Things that NASA never said at a press conference.

[OrdinaryKerman]

We are proud to unveil the space cannon Columbiad, our latest exhibit at the KSC Visitors' Center.

[adsii1970]

"Today, we have made contact with an alien..."

[kspbutitscursed]

wheres my kerbals 

OH

[TwoCalories]

"Unfortunately, during a routine operation, the Canadarm 2 started stretching and bending wildly, smashing into several delicate ISS components, before detaching from its mounting base and flying off into space. Readouts show that it is currently leaving the solar system."

[kerbiloid]

Canadarm 3 will be equipped with the additional extender.

Spoiler

 

[Royalswissarmyknife]

"We recently asked SpaceX wen hop?"

[kerbiloid]

They answered: "Stars hip, stars hop."

[kspbutitscursed]

i mean we dont know what were doing but it works 

SO

[kerbiloid]

"All of us must accept the unpleasant fact, that the Earth is flat. Do you remember those last-year balloons? They are how the satellites are actually flying."

[kspbutitscursed]

do they still have those double decker cheeseburgers

[TwoCalories]

"Just before Perseverance touched down on Mars, one of the flight engineers hit 'Z' on the keyboard and sent it hurtling into space. Ooops..."

[kspbutitscursed]

i mean i wonder why starship started spinning?

[Scarecrow71]

"About halfway into our trip to Mars we realized we didn't have enough dV to get home.  So we hit 'Revert to VAB' so we could rebuild the rocket."

[kerbiloid]

"Starship has returned from orbit."

[TwoCalories]

"The SpaceX Falcon 9 has reached orbit." "Yes, the entire thing. We made some changes to our routine. In a few minutes, the booster will deorbit and reenter with no heat shield and touch down with parachutes."

***

"Update: the booster landed successfully, but the landing legs bounced, and the rocket fell over, smashing into the KSC's Admin Facility. No one was harmed, but the building was destroyed. We will keep you updated as the situation progresses."

[ColdJ]

We have decided to suspend all space missions until we have cleaned up the planet.

[Royalswissarmyknife]

"We have decided to send all flat earthers to the center of the earth instead of space because we couldn't get past this dome thing."

[TwoCalories]

"Astronauts now have to mandatorily eat a corned beef sandwich every Tuesday."

[ColdJ]

"We are tired of using Super Computers and are going back to Slide Rules"

[Kimera Industries]

"The Nautilus-X was never built because it would cause too much lag."

Spoiler

This is a thought I genuinely had. I've been playing too much KSP, haven't I?

[kerbiloid]

On 12/30/2023 at 6:38 PM, ColdJ said:

"We are tired of using Super Computers and are going back to Slide Rules"

Still using it, from time to time, as well as calipers.

P.S.
Btw, on the thread subject. I believe, somebody in NASA is doing this, too, but doesn't say at the press conferences.

[ColdJ]

We have worked out why the solar panel can't be turned towards the Sun on our latest launch. Someone accidentally turned on "Auto Strut" in the interface.

[Kimera Industries]

"We are proud to announce the first crewed mission to Duna-" *audience laughter* "Uh, Mars! I meant Mars!"

[ColdJ]

We are paying for the next mission through Lego merchandising.

[TwoCalories]

"The Lego merchandising program earned us triple the funding we needed, because Legos are so freaking expensive."

Edited January 12 by TwoCalories
spellinft