Jump to content

Mister Dilsby

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    295

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Mister Dilsby

  1. Mister Dilsby
    Nope, I haven't downloaded 1.0.5 yet-- because first I needed to post THIS!
  2. Mister Dilsby
    Yep, probes ALWAYS do what you tell them... Although I have written some decent dialogue for probes in the past, I hope so too. From tvtropes "No OSHA Compliance": "The Star Wars galaxy is filled with indoor, 500+ foot deep (and often completely pointless) chasms that have no guard rails." Dun dunnnnnn! I hope to get it wrapped up soon--stay tuned! Couple of nuances to it, but yeah this could be the end of Kerbfleet as we know it. Me? Plot twist? Noooooo.... Depends where we are when it happens. I think everyone's going to be home safe before I install, so it might happen between chapters. Bill will probably notice the inevitable hotfix. Yep--he can see that Deeman is scoring points with the whole 'code purple' thing, so here's his play for the win. I hope to have it up later tonight! VERY excited to do this next scene.
  3. Mister Dilsby
    Ok, good start The Mort vs. Jeb conflict is a bit thin. It does come through that Mort cares, which is interesting, but really each character just comes out and says 'this is what I care about and this is what I want.' We didn't see how they got to this point. We didn't see them take actions that show us how they feel--which is much more effective than them telling us. I haven't looked backwards in my story to be sure, but I hope that if you go back and read my Mort from the beginning of Order Zero you'll see what I mean. Character development doesn't happen in one page; it is a process val: her log is just a news report. It doesn't tell us anything about her except that she's so good she won't be flying many missions. If you want to develop her you need to have her do things that show how she's different form everyone else. i agree the dialogue between Jeb and Mort is the strongest part of the episode. You know how much I love a dramatic argument in the middle of a countdown Again, this will have more effect as the characters take action and show their depth. And you're right, there's not much going on here for other characters like Wernher. That can be OK--a reader can only pay attention to so much. I'd recommend you really work on developing your one or two main characters, THEN you can worry about the others. Take two or at most three characters and give them something to do. Then SHOW us who they are via the ACTIONS try take. Did I ever say out loud 'Kenlie is kind of a screwup, but he's brave and loyal, and is pretty good at his job when it comes down to it."? No, but if I did my job right over the last few chapter everyone knows that anyway ps sorry for any typos and poor formatting, am on iPhone in airport- biz trip to Carolinas.
  4. Mister Dilsby
    Two more pages. The next witness will be the last.
  5. Mister Dilsby
    I notice you ask for a critiques quite often, so that means you're dedicated to becoming a better writer which is great! So here's some homework questions --what narrative goals were you trying to accomplish, i.e. what did you want to tell the reader, what did you want the reader to feel? --what did you do to make readers care about your characters? --what is the main conflict in the story right now, and what are you doing to build towards a conclusion? Now the hard ones: --of the above elements, what do you think worked the best in doing what you set out to do? --of the above elements, what didn't work? what do you think might not have landed with the readers? --what did you want to do in your story, but didn't know how? Your own answers to the above, and maybe some discussion around them, will help you a lot more than me telling you what I think you did right or wrong.
  6. Mister Dilsby
    It works great for a mission report format, but even with the embellishments you've put in I don't know that I'd call it a story--there isn't enough of your characters in there for them to come through. The timeline format could work very well as a device within a story to establish the details of a mission without a lot of, "All right, Bob, as you know we're scheduled to make the rendezvous at 08:30" -- "Right you are, Bill! And look, here comes our ion probe, right on schedule!" Good, these have been really short. You're doing a great job establishing each scene (love the kerblets!) but the basic dramatic rule is that 'in every scene, something must happen that moves the plot forward and can't be undone'. You definitely did this in your last installment --- And a Question for comix readers: we all have a lot of different word balloon styles. Some of us give a different color to each major character, some of us color them by occupation. In most comics, of course, all the balloons are the same color (white)...but we're working with characters who are for the most part visually identical, and every little bit helps. So--what styles work for you? Do you ever get lost reading my work and forget who's saying what? Can you tell the characters apart consistently, especially the whitesuits? I get especially concerned about this as the story matures, and minor characters continue to accumulate. For example, I think all six Kerbals in the jury box in Bill and Jeb's trial have appeared before and most have had speaking parts!
  7. Mister Dilsby
    Among the many fine tropes we're using this week... arson, murder and jaywalking You did great! You gave truthful testimony to help the defense establish that while 'no one gets left behind' isn't in the book of General Orders, it's none the less a key part of Kerbfleet culture and academy training. That's the real question here--and yeah, I did take this whole line of questioning from "A Few Good Men" but I'm a pastiche artist and that's what I do Now, let's see whether Mort can add some cement to the wall of evidence that is the written Orders, or if Deeman can chip some of it away... Very happy I got Bob's testimony all on one page. Am really hoping to get this chapter in at a reasonable size. Just one witness left, after Tedus...
  8. Mister Dilsby
    Nope, the mission was sanctioned by that point--though if Kerbfleet were a really serious organization they'd have something to say about Bill, Bob and Tedus throwing a party when they were supposed to be guiding the M7.
  9. Mister Dilsby
    This is the list I sent Dman... JB refer to Jeb abd Bill respectively, of course: Mutiny (JB) Climbing a flagpole without authorization (J) Public performance without a license (the Hamlet scene) (J) Operating a commercial vehicle without a license (the truck) ( Attempted aggravated theft of rocket parts (the M7 parts on the truck) ( Failure to adhere to a filed flight plan (the fundstar) (JB) Grand theft aircraft (JB) Barratry (first count--the fundstar) (J) -- Accessory to same ( Grand theft spacecraft (first count) (JB) Barratry (second count--M7) (J) -- Accessory to same ( Liftoff without a valid flight plan (J) -- Accessory to same ( Failure to signal a gravity turn (J) Unlicensed manufacture of an intoxicant ( Contributing to the delinquency of an enzin (JB) Counterfeiting of mission patches ( Petit larceny/pickpocketing (J) Unlawful abandonment (of Kenlie) (JB) Piracy (JB) Grand theft spacecraft (second count) (JB) Aggravated failure to file a flight plan before changing SOI (J) There are some others, but I may need to hold them as surprises.
  10. Mister Dilsby
    Ooh, careful, you're just inviting some pedant to make a liftoff that shifts the rocket a few meters then thrusts straight up. I think the intent of the rule (and the way I interpret "horizontal liftoff") is that the thrust vector must be entirely horizontal until the ship leaves the ground.
  11. Mister Dilsby
    Your honor, I move to dismiss Juror Parkaboy for prejudice! Says the one guy who's already read the script of Bob's testimony
  12. Mister Dilsby
    Two more. Happy weekend! Oooh! What will Bob say! I guess I better go figure that out...
  13. Mister Dilsby
    Mort could always move that the witness be disqualified for literally wearing his loyalties to the defendants on his sleeve... but then again, Kenlie was called as a prosecution witness so Mort's kind of screwed. Anyway, there go all the charges for: --unlicensed manufacture of an intoxicant --contributing to the delinquency of an enzin --pickpocketing --unlawful abandonment --piracy ...for which Kenlie is the sole witness. And yes, I do have a complete list of charges (as does Deeman... er, Dman) but there's no way we can properly deal with or even mention all of them in the comic. I'm sure Parkaboy and Aryam can appreciate how tough it is to do a trial scene like this and have any part of the page NOT be text
  14. Mister Dilsby
    Let's have a page to wash that terrible manleyskin image out of our heads, shall we? Yep, you're up Mikki! Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? ETA: Whoops, looks like Kenlie's sleeves are on inside-out. Not fixing it.
  15. Mister Dilsby
    GLBTQ is a common acronym for 'gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer'
  16. Mister Dilsby
    Simply glorious. That fumfdecker was one of the noblest craft I have ever seen. Too bad exhaust heating in 1.0.5 will kill any kerbals sitting in the 'warm' seats.
  17. Mister Dilsby
    Oh my. Well, I suppose the defense could call Mr. Manley as an expert witness to testify about the capabilities and awesomeness of the M7/Billmobile combo, but I would probably only be able to do two or three panels before succumbing to the overwhelming urge to "kill it with fire"-- whereupon an SSTO deathship appears out of nowhere and fires both its missiles right down the pipe. The resulting explosion annihilates the witness stand, most of that courtroom, and worst of all ruins ALL my remaining dialogue... so, no. - - - Updated - - - Rejected title: "To Kill a Mortingale". Yeah, shaw himself commented that on the main Texture Replacer thread. Oh well--I think it's OK, better to have a posable Mort with collar rather than try to do the whole scene based on two static images.
  18. Mister Dilsby
    What a great report! I certainly learned a lot from it and will use that in my own attempt, post 1.0.5. Wasn't clear from the pictures, but I assume you re-docked to the mothership and used it to return to Kerbin, then undocked the lander for re-entry?
  19. Mister Dilsby
    I built a courtroom!
  20. Mister Dilsby
    Soooo much custom texture...glad I learned how to do it though That baliff is of course Sarge Kerman, KSMC (Kerbfleet Surface Mobility Corps). I guess he's our Chief O'Brien--the only enlisted kerbal in a story full of officers. And I'm pretty happy with how the courtroom turned out. You can't see it in these views but there's a Mk2 cargo bay on its end for an entrance, at the end of the room opposite Admiral Shirley. I have a crew cabin inside it and the kerbals can EVA from that to get to their seats. Elsewhere in the model there's a Mk3 passenger cabin containing all the witnesses and other characters who will appear in the chapter. Next up, Kenlie takes the stand!
  21. Mister Dilsby
    Let me be FIRST to say that's a very nice station:) I do love being able to replenish fuel and use the same lander over and over again, it makes going to the Mun that much more fun.
  22. Mister Dilsby
    I'm not telling you all the rules in advance (*I* don't even know them all in advance!) to leave myself maximum story flexibility. But in general you can assume that [Courtroom Movies/TV] is to [Kerbfleet Courtroom] as [space Movies/TV] is to [Kerbfleet Missions]
  23. Mister Dilsby
    Nope... the parts are definitely transparent but there is something black underneath which looks even worse than the helmet collar: ...so unless there's a mod to remove the shape under the texture, I think I'm stuck with the collar. Oh well!
  24. Mister Dilsby
    Almost... Yay, Tedus! He broke the streak, despite me zooming out and around to get that shot of the Gliido coming in when he was only 500m off the deck. It's really a great little plane, I hope the 1.0.5 version does as well. Special thanks of course to Dman979 for his valuable legal advice--many of the arguments you're going to see in Bill's and Jeb's defense actually do come from him, which is why he's been Kerbalized and commissioned a JAK Junior Looty! I'm going to try to make Mort's collar transparent and see how that works. If it doesn't I'll just hang a lampshade over it. (note to self: install KIS so I can literally hang lampshades on things) Next time--opening arguments!
  25. Mister Dilsby
    I have to admit, I first saw NOGLB and thought, "Hey, what do you have against those folks and not the TQ?" But that made even less sense in this case than it does in context, so I figured it out
×
×
  • Create New...