If you were the first person on mars, what would you say?

[18Watt]

Hello?  I want two large pepperoni, sausage, and jalapeño pizzas.  Yup, this'll be for delivery.

[Royalswissarmyknife]

"Guys we left the snacks in the Orbiter!"

[Kimera Industries]

"I have sabotaged the mission, leaving only myself to walk on Mars. I have done this because they all insisted on the first words being 'one small step' and I felt that was unoriginal, so I took the logical choice and blew off the hatch before they could get their spacesuits on. I'm sure I underwent no psychological damage from the six-month journey in a tiny tin can!"

[boriz]

"Ghghthtaaaaag!"

 

(Forgot to seal helmet).

[Hotel26]

"I want to go home, now"

[Royalswissarmyknife]

"What a nice view"

[Kimera Industries]

"Was Mars supposed to be red or blue? I forget. Oh well, it's probably blue, cause that's what I'm seeing right now."

[TwoCalories]

"Uhh... where's the ladder?"

[Kimera Industries]

"Hey, guys! Check out the telescope view of Earth! Aren't there so many neat clouds? They all look like mushrooms!"

[TwoCalories]

"Hmm. We've misplaced our original camera, it seems. Surely this SpaceX Drone-Barge camera will suffice."

Spoiler

Later-

"I'm stepping off the ladder now..." *steps off onto the surface*

"And wi-"

ELYSIUM-4 - UNSTABLE VIDEO CONNECTION - PLEASE STAND BY

"-ar." "Well, how was that for a quote?"

 

[Kimera Industries]

2 minutes ago, TwoCalories said:

Surely this SpaceX Drone-Barge camera will suffice.

Exactly! Trying to follow along (and be truly amazed by) Falcon landings in the early days was hard because of this.

[kerbiloid]

"Wait... Where is Apple-compatible outlet on the hatch?"

[TwoCalories]

"Finally, peace and quiet."

[kerbiloid]

"Yes, my honey, I remember to buy two milks, eggs, and a kilogram of potatoes on return."

Edited December 14, 2023 by kerbiloid

[Kimera Industries]

"Testing, testing, is this on?"

[TwoCalories]

"Dibs on the top bunk once we get to the Hab!"

[Kimera Industries]

"What do you mean, 'only potatoes?'"

[Royalswissarmyknife]

"Can I go home now?"

[18Watt]

Thank you for flying with Jeb's Lunar Transport Spaceways!  I'd like to welcome everyone to the surface of the Moon!  Uh oh.

[Scarecrow71]

She packed my bags last night, pre-flight
Zero hour, 9:00 a.m.
And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then

I miss the Earth so much, I miss my wife
It's lonely out in Space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
I'm a rocket man
Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
I'm a rocket man
Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact, it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did

And all this science, I don't understand
It's just my job, five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
I'm a rocket man
Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
I'm a rocket man
Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time

[kerbiloid]

The decompression plays strange things with mind...

[Royalswissarmyknife]

"Where did the heatshield tiles go?"

[Kimera Industries]

"Wait, why is there vapor coming from the gaping hole in the fuel tank?"

[TwoCalories]

It's a God-awful small affair
To the girl with the mousy hair
But her mummy is yelling, "No"
And her daddy has told her to go

But her friend is nowhere to be seen
Now she walks through her sunken dream
To the seat with the clearest view
And she's hooked to the silver screen

But the film is a saddening bore
For she's lived it ten times or more
She could spit in the eyes of fools
As they ask her to focus on

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man, look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man, wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

It's on America's tortured brow
That Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow
Now the workers have struck for fame
'Cause Lennon's on sale again
See the mice in their million hordes
From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads
Rule Britannia is out of bounds
To my mother, my dog, and clowns
But the film is a saddening bore
'Cause I wrote it ten times or more
It's about to be writ again
As I ask you to focus on

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man, look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man, wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

Spoiler

Come to think of it, if the first astronaut to step on Mars sang "Life on Mars" as their first words, that would actually be pretty amazing.

 

[Kimera Industries]

"Ow-hey-umph-Moooooom Greg pushed meeeee-"