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How Should I Respond to This?

Sampa

By Sampa
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Sampa

Sampa

Posted
Posted

Ok, this is something I found on my recent facebook check.  Today, I went on facebook and discovered a message from a guy claiming to be my half-brother.  Despite knowing that I am adopted, I know nothing about my genetic family and my family has not stayed in contact with my birth mother.  How should I respond to this message.  If this claim is true, then, I am in shock over this.  Help!

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cubinator

cubinator

Posted
Posted (edited)

I present the Is It A Scam? chart.

Is It A Scam?
Have to click on a link? It's a scam.
Offers money? It's a scam.
Asks for money? It's a scam.
Asks for personal information? It's a scam.
"I swear to god it's really me!" Assume it's a scam at all costs.
"This is not a scam!" DEFINITELY a scam.
Anything else Probably a scam.

Always watch out for these telltale signs of scams, and proceed with caution if you see any of them. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do: I would assume it's a scam.

Edited by cubinator
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Tex_NL

Tex_NL

Posted
Posted

Let's assume it is not a scam. You say you're adopted and you know nothing about your biological family so his claim might very well be true. Something convinced him think he's your (half)brother. If he can't/won't tell you why he thinks that way you know what to do, right?
But remember, even if he actually who he says he is, you don't owe this guy anything. You just met him. And if something sounds too good to be true is usually is.

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adsii1970

adsii1970

Posted
Posted

I would like to offer my point of view on this, but please remember that I am a 45 year old guy. Back when I was 18 through 20, I had several um, relationships... yeah, that's the word I'll use... and anyhow, nearly a year ago, I was contacted through Facebook by a 24 year old woman claiming to be my biological daughter. Knowing that there may be a possibility, I decided to talk to my wife about it, not sure what to do or how to even break the news to her. I simply told her the truth about my past, about the possibility of what this girl was saying might be true... 

Before I finish my story, I think you should take this to your parents. It takes special people to adopt a child and raise that child as their own. They've been there to support you, to nurture you, and to raise you into the person you are now. I am sure you'll be surprised to find they will be supportive of you and more than likely will ask you to give caution to the young man claiming to be your half-brother. Let them help you proceed in this matter.

Now, back to my story. She did turn out to be my daughter and we are now, as adults having the father-daughter relationship we were meant to have. Yeah, there are a lot of unanswered questions, but we are simply handling it one at a time.  And yes, I even have a son-in-love and two wonderful grandchildren I never knew I had. I have been blessed. May your story turn out as good as mine.

 

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GoSlash27

GoSlash27

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, Dman979 said:

I agree with @Endersmens. You should also probably ask him a question which only he would know the answer to. And it might be a good idea to ask your parents about it.

Hope this advice from random internet strangers helps!

^ I second this. You should discuss it with your parents. Not us and certainly not him.

Having said that... I found out about a brother I never knew I had just a couple years ago (reverse situation from yours) and it turned out to be true. Even at my advanced age (get off mah lawn!) I still followed my father's lead on this one.

Best,

-Slashy

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Just Jim

Just Jim

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've had this happen a couple times... more or less. 
I don't know my biological father, he left when I was 4, and I've had no contact with him my whole life. 
I got over it decades ago, and I've made no attempt to contact him, or anyone else on that side of the family. 
And rumor has it I have half-brother(s) and/or half-sister(s).
But the couple times someone tried to contact me about them turned out to be scams.

I agree with the others, proceed with extreme caution. 
I wish you the best of luck, but I also fear you may be getting lied to.

Edited by Just Jim
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GoSlash27

GoSlash27

Posted
Posted

Sampa,

 I meant your adopted parents, not your biological parents. Although if you have the means to contact them, it would greatly simplify the whole matter. Still... I would definitely discuss it with the adopted parents first.

Best,

-Slashy

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Shpaget

Shpaget

Posted
Posted

Does it matter to you? Do you want that connection?

Whether he really is your half brother or not, he's a stranger to you, so you should proceed as you would with any stranger. He may turn out not to be your half brother, yet you two still end up being best buddies.

On the other hand, he may truly be you half brother, or even "real" brother, and he might still screw you over. Even bad people have siblings.

If I were you, I'd most likely disregard the message.

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monstah

monstah

Posted
Posted
22 minutes ago, Shpaget said:

Does it matter to you? Do you want that connection?

Whether he really is your half brother or not, he's a stranger to you, so you should proceed as you would with any stranger. He may turn out not to be your half brother, yet you two still end up being best buddies.

On the other hand, he may truly be you half brother, or even "real" brother, and he might still screw you over. Even bad people have siblings.

If I were you, I'd most likely disregard the message.

I've never been in any similar situation, so I'm just another random stranger on the internets giving you advice.

I agree with everything above except the last sentence. I'd proceed with caution, do the same that many here suggested already, but I'd also keep my expectations as the post above suggests: he actually being your brother, and both of you ending up in a good relationship, are fairly independent events.

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Mikki

Mikki

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 28.12.2015 at 0:27 AM, Sampa said:

Ok, this is something I found on my recent facebook check.  Today, I went on facebook and discovered a message from a guy claiming to be my half-brother.  Despite knowing that I am adopted, I know nothing about my genetic family and my family has not stayed in contact with my birth mother.  How should I respond to this message.  If this claim is true, then, I am in shock over this.  Help!

@Sampa

Hi there, my best advice to you is to ignore this individual. He is maybe simply attempting to receive attention, or execute force to you. If you are in doubt, consider a "trap". Think about goals People may have. If he is your brother, it would be very easy to proof (and cheap), shall he bring evidence, but don`t ask for.

Ignorance is a gift sometimes, greetings Mikki, happy new 2016! 

Edited by Mikki
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Sampa

Sampa

Posted
  • Author
Posted

ok, I did a bit of a test asking for information I knew and did not put out on the internet (so only the children would know), I asked what the name of our mother was.  He got it exactly right.  Also, my adopted mother also confirmed that he is indeed my half brother

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CommanderSpock

CommanderSpock

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Sampa said:

ok, I did a bit of a test asking for information I knew and did not put out on the internet (so only the children would know), I asked what the name of our mother was.  He got it exactly right.  Also, my adopted mother also confirmed that he is indeed my half brother

I'm glad that this is the case!

 

Maybe this is a way to get to know your genetic family! (If that's what you want, of course.)

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Slam_Jones

Slam_Jones

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 12/29/2015 at 4:33 PM, cubinator said:

I present the Is It A Scam? chart.

Is It A Scam?
Have to click on a link? It's a scam.
Offers money? It's a scam.
Asks for money? It's a scam.
Asks for personal information? It's a scam.
"I swear to god it's really me!" Assume it's a scam at all costs.
"This is not a scam!" DEFINITELY a scam.
Anything else Probably a scam.

Always watch out for these telltale signs of scams, and proceed with caution if you see any of them. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do: I would assume it's a scam.

 

I usually use this chart, and applied it to someone claiming to be my nephew.  I said some stuff to try to put him off (I already know my 3 brothers, none of them have kids, so what are the chances?) about being a drunk uncle and stuff.

Asked my Dad, and it turned out I had a half-brother I didn't know about.  So the guy messaging me really was my nephew.

He really doesn't want to speak to me anymore.

 

Soo... no, it's not always a scam.  If they request money, definitely be wary, but don't always assume it's a scam...

Edited by Slam_Jones
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GoSlash27

GoSlash27

Posted
Posted
On 2/5/2016 at 8:05 AM, Sampa said:

ok, I did a bit of a test asking for information I knew and did not put out on the internet (so only the children would know), I asked what the name of our mother was.  He got it exactly right.  Also, my adopted mother also confirmed that he is indeed my half brother

Congratulations!

 So if I may ask (and feel free to tell me I may not), what's the plan?

Best,
-Slashy

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