The "Stellar Paper Shredder" Contract.

[VictoryNeverFail]

So.. we have some... *cough* illegal documents here at Victorian Rocketry that can get us in some serious trouble, and the only way we decided to get rid of it was by flying them into the sun...

So we need some space craft ideas that can efficiently that can fly the documents into it.

 

The rules here are simple: You can use mods, you can clip parts, no cheats, just fly an unmanned pod into the sun, with proof of course. That's it. You do that, you have done the contract.

 

-Victory Kerman

[doggonemess]

3 hours ago, VictoryNeverFail said:

So.. we have some... *cough* illegal documents here at Victorian Rocketry that can get us in some serious trouble, and the only way we decided to get rid of it was by flying them into the sun...

So we need some space craft ideas that can efficiently that can fly the documents into it.

 

The rules here are simple: You can use mods, you can clip parts, no cheats, just fly an unmanned pod into the sun, with proof of course. That's it. You do that, you have done the contract.

 

-Victory Kerman

This is a terribly inefficient way to dispose of anything. Sounds like fun! I've been meaning to crash into the sun for a while now. I understand it's not as easy as it seems.

[Pds314]

Must the pod survive all the way to impact?

[mystifeid]

The team behind the construction of the Safety Orange Rescue were particularly keen to see some purchase orders disappear...they burned those documents with 8km/s to spare.

 

[VictoryNeverFail]

No, just make an orbit that is set to impact the sun, it does not have to survive till impact.

18 hours ago, mystifeid said:

The team behind the construction of the Safety Orange Rescue were particularly keen to see some purchase orders disappear...they burned those documents with 8km/s to spare.

 

Well, it looks a bit more expensive than what we had in mind, but it will get the job done nicely, you have successfully completed the contract!

[Klapaucius]

On 5/5/2020 at 1:52 PM, mystifeid said:

The team behind the construction of the Safety Orange Rescue were particularly keen to see some purchase orders disappear...they burned those documents with 8km/s to spare.

 

That looks like a box of crayons to me...Are you getting rid of excess stationery supplies while you are at it?

[mystifeid]

2 hours ago, Klapaucius said:

That looks like a box of crayons to me...Are you getting rid of excess stationery supplies while you are at it?

The plan for the rocket might or might not have been taken from a photograph of a sketch of a box of crayons but that's not important right now.

Right now, the team here wants to know the meaning of this word "excess".

[VictoryNeverFail]

On 5/6/2020 at 1:07 AM, mystifeid said:

The plan for the rocket might or might not have been taken from a photograph of a sketch of a box of crayons but that's not important right now.

Right now, the team here wants to know the meaning of this word "excess".

He thinks you had a daycare center on that ship that... blew up.. in the sun, ok yea, what do you mean by "excess"

[AHHans]

On 5/5/2020 at 10:01 PM, VictoryNeverFail said:

Well, it looks a bit more expensive than what we had in mind,

Kind sir, maybe we can interest you in one of our products from the black division of AHTech Industries:

Sure, it doesn't look like much and, indeed, our company has sounding rockets on offer that are bigger than this. But in our division we consider a low profile an advantage. And don't let you fool you, there is an extremely capable probe under that fairing:

You can see, we've fit a probe powered by an ion engine under that fairing. And with enough solar panels to run the engine at full thrust in Kerbin orbit - and closer to the sun - from solar power alone. We've also attached an universal storage container on top of the probe. For demonstration purposes we filled the container with three spare experiment control units as a dummy payload. We at the black division believe that we can come to a gentelkerbal's agreement that we will deliver the craft with an empty container even though the record - and our bill - will show that a full container was delivered. In exchange we will not ask any questions about what you put into it prior to launch. (We do suggest that you match the mass of the payload exactly to make it easier to pass official inspections of the craft and the flight trajectory.)

A documentation of a test flight can be found here: https://imgur.com/a/DsNPk24

Spoiler

 

The craft in orbit:

On a trajectory into the sun:

 

 

[Pds314]

Hmm. I think I might make an entry for lowest weight on the pad with the idea being to set up multiple Duna and Eve assists to get Jool to knock my Periapsis into the sun on not much over ~4k delta V on the pad.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Pds314

[VictoryNeverFail]

On 5/15/2020 at 9:32 AM, AHHans said:

Kind sir, maybe we can interest you in one of our products from the black division of AHTech Industries:

Sure, it doesn't look like much and, indeed, our company has sounding rockets on offer that are bigger than this. But in our division we consider a low profile an advantage. And don't let you fool you, there is an extremely capable probe under that fairing:

You can see, we've fit a probe powered by an ion engine under that fairing. And with enough solar panels to run the engine at full thrust in Kerbin orbit - and closer to the sun - from solar power alone. We've also attached an universal storage container on top of the probe. For demonstration purposes we filled the container with three spare experiment control units as a dummy payload. We at the black division believe that we can come to a gentelkerbal's agreement that we will deliver the craft with an empty container even though the record - and our bill - will show that a full container was delivered. In exchange we will not ask any questions about what you put into it prior to launch. (We do suggest that you match the mass of the payload exactly to make it easier to pass official inspections of the craft and the flight trajectory.)

A documentation of a test flight can be found here: https://imgur.com/a/DsNPk24

  Reveal hidden contents

 

The craft in orbit:

On a trajectory into the sun:

 

 

Wow, we can just say its a probe from another private company, and not the documents that will bankrupt the company and turn our VAB into a really large cross fit building, thank you much for this design, everyone here thanks you. You have completed the contract!

 

-Victory Kerman

[HansonKerman]

Victory, you never fail to create beautiful and funny things. Coming soon: an absolutely vanilla paper shredder, brought to you by Cave Kerman.

[HansonKerman]

right, I said absolutely vanilla but due to problems, my craft actually needs a KW Rocketry faring. Hope that’s fine lol

[HansonKerman]

Right, it doesn't have the fuel to reach orbit yet, so it's still in dev. So instead, here are the files of the craft itself.

Hello, investor! Here at Klamperture Science, we pride ourselves on unconventional yet working designs. Here you see our Charmander paper shredder stage. The Charmander consists of a sealed can that used to be used to carry science experiments, but for this contract will contain your documents. We're going to let it be piloted by a high tech robotic pilot who has no information of this contract, and will pilot your documents into Kerbol. and remember: Klamperture Science is will not be held responsible for incineration of robots. Right, Greg? Greg? Okay, Greg's gone I guess. Anyway, we also have high grade Klamperture Science Photovoltaic panels as well as some Batt Man batteries and a high grade AR202 MechJeb pilot.

Here is the craft itself. It will soon be outfitted with... uh... what are they called again? Uh... TT18-A... right, ahem, "Launch Stability Enhancers". Soon, we'll be able to send the documents of our... successful launch.

 

 

[HansonKerman]

SOON:

def mark one

[SuicidalInsanity]

Mods allowed, eh? Hmm. Hmhm Mhahahahah.
Ahem.
I perhaps went a little overboard in my attempt. Is it the most efficient method of completing the contact? From a certain point of view-it will efficiently remove "all" traces of any nefarious shenanigans that may or may not have transpired.

Spoiler

See, I decided the best course of action was to burn everything - the files, the archives, the computers, non-essential staff, even the building. If we're going to employ one of the least efficient methods of disposing of something, lets go all the way with it.

Last known photo of the Victorian Rocketry office building, an 800 ton, 2 million fund structure located within the greater Kerbal Space Center complex. Reports indicate a considerable amount of renovation occurring in the lower half of the structure, plus the installation of unknown heavy equipment.

On reflection, an Orion drive is not the most prudent choice of propulsion system here. But what's a little bit of insurance fraud at this point?

Is this what they mean by a Satellite Office?

Commencing Sun dive. It will take an additional 54 days to reach Kerbol.

Final moments. "Good thing we have an umbrella".

Spoiler

To the tune of MST3K
On a pale blue dot called Kerbin, the prettiest place to be.
There was a slight problem, down at Spacecraft R&D.
A corp called Victorian Rocket Co,
was knee deep in debt with nowhere to go.
Their paperwork was all over the place,
So the bosses sought to lose it, by blasting it into space!
Woooooosh!
Paper shredders are messy, they leave evidence behind!
La la la!
We'll need to burn it all, so there's nothing left to find!
La la la!
Into the Sun it will go, all those files and reports.
We'll even write the old building off down by the starport.

Records Removal!
Audits!
Receipts!
Invoices!
Biilllls!
If you're wondering how silly this is, launching a building to the sun.
La la la!
Grin to yourself, this is how we roll, it's all part of the fun,
On Kerballl Spaccee Prograamm!

I apologize for nothing.

 

[HansonKerman]

sorry, Victory. Development of the 60 Kilonewton Klamperture Science Nuclear Kerbolar Incineration Transfer Stage is doing bad. Don’t worry, though! The lab boys have got this under control. What are those numbers again? <paper rustling> 427... irradiated... 68 dead... reports of test subjects... eyewitness — Right. There have been no deaths during development. Perfectly safe... nuclear reactors. Cave Kerman, we’re done here.

[doggonemess]

On 5/30/2020 at 7:00 PM, SuicidalInsanity said:

See, I decided the best course of action was to burn everything - the files, the archives, the computers, non-essential staff, even the building.

This is so Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Awesome!

[doggonemess]

I'd like to submit my take on this challenge. I figured I'd go for the least efficient method, BIG ROCKET. And MORE BOOSTERS. Amazingly, I succeeded! I give you...

The HelioShredder!

 

The transfer to solar orbit stage needed a lot of delta-v, so I went with nine nuclear engines. Ironically, they almost overheated before getting anywhere near the sun.

 

A little munar gravity assist can't hurt, either! Unless you get too close to the surface, that is.

 

Perfect! Sort of. Ignore those other HelioShredder craft. They were, uh, proof of concept missions. 

 

The delivery vehicle has a forward heat shield and radiators to make sure that the documents don't burn up before they burn up in the sun. 

 

One other special feature - the documents are stored in four repurposed ore tanks, each attached to their own escape system. So if, for some reason, you change your mind, you can launch them back the way they came and pick them up later!

 

We are happy to report that the craft suffered catastrophic failure 80,000 Km from the sun. Mission accomplished! 

That will be 9,034,212 credits, please. Net 30. Price includes all prototypes lost in permanent solar orbit. There probably aren't any documents on board those.

 

Lev Aerospace: Taking our customers' ridiculous requests to new levels of ridiculosity.

 

More images in the album:

https://imgur.com/a/GvJyGeu

[Grogs]

I just happened to have this laying around and I thought it would be perfect. We washed out the Mk1 command pod from the previous, um, volunteer and added a probe core. Now you can stuff all the papers, bodies, or whatever else in there. We can even get rid of inconvenient interns or help you fake your own death with a small additional donation to our legal department for processing. Only a bit over 1.1 million funds, plus a small processing and handling fee of 11 million funds.

 

Without further ado, I present the solar paper shredder. This baby has 14,600 dV, and it's all high-thrust, high-pollution chemical rockets. None of those wimpy nuclear engines or ion drives here!

 

Spoiler

32,000 kN of thrust send this thing blasting towards the sun!

 

No finesse or piloting skill required. Simply point it in the direction of the sun and hold heading. You couldn't miss if you tried!

 

Inside the orbit of Moho ...

 

And target acquired. Your files are on an all-expenses paid (they better be paid, or you'll be meeting Rocco from "collections"!) trip to the sun.

 

The top four stages aren't even needed. They're just there to make a bigger boom when it hits.

 

Heading in ...

... and gone! Your problems are all behind you now. Assuming you paid the bill. Otherwise, they've only just begun!

[VictoryNeverFail]

On 5/30/2020 at 6:00 PM, SuicidalInsanity said:

Mods allowed, eh? Hmm. Hmhm Mhahahahah.
Ahem.
I perhaps went a little overboard in my attempt. Is it the most efficient method of completing the contact? From a certain point of view-it will efficiently remove "all" traces of any nefarious shenanigans that may or may not have transpired.

  Hide contents

See, I decided the best course of action was to burn everything - the files, the archives, the computers, non-essential staff, even the building. If we're going to employ one of the least efficient methods of disposing of something, lets go all the way with it.

Last known photo of the Victorian Rocketry office building, an 800 ton, 2 million fund structure located within the greater Kerbal Space Center complex. Reports indicate a considerable amount of renovation occurring in the lower half of the structure, plus the installation of unknown heavy equipment.

On reflection, an Orion drive is not the most prudent choice of propulsion system here. But what's a little bit of insurance fraud at this point?

Is this what they mean by a Satellite Office?

Commencing Sun dive. It will take an additional 54 days to reach Kerbol.

Final moments. "Good thing we have an umbrella".

  Hide contents

To the tune of MST3K
On a pale blue dot called Kerbin, the prettiest place to be.
There was a slight problem, down at Spacecraft R&D.
A corp called Victorian Rocket Co,
was knee deep in debt with nowhere to go.
Their paperwork was all over the place,
So the bosses sought to lose it, by blasting it into space!
Woooooosh!
Paper shredders are messy, they leave evidence behind!
La la la!
We'll need to burn it all, so there's nothing left to find!
La la la!
Into the Sun it will go, all those files and reports.
We'll even write the old building off down by the starport.

Records Removal!
Audits!
Receipts!
Invoices!
Biilllls!
If you're wondering how silly this is, launching a building to the sun.
La la la!
Grin to yourself, this is how we roll, it's all part of the fun,
On Kerballl Spaccee Prograamm!

I apologize for nothing.

 

Dear God, this is the greatest thing I have seen all year, I laughed way too hard at this.. You have completed the contract. Just... round of applause for that...

 

-Victory Kerman

20 hours ago, doggonemess said:

I'd like to submit my take on this challenge. I figured I'd go for the least efficient method, BIG ROCKET. And MORE BOOSTERS. Amazingly, I succeeded! I give you...

The HelioShredder!

 

The transfer to solar orbit stage needed a lot of delta-v, so I went with nine nuclear engines. Ironically, they almost overheated before getting anywhere near the sun.

 

A little munar gravity assist can't hurt, either! Unless you get too close to the surface, that is.

 

Perfect! Sort of. Ignore those other HelioShredder craft. They were, uh, proof of concept missions. 

 

The delivery vehicle has a forward heat shield and radiators to make sure that the documents don't burn up before they burn up in the sun. 

 

One other special feature - the documents are stored in four repurposed ore tanks, each attached to their own escape system. So if, for some reason, you change your mind, you can launch them back the way they came and pick them up later!

 

We are happy to report that the craft suffered catastrophic failure 80,000 Km from the sun. Mission accomplished! 

That will be 9,034,212 credits, please. Net 30. Price includes all prototypes lost in permanent solar orbit. There probably aren't any documents on board those.

 

Lev Aerospace: Taking our customers' ridiculous requests to new levels of ridiculosity.

 

More images in the album:

https://imgur.com/a/GvJyGeu

Seems a bit large.. eh.. we can just say we are launching the flat kerbiners into the sun after we prove them wrong. You have successfully completed the contract! Congrats!

 

-Victory Kerman

[VictoryNeverFail]

On 5/30/2020 at 7:18 PM, HansonKerman said:

sorry, Victory. Development of the 60 Kilonewton Klamperture Science Nuclear Kerbolar Incineration Transfer Stage is doing bad. Don’t worry, though! The lab boys have got this under control. What are those numbers again? <paper rustling> 427... irradiated... 68 dead... reports of test subjects... eyewitness — Right. There have been no deaths during development. Perfectly safe... nuclear reactors. Cave Kerman, we’re done here.

Uh.. I won't question your company's death toll or life insurance policies, but I am glad there is progress and that everything is "under control."

 

-Victory Kerman

 

Psst.. Need some help on getting rid of... "used kerbals" without the police finding out? Meet me in the alley way at 742 evergreen. Don't worry, some sacrifices need to be made in the name of science...

[HansonKerman]

14 minutes ago, VictoryNeverFail said:

sacrifices need to be made in the name of science...

*smiles*

[linuxgurugamer]

On 5/4/2020 at 10:41 AM, VictoryNeverFail said:

So.. we have some... *cough* illegal documents here at Victorian Rocketry that can get us in some serious trouble, and the only way we decided to get rid of it was by flying them into the sun...

So we need some space craft ideas that can efficiently that can fly the documents into it.

 

The rules here are simple: You can use mods, you can clip parts, no cheats, just fly an unmanned pod into the sun, with proof of course. That's it. You do that, you have done the contract.

 

-Victory Kerman

Any sort of scoring system?  Ie: fast, cheapest. Etc?

[VictoryNeverFail]

12 hours ago, linuxgurugamer said:

Any sort of scoring system?  Ie: fast, cheapest. Etc?

None at all, just give us a rocket that will get rid of evid- I mean documents...