totm nov 2023 Thread to discuss negative things in a very general way, just see where it goes y'know?

[DDE]

On 8/15/2023 at 9:29 AM, DDE said:

Got woken up at 7 AM sharp by a woodpecker having a go at the verge of the roof just outside my window. Well, probably not the bird itself, but the utter feline pandemonium that ensued. I've realized I'd heard the sound at least once yesterday, too.

OK, this is officially getting as good as an alarm clock...

[Nuke]

i threw away some old usb cables. they were full of splices, too short, lacking data lines, or were not functional. mom decided that they werent broken enough and commenced cutting them up into quarter inch pieces. creating entropy is one of her passtimes. she said she wished she had some strippers. after the obligatory stripper joke, i went and got mine. a very expensive set of razor sharp strippers with wide array of gauge options. i figured she would just stip the jacket and use her scissors to destroy the rest. i then cringed as i watcher her strip quarter inch pieces off one at a time dropping them several times in the process. if they come back dull, im never letting her borrow my tools again.

[SunlitZelkova]

6 hours ago, Nuke said:

creating entropy is one of her passtimes.

If they make a Ubik movie they should hire her to do all the old and broken stuff.

[Nuke]

more entropy, i had to fix her mouse this morning. she slams it into the desk every time her computer "doesnt work". its held together by duct tape and bailing wire. the pcb has so many bodge wires and repairs. every component has been replaced, except the sensor. its pretty much the mouse of theseus. and before i finish that job one of the bearings on her wheel chair ceases. i repaired the bearing last time but it was a temp fix while i ordered bearings, which showed up a week ago. il fix that when she stops using it.

Edited August 18, 2023 by Nuke

[AlamoVampire]

Much needed rain finally came to my area. Brought some lightning and thunder. Cool right? Not really. Once again it totally blacked my cable and internet out. I used to be proud of my state. Now? I hate it, im embarrassed by its representatives and i resent this states fragility in all things. Im stuck here. /rant

204808222023

[AlamoVampire]

….I just had my neighbor do my regular oil change and we spotted a problem. My tire has a freaking bubble in the sidewall. How old is the tire? Barely a year. 1 year 19 weeks. Made in the 15th week of 2022. Between April 11th and 15th 2022….. at least we found this now.

224008232023

update: at the tire shop and waiting. What i thought was going to be stupid expensive wound up costing less than 40$! Young tire, low mileage nets warranty… guys if you drive get your tires checked! I spent $40 instead of a deductible or worse.

082008242023

Edited August 24, 2023 by AlamoVampire

[Ryaja]

Poor people in Maui right now

[Gargamel]

Tornado touched down about two miles from me last night.    It stopped about 50 feet short of one of the worlds largest hospitals. 

[FleshJeb]

3 hours ago, Gargamel said:

Tornado touched down about two miles from me last night.    It stopped about 50 feet short of one of the worlds largest hospitals. 

If it makes you feel any better, large hospitals/trauma centers are explicitly designed to survive natural disasters and keep functioning. One of the running jokes in my industry when we get a little sloppier than we want is, "Hey, we're not building a hospital here!"

("Sloppy" being defined as 1/4-inch tolerance instead of 1/8th)

[AtomicTech]

3 hours ago, Gargamel said:

Tornado touched down about two miles from me last night.    It stopped about 50 feet short of one of the worlds largest hospitals. 

Glad to hear you're alright

[Nuke]

On 8/25/2023 at 11:37 AM, FleshJeb said:

If it makes you feel any better, large hospitals/trauma centers are explicitly designed to survive natural disasters and keep functioning. One of the running jokes in my industry when we get a little sloppier than we want is, "Hey, we're not building a hospital here!"

("Sloppy" being defined as 1/4-inch tolerance instead of 1/8th)

im convinced that hospitals are designed to injure you. the one we got never salts their walkways in the winter time. when i had to take mom to anchorage several times to get her arm mended, i damn near had a heart attack pushing her the mile and a half between her appointments in her wheel chair, without leaving the building! she is not light. it used to be a lot smaller, now its a complex of buildings connected together by tunnel walkways, some of which are on an incline. and because of covid half of the building accesses were sealed, so it was a damn maze. and doing all that while masked  blocking my airflow and having panic attacks because of being surrounded by ninjas. 

[AlamoVampire]

Guys i need some heavy duty advice. Before I ask my question that I need advice on, I need to give some background information. My mother is in long term care in a memory unit in assisted living. She has dementia and like all persons with dementia she has good days and bad days. She has had a stroke in the past (ischemic) and multiple transient ischemic attacks or TIA (stroke like event but no damage) with the first confirmed being just a few days after my best friend and brother from another passed away in 2020. 
 

I have learned this morning her brother (whom she loves dearly) is not long for this life. Hes 80, and at least as of this morning, his blood pressure was 90 something over 70 something and he was unresponsive and he was cool to the touch. This evening only 11-12 hours later, unresponsive still, still cool to the touch but now his blood pressure is 70 something over 30 something and his skin is starting to become mottled. The hospice nurses keeping an eye on him, my second cousin (my mother and uncles first cousin) agree that he is likely not to pull out of this. My own intuition says hes actively dying and will in all likelihood pass during the night or sometime tomorrow.

Now my own instinct given how poorly my mother reacted medically to learning my best friend had passed is to just completely shield my mother from this by not telling her. At least not right now until I am certain her learning about her brother will not negatively impact her physical health. Yes, her emotional health will be impacted, for a short while at least until in all likelihood her dementia sweeps this into the ether. She sometimes is even unaware her parents passed, and they passed in early 02 (her mother) and late 06 (her father). I am thinking her emotional need to know is outweighed by a real risk of this causing another stroke or potential heart attack. Am I right for concealing this from her until I can find a way to more gently break this to her?

Also, no, I will not attend his funeral for private reasons.

203808272023

[Gargamel]

Sorry to hear about this @AlamoVampire      I too have suffered a recent tragedy within the family and my empathy and condolences go out to you.  
 

Having worked in geriatric medicine for quite a while, I can offer you this.      Just from the generalities you stated, I would not mention this to her at all.   She will get upset when you tell her, and start to grieve.    Shortly after, she’ll be wondering why she felt bad earlier, and somebody will remind her, and the process will start all over again.  There is no end to this cycle.   Unless you think you absolutely have to, I would never inform her of this.   It does no good, she doesn’t have the cognition to bring the grieving process to a full conclusion.   
 

[SunlitZelkova]

10 hours ago, AlamoVampire said:

Now my own instinct given how poorly my mother reacted medically to learning my best friend had passed is to just completely shield my mother from this by not telling her. At least not right now until I am certain her learning about her brother will not negatively impact her physical health. Yes, her emotional health will be impacted, for a short while at least until in all likelihood her dementia sweeps this into the ether. She sometimes is even unaware her parents passed, and they passed in early 02 (her mother) and late 06 (her father). I am thinking her emotional need to know is outweighed by a real risk of this causing another stroke or potential heart attack. Am I right for concealing this from her until I can find a way to more gently break this to her?

Absolutely. In this case, the health of the person is far more important than some superficial interpersonal ethics.

If your mother’s brother could speak to you about this situation, I am sure he would want you to keep it from her unless you can be sure it won’t harm her.

[linuxgurugamer]

10 hours ago, AlamoVampire said:

Guys i need some heavy duty advice. Before I ask my question that I need advice on, I need to give some background information. My mother is in long term care in a memory unit in assisted living. She has dementia and like all persons with dementia she has good days and bad days. She has had a stroke in the past (ischemic) and multiple transient ischemic attacks or TIA (stroke like event but no damage) with the first confirmed being just a few days after my best friend and brother from another passed away in 2020. 
 

I have learned this morning her brother (whom she loves dearly) is not long for this life. Hes 80, and at least as of this morning, his blood pressure was 90 something over 70 something and he was unresponsive and he was cool to the touch. This evening only 11-12 hours later, unresponsive still, still cool to the touch but now his blood pressure is 70 something over 30 something and his skin is starting to become mottled. The hospice nurses keeping an eye on him, my second cousin (my mother and uncles first cousin) agree that he is likely not to pull out of this. My own intuition says hes actively dying and will in all likelihood pass during the night or sometime tomorrow.

Now my own instinct given how poorly my mother reacted medically to learning my best friend had passed is to just completely shield my mother from this by not telling her. At least not right now until I am certain her learning about her brother will not negatively impact her physical health. Yes, her emotional health will be impacted, for a short while at least until in all likelihood her dementia sweeps this into the ether. She sometimes is even unaware her parents passed, and they passed in early 02 (her mother) and late 06 (her father). I am thinking her emotional need to know is outweighed by a real risk of this causing another stroke or potential heart attack. Am I right for concealing this from her until I can find a way to more gently break this to her?

Also, no, I will not attend his funeral for private reasons.

203808272023

Sorry for your situation.  IMHO, I wouldn't tell her.  dementia is as much of an evil illness as any i can think of, telling her would mean  you would probably have to tell her several times, each time will not be a good time either for you or her.

 

[AlamoVampire]

@Gargamel @SunlitZelkova @linuxgurugamer Thank you all for your advice. I am in full agreement and am grateful your thoughts echo mine. I feel better knowing that even as much as I want her to know on an emotional level and think she would want to know that rationally, logically leaving her ignorant of her brothers impending death and wanting to avoid catastrophic medical fall our this choice is the only real option. I am however sending word to her cousin to try to record the video with a videographer in the hopes one day i may be able to at least show her his funeral but that is a hope for much later. Thank you again for your sympathies and advice!

074708282023

[AtomicTech]

11 hours ago, AlamoVampire said:

Guys i need some heavy duty advice. Before I ask my question that I need advice on, I need to give some background information. My mother is in long term care in a memory unit in assisted living. She has dementia and like all persons with dementia she has good days and bad days. She has had a stroke in the past (ischemic) and multiple transient ischemic attacks or TIA (stroke like event but no damage) with the first confirmed being just a few days after my best friend and brother from another passed away in 2020. 
 

I have learned this morning her brother (whom she loves dearly) is not long for this life. Hes 80, and at least as of this morning, his blood pressure was 90 something over 70 something and he was unresponsive and he was cool to the touch. This evening only 11-12 hours later, unresponsive still, still cool to the touch but now his blood pressure is 70 something over 30 something and his skin is starting to become mottled. The hospice nurses keeping an eye on him, my second cousin (my mother and uncles first cousin) agree that he is likely not to pull out of this. My own intuition says hes actively dying and will in all likelihood pass during the night or sometime tomorrow.

Now my own instinct given how poorly my mother reacted medically to learning my best friend had passed is to just completely shield my mother from this by not telling her. At least not right now until I am certain her learning about her brother will not negatively impact her physical health. Yes, her emotional health will be impacted, for a short while at least until in all likelihood her dementia sweeps this into the ether. She sometimes is even unaware her parents passed, and they passed in early 02 (her mother) and late 06 (her father). I am thinking her emotional need to know is outweighed by a real risk of this causing another stroke or potential heart attack. Am I right for concealing this from her until I can find a way to more gently break this to her?

Also, no, I will not attend his funeral for private reasons.

203808272023

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, if it helps

[AlamoVampire]

@AtomicTech thank you  i will keep you and everyone else updated as this situation evolves.

081808282023

[AlamoVampire]

@Gargamel @SunlitZelkova @linuxgurugamer@AtomicTech

It is unclear as to when, but its possible this was literally minutes ago as i post. My uncle has just passed away. Aged 80.

144008282023

Edited August 28, 2023 by AlamoVampire

[AtomicTech]

43 minutes ago, AlamoVampire said:

@Gargamel @SunlitZelkova @linuxgurugamer@AtomicTech

It is unclear as to when, but its possible this was literally minutes ago as i post. My uncle has just passed away. Aged 80.

144008282023

Oh man, my deepest condolences....

[Gargamel]

3 hours ago, AlamoVampire said:

@Gargamel @SunlitZelkova @linuxgurugamer@AtomicTech

It is unclear as to when, but its possible this was literally minutes ago as i post. My uncle has just passed away. Aged 80.

144008282023

My condolences.   

[Superluminal Gremlin]

My deepest condolences

I have not lost any of my immediate family members, so I can not imagine the amount of grief you are suffering under, but I can imagine that saying a lot would be a gross understatement.

 

 

 

[linuxgurugamer]

5 hours ago, AlamoVampire said:

@Gargamel @SunlitZelkova @linuxgurugamer@AtomicTech

It is unclear as to when, but its possible this was literally minutes ago as i post. My uncle has just passed away. Aged 80.

144008282023

I'm sorry for your loss

[AlamoVampire]

@Gargamel @AtomicTech @Superluminal Gremlin @linuxgurugamer

thank you all. Im told his funeral will be Friday and then he will be laid to rest next to his parents. 
194408282023

[richfiles]

@AlamoVampire You got me tearin' up again...  

Today is just the day to feel emotionally drained feeling sorrow for other people's losses and sufferings. Dementia terrifies me. I can't even begin to understand the drawn out toll it puts on you emotionally, as you helplessly watch your mother's decline. I'm so sorry... I agree with everyone's advice, and I think your intuition was spot on. Save her from the unnecessary pain of having to experience that loss over and over. It's just one of the burdens we carry for loved ones who suffer from cognitive decline. I wish you only the best, but also strength for when it's the worst.

As for me, today has been... something else...

I dropped my Dremel in my lap today. I was using the serrated wood cutting wheel at medium speed. Fortunately for my dignity, the wheel caught my leg and dragged itself out of my lap, across my thigh, and onto the floor. The bleeding was minimal. My day was heavenly compared to what happened at my sister's place of employment... My sister works at a farm implement dealer, basically, they sell and service stuff like tractors, harvesters, field equipment, etcetera. Today was the first day of her vacation, and as she was getting ready to hit the road, she heard sirens, and later saw a helicopter leaving the nearby hospital... She had no idea that helicopter was carrying one of her coworkers till later on in the day, when she was already on the road.

The unfortunate young man was working on the pivot of an articulated tractor... To steer, this type of machine flexes a front frame and a rear frame in the center, between the front and rear axles. Hydraulic cylinders actuate the pivot mechanism, and like any machine, occasionally require service. It sounds like he had his head inside the pivot mechanism when someone turned the steering wheel, not realizing he was there. He did not make it. The pivot crushed his head. Only 27, with a 2 year old daughter... I don't even know the guy, but I went to school with one of his aunts, and knew a few other members of his extended family... God, it just randomly hits me that his little girl just lost her father, and I'm a wreck all over again. I think about how miserable my sister must be feeling right now... She knew him.  She worked with him, and now she's off starting a vacation while everyone has started their grieving... I'm just completely emotionally strung out, spent, overwhelmed... And I didn't even know the guy, just his extended family... I know they are grieving too, and that hurts the most. I can't even comprehend how much pain his family is feeling right now.

This day can hurry up and just be over...