Maybe try to derive the Ancient Egyptian from Coptic, while Akkadian from Hebrew and Arabic, semi-lol? Did anyone even try this?
What if the Ancient Egypt is a Coptic joke?
(Starting with Khufu, Snefru, and others, they got tired, and continued naming the Ramesseses (plural), Thutmoses, Ptolemies, and Cleopatres just with autoincrement version numbers.
Also, the <Random word>hotep name generator was out of new names.)
I mean, the archaic languages usually gutturally wheeze and choke (kH, hH, Hh, Kw, K', ...), while the kinda-Ancient Egyptian sounds sooo nice and clean for the European ear...
Just like the Coptic does. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coptic_language#Phonology
Why not try to reverse the evolution.