I need people's help with a girl I like. PLS

[Natokerbal]

So there is a Muslim girl at my work. Her name is Marah. She is beautiful and funny and smart. We are good friends but I have developed a MASSIVE crush on her recently. I don't know what to do because Muslims can't date properly. But they also can't marry non-Muslims. I'm an Agnostic which isn't that bad I guess. But the main problem is that we won't be friends anymore if she rejects me. I have developed a note on which to sneak on her desk later this week. It says "Hey it's Nathan, just to let you know I think you're beautiful and really fun to hang out with. You make me smile when you are happy and around. I understand if you can't date me or wan't to. I will be there and I understand our relationship wouldn't be easy if you did say yes. But there's the saying "Not because it is easy' but because it is hard". If you do say yes I will be glad to do whatever we need to to be together. either way I will respect your descision. ,Best regards your friend Nathan". I don't expect anyone to respond with advice that would help me decide to ask her out or not but hell it's the KSP community we can do anything. Right? Anyway any help would be appreciated. Best regards, Natokerbal

[kerbiloid]

Maybe ask her to make a sign of hope if she doesn't find something more than just a friendship absolutely impossible and would not be totally against your attempts.
If she won't make the sign - nothing was ever happened, nobody asked, nobody was rejected.

[Foxster]

Dropping a note like that sounds nerdy (especially quoting JFK) and needy. 

If you want this to go somewhere then you are going to have to talk to the girl. Just do what most people do and ask her on safe toe-dipping dates like getting a coffee, or find something you have in common (movies, music, food, sport) and ask her if she'd like to join you at it. 

Do something to spend a bit of time together so that you build up shared experiences - that's what a friendship is and it just might lead to more. 

[HebaruSan]

I thought you post-millenials did this all on social media nowadays. Are you already friended with her on her preferred platforms?

[Natokerbal]

Foxster I know it's nerdy

Kerbiloid (great name m8) Thanks for the help

HebaruSan we don't use social media that often. I will use twitter sometimes and that's it. She has a twitter account she doesn't use but I can get her to use it again. (Great stereotyping m8)

[WinkAllKerb'']

have a talk with some of her girl friend, if she's close to some other girl at work, try that

girl speak a lot when they are between girl ... you know

also avoid brain hurting yourself to long with that, making endless romance approach scenario one after the others ... that's rarely good

Edited July 25, 2017 by WinkAllKerb''

[Natokerbal]

Alright WinkAllKerb the Idea is good that might actually work

The only problem is they will think I'm some sort of stalker

[WinkAllKerb'']

dunno, just tell some of her friend you have a crush and don't know how to tell her directly ... keep it simple ... this or giving her a letter as you suggested if your to shy to have a talk directly or feel it's too complicated at work (dunno meal time, or offer her a drink when you leave the office)

& avoid brain hurting yourself to long with that

Edited July 25, 2017 by WinkAllKerb''

[Vanamonde]

You are free to ignore this, but you did ask for advice, so... 

Depending on your workplace, this could get you into serious trouble. Sexual harassment training at my job even went so far as to tell us we are not allowed to say "You look nice today" to a person of either gender, whether or not you out-rank that person. Look into your workplace's rules if you do not want to risk getting fired or sued. 

Also, 

Quote

But the main problem is that we won't be friends anymore if she rejects me. 

That is really not a good thing to dump on someone else. Don't make your emotional welfare her responsibility, nor hold a grudge if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. 

[HebaruSan]

Back when I was trying to figure it out, flirting/courting was supposed to be this gradual process of showing interest in a mutually plausibly deniable way, such that no one ever has to say directly "I'm interested" or "No thank you" until the response is certain, because that can make people feel uncomfortable on both sides.

Suppose you stop by her office to say 'hi' a little more often than strictly necessary; if asked about it, you can say you're just trying to be sociable with your co-workers. When you stop by, maybe she gives you a big toothy ear-to-ear smile; again, she can say she's just trying to be friendly. But between the two of you, if there is in fact mutual interest, signals have been exchanged. So you decide to escalate, but only slightly; again, it has to be something that could have two meanings depending on how she feels, such as @Foxster's coffee date, which could be spent platonically complaining about co-workers as friends or alternately talking about more personal subjects. Eventually, the signalling can accumulate to a point where you feel confident enough to suggest a "real" date like dinner and a movie (I guess it's Netflix now?), and if she says Yes to that, then the flirting stage is over.

But the key concept is that at each step, there are clear but subtle signals that each person can give to indicate "yes" or "no" without having to actually say it. And it's not about making her like you back; you can't pick one person and make it happen like that. Rather, you just engage enough to see what her reaction is, and if it's negative, then you move on to the other fish in the sea.

It may or may not still work this way. Millennials use terms like "friends with benefits" that suggest things have gotten significantly more casual. I will not be able to advise you regarding that.

(Disclaimer: In my case, I just emailed my current spouse and said essentially, "I want to date you" in the clumsiest possible way, and it worked out fine from there. But I think that's not typical.)

[HebaruSan]

Also, do ignore Vanamode's fear-mongering.

Single people spend most of their waking hours and meet most of their same-age acquaintances at work, and you have to meet someone before you can start a relationship with them. Dating would be near-impossible if co-workers were off limits (except for dating sites, I guess). I guarantee you that Vanamonde's co-workers are engaged in a complex social dance of flirting, dating, breaking up, occasionally marrying, and so on.

That rule is there so if you make someone uncomfortable, they can report you and be comfortable again. So be tactful and plausibly-deniable about it to avoid embarrassing them! They won't be uncomfortable if they're interested, or if you readily take 'no' for an answer.

[Natokerbal]

So to Vanamonde

3 hours ago, Vanamonde said:

You are free to ignore this, but you did ask for advice, so... 

Depending on your workplace, this could get you into serious trouble. Sexual harassment training at my job even went so far as to tell us we are not allowed to say "You look nice today" to a person of either gender, whether or not you out-rank that person. Look into your workplace's rules if you do not want to risk getting fired or sued

We work at the US Space and rocket center in Alabama. I doubt she will file sexual harassment. It's not like I grab her or some messed up thing like that. I will most likely throw away the note and just ask her out for dinner later this week.

[Bill Phil]

I wouldn't recommend doing anything significant at the workplace, for the same reason @Vanamonde mentions. Just ask her if she'd be up for lunch. It doesn't have to be a date, not at first, at least. Just a hang out. Acquaintances can hang out, no (or few) questions asked.

[Harry Rhodan]

8 hours ago, Vanamonde said:

That is really not a good thing to dump on someone else. Don't make your emotional welfare her responsibility, nor hold a grudge if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. 

This is probably the single most valuable piece of advice you can give someone in a gaming related forum.

[Natokerbal]

I am not the kind of person to hold grudges. I also am independent (From what people tell me) and won't often speak out my feelings.

 

 

[tater]

Do you know this woman won't date "properly?" Does she dress religiously or something? Just ask her out like a normal person, and see what happens. Maybe she's not actually religious. If she's devout, then a real relationship wouldn't be a good thing anyway (assuming you are not co-aligned in that respect) as this would be a pretty fundamental disagreement in a relationship, IMO.

[WinkAllKerb'']

12 hours ago, HebaruSan said:

I guarantee you that Vanamonde's co-workers are engaged in a complex social dance of flirting, dating, breaking up, occasionally marrying, and so on.

they are vampire or wut ? xDr 

[Guest]

Kerbal Dating Program, for the rocket scientist that cannot express his feelings for that special someone

[WinkAllKerb'']

Spoiler

https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histoires_naturelles_(documentaire)#Principe

feel free to google translate
 

 

biped sometime ^^ are late to the party

Edited July 25, 2017 by WinkAllKerb''
oh ... something like p4 to p8 or so, yup yup *sigh* it really worth tralalalalala about it , rlly ?

[Nuke]

talk to her maybe?

[lajoswinkler]

On 7/25/2017 at 5:19 AM, Vanamonde said:

You are free to ignore this, but you did ask for advice, so... 

Depending on your workplace, this could get you into serious trouble. Sexual harassment training at my job even went so far as to tell us we are not allowed to say "You look nice today" to a person of either gender, whether or not you out-rank that person. Look into your workplace's rules if you do not want to risk getting fired or sued. 

Also, 

That is really not a good thing to dump on someone else. Don't make your emotional welfare her responsibility, nor hold a grudge if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. 

How the hell is that even legal? What is wrong with those people?

 

I'm pretty sure any tiny lawyer could stomp the crap out of that on court.

[NSEP]

On 25/07/2017 at 5:19 AM, Vanamonde said:

Depending on your workplace, this could get you into serious trouble. Sexual harassment training at my job even went so far as to tell us we are not allowed to say "You look nice today" to a person of either gender, whether or not you out-rank that person.

Thats EXACTLY why im afraid of talking to some people, im pretty sure the rules at my school allow me to do it, but im not sure if the target im talking to, or the people around that person allow me to. Recently i saw on the news, that what i see as compliments are apparently really disrepsectfull and are so big of a problem that they are harrasement ranked. 

Im sure this is natural though. In everyday life, most of us have only smaller problems, and if there are no big problems, then the small problems get turned into big problems with eaze.

[Vanamonde]

3 hours ago, lajoswinkler said:

How the hell is that even legal? What is wrong with those people?

 

I'm pretty sure any tiny lawyer could stomp the crap out of that on court.

It was lawyers who were telling us we could get sued over this.  

[XLjedi]

I would consider the source when evaluating reponses received from a forum where 90% of population could very well be single male 30yr olds still living in mom's basement...

That aside, you've already made up your mind, give her the note... at worse you lose a friendship.  Which is still better than living with regret and wondering "what if?" for the rest of your life. 

 

[lajoswinkler]

1 hour ago, Vanamonde said:

It was lawyers who were telling us we could get sued over this.  

I don't know where you live, but smells like USA. Lawyers in USA are very good at producing the conditions for their own jobs. It's a house of cards that should be blasted away by less nonsensical law system, for example the ones with basis in Roman law, where there is no jury and where facts and justice, and not winning the hearts of the judge and jury are stuff that matters.

 

The only thing I can see valid with this is if one is consistently telling another worker, particularly in a sleazy tone that he/she looks pretty today. Imagine having to listen that every day. Yes, that would be harassment.

It gets amplified when the one commenting is higher in the rank, especially a boss. That's a dangerous territory and is almost positively a sign of "if you want to advance, you have to go through my bed".

 

But if a worker casually/sometimes says to another worker: "Wow, you look very nice!" after he/she comes with new hair or anything obviously pretty/new, it can not possibly be a basis for such charges. It's a clear case of frivolous litigation and any decent lawyer would wreck that case. Hell, the judge would dismiss it as such, with a fee.