Good way on going about dating?

[Cloakedwand72]

Hi everyone! Curious what are the best ways on going about dating now a days post Covid? Also how do you go about asking a cousin or friend if they know any good single people? I know this is an odd post but at least it ain’t doom scrolling post etc. Thanks a bunch everyone and happy holidays!

Edited December 21, 2022 by Cloakedwand72

[JoeSchmuckatelli]

You'd be better off asking people your own age.  The mating rituals that worked in the 70s or 90s or whatever are likely inapplicable today. 

Although - I can give you a classic.  It is literally the best pick up line of all time. 

...

See someone you like.  Make eye contact with them.  And say the following:

 

 

"Hi!" 

 

[Nuke]

just dont get sucked into those dating apps. they are no good, for anyone (even those who use them successfully). 

[Cloakedwand72]

10 hours ago, Nuke said:

just dont get sucked into those dating apps. they are no good, for anyone (even those who use them successfully). 

Am I screwed for not owning a car I don’t drive because I’m on the autism spectrum also don’t like all the extra stuff that comes with owning cars. But can manage a decent job and have decent looks and some traits women like.I know driving is a right of passage and maturity for some.  But I feel double boned for being autistic and vehicleless.

[Nuke]

ive never owned a car, never learned how to drive, and i did ok. besides anyone so shallow as to shame you for something like that isnt worth having in your life anyway. 

[Cloakedwand72]

1 hour ago, Nuke said:

ive never owned a car, never learned how to drive, and i did ok. besides anyone so shallow as to shame you for something like that isnt worth having in your life anyway. 

I agree!

[JoeSchmuckatelli]

2 hours ago, Cloakedwand72 said:

Am I screwed for not owning a car I don’t drive because I’m on the autism spectrum also don’t like all the extra stuff that comes with owning cars. But can manage a decent job and have decent looks and some traits women like.I know driving is a right of passage and maturity for some.  But I feel double boned for being autistic and vehicleless.

The apps (from what I can tell as someone who's been out of the dating pool for decades) are basically for hookups and disappointment.

You'd be far better served having women as friends.  Being around friends has a tendency to lead to introductions and meet-cutes.  People who like you for you will hand wave anything to do with a lack of driving or being on the spectrum.

Again - here's a pound of salt for my advice.  

[cubinator]

13 minutes ago, JoeSchmuckatelli said:

You'd be far better served having women as friends.  Being around friends has a tendency to lead to introductions and meet-cutes.  People who like you for you will hand wave anything to do with a lack of driving or being on the spectrum.

I'm an aerospace engineering student, and I can count all the women in my class on one hand...

I'd like to meet more friends-of-friends, I think. And have more 'casual' interactions in general where I'm not just telling space facts the whole time.

I never feel like I'm in an environment where it would be appropriate to flirt.

Edited December 22, 2022 by cubinator

[JoeSchmuckatelli]

56 minutes ago, cubinator said:

I'm an aerospace engineering student, and I can count all the women in my class on one hand...

I'd like to meet more friends-of-friends, I think. And have more 'casual' interactions in general where I'm not just telling space facts the whole time.

I never feel like I'm in an environment where it would be appropriate to flirt.

Well [digs through ancient history] my college experience was quite different as a Poly Sci major.  Liberal arts and all that.  California School.  The 80s/90s.  However, subsequently I found myself in the military -at, in fact, a place that was once in the Guiness Book as holding the record for the highest concentration of Y chromosomes on the planet - so I can relate.

If you are at a 'traditional university' - I'd suggest taking a few 'soft courses' (aka electives) in an area you have interest in as a 'broadening' exercise while you have the opportunity.  Don't rush to graduate.  You'll actually benefit from 'taking an extra semester for yourself' - in that you get exposure to things that will unexpectedly come in handy down the line.  That alone should get you out of the Engineering gender disparity pickle.  But don't approach it as a 'must meet girls' semester - actually enjoy the classes.  You have plenty of time to get a job and toil for other people who pay you less than you are worth, later.

But - again, what I found that finally worked for me wasn't looking.  While in Service, I found myself looking for, but meeting women who had not achieved my level of education and who had different experiences, expectations, and goals.  In other words - while looking - I wasn't finding.  Circumstances and all that.

However, I did maintain contact with my friends - and at some point I got invited to a wedding and met 'that someone'.  You cannot predict that.  But if the topic is just dating?  Be open.  Be honest.  Be confident... and be patient.

 

...

 

If I can lay one thing out: I cannot stress enough that having women as friends is important.  Too often young men find themselves believing some incredible horse pucky about women (and 'what women want').  By having women who you respect and regularly talk to, and whom you treat as friends (not some kind of special unicorn in waiting or some mysterious other you must 'figure out') you discover they're just people.  I've seen the kind of crap 'information' that floats around the internet.  It's not just wrong, it's mean.  Demeaning to both women and the men who think that way.  Stay off that crap.

This is - like all human interaction - dating is an adventure that you must figure out on your own.  There is no recipe.  There is no instruction manual.  The things that work for one person generally don't in another similar circumstance.  Finding the 'right one' is a crap shoot; but until then, casually dating is just fun... as long as you are honest, first with yourself and then also the people who you date.  It is, fundamentally, relationship practice.

...

Last bit.  The Story of Fat Tom [Redacted].

Spoiler

"Fat Tom" wasn't fat.*  He was an extremely fit Marine Officer.  But he wasn't what you'd call 'handsome.'  He was also the most successful guy I ever knew at picking up women.

Okay - so... Here we are in the land of Super Fit Educated Guys and not many women.  All men single and looking to mingle.  We'd go to bars and parties and out on the town.  We travel together in packs.  Sometimes while travelling we find ourselves in places far and distant from the 'Land of Not Many Women'.  High population areas known as "Cities" where the male female ratio was balanced and competition was nevertheless high; in fact the 'having a good job' thing was actually our detriment - all the local guys had better jobs... but no one was fitter.  Fit and tall work.

But. 

The success ratio of the group was low.  Yes, every now and then a guy would meet a girl and they'd go off to see if they actually liked each other... but more often than not the majority of the group would go home as a group.  No new girls.

Not Tom.  As mentioned, Fat Tom wasn't the prettiest guy.  Half a dozen good looking guys would all walk into a room together and Fat Tom was the last one any of the girls would look at.  But he had a secret.  He was inured to rejection.  "No" did not crush him.  He was jovial, friendly and generally well liked.  A 'nice' guy.

He'd use stupid, cheesy pickup lines that wouldn't work on one in a hundred women.  Fat Tom's secret?  He'd try those lines on TWO HUNDRED women.  Inevitably, Tom would meet some woman who thought he was funny and gave him a chance.

*("Fat Tom" was the nickname he earned as his Italian Mafia name.  He was certainly not in the Mafia, but he was Italian - you'd have had to watch the Soporanos + other films of the day - and know that Marines are always giving each other Shtuff.  Everyone who's liked gets a nickname - in fact, if you don't get a nick, it means people don't like you).

 

...

Moral of this story isn't 'use pickup lines on lots of chicks' by the way.  It's that being confident in yourself, kind and funny go a very, very long way.  Oh... and don't let one 'no' by one woman ruin your esteem.  Accept it and move on.  Lots of fish, very big sea.

 

Edited December 22, 2022 by JoeSchmuckatelli

[Cloakedwand72]

On 12/22/2022 at 2:00 PM, JoeSchmuckatelli said:

The apps (from what I can tell as someone who's been out of the dating pool for decades) are basically for hookups and disappointment.

You'd be far better served having women as friends.  Being around friends has a tendency to lead to introductions and meet-cutes.  People who like you for you will hand wave anything to do with a lack of driving or being on the spectrum.

Again - here's a pound of salt for my advice.  

Should I ignore the friends zone stuff? I also don’t want to try to play therapist for 30 females and try to keep up with all there problems and abusive relationship complaints etc.

[JoeSchmuckatelli]

8 hours ago, Cloakedwand72 said:

Should I ignore the friends zone stuff? I also don’t want to try to play therapist for 30 females and try to keep up with all there problems and abusive relationship complaints etc.

Then you have a problem you need to work on. 

To start, take gender, ignorance and stereotypes out of what you wrote.  You just asked if you should ignore other peoples' problems.

There is a whole lot more to unpack in what you wrote - if you can figure out your own bias by dissecting your quote... You will know the answer to your question. 

[StrandedonEarth]

On 12/22/2022 at 11:13 AM, cubinator said:

I'm an aerospace engineering student, and I can count all the women in my class on one hand...

Don’t the Engineering students have mixers with the Nursing students, who have a similar but reverse gender ratio? At least, that’s what UBC did thirty years ago (this assumes there even is a nursing department where you go).

OTOH, it’s not liked that worked for me either; it’s certainly not the same as being classmates. Never mind also falling into the “looking too hard “ trap @JoeSchmuckatelli  mentioned…

On the gripping hand, you never know…

[Gargamel]

On 12/22/2022 at 12:58 AM, Nuke said:

just dont get sucked into those dating apps. they are no good, for anyone (even those who use them successfully). 

Disagree whole heartedly.   You just have to know how to filter people and don’t have high expectations before meeting them.  
 

I’ve had two serious long term relationships on dating apps, and now I’m moving in with whom I hope to be my last relationship, all met on dating apps.   It’s not the apps fault those previous ones broke down.  

On 12/22/2022 at 2:13 PM, cubinator said:

I'm an aerospace engineering student, and I can count all the women in my class on one hand...

This is why dating apps are good.   They greatly expand the dating pool available to you, and make it far easier to approach someone.   They wouldn’t be on there If they weren’t looking too. 

I feel your pain though, I was mech E as a freshman, and I was happy to land a date with one of the 10:1 females we had.

[Cloakedwand72]

On 12/22/2022 at 11:42 AM, Nuke said:

ive never owned a car, never learned how to drive, and i did ok. besides anyone so shallow as to shame you for something like that isnt worth having in your life anyway. 

Curious  how  have you moved around then? Do you think rideshare is safe maybe electric bike?

[Nuke]

there are these things, i believe they are called shoes.