Shower thoughts

[kerbiloid]

19 hours ago, TheSaint said:

"That's it. No more Japanese food before bed."

Marion?

The things aren't that simple.

Not Marion, but Marian. Made Marian.

Spoiler

Indiana Jones is actually a reincarnation of Robin Hood.

 

Edited February 6 by kerbiloid

[SunlitZelkova]

There is a hut in Buryatia, wherein lives a psychic. The entire mass of digital technologies and historical developments since 1845 are an illusion. We have been hypnotized. The Empire never ended.

[kerbiloid]

4 hours ago, SunlitZelkova said:

There is a hut in Buryatia, wherein lives a psychic. The entire mass of digital technologies and historical developments since 1845 are an illusion. We have been hypnotized. The Empire never ended.

You said it.

Spoiler

 

 

[kerbiloid]

It's well known that Sherlock Holmes "was" a loaded drunkard challenged by drugs and alcohol (or rather by their absence).

https://www.victorianweb.org/authors/doyle/addiction.html

This makes to think that significant part of his stories "was" actually happened in his foggy mind, or at least "was" creatively interpreted.

Look at his cartoonish, colorless, flat companion, Dr. Watson.
It looks like his only purpose is to admire Holmes' geniality, and bring it to the readers.
He always follows Holmes, always appears exactly when he's needed, always in good and friendly mood.

That's because Dr. Watson is actually Holmes' imaginary friend.
He doesn't exist in the flesh. He exists in Holmes' stoned mind.
Other people just react on Holmes' cheers, addressed to him, or read "Watson"'s diaries, written by Holmes himself.

While Holmes was well-aware of human narrow-mindedness, his geniality was requiring somebody to sing his great deeds.
This frustration made his internal dialog to get visualised, and he imagined a perfect interlocutor, who is always ready to thankfully listen and admire, never interrupts or contradicts, writes down every word he had heard.
He's a military doctor, so he can understand Holmes' rare jokes and technical details, and always has an occupation to be absent when he's not needed.

Probably, Dr. Watson is what Holmes' mom was wanting her son to be when getting adult. Like Holmes is explaining everything to himself like to his younger brother.

His actual brother Minecraft  "Lara! Or, my Croft!" Mycroft Holmes is a governmental official or so.
That's why other people have to tolerate Holmes' behavior instead of calling paramedics.
Not that Mycroft is glad of all of that, but likes trolling Scotland Yard with his brother.
After all, should he be the only one to suffer from his moonstruck brother through all his childhood?

Holmes' landlady, Mrs. Hudson, is a well-mannered British lady, she never gets wondered by anything.
It's not of her business, how many personalities live in her rented rooms, while all of them are paying the bill.
So, she prepares breakfast for two, makes two beds, and greets the empty place, where "Watson" is standing, based on Holmes reactions. And receives from Holmes money from both of them.
She wisely tries to appear on the scene as rare as possible, because well-mannered ladies don't interfere in other people plays.

Inspector Lestrade is a real human, a detective from Scotland Yard.
He is not the most wooden and stupid agent in Scotland Yard, as Holmes thinks.
He is just the only one there, who still can tolerate Holmes' company without reflexive clicking the trigger of revolver or running away with panic screams.
That's because unlike Holmes, Lestrade has absolutely no imagination at all.
That's why he is not bothered with imaginary Watson, and that's why his own reconstructions look so silly and unnatural.
When Holmes first time introduced imaginary Watson to Lestrade, the detective  just greeted the empty chair, and wasn't wondered at all. He had seen enough freaks during his work, so another invisible man was just one more of them.

Another strange entity was Prof. Moriarty.
No, it was not another imaginary friend of Holmes.
It was his secondary splitted personality.

Holmes was always suffering, that ordinary, puny men aren't able to appreciate his great investigations enough much. Even ordinary criminals aren't able.
Sometimes he was dreaming of a worthy rival to oppose him, fight with him, and finally defeat him.
He was imagining, how would he rule the London criminal world himself.
In this form he was calling himself Professor Moriarty, because Holmes was a real professor of investigation, but nobody called him so. Actually, Holmes was sitting in a chair, smoking, and talking for both.

The London criminals had heard that a new boss had conquered London, so when street boys were delivering messages from "Prof. Moriarty", they were obeying and doing what he ordered.
When the miracle potions were having let Holmes go, he was reading the journal of "Moriarty" orders (which he had sent two hours ago), and then sending a letter to Lestrade, so the crimes were being solved to their mutual satisfaction.
(That was a little secret of Holmes' geniality and Lestrade career).

When "Moriarty"'s henchman Sebastian Moran tried to shoot Sherlock Holmes from a pneumatic rifle, it was actually Holmes himself, shooting the wax doll in his chair.
"Sebastian Moran" was Holmes' childhood imaginary nickname, when he was imagining himself a brave hunter from South African jungle.
The pneumatic gun was chosen to not call police from nearby streets, and to not wake up Mrs. Hudson if she is sleeping.

But finally Holmes and Moriarty in the Holmes' head decided to face each other in a mortal combat, and this brought them (actually, Holmes) to the Reichenbach waterfall.

After talking to (himself) Moriarty, and writing a letter to (himself) Watson, Sherlock Holmes started fighting himself at the very edge of the rock, under shocked views of other tourists around.

In the process, Holmes tripped and almost fell down from the rock, but at the very last moment caught the edge and stopped on a small platform below.

Interesting fact: at that very moment the personality of "Dr. Moriarty" had disappeared and never came again. Holmes rationalized that like Moriarty had fallen into the waterfall.
This can be treated as an example of successful extreme psychotherapy.

Immediately after that, "Dr. Watson" "appeared" from behind the rock, "read" Holmes' letter and "went away".

When Holmes got calm, he climbed up, and a year later returned back to home, where Mrs Hudson and "Dr. Watson" (btw, notice their names similarity!) had turned his room into a little museum.
Actually, Mrs. Hudson as a well-mannered lady was going to show it for money, but imaginary "Watson" fabulously explained to Holmes, that this was done from admiration.

***

Another case was the "Speckled Band" incident.

A brutal, unpleasant man was owning a mansion, together with hyena, two step-daughters, and baboon.
One night one step-daughter had died after screaming "Speckled band!"
(Try to repeat this scream emotionally, if you can. If you can, you are a professional actor, not less).
The other step-daughter was thinking that some of the free strangers from the camp aside, wearing a speckled band, had frightened her to death.
(So, it looks like their step-father was not the only mad in their home.)

But Holmes arrived there together with Watson (in his head), and in the night he heard the whistling and knocking against the wall, and then a venomous snake had crawled into the room through the vent hole, and then, frightened by Holmes cane, crawled back into the hole, and bit the step-daughters' step-father to death.

Holmes explained that the villain had trained the snake to crawl through the hole on whistling and knocking, to bite the previous step-daughter.
The case was solved.

Actually, the snake was just living there and hunting mice.
As the step-daughters were lazy and sloppy, they were leaving remains of food on the table, and thus they were herding the mice in their room.
The snake was aware of that very well, and from time to time was crawling to their room through the hole to hunt a mouse and return sleeping.

One night the first step-daughter woke up in the night to visit the ladies room, saw the snake, and not realizing that it is snake, exlaimed: "Wow! A speckled band!" and grabbed it with hand...
Lastly she repeated "... speckled band!" and quit the chat.

When Holmes was sitting next night in the room, the snake just came to hunt again.
Meanwhile the hyena and the baboon in the yard were fighting once again to decide, whom the territory belongs to.
The step-father watched out and started whistling and knocking the wall to stop that bedlam, and was bitten by the returned snake frightened by Holmes.

***

"Watson" also tells about the horrible Baskerville Hound, living on the Grimpen Mire, and instilling horror in the people of that place with howling and glowing muzzle.
Holmes find out that the dog was living in a small cabin, it was owned by the local villain Stapleton, who was painting it with phosphoric paint to frighten the Baskerville owners to death.
The dog was shot, Mr. Stapleton was accidentally drowned in the swamp, Mrs. Stapleton was released from her horrible husband.

Actually, the dog was big like a calf, and same good-natured, trusting, and playful.
It was living on the swamp because Mrs. Stapleton was his exact opposite.
Soft and courteous in public, she was hating the animals, and eating out Mr. Stapleton's brain with "I hate this dog smell! It's inappropriate! Our neighbours are looking at us with disgust! Move this dog out from our home!"
On her "Either me, or this dog!", Mr. Stapleton had driven the dog to the unoccupied cabin in the middle of the swamp, to make it not disturb anyone.

The poor big dog was living in the cold cabin, suffering from loneliness and dullness.
Its only entertainment was digging a pit behind the cabin, where years ago the workers were dropping various wastes, including the phosphorus paint.

So, the muzzle of the dog was always filthy in the day, and glowing in the night.

When it was occasionally meeting the humans, it was running to them, full of joy, with happy barking.
Humans were seeing a glowing dog skeleton, running to them with barking, and it costed the lives of Charles Baskerville and of an escaped convict.

When the dog had seen Holmes and Lestrade (it couldn't see "Watson" in the Holmes head), ran to them, and, despite of the screams of its owner "Don't be afraid! It's just playing!", was shot.

***

Once Holmes' imagination had a try to create a tulpa.
It was a perfect (in Holmes' understanding) woman, named Irene Adler.

The problem was that, as Holmes had never met women except his clients and Mrs. Hudson, their relations were limited with investigation of another crimnal case, after which the Holmes' limit of ideas got empty, so even the imaginary woman had left his mind.

_{P.S.
Some typos are taking place due to the notebook drivers, from time to time randomly jumping the text caret across the page to the mouse cursor, sorry.}

_{P.P.S.
Wrong articles and prepositions are probably set by this, too.}

Edited February 14 by kerbiloid

[Superfluous J]

2 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

It's well known that Sherlock Holmes "was" a loaded drunkard challenged by drugs and alcohol (or rather by their absence).

...

The problem was that, as Holmes had never met women except his clients and Mrs. Hudson, their relations were limited with investigation of another crimnal case, after which the Holmes' limit of ideas got empty, so even imaginary woman had left his mind.

You take long showers

But no, that's an interesting idea and it would probably make for a fantastic (and ridiculously tragic) Trainspotting-esque adaptation.

Edited February 14 by Superfluous J

[ColdJ]

Just now, Superfluous J said:

You take long showers

I was so tempted to say this myself.

[kerbiloid]

2 minutes ago, Superfluous J said:

You take long showers

I took a shower after. It was a preparation.

Actually, I have thoughts about Gollum.

[Hotel26]

8 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

It's well known that Sherlock Holmes

Numerous conundrums that have mystified me my whole life have now been (miraculously) resolved by what you have written above -- a masterly treatment and many thanks for that!  

But please tell me one last thing that is still puzzling me: "who is Sherlock Holmes?".  Should I have heard of him?

Edited February 14 by Hotel26

[kerbiloid]

53 minutes ago, Hotel26 said:

But please tell me one last thing that is still puzzling me: "who is Sherlock Holmes?".  Should I have heard of him?

A fictional detective, who was feeding Sir Arthur Conan Doyle while he was writing historical novels.

[Hotel26]

4 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

A fictional detective, who was feeding Sir Arthur Conan Doyle while he was writing historical novels.

So you're saying that Watson (personal pronoun 'Dr') was a figment of the imagination of a fictional detective by the fanciful name of 'Sherlock Holmes', but who in turn was another figment of this author by the pseudonym of 'Arthur Conan Doyle' (personal pronoun 'Sir').  Wouldn't one conclude from this doll-like style of nesting of figmentation that the real identity of the author was ... aha ... Russian, and most likely the contemporaneous Leo Tolstoy, whose ghost lived on, writing mysteries, for about another 20 years after Tolstoy's death (ink poisoning), before moving into another body and assuming the pseudonym of 'Agatha Christie', personal pronoun 'Dame'?

As the great Hercule Poirot would later exclaim, "Aha!  A very great mystery has been solved here this day! Tout est devenu soudain évident !"  

Spoiler

But one thing still troubles me.  Why is it that the record of personal pronouns of both Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot has become, as you say, missing?  Could it be that...?

 

Edited February 14 by Hotel26

[kerbiloid]

(Graf, Count) Leo Tolstoy became a vegan, it's more significant health hazard than ink drinking.

And he definitely could not be (Sir) Arthur Conan Doyle
_{(Still can't see, why does wiki write all four in line, when same wiki says that Sir is added to the first name. Maybe Sir is a part of his name, i.e. Sir.Arthur Conan Doyle, like strange personal names starting with "St." as a part rather than a honorific pronoun.)}
because in this case 90% of the book the characters were doing blah-blah on ethical and moral topics, mostly in French.

6 hours ago, Hotel26 said:

Tout est devenu soudain évident !

It's something in Poirot's native Belgian, while Tolstoy was preferring French.

[Hotel26]

Here in Oz, where I live, toilets work differently.  Maybe.

tl;dr the difference between the Big Button and the Little Button is only psychological.

Starting with the obvious, when you flush them, the water spins in a different direction.

That might just be federal law, like the side of the road we drive on, although I recall long ago in a physics class something called 'coriolis'.  I dunno.

But we (most people) don't know much about these ingenious devices and we certainly take them for granted.  For example, what should we do if the water gets shut off for any extended period of time (3 months, say)...?

The modern device was invented by Sir Thomas Crapper and the Queen was so pleased with her first installation of his device that she ordered  him beknighted^[sic].  (The fact checkers squeal about this one; pretty much confirmatory, though, in my book.  Real facts would pretty much put them out of business.  (What even is their business model??))

                                                                        

Moving forward, I recently ran the first in a series of simple experiments (remniscent of that dude dropping projectiles off the roof of a high-rise in Pisa, Italy, for which he got arrested, after being reported by a couple of alarmed tourists in the square below,  who narrowly missed being struck).

We have here in Oz (and I feel very sure this is federal law) two buttons on the master console of our toilets (at least, if you're a city dweller).  I pressed each, counted out 1-1000, 2-1000, 3-1000 while it irrigated...  allowed the 'cistern' to refill and repeated a number of times (almost certainly in violation of federal law!?).

So, guess what?  'Little button': six-1000s.  'Big button': six-1000s.  Visual observation roughly indicated the same volume of water dispensed by each.  Hmmm...

OK, second experiment, with everything primed and ready to go: I pushed the 'little button' and let the contents completely expel.  As soon as it had completely 'flushed', I then pressed the 'big button', expecting to get the second half...

And guess what?

Spoiler

Nada.  You knew it!

OK, so my conclusion so far is that we may have a defective toilet.

So, third experiment proposed will be to repeat the same on the other two toilets in my house.  My wife will likely veto this due to already-mounting concern about our water bill.  (She also thinks I have way too much time on my hands these days.)

Open disclosure: I've always used the Big Button.  Only now, under pressure (of the water bill), have I made the resolution to find out what the Little Button does.

Depending upon the result, I may then have to consider a decision to "go public" with my findings.  Or ask a professional "fact-checker" to investigate...

Spoiler

Sorry this is long, but Science is exhausting.

 

Edited February 22 by Hotel26

[ColdJ]

Was listening to "Land of Confusion" by Genesis, that was released in 1986. It has always been a favourite.

It occured to me that it could as easily have been written last year as the world situation is just as bad, if not worse than it was then.

I guess that no "Generation" can get it right.

[SunlitZelkova]

On 2/24/2024 at 6:50 PM, ColdJ said:

Was listening to "Land of Confusion" by Genesis, that was released in 1986. It has always been a favourite.

It occured to me that it could as easily have been written last year as the world situation is just as bad, if not worse than it was then.

I guess that no "Generation" can get it right.

I think the error is in assuming there was a prior “good” era. A better world is something to strive towards building in the future, not lament the loss of in the past.

[kerbiloid]

They call so the fictional old time, when the cows were having just one head instead of normal two; drinking cola from found bottle was more safe than water from public toilet; everyone could have not just one, but two or even three squirrels on sticks for breakfast, because there was a lot of squirrels around, and they were not hunting you first; everyone was able to have new plates and furniture in the kitchen instead of the broken junk, like if they were bosses of local gangs; ghouls were occupying local residential areas and not attacking the mutistorey hotels, turned into fortresses; deathclaws were cute and small, living in fishtanks and eating flies; you were eating the lobsters, and not vice versa, and you didn't need a flamethrower to cook them; it was harder to find a rifle shell than a bottle cap (and nobody was keeping the latter in a safe).

Lies, of course. Too unreal.

[Superluminal Gremlin]

@Hotel26 Will confirm this arvo if this is correct, but I have long noticed that it might just be. Our toilet is older, so it might be do with that, but holding either button dispels the same-ish amount of water.

[Hotel26]

46 minutes ago, Superluminal Gremlin said:

Will confirm this arvo if this is correct

I have a theory now, that if I were to disconnect the toilet, turn it over and examine the bottom^[sic] of it, I'd find the inscription "Made in China".

Made for international export, it's just easier to put two buttons on all export items, but without the extra internal plumbing necessary to make it work in countries that do not require it. 

Because no rain ever falls on this sunburnt country, we make all our own water using solar-driven desalination plants.  Thus, instead of "saving" or "conserving" water, we "sequester" it; doing our part to combat the inexorable rise of sea levels [why isn't that singular?] on behalf of the world's flood-threatened populations [ditto].

No need to thank us; you're welcome.

Spoiler

I know there are going to be questions about all of the above, but I'd advise the curious to kindly refrain.

Otherwise I would have to speak briefly about waste water recycling, sequestration of CO₂ and how "down under" beer is made...  and that would constitute a serious infringement of national IP.

 

Edited February 27 by Hotel26

[Superfluous J]

On 2/24/2024 at 9:50 PM, ColdJ said:

Was listening to "Land of Confusion" by Genesis, that was released in 1986. It has always been a favourite.

It occured to me that it could as easily have been written last year as the world situation is just as bad, if not worse than it was then.

I guess that no "Generation" can get it right.

"Ball of Confusion" is similar but more dramatic. It was originally by the Temptations (!) over half a century ago (!!) and it pretty much describes things today. Pretty much the only line that doesn't fit, doesn't fit because the Beatles aren't a band anymore.

Sad, really.

[kerbiloid]

14 hours ago, Superluminal Gremlin said:

holding either button dispels the same-ish amount of water.

 

14 hours ago, Hotel26 said:

I have a theory now, that if I were to disconnect the toilet, turn it over and examine the bottom^[sic] of it, I'd find the inscription "Made in China".

and pictograms Yin and Yang on the buttons. 

Because they should be equal. That's the Way of Equilibrium.

14 hours ago, Hotel26 said:

Because no rain ever falls on this sunburnt country, we make all our own water using solar-driven desalination plants. 

That's because the balance of Elements is broken at your place.

Fire and Stone prevail over the Water. They are yanged over the yinned Water, that's it.

Your rage also is caused by the Element of Fire.

Maybe, some breath exercises can pull out some Air element from the air, supress the Fire, and make the green plants grow around.

Edited February 27 by kerbiloid

[Fizzlebop Smith]

One of my all time favorite Motown era songs.

Read an interesting statistics related to heroin use. The majority of users during that era started with heroin.

Today a staggering majority began on pharma RX. If they thought the sale of pills was at an all time high.. the metrics today would be mind blowing.

[ColdJ]

On 2/26/2024 at 5:38 PM, SunlitZelkova said:

I think the error is in assuming there was a prior “good” era. A better world is something to strive towards building in the future, not lament the loss of in the past.

I personally, don't think there was a prior good era. There were some nice things, like being able to leave your house unlocked without fear of looters or home invaders. But there were many many bad things, bigotry in so many forms being a standout.

The song for me was, that the world was in a very bad place, when it came to wars and politics, and that they were saying that their generation would work to make it better and actually do it, not just say it. But here we are almost 40 years later, and all the things that were broken then in relation to those 2 topics are still just as broken if not more so.

[kerbiloid]

Just occasionally watched Sin City (2005).

All external similarities of the characters are accidental.

Even Marv.

[kerbiloid]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nirgal_Vallis is a track of Shai-Hulud.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tharsis_Montes are its holes.

Perchlorates in the Martian ground are decayed Spice.

The Martian planetary pool network aka ocean disappeared when they THEY had drowned Shai-Hulud in the water.

Thus, the Martian dry lakes must be places of the Spice deposites.

That's what the rovers are seeking there for, and so much hype around every found spot of clay.

The rovers are actually harvesters.
Spice is what they collect, rather than stupid stones.

When you apply the knowledge of Dune, everything about Mars get rather clear.

That's what Musk is actually thirsting there for.
That's why they are developing a transport ship, but no habitats.
That's why the one-way ticket for the StarshipX troopers is enough.

They will be gathering Spice for the rest of their lives.
Their mutated survivors will have blue eyes, populate Martian caves, and be called troglodytes morlocks morloX freemen.

Edited March 10 by kerbiloid

[KerbolRacer21]

stupid people don't think that they are stupid because they ARE stupid

[kerbiloid]

The Spartans were known as tough warriors.
Their school training was appropriate.

Quote

The boys make such a serious matter of their stealing, that one of them, as the story goes, who was carrying under his cloak a young fox he had stolen, suffered the animal to tear out his bowels with teeth and claws, and died rather than have his theft detected. And even this story gains credence from what their youths now endure, many of whom I have seen expiring under the lash at the altar of Artemis Orthia.

As the Spartans were recalling this story generation after generation, the boy was looking a completely brainless jerk even in their eyes, and the entire village had breathed a sigh of relief when the foxlet finished eating him.
They were whipping the boys at the Artemis' altar, and saying: "Don't be like that fox-eaten idiot! Don't!"

Quote

Special punishments were imposed if boys failed to answer questions sufficiently "laconically" (i.e. briefly and wittily).
<...>
A laconic phrase may be used for efficiency (as during military training and operations), for emphasis, for philosophical reasons (especially among thinkers who believe in minimalism, such as Stoics), or to deflate a pompous interlocutor.

Usually in a single f-word.

Quote

A prominent example involves Philip II of Macedon. After invading southern Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, he turned his attention to Sparta and asked menacingly whether he should come as friend or foe. The reply was "Neither."

Losing patience, he sent the message:

    If I invade Laconia, I shall turn you out.

The Spartan ephors again replied with a single word:

    If.

The Spartans failed to finish the phrase, as the Macedonian archers were as brief and accurate with arrows, as Spartans were with words.

Quote

The custom was to capture women for marriage...
The husband continued to visit his wife in secret for some time after the marriage.

The just-married Spartans were secretly visiting their wives nightly, like thieves.
This romantic adventure was supported by the absence of street lighting in Sparta.

Later they were wondering, why did Ephialtes of Trachis betray the Spartans in the battle of 300.
They decided that it was because he was as ugly inside, as he was outside, humpty and limp, and didn't like to clean sewers,  wishing for a woman instead.

And they were right here.
When young, slender, slim, beautiful, and deadly drunken Ephialtes was wading along the dark Spartan street, returning from the secret wedding party to the barracks, he fell into a Spartan pit (because the Spartans were considering decent any working but war, including the pit snubbing), and broke his legs and spine.
In the morning he was listening from the pit a heated debate, if they should throw him into a chasm,  as

Quote

 According to Plutarch after birth, a mother would bathe her child in wine to see whether the child was strong. If the child survived it was brought before the Gerousia by the child's father. The Gerousia then decided whether it was to be reared or not. It is commonly stated that if they considered it "puny and deformed", the baby was thrown into a chasm on Mount Taygetos known euphemistically as the Apothetae (Gr., ἀποθέται, "Deposits").

, or let him get gone on his own.

They decided that technically he is already bathed in wine (based on the smell from the pit), and already has fallen in chasm (even the small, pit-sized chasm), becoming a "deposit" like they called this.
So, they had no reason to lift him and carry to the Apothetae, as it was decent as any working but war.
Thus, they left him where they had found.

Contrary to their expectations, Ephialtes had climbed out, and became sad, sober, and ugly.
As the Spartans didn't have dynamite jackets, he became useless as a warrior, and was cleaning sewers.
The Spartans were considering him decent, as any working but war is decent.

Thus, he enjoyed the Persian invasion, as the Persians weren't  finding difference between Ephialtes  and other Spartans. They were finding any Spartan same ugly, and sewers cleaning a proper occupation for them all.
So, in the Persian camp, Ephialtes first felt himself a normal person.

It stays unclear, though, why did the Spartans have the wine to bathe the kids, when they were declaring them sober nation.
Why not declare also a dry state with zero wine tolerance? (In the good sense of the term, not in the sense of a finished drunkard).

But the Spartan wedding customs were including that, but not limited with.

Quote

    The so-called 'bridesmaid' took charge of the captured girl. She first shaved her head to the scalp, then dressed her in a man's cloak and sandals, and laid her down alone on a mattress in the dark. <...>

These customs, unique to the Spartans, have been interpreted in various ways. One of them decidedly supports the need to disguise the bride as a man in order to help the bridegroom consummate the marriage, so unaccustomed were men to women's looks at the time of their first intercourse. The "abduction" may have served to ward off the evil eye, and the cutting of the wife's hair was perhaps part of a rite of passage that signaled her entrance into a new life.

Actually, as the Spartan warrior was spending his life in the campaigns, he would be frightened by seeing a strange hairy-headed monster in the bed, when he woke up in the night to drink.
He could fall with a heart attack, or attack it with sword.
While a bald person in men's clothes were calming and usual, like always.

(Of course, unless all what we know about Sparta was dreamed out by the literature slaves from XV century, copyrighting their books as Pausanias^(tm), to please the refined tastes of the epoch.)
 

Quote

when a Spartan man went to war, his wife (or another woman of some significance) would customarily present him with his aspis (shield) and say: "With this, or upon this" (Ἢ τὰν ἢ ἐπὶ τᾶς, Èi tàn èi èpì tàs), meaning that true Spartans could only return to Sparta either victorious (with their shield in hand) or dead (carried upon it).

The Spartan woman was saying it to the son, because if she tried to say this to the husband or brother, she would be going on with a bruised eye, or two.
Because no silly weak woman may tell to the Spartan warrior, what should he do, or what he shouldn't.
Only the warrior himself can decide, to run or to surrender, or not.

Also, the silly homewives never tried to carry a human on the Spartan shield, round and bulging.
The Spartans tried, and they knew that the limbs are hanging down over the edge, while the torso tends to slide down from the bulge.

Edited March 28 by kerbiloid