create a/the rules for a ridiculous board/card game

[Ultimate Steve]

Whoever is dealt the death card that falls closest to their actual death day gets a free coffin at the other players' expense. If the birthday card falls on the player's birthday, the player...

[Just Jim]

1 minute ago, Ultimate Steve said:

Whoever is dealt the death card that falls closest to their actual death day gets a free coffin at the other players' expense. If the birthday card falls on the player's birthday, the player...

Wait... time out...

New rule: If there is a death card, there should also be a "get out of death free" card...

[Mrcarrot]

13 minutes ago, Ultimate Steve said:

If the birthday card falls on the player's birthday, the player...

...receives a free cake, which may or may not be fake, taken from a high-security federal reserve...

11 minutes ago, Just Jim said:

Wait... time out...

New rule: If there is a death card, there should also be a "get out of death free" card...

The "get out of death free" card may in no way serve any functional purpose, including, but not limited to, preventing death for any or all parties involved if one party holds a card bearing the name "Death Guard". If and when a "get out of death free" card is played, all parties must draw a card from the deck. If no cards are available, the party with the highest average age is immediately killed, with no way whatsoever to prevent this death.

[roboslacker]

If the 'Most significant achievement' card is in the past, the player will then go into retirement.

[Ultimate Steve]

If he does not possess enough money for retirement, the other players must continually draw cards. The player who first draws three elixir of life cards must rob a bank to fund the player's retirement.

[Boorang]

if the  bank robbery is succsessful...

[roboslacker]

all players must keep it a secret from everyone they know, never fully trusting anyone ever again.

[Boorang]

(c) "Wau" deal 27 cards numbered from 0 to 9...

[roboslacker]

...and the player to the left of "Wau" must then randomly eat a card.

[Ultimate Steve]

56 minutes ago, roboslacker said:

...and the player to the left of "Wau" must then randomly eat a card.

The cards are flavored like BeanBoozled beans. Should the player eat the bad tasting card...

[HansonKerman]

...the other players must run away, apologize, then give them a bubblegum strip, strawberry flavored...

[roboslacker]

...or they will be prosecuted for criminal negligence in a state level court.

[The Minmus Derp]

This is a cooperative board game where you colonize the universe and fight aliens...

[Ultimate Steve]

...Unfortunately, you are the last of your species and must find out a way to create life before you die and your species goes extinct. As a result, the game is strictly singleplayer unless...

[kerbiloid]

King has a special move: "harass". It blocks Queen for several turns.
Queen has a special move: "accuse". It beats the King completely.

Edited May 19, 2018 by kerbiloid

[HansonKerman]

15 hours ago, Ultimate Steve said:

...Unfortunately, you are the last of your species and must find out a way to create life before you die and your species goes extinct. As a result, the game is strictly singleplayer unless...

... you are friends with a jellyfish who can manipulate DNA, in which case the jellyfish will help you on your quest.

NEXT!

[RealKerbal3x]

Revive!!!

Each player must reshuffle the cards 253 times......

[ARS]

...If they forget how many times they've reshuffled it, grab a 6-round revolver with 1 round loaded and do russian roulette before pulling the trigger 5 times in quick succession on your head. If you're ridiculously lucky that you didn't get a bullet on the head...

[The Minmus Derp]

You die anyway.

[Ultimate Steve]

In the afterlife...

[The Minmus Derp]

Nothing happens as you contemplate your actions forever.

[roboslacker]

In the event that you do not get shot in the head, the remaining players will conduct a ritual to begin the third destroy finale.

[RealKerbal3x]

This involves dropping the game pieces on the board from orbit.....

[Ultimate Steve]

...In an attempt to hit the Yellowstone Supervolcano. The pieces are the size of...

[The Minmus Derp]

UY Scuti...