nice work. Time passed, people came and went, the TV kept up its incessant background noise- and that stupid jingle kept coming back, burning itself into her brain. Stupid shouty car man and his stupid catchy jingle. A smell began wafting up from the baby’s direction, but just when she started to worry about that particular issue someone else in the room noticed and waved a nurse over, who whisked ‘Emiko’ away and returned her a few minutes later, clean, un-smelly and screaming her outrage at being so rudely separated from her new best friend. She soon calmed down again and even fell asleep right there in Tina’s arms. Someone had turned the TV off and the room was quiet… She woke up with a start, causing Emiko to start whimpering until she shushed her back to sleep. Someone had propped a cushion behind her head; thanks, whoever you are. “EEEAAA!” Sasha shouted the moment she saw her. “How are you doing?” Mum asked moments later, sitting down beside her. “Emiko.” Stop saying that before it sticks! ‘Emiko’ made a noise and Sasha reacted in almost comical surprise, looking around to see where it had come from. “I talked to Doctor Geofdos outside, apparently you’re some sort of baby whisperer. Can we see her?” “Sure.” She thought for a moment. “How…?” “I’ll get her.” Mum understood exactly what she meant. She came over and expertly scooped the little baby out of Tina’s arms. “Well, look at you! Aren’t you just the cutest little thing? Too bright? Maybe that’s why you were happy in there with Tina, hmm? Shh, there now, that’s better.” Sasha clambered onto Tina, her greater size and weight coming as a shock. Mum sat down beside her again and Sasha was immediately transfixed by the sight of the tiny baby in her arms. She reached over and- “Ah ah, no!” Mum warned her and she retreated. “We don’t want you getting sick, now do we Emiko?” “…ee-oh?” Sasha repeated the unfamiliar word. “Yes, her name is E-mi-ko.” “Ee-oh!” Tina sighed. Looks like that name has stuck. Stupid TV. And stupid brain for not letting her talk properly. She stayed with ‘Emiko’ almost until midnight, until she almost fell asleep in the chair whilst sitting beside her little incubator and had to leave to go to bed. Despite some trepidation from Tina- and her parents- the nightmares stayed away again and she woke the next morning feeling more refreshed than at any time since her impromptu trip to space. Every day she went back, and every day she became more and more convinced that little Emiko recognised her, cooing happily when she came each morning and crying bitterly if she ever left. She liked to curl up with her head resting on the top of Tina’s sternum, under her T-shirt where it was dark, warm and she could feel Tina’s heartbeat, and would usually fall asleep there. There was always someone on hand to help out with all those baby-related tasks that are so much easier when you can see what you’re doing, but they were always patient and helped Tina do much of the work herself, something that helped her own mood almost as much as it helped keep Emiko calm. After five days Geofdos was thrilled by little Emiko’s improvement: she was gaining weight, her breathing was much stronger and she could now tolerate being picked up for short periods without crying, though she still greatly preferred Tina’s company. Tina’s condition also improved as her speech gradually returned and her sleep pattern returned to normal, untroubled by nightmares. On the sixth day Dr Suzon, an ophthalmic surgeon, arrived to perform the first of several surgical operations to restore Tina’s sight. She explained the procedure’s objectives and the potential risks, but despite her reassurances Tina barely slept that night as her mind tried to think of all the worst-case scenarios and then combine them in new and awful ways. It was rather anticlimactic in the end, over within an hour with no problems or complications and the reassuring news that her right eye had sustained less damage than initially thought and was healing faster than predicted. One more operation in a few days’ time and she would probably be able to see again, though it would take a while longer to be able to read. Still groggy from the anaesthetic, she spent most of the day asleep, waking at just after 7 o’clock and immediately feeling irrationally guilty for abandoning little Emiko for that long. Worse still, she wasn’t allowed in to see her to prevent any residual anaesthetic still in her system from potentially harming Emiko. She was over there first thing the next morning though; well, second thing after breakfast, but that goes without saying. About half an hour later, Dad arrived with someone else behind him. “You have a visitor.” “Who is it?” Tina asked. “It’s Nat,” said Nat. “Na-ta-li-a.” Tina was frustrated by how long it took her to say that simple word. “They told me you’re having some trouble talking.” Tina nodded. “Words are… they get lost. It’s…” Come on, mouth, get it together! “Getting better. Slowly.” “That’s good to hear. How about your eyes?” “This one…” She pointed at her right eye and made a so-so gesture with her hand. “It should work soon. The other,” she gave a thumbs down. “They want to give me a, a…” “A camera they took right out of a smartphone and made into a bionic eye,” Dad joked to fill the silence. “I keep telling her they won’t include the flash, but she won’t listen.” “Don’t be ridiculous, Martin.” Nat replied. “They’ll give her one with a built-in heads-up display, thermal imaging, gyroscopic stabilisers…” “Eye roll.” Said Tina. “Did you just say ‘eye roll’?” Nat asked. “Well, I can’t do it, so I say it instead.” “And she says it a lot.” Added Dad. “Along with ‘sidelong look’, ‘confused blinking’ and her most popular one, ‘blank stare’.” “How’s Val?” Tina asked. “She’s hanging in there. They keep tweaking her life support to see how she responds, so she has good days and bad days, but they’re happy with her progress so far.” “But how is she?” Nat sighed. “They’re pretty sure her spinal cord is severed in at least two places, possibly three. She’s missing her right kidney, her left spleen, just under half her liver and they’re also worried about internal bruising, hypoxic brain injuries…” She sighed again. “But she’ll get through it. I know she will- she’s too stubborn to let this beat her.” “How about you?” Martin asked. “Oh, tired, stressed and still hoping that this is all a cheese-fuelled nightmare that I’ll wake up from at any moment. They keep telling me that stress is bad for the baby, but I just tell them that almost getting murdered is a whole lot worse and I’ve got plenty of things to be stressed about. My doctor said I should try a massage; I lasted about two minutes before I nearly broke the poor girl’s fingers and that slightly spoiled the mood.” “Hey, Nat. How are you?” Jeanette said as she came into the room, nudging Sasha along with one of her crutches to keep her moving. Nat ducked down to say hello, but Sasha completely blanked her and crawled over to Tina’s leg where she sat tugging insistently on her trouser leg saying “EE-OH!” repeatedly. “OK, OK, she’s here.” Tina said as she brought Emiko out into the light. Emiko wasn’t happy about it, but for once she didn’t start crying. “So this is the little friend Martin was telling me about,” said Nat. “Aren’t you a cutie? Can I...?” “She’ll cry,” Tina warned her. “She cries for everyone else but me.” She handed her over to Nat and within a few seconds Emiko’s lower lip started trembling. “Shh, it’s OK, it’s only me.” Nat tried to comfort her. “You are just the sweetest little thing, aren’t- oof, right in the pancreas. And watch those elbows, will you?” “I know the feeling,” said Jeanette. “The last two munths with Sasha, it felt like she was trying to punch her way out, plus she got hiccups every night just when I was about to go to sleep.” Nat’s phone rang, which was enough to set Emiko crying; Nat handed her back to Tina and rummaged in her bag to find the phone. “Hello?” Martin and Jeanette watched as Nat’s face changed from worry to something more like exasperation. “Another one? Tell them what we told the others and send them on their way.” She hung up and sighed. “What’s that about?” Martin asked. “You haven’t heard? Apparently that ‘Me-nome’ company had a massive database failure that meant a lot of people’s results got sent to the wrong people. I’ve had six- seven, now- people turn up claiming to be Val’s long-lost relative.” The look that passed between Martin and Jeanette spoke volumes. “Did I miss something?” Nat asked. “You look like you need a coffee,” Martin said. “My treat.” “Actually, I…” Nat started to object, then realised what he meant. “I’d love a coffee, thanks.” “Jeanie, you coming?” “Only if tea’s on the menu.” Jeanette replied, scooping Sasha off the floor and carrying her squirming and protesting out of the room. Tina hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation and didn’t realise they were leaving until after they were gone. Emiko had stopped crying and possibly fallen asleep, but there was no way for her to tell without waking her up again. A man entered the room with two children (Tina assumed they were his), one of them sobbing quietly. They sat down in the same row of chairs that Tina was sitting on, but the other child quickly got bored and started wandering around the room. “Don’t touch it,” the man said. “But it hurts,” the crying child replied. “I know it hurts, but if you keep poking it, it’ll just hurt for longer.” “But it hurts now…” “Will chocolate make it hurt less?” “Uh-huh…” Tina couldn’t help smiling at that. The crinkling chocolate wrapper immediately attracted the other child’s attention and they trotted over. “No, Dillon, this is for your sister.” “But I’m sick too!” Dillon protested, letting out a very fake cough that fooled nobody. “Lizzy, can Dillon have one of your chocolate buttons?” “Hmm…” “Pleeeeeeeease?” “OK.” “What do you say?” “Thank you, Lizzy.” “Good lad- I said one, Dillon!” “They were stuck together, it’s not my fault!” “Ah, the old ‘they were stuck together’ chestnut, like I haven’t heard that one before.” Tina heard footsteps running from one side of the room to the other, then returning and stopping in front of her. “Hello.” “Hi?” Tina couldn’t tell if he was talking to her or not. “What happened to your face?” “Dillon!” “What? You always say, ‘If you don’t understand something, ask’, so I asked.” Tina laughed and the father let out a sigh that was more amusement than annoyance. “Oh, you’re your father’s son, all right. Sorry about that.” Tina was about to reply when a doctor came into the room and said, “OK, Lizzy, it’s time for your X-ray.” Lizzy started crying again, Dillon asked “What’s an X-ray? Can I have one too?” and then they were gone and Tina was alone with Emiko once more. A while later, Mum, Dad and Nat came back. “If you’re feeling up to it, Darryl wants to come and see you tomorrow,” said Mum. “Who?” “Darryl.” “Who?” “Darryl.” “Just repeating the same name to me won’t magically make me know who it is.” Tina snapped. She sat for a moment surprised at what she had just said, then burst into tears, a strange experience with one eye half-missing and both eyes covered with bandages. Mum and Dad sat down on either side of her, Mum scooping little Emiko into her arms so she could lean into Dad and sob into his shoulder. “Tell your old Dad what’s wrong, hmm?” Said Dad. “I’m broken,” she choked out. “Broken?” “I can’t see, I can’t speak, I can’t stand without feeling like I’m about to fall over, I couldn’t even sleep for weeks, I can’t think straight half the time, I just…” Dad tried to reassure her. “Val is alive because of you. Nat is alive because of you. Emiko is alive because of you.” “She’s named after a TV show because I couldn’t talk properly!” “You’re looking at this all wrong, Tina,” said Nat. “You got launched into space with zero warning, performed an impossible EVA rescue with no training and no real plan, flew an unstable prototype shuttle through a hard re-entry, pulled more negative Gs than anyone in history with re-entry plasma blasting through the windows right into your face, landed that shuttle in the ocean, nearly drowned trying to drag Val out as the shuttle sank, shrugged off brain haemorrhages like they were nothing, woke up from an induced coma, got shot in the face… did I forget anything?” “There was that fighter plane that tried to shoot us down,” said Martin. “That was more me than her, but fine. After all of that, you’re still here, you’re still living and breathing, walking and talking- and yes, you’re not doing all of those things as well as you used to, but considering you should have died about twenty times over I’d say you’re doing fantastic.” “Easy for you to say,” Tina replied, but it was clear Nat’s words had had an effect. “The entire world knows what you did up there, Tina. You’re a hero in the eyes of billions of people.” “A bit of an exaggeration,” said Mum. “No, really. All the newspapers and TV stations are arguing about pretty much everything except for the fact that Tina is absolutely and unquestionably the bravest person on the entire planet, bar none.” “I was literally scared- uh, witless, the moment that airlock door opened and I barely avoided projectile vomiting across the helmet visor the whole time. Sound ‘brave’ to you?” “The first time I flew on a Dynawing, I tossed my guts up in the van driving out to the pad and they had to turn back to get new pressure suits for the entire crew. Actually, that was the first time I ever flew with Val, she was commanding that mission. She probably has all kinds of stories to tell about the early days when she did the first EVA by anyone, ever…” She took a rather shaky breath. “Sorry, it just sneaks up on me sometimes. My point is, bravery isn’t not being afraid, it’s overcoming that fear. So maybe you were scared witless and maybe you only just kept your breakfast from spattering across the inside of your helmet, but you still did the most ridiculously dangerous and difficult EVA in the history of spaceflight and brought Val back with you. “All I ever wanted was to go to space, to be like Val; but now that I’ve actually been up there… I don’t know that I could ever do that again. Or that they’d even let me, because let’s face it, I’ll probably never pass the medical tests with a missing eye and a leaky brain. If that’s gone, then what?” “Are you kidding me?” Dad replied. “Johnbro and Desdas practically hired you on the spot on the flight back from Darude, never mind all the other companies that would be climbing over each other to give you a job.” Nat joined in. “If that nuclear engine on the Firebird was anything to go by, they could turn that into a plane that could fly continuously for munths at a time- just imagine what that could do if you dropped one into the atmosphere of Eve, or Jool, or Huygen. Or use the original engine you designed to fly around on Laythe with an ISRU system to make the methane.” “Or adapt the technology to something right here on Kerbin,” added Mum. “Hydroelectric turbines, more efficient jet engines on planes, propulsion systems for ships- is she sleeping?” “I think she is,” replied Martin, looking down at the head resting on his shoulder. “Pass me that cushion and we’ll leave her in peace. *** This again. Jool below her, Bop before her, but this time Sasha was strapped to the front of her in the baby carrier thingy. The moon closed in, the monster on its surface reared up- And oh so gently reached out a tentacle the size of a skyscraper to just in front of Sasha, who oh so gently grasped it with both hands and planted a little kiss on the tentacle’s tip. When she woke up, both the dream and all memories of the nightmares before it were gone as if they’d never happened.
  14. @Stamp20 I believe this fulfils the criteria for the Ultimate Challenge- with the caveat that it's in the Snarkiverse, a rearranged stock Kerbol system, but also uses Kerbalism on hard mode (but minus the broken solar storms):
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