The Kerbal Chronicles

[Deddly]

Great first post, @leoc1108! Welcome to the forum .

[monstah]

I'm reading these and now I think I want to write one, too...

[leoc1108]

11 minutes ago, monstah said:

In truth, it's because he tricks the other pilots with promises of fake snacks, then boards the damned ship when no-one is looking...

Jebediah Kerman will always impress me !

 

Thx @Deddly !

[superstrijder15]

7 hours ago, KAL 9000 said:

"You are only allowed to give 25 likes per day. You cannot give any more likes today."

Would like to like this post, but well... You said it yourself 

[The_Rocketeer]

Galactic Hitchhikers: A Guide
by Douglas Kerman

In the context of space exploration systems, a hitchhiker is a parasitic element that contributes little and rides for free. This guide for trainee astronauts constitutes a brief summary and comparison of some of the most common types.

Tourists
Freeloaders by any other name, tourists would be counted amongst the worst variety of hitchhikers were it not for their valued contributions to Space Agency balance sheets. As such, astronauts should go out of their way to accommodate them, even if that means giving up your seat in the descent vehicle and staying up for a few more laps.

PPD-10 Hitchhiker Storage Container
Since the invention of the probe core, the cargo bay, and the EAS-1 External Command Seat, habitation modules are simply no longer necessary on Kerbal space vehicles, and as such this is a hitchhiker that wants to bring its four little hitchhiker babies along with it. If the construction team must use a crew module they could at least pick one with fewer seats and more reaction torque.

Crew (particularly Engineers)
As mentioned above, probe cores can usually do anything crew can do, and if everybody just did their job right then there’d be no need for these space-janitors to fix anything.

Stranded Crew
The epitome of hitchhiking. Idiots.

Alien Hitchhikers
Somewhere on our world is a vehicle not-of-this-Kerbin. Its owners are apparently hitching a ride on our planet right now.

Minmus
Since Kerbin already has Mun, there’s really no need for Minmus way out there with its puny gravity and uninspired ice-cream landscaping. Certainly any low-gravity training is more convenient and more educationally conducted on Mun, and KSC just doesn’t have a role for Minmus. As such, Minmus is also considered a hitchhiker.

Edited March 10, 2017 by The_Rocketeer

[ottothesilent]

I hate to be a party-pooper, but:

"The article must have a title and be between 200 and 300 words in length"

That's a direct quote from the rules. I don't mean to stifle creativity or anything, but my entry follows this rule, and I'd like it to be judged fairly.

[The_Rocketeer]

@ottothesilent my last is 293 words.

[ottothesilent]

1 minute ago, The_Rocketeer said:

@ottothesilent my last is 293 words.

I wasn't directly addressing you, but in my perusals, I've found entries in excess of 350 words. I think the confusion is in part due to the rules being in another thread, but still, it must be followed if this contest is going to have a proper meaning.

[The_Rocketeer]

I must admit I've stripped out a lot to keep within the 300 word limit, so it would be a little unfair for a longer article to win. On the other hand, curbing the creativity behind some of these articles would also be tragic - some of them are really inspired

 

[Guest]

30 minutes ago, ottothesilent said:

"The article must have a title and be between 200 and 300 words in length"

That's a direct quote from the rules. I don't mean to stifle creativity or anything, but my entry follows this rule, and I'd like it to be judged fairly.

Yeah, word count does matter, especially for a magazine/newspaper article which this is. My first draft came in at 328 and it was absolute heck to pick which 28 of my precious babies had to go. So I agree that it should be enforced, but I'd rather see @Badie give entrants a gentle reminder and an opportunity to pare down before final voting, rather than outright disqualifying anyone.

[Just Jim]

25 minutes ago, Kuzzter said:

Yeah, word count does matter, especially for a magazine/newspaper article which this is. My first draft came in at 328 and it was absolute heck to pick which 28 of my precious babies had to go. So I agree that it should be enforced, but I'd rather see @Badie give entrants a gentle reminder and an opportunity to pare down before final voting, rather than outright disqualifying anyone.

Now y'all got me worried, but I went back and checked and mine is only 265.  

But I agree... while the rules are the rules, I would give someone a chance to make sure they're within the limits before disqualifying an entry.

[Codraroll]

Does the limit of 300 words include the title? If so, I have to edit both of mine, if not they are both fine.

[Cydonian Monk]

1 hour ago, Just Jim said:

I went back and checked and mine is only 265.

With those six pictures I'd say yours is closer to 6,265. 

In all seriousness - Submissions with images will show skewed voting results versus those without (just human nature). Based on the rules-post it doesn't seem that images will end up in the final print, so.....

[Darth Badie]

2 hours ago, Kuzzter said:

Yeah, word count does matter, especially for a magazine/newspaper article which this is. My first draft came in at 328 and it was absolute heck to pick which 28 of my precious babies had to go. So I agree that it should be enforced, but I'd rather see @Badie give entrants a gentle reminder and an opportunity to pare down before final voting, rather than outright disqualifying anyone.

 

@Kuzzter I agree the rules are "between 200 and 300 words" , people will have the opportunity to change their submissions before we close the contest. 

[Just Jim]

55 minutes ago, Cydonian Monk said:

With those six pictures I'd say yours is closer to 6,265. 

In all seriousness - Submissions with images will show skewed voting results versus those without (just human nature). Based on the rules-post it doesn't seem that images will end up in the final print, so.....

I wasn't sure what the rule was about adding pictures. I just waited to see if anyone else did before I posted mine. I could edit it and take them out if need be.

@Badie, what's the rule about using screenshots?

Edited March 11, 2017 by Just Jim

[Laythe Squid]

On 3/6/2017 at 7:13 AM, Skalgrin said:

 

From a diary of Jeremiah Kerman

 

Once the famous panorama filled the window of our plane, I knew I will never forget that day. The buildings all young kerbals would love to work in one day. Then we left the plane and breeze from sea brought a hint of burned fuel smell. A perfect day.

 

Then I spoted them. The heroes of whole Kerbalkind, Val and Jeb Kermans. Orange worn out suits, broad smiles and wild eyes. Me and my sister ran towards them holding the postcards, leaving our guide behind. They look suprised, sad and Valentina looked as she was about to cry. They did not sign the postcards we gave them, they gave us a book!

 

Black limo stoped by. And Wehrner von Kerman almost jumped out of it. He was apparently excited, holding some papers. He showed Val and Jeb papers he was carrying, enthusiasticaly pointing upwards. To my suprise, both Jeb and Val started to refuse. Then Wehrner got angry.

 

Screaming, Wehrner pointed in our direction. Jebediah's face turned hard and white. Valentina starts to cry. Wehrner asked something. Jebediah nods and holds crying Valentina. Wehrner, obviously pleased, walks away noding at our guard, who starts to take us away.

 

In plane we opened the book and there was hand written messag with family photo.

 

“For our kids, Mum and Dad”

 

 Soldier who brought us, saw our puzzled looks. Simple and sad nod was all we needed.

 

Two days later, Jebediah Kerman died during experimental flight. Valentina Kerman asked for relieve from the Space Program. It was denied by Wehrner von Kerman personaly. She was declared M.I.A. after attempt to brake speed record at sea level, two weeks after her husbands funeral. Her body was nev

er found.

 

And so me and my sister truly became orphans. We will never forget!

 

 

[KAL 9000]

Jeb's Passion 

Every time. Every time the metal pillars of power lifted off from the pad, fire streaming out the bottom. Every single Kerm-d***ed time! Jeb was on them every time.

When there was a different crew assigned. Jeb was there. 

When it was a probe. Jeb was there. 

When Jeb was dead. Jeb was there. 

When Jeb was on another mission. Jeb was there. 

When Jeb was assigned to that mission. Oddly enough no Jeb. 

This Kerbal has broken the space-time continuum, the fourth wall, and status quo every time. Just so he can experience the joy of riding the rockets into space. 

BOB: AAAH! WE'RE GONNA DIE! 

JEB: That's just the mortal terror talking! 

This Kerbal is one of a kind. 

-KAL Kerman, Kerbal Chronicles 

[JonathanPerregaux]

I made edits to all my submissions to pare them down. I had some trouble cutting down my "Kormammu, I've come to bargain!" one, mostly because it was a shameless attempt at a plushie and not a "real" submission.

Now I have "deleted scenes." Maybe I'll put them on the Blu-ray.

Edited March 11, 2017 by JonathanPerregaux

[JonathanPerregaux]

Rockomax Discovers Horrible New Color, Paints Everything with It

Industry disappointment Rockomax Conglomerate has discovered a new color and its name is “borange.” There’s just one problem, dear reader.

Borange is ghastly.

Eumon Kerman, inventor of the Rockomax Mark 55 Radial Mount Liquid Engine, was given the inglorious task of painting new fuel tanks in the wearisome shade as punishment.

“If you stare at it long enough, you latch onto the first stupid thought to cross your mind and cling to it like a lover,” he explained. “For example, right now I’m wondering how much whale ambergris it would take to build a patio.”

Skeptical scientists seeking confirmation of the new color were stunned to discover it was there all along.

“Here’s your average rainbow,” said one scientist, referring to a large, colorful poster. “Okay, now find borange.”

We looked. It wasn’t there. Or was it?

“It’s waaaay over here, all the way in the grayish crappy part nobody ever looks at. Right next to the color bluck.”

Astute readers may recall bluck being the only color to be banned from crayons by decree of a signed international treaty. But for this reporter, certainly… borange is the new bluck.

Naturally, insolvent Rockomax was keen to secure the rights and paint everything in the dreadful hue. But there were setbacks.

“At first we built a paint robot,” explained Eumon. “But rather than continue with the second coat, it killed itself with an egg salad sandwich.” He paused. “How long,” he continued, “do you think it takes an industrial robot to destroy itself with an egg salad sandwich?”

At press time, ugly borange fuel tanks in bluck-colored trim were rolling off the assembly line like blunted trees. Eumon was later found near the ocean, inducing distant whales to puke so he could finish paving the walkway around his back-yard fire pit.

[KSK]

3 hours ago, JonathanPerregaux said:

Rockomax Discovers Horrible New Color, Paints Everything with It

Industry disappointment Rockomax Conglomerate has discovered a new color and its name is “borange.” There’s just one problem, dear reader.

Borange is ghastly...

*snip*

Caution - do not read this entry whilst consuming hot drinks. Unless you enjoy scalded nostrils.

12 hours ago, The_Rocketeer said:

I must admit I've stripped out a lot to keep within the 300 word limit, so it would be a little unfair for a longer article to win. On the other hand, curbing the creativity behind some of these articles would also be tragic - some of them are really inspired

 

Agreed. If Badie doesn't object, I'd like to add a link to this thread from the Fanworks library (basically my KSP fan fiction archive thread - see my signature for a link). I'm guessing it'll be stickied for a while as an official Squad thread but after that there's too much good stuff here to lose!

[Proton - 5]

Here`s the article!

In the year 1965, 50 years ago from now the first Kerbal stepped into the outer space.

It was Alexey Kerman.

“This is ship “Voskhod – 2”. We are ready.” The ship was on the circular Low Kerbin Orbit with the apoapsis of 140 km above Kerbin. It was composed of the pod itself with the service module. The engine named “LV – T30” in the service module had a total thrust of about 120 Kn. The weight of the orbital module is 5 tons and length is 4.4 meters. When Alexey went on EVA they were above the Kerbin`s Deserts. The spacewalk took about 20 minutes. They made 10 orbits around Kerbin before going back into the atmosphere. Because of the several accidents that happened they landed in Tundra and spent 2 days waiting for rescue. Then they were back at the KSC like Heroes of the Kerbalkind. After the flight, in the first interviews Alexey Kerman said that the best thig in space is it`s silentness. He could even hear his heart beating. Also he said that he almost forgot to attach the rope to the capsule. Alexey told that they made lots of mistakes and they can improve them. There were much more missions to do, but they were scrapped under certain circumstances.

[The_Rocketeer]

Decided to take the 'space race theme' a little more/less seriously this time

==================================================================

4 DEAD, 2 STRANDED
Tragedy Strikes Jool-5 Anniversary Space Race Event

KSC has announced the deaths of 4 astronauts following a serious 3-craft collision during a race amongst the moons of Jool, with 2 other crew now marooned. The event was immediately suspended, and efforts are now underway to recover all remaining contenders to safety as quickly as possible.

The race was being held as part of a series of events celebrating the anniversary of Jool-5, the first single-ship mission to all 5 moons of Jool.

The lost:

Sterlyn Kerman/Cayko Kerman
Team Belleton
(6-time Champions of the Kerbin Spaceway Grand Prix)

Ertom Kerman/Loos Kerman
Team Tyrelli
(3-time Victors of the Mun-Return Steeplechase)

Contact was also lost with a third spacecraft, belonging to Team KSC and crewed by astronaut duo Valentina and Bill. Communication has since been restored, but with their ship disabled the pair are marooned on Laythe until a rescue attempt can be made.

Early reports of the collision are sketchy, but it seems that the accident occurred as Team Belleton in first place ascended from Laythe, with Team KSC close behind. Tracking data shows that the Tyrelli team, trailing in sixth place and committed to an aggressive atmospheric braking manoeuvre, passed very close to the Belleton craft, followed immediately by the breaking up of both vessels. This created a large debris field on Team KSC’s ascent trajectory and the third ship was seriously damaged. They subsequently made a forced landing on a remote island.

Racing team backers, including Belleton and Tyrelli, have come forward to offer any possible assistance in rescuing the stranded astronauts and analysing the accident. KSC has responded with gravity and gratitude, and has already directed Jebediah Kerman, piloting another anniversary event vehicle, the Tylo Turbo Tourbus, to collect them before returning home.

Edited March 11, 2017 by The_Rocketeer

[Just Jim]

(I can't resist one more...)

 

The War of the Kerbs

 

Three nights ago, on the one-year anniversary of astronomers from the Mount Kerbomar Observatory spotting several large explosions on the surface of Duna, a large meteorite was seen impacting near the northern farming village of Kerb Mills.

Two brave villagers immediately set forth to investigate, only to find something quite different than they expected.

(Testimony of Pierson Kerman)

“We headed north towards a strange light, and found what looked like a big, glowing dinner plate buried in the snow. But then some holes opened up in it's belly, and these sorts of leg things came out, and it stood itself up like a big three-legged step stool." 

"Well, let me tell you, we didn’t know what to think. But ol’ Bob here, he walks right up to it and says “hi!”

"For a couple seconds nothing happened, then this three-legged thing… it shoots something straight at Bob! My heart durn near stopped, until I saw Bob run up and grab a scoop… and started eating it. Wouldn’t ya know… it was hot-melted cheese! This thing was shooting at Bob with some sort of hot-melted cheese ray!"

"But the cheese was so hot, it caused the nearby ice to melt, and the three-legged thing, it slipped and fell back into the snow."

"Then the strangest thing happened. When it tried to get back up, it coughed. Then it sniffled, and let out a monstrous sneeze, and fell right back into the hillside. The last thing it did was pull its legs back inside of it, sneeze one last time.... and then it just died."

 

Note: The testimony you have just read has not been altered in any way….
The implications of this account are for you, the reader, to decide.

 

[Laythe Squid]

Life discovered on Laythe!

The Pandora probe recently detected bacteria in hot springs on Horizon Island. The probe is the most advanced ever built. It's designed to swim and dive through Laythe's oceans, climb through the mountains, and walk across the shores and dunes. Yesterday, Pandora found alien life. This is a monumental discovery. A new age lies ahead!

[DarkOwl57]

wait could someone check my article? I don't know how much I put, but I can't check