Things I don't want to hear in 2016:

[Mister Dilsby]

Hm. Let me see if I can get it all in one post. "Hey @Kuzzter visit [name of moon/planet] next! Really, you should just forget about the narrative you've been carefully building for months now and just go there because lulz! Also to fix that [latest technical problem] you should install [name of part mod] and then let [piloting mod... OK it's Mechjeb] do everything for you. That way [character] and [other character] will be free to make out in the back of the [name of craft]. Since I know you don't do shipping I wrote it for you, in 147 installments which I sent as PMs and why haven't you written back yet to tell me how much you loved it?"

[Randazzo]

1 minute ago, Kuzzter said:

I wrote it for you, in 147 installments which I sent as PMs and why haven't you written back yet to tell me how much you loved it?

R.O.F.L.

 

[cubinator]

"1.1 will remove Kerbals dying and ships exploding because PEGI says it's "violent" and we don't want KSP to be violent."

[Norpo]

"To appeal to a wider audience, Kerbal Space Program will have a major overhaul to the way orbital mechanics work in the next version. Orbit will be achieved by going straight up, once you achieve a specific height, you go into "No-gravity mode", and hover in place. Friction will be added to space so that you don't float away forever; And to make landing easier, parachutes will work on all bodies; including non-atmospheric ones. In other news, we're removing Sandbox mode, as it doesn't fit with the vision of the game."

If that happens, I'm going to have to wonder if the devs have been replaced by aliens.

[Guest]

"What do you mean, I can't dock at 80 m/s without something exploding?! This game is broken!"

[livefree75]

"The Juno spacecraft, after traveling en route to Jupiter for nearly five years, has unexpectedly powered down. Attempts to reestablish communications with the probe have been futile so far."

[Choctofliatrio2.0]

"You're adopted"

[pandaman]

NASA have succeeded in diverting a small asteriod from it's course.  But unfortunately it landed on a 'certain office' in Mexico City.

[MaxL_1023]

Squad: "KSP has undergone a rapid unplanned disassembly."

[M5000]

18 hours ago, parameciumkid said:

anything about "unplayable" or "game-breaking"

This is probably my #1. I've been playing since..I think .18.0 (the demo when I started was .13, I remember that) and there has never been even a single time that my game has been unplayable due to something the devs did or a decision the team had made. The only time it's been unplayable is if I decide to try a mod and it ends up being way too OP, at which point I just remove it and continue with my life...

[monophonic]

"There is no way to put this nicely, so I'll just say it."

[cantab]

"We at Squad are proud to announce our acquisition by (insert hated game company here)."

[jarmund]

"Enter your facebook credentials to integrate with KSP"

"Warning: Without logging in, your friends cannot see your KSP achievements"

"Are you sure you do not want to create a Facebook account? Multiplayer will be disabled until you do"

"Cannot activate ksp while stowed"

[mjl1966]

23 minutes ago, cantab said:

"We at Squad are proud to announce our acquisition by (insert hated game company here)."

O H  H E L L  NO.  There would not be enough Wellbutrin to save me.

[mjl1966]

"very much a work in progress."

ANY 8 bit music.  I mean, seriously, what's that all about?  Did you even own a Gameboy? 

"kraken"

"SQUAD announces IPO"

"War" in any context relating to KSP.  Yes, I'm wearing tie dye today.  Problem? 

"MechJeb has reached End of Life and will no longer be developed."

"moar"

"app"  (No, you can't run it on your PC old man.)

*click* *click* *click* KER-SPLASH!

[swjr-swis]

"KSP 1.1, introducing micro-transactions! Need moar dV, moar thrust, moar sizes, moar bling? Available now as DLC through in-game purchases! Buy now, and you can go to Eloo too!"

[Vanamonde]

Since many if not most of these are not about KSP, the thread has been moved to the off-topic lounge. 

[Kozak]

"Since many if not most of these are not about KSP the thread has been moved to the off-topic lounge."

[insert_name]

due to technical problems the fourm will be migrated to new software

[FishInferno]

"Snoke is Jar Jar"

 

[razark]

23 hours ago, Foxster said:

"It's the same as A New Hope".

"Episode VIII has been replaced with a reboot of the Holiday Special."

Edited January 1, 2016 by razark

[Hysterrics]

5 hours ago, Choctofliatrio2.0 said:

"You're adopted"

That gave me a good laugh.
 

7 hours ago, Norpo said:

If that happens, I'm going to have to wonder if the devs have been replaced by aliens.

Not aliens, just EA.

[lajoswinkler]

"Wake up". 

[Kozak]

"No more hot wings!"

or

"Stop eating! you aren't santa!"

[GoSlash27]

"The LV-T45 is an excellent spaceplane engine because Scott Manley".